Chapter 17 #3
Sud offers me a bite of his ice cream, which has chunks of mango in it. As I taste it, I think of our kiss earlier and tingle with arousal and sudden shyness.
“Good?” Sud asks.
Cheeks burning, I keep my eyes on my cone. “It’s delicious. Mine has coconut, so I guess you don’t want a taste.” Sud hates coconut.
“You guess right. I think you order that flavor just so you don’t have to share with me.” Sud goes back to eating from his cone.
“Damn straight. Otherwise, you’d eat half of it in one bite.”
As we stroll along, the soft lighting from the stores behind us illuminating our steps as we gaze out over the Chao Phraya, the city’s skyscrapers are reflected on the surface of its dark water.
Right now, it would be easy to believe we are Train and Sound, two lovers enjoying time together.
Every so often, joggers pass by us, their footsteps loud on the pavement and then growing softer as they fade away.
I’m confused. My best friend and I just acted out a love scene.
Before that, we never touched each other in passion.
And my body responded to it. Is that normal?
I wish I had someone to talk to about this—someone besides Sud.
It’s the first time in my life that I can’t turn to him for advice.
I don’t think he reacted the same way physically to the love scene.
I don’t want him to know—he’ll think that I’m na?ve like he did before.
And then I remember there is someone I can ask. Tucking that away for later, I do my best to enjoy the present moment.
But I’m extremely aware of Sud’s presence beside me, in a way that I never have been in the past. Charged, surreal.
Sud, on the other hand, seems completely at ease.
Untouched by everything we did while my world’s turned upside down.
To him, it’s an acting job. He’s left the character behind. I should do the same.
We stop and lean against the railing, staring out at the lights on the water.
A river cruise boat glides past us, the people on board visible in its lit interior.
The atmosphere where we stand is romantic.
Couples hold hands as they walk along, talking softly to each other, or sitting on benches, heads together as they stare out at the water.
“Look,” Sud says suddenly, “that guy’s proposing.” I turn to where he’s looking, and, sure enough, several yards away a man is down on one knee before a smiling woman.
“That’s sweet,” I say. The man and woman embrace. Not hungry anymore, I toss my ice cream into a nearby trash can.
We leave soon after, and Sud drops me off at my dorm. It’s late. Unsurprisingly, Jess is asleep. I quietly shower and put on my pajamas, then I sit on the beanbag by the window and turn off the sound on my phone before opening my LINE app.
I can’t believe my luck when I see he’s online.
I send a cute sticker first and get an immediate reply from Payu.
Foootbal_maniac01: You’re up late! Interesting sign-on, btw.
Ironfistfunnelcake: Sud made my account. (rolling eyes emoji) His is Footsie_Champ.
Foootbal_maniac01: FOOTSIE champ??
Ironfistfunnelcake: Lol, I know. It’s because both “football” and “footie” were taken and he didn’t want a bunch of numbers at the end. He’s a nut.
Foootbal_maniac01: So, Sud’s a football fan, too? Rainbow TV has a team. Both Tar and I play on it. Do you play?
Ironfistfunnelcake: No, but I’ll mention it to him. Hey, can I kind of pick your brain for a minute? You said I could ask about the business if I needed to.
Foootbal_maniac01: Sure, ask away. Anything.
Ironfistfunnelcake: When you first started, did you find it kind of confusing?
Foootbal_maniac01: In what way?
I wince. I was hoping he would just somehow know. How do I put this? After a few starts and stops, I just lay it out in one big post.
Ironfistfunnelcake: Sud and I have been friends forever.
I’ve pretty much grown up with him, living in the same house.
I did the video with him that Rainbow TV saw as a favor, and I’ve just kind of fallen into doing this series because I need the money.
Everything is going fine, but the love scenes.
I mean, they are going fine, but they are what confuse me.
Waiting for P’Payu’s reply is excruciating.
Finally, it comes.
Foootbal_maniac01: Are you saying they’re hard to do because he’s like a brother to you? Or…
Ironfistfunnelcake: People always think we’re like brothers, but we aren’t.
I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately.
A brother is someone who loves you and annoys you and you’re loyal to because you have to be.
A best friend also loves you and annoys you sometimes, but you want to spend all your time with him and you’re loyal to him because he’s earned it.
Sud’s my best friend. So, to answer your question, it’s the “or…”
Foootbal_maniac01: Wow. Okay, well, you wouldn’t be the first guy to fall for your shipped partner. Is the problem that you don’t think he feels the same?
Ironfistfunnelcake: I’m not even sure what I’m feeling, tbh. I’ve always loved Sud and never thought about how. But now I’m getting turned on when we do these scenes. I’ve never even been interested in anyone before, so I don’t know how it’s supposed to be.
Foootbal_maniac01: Oh, right. You said you’re confused. I see now.
Ironfistfunnelcake: Is it normal to get turned on when doing love scenes?
Foootbal_maniac01: I think it just depends on the person and the scene. Sometimes, there’s way too much technical stuff and cameras and people to allow you to get turned on. Other times, there’s not. Some people couldn’t get turned on in that kind of situation no matter what, but others can.
Ironfistfunnelcake: Have you? If that’s too personal, you don’t have to answer.
I’m glad P’Payu isn’t sitting in front of me right now. I’m so embarrassed, but I need to know.
Foootbal_maniac01: Yeah, I have. P’Tar is the only partner I’ve ever had, and I find him very attractive. He’s admitted the same about me, so that explains our chemistry. P’Tar has physical reactions to love scenes sometimes, too.
Ironfistfunnelcake: And it hasn’t hurt your relationship? You told me you’re really close. I’m relieved.
Foootbal_maniac01: Well, we kind of got it out of our system early on.
I swallow hard, staring at the words. Does P’Payu mean what I think he means?
Foootbal_maniac01: Are you still there? Lol.
Yes, P’Tar and I fucked, fast and hard. We agreed just one time and then we’d just be friends and bl partners.
It’s dangerous to be more in this business because if you break up, it can totally screw up your ship—something you’ve worked hard on and that is one of the most important relationships in your life.
I hope that helps you. And please don’t tell anyone.
We like to keep everyone guessing. (winking emoji)
Ironfistfunnelcake: I won’t tell. And yes. It helped. Thanks, P’.
I crawl into bed and grab Fuzzy. “What is this feeling?” I whisper in his ear, which is worn and faded from years of rubbing as I tried to find sleep.
If he could answer, what would he say? As my eyes grow heavy and sleep drags me under, I imagine his reply.
You already know, Mee Noi. Don’t be na?ve.