Chapter Fifteen Mee Noi
Ilie in Sud’s bed, completely drained, listening to the drone of Sud’s voice in the other room as he talks on the phone.
After we left the production company, he drove me here instead of to my dorm.
I’m glad because I don’t want to be away from him right now.
The weird thing is, I don’t even know why I became so upset during the workshop.
My character, Train, has been through a lot.
Both his parents were killed in a car accident, and then, in the scene P’Prapha had me working on today, his beloved grandfather dies, and he loses it.
P’Prapha explained to me about method acting, but I couldn’t come up with anything from my life to draw from that was nearly as devastating as what my character goes through in the scene.
When I told P’Prapha this, she explained that it doesn’t have to be as terrible as what happens to Train, it just has to hurt.
My mind immediately went to how my parents essentially abandoned me to Sud’s family, but all I could think was how it was worth it because it brought Sud and his family into my life.
Then, I tried imagining losing Sud, and that’s when things get hazy in my memory.
I remember this horrible feeling creeping over me, and so much grief, I couldn’t stand it.
I started crying and couldn’t stop crying, even when P’Prapha called a halt to the scene.
She was concerned. I remember her stroking my head and talking kindly to me, telling me to gradually pull myself out of it.
But it was like being in a dark hole, sinking deeper with every moment.
Finally, P’Prapha led me to the sofa and talked to me quietly until I was under control again.
She left me there a moment, and then suddenly Sud was there, and he got so angry when he found out what was happening. He yelled at P’Prapha.
Tears come to my eyes, and I wipe them away with the sleeve of Sud’s pajamas that he gave me to wear after I took a shower. Seeking comfort, I bury my nose in the sheets that hold his scent. I feel depleted, like I went through something terrible, although I know I really didn’t.
The door opens and Sud steps into the room.
“Hey. You okay?” he asks when I peer at him from over the sheet.
“Yeah.” I sound like my vocal cords have been passed over a cheese grater a couple dozen times.
He hands me a glass of water, and I drink half of it before setting it on the table by the bed. “Thanks.” My voice sounds a little better after the drink, but not by much. “Who were you talking to on the phone just now?”
“P’Sign. He’s concerned about you. So is P’Prapha. I also got a call from Khun Intapong.”
I groan. “I hope you apologized to P’Prapha for yelling at her.”
“I did. Tell me what happened.” He has this look on his face, like he’s being careful of me.
“I don’t know what happened. I was thinking the saddest thoughts I could, and it wasn’t working, and then suddenly it was working and I broke down. Maybe now it will be easier for me,” I say dully.
Sud stares at me. “You don’t know what you thought of to make yourself cry?”
“No.”
He looks like he wants to say something but decides not to. After a moment, he stands.
“I’m going to shower. Go ahead and go to sleep. I know you’re tired.”
I drift, but when Sud slips under the covers sometime later, I roll over to face him. “How did your day go?” I manage to ask after having to clear my throat twice.
“It was all right. Wore me out, though.”
My gaze goes to a bruise blooming on his shoulder, and I reach out and touch it. “You got hurt.”
“It’s nothing,” Sud says on a yawn.
I want to thank him for caring about me so much, but I can’t find the words. When he starts to snore, I realize I’ve lost my chance. So, I reach out and take his hand in mine, trying to convey how I feel with touch, hoping it reaches him in his dreams.
***
“Have you done any kissing scenes since the audition?” Bua asks a couple of weeks later.
We’re studying again, because that’s all we ever do, this time sitting outside on the campus lawn under the shade of a tree.
It’s a beautiful day with a blue sky and big puffy clouds floating over, casting shadows on our books for brief intervals until the sun pops out again.
“No.”
She looks at me warily.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to ask to kiss you again.
That was a moment of temporary insanity on my part.
” I sigh. “I just wondered, that’s all. When Sud kissed me, it felt so different from what I expected.
It was…I don’t know. This sounds really cheesy, but it…
took my breath away.” I mumble the last three words, but Bua hears me.
“It…took your breath away? Seriously?”
When I don’t say anything, Bua pokes my leg. “Come on, Mee Noi. What’s the big deal? It’s good you enjoyed the kiss because you’re going to have to kiss him a lot in this series, right?”
I don’t look at her, instead concentrating on plucking at a loose string on my pants. “I guess it’s just that…sometimes I wonder if, since I liked that kiss, maybe I like guys,” I murmur.
“Only you can say who you like, Noi. Give it some time. Have you met a boy you want to go out with?”
“No. I’ve just been wondering.”
“I’m pretty sure P’Wisit would volunteer in a second.”
My mouth falls open. “He would not! He’s just a nice senior who checks in on me.”
“Oh, open your eyes!” Bua sounds exasperated. “P’Wisit likes you, Mee Noi. Likes you likes you. I’m surprised he hasn’t asked you out already.”
The idea of P’Wisit wanting to date me is ludicrous.
He’s a third-year medical student and one of the most popular people at the school.
Bua has romance on the brain. “He’s a friend.
He asked me to go to the night market with him a few times, but he’s just being friendly.
Okay, he brings me my favorite bubble tea a lot, but… ”
Bua grabs me by the shoulders. “P’Wisit asked you to go to a night market with him? And he brings you your favorite tea? Mee Noi, he really does like you!”
I roll my eyes. “Stop. Sud made a big deal over that, too, saying it wasn’t a P/Nong thing. Friends do stuff like that, too.”
“Have you gone to the night market with him?” Bua asks.
I shake my head. “I’m too busy.”
“Do you think he’s not busy? With all his clubs and other duties? And people don’t just notice that someone likes something and buy it for them all the time.“ She shakes her head. “When’s the last time you bought me a drink? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me this before now.”
“Probably because I knew you’d make a big deal of it when it’s nothing. Anyway, how about you and P’Tam? Have you given her an answer to her confession?”
I’m pleased at the way her face goes red at the question.
“Come on, we need to study,” she says, grabbing her notebook and turning away from me.
Chuckling, I go back to Principles of Management.