Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen: Mee Noi
Iam so screwed. Since filming the love scene, I can’t stop thinking about the idea of me and Sud together.
Like that. As lovers. In real life, not just on camera.
I seem to have sped past the Am I gay stage and zoomed right into the I want to date my best friend stage.
But what is Sud thinking? Probably nothing.
I’ve got this raging battle going on inside of me while Sud’s just living his life, completely oblivious.
I tell myself daily how pathetic I am to be feeling these things just because Sud and I are acting in a romantic series together. Is that all it takes for me to fall for someone?
Bua and Sud were right. P’Wisit is interested in me.
The messages he leaves on Instagram make it pretty plain, as did his actions when we went to the night market.
At one point, he tried to hold my hand, but I slipped out of his grip on the pretense of pretending to be interested in something at one of the stalls.
I managed to avoid having any kind of serious moment with him for fear he would confess.
But I couldn’t avoid him after that. He’s too nice, and I hate making people feel bad.
He isn’t pressuring me, but sometimes I wish he would so I could just get it over with and turn him down.
Maybe he understands about the ship thing with Sud and doesn’t want to rock our professional boat or something.
P’Wisit is not only nice, he’s also very handsome. I could see myself being attracted to him if I wasn’t so hung up on Sud.
I cringe when I think of the day Sud figures out my change in feelings toward him. He’s going to be so weirded out.
The end of the school term brought an unexpected change.
I found out that the university has a rule that students can’t stay in the dorm during the break between years.
They have to pack up and leave their rooms and be assigned a new dorm room at the beginning of the following school year.
Sud’s parents would have told me about it if they’d known, but with Sud in an apartment and not the dormitory, they didn’t receive the information.
My parents probably knew because they get the bills and letters from the university, but did they bother to inform me about it?
No. Who cares if I wind up without a place to stay?
The summer after high school graduation, I overheard Pah on the phone with my father, proposing that he take on responsibility for my university studies, both financially and personally.
I couldn’t believe my ears. Why would Sud’s father want to take on the financial strain of another child?
He is a popular actor and isn’t hurting for money, but my father, who owns several companies in the food and beverage industry, far exceeds him in wealth.
When I realized that Pah was doing it for me—because he knew how much it hurt me to continue to have ties to two people who obviously don’t love me—I broke down in tears.
Sud found me in the treehouse Pah built for us when we were young.
I tried to hide that I’d been crying, but it was useless.
Sud was and still is a touchy-feely person, and I love that because, before I knew him, I didn’t get much affection.
Wrapping his arms around me, Sud told me he was sorry that my parents weren’t better to me.
When I think about that moment now, my heart fills with love for him.
I have to get my mind off him or I’ll burst. So, I throw myself into cleaning the apartment I now share with Bua and her friend Peach, who made plans a long time ago for the break between semesters and, when they found out I had nowhere to go, immediately invited me to live with them.
Of course, when Sud learned about my situation, he wanted me to stay with him at his apartment.
There isn’t a bedroom to spare, but he argued that I could share with him.
It was tempting, but just like when we prepared for university, something told me that living with Sud would be a bad idea.
Now that we were a shipped couple at Rainbow TV, I know it would be.
Sleeping beside him every night when I’m having these new thoughts about him? No way.
My room in Bua and Peach’s apartment isn’t much bigger than a large closet, but I don’t mind. I have privacy and a place for all my things, and that’s all I need.
I never imagined myself living with two girls, but it isn’t as awkward as I thought it would be.
In fact, it’s nice. Bua and Peach are very tidy—maybe even tidier than I am.
Growing up, Sud tried to keep his things relatively neat because he knew that’s the way I liked my surroundings, but I still had to nag him when things got too messy.
We had separate rooms, but we were often together, and he tends to throw his clothes on the floor instead of into the hamper and avoids hanging up the clean ones and just plucks them off the chair as he needs them.
Another nice thing about living with the girls is that Peach sleeps with a blue rabbit her grandmother gave her when she was little.
Jess was always cool about Fuzzy, but he wouldn’t have been comfortable with me leaving the bear on my bed.
Now, I can do that. Peach is quiet and shy.
Her parents live in Bangkok, but she prefers to be on her own.
I quickly found out she’s a fan of boys’ love dramas when Bua mentioned I’m going to be in one and Peach screamed so loudly, the neighbors above us stomped on the floor.
“Good one,” Bua said to Peach. “You’re going to get us thrown out of here.”
Peach bounced on the couch, squealing behind her hand, and then, when she calmed down, she made me tell her every little thing that I had seen and done so far at Rainbow TV.
When I told her I met P’Tar and P’Payu and was going to be in a series with them, she nearly fainted.
Bua had to get her tube of ya dom out of her purse and hold it under Peach’s nose.
P’Wisit texted, asking me to go to the movies, so I’m getting ready when Peach wanders into my room and sits on my bed.
“Going on a date?” she asks slyly. She loves to tease me about P’Wisit, as she thinks I’m in love with him and trying to hide it.
“No, just movies with a friend. Should I wear this shirt or this one?” I hold two up, and Peach points to the black one.
“Are you going with P’Wisit?”
I nod.
“Are you going to hold hands during the movie?” Peach asks, picking up Fuzzy from my bed and petting him.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because he’s repressed,” Bua says, walking into the room and flopping down beside Peach.
“Do you mind?” I grouse at them. “I have to get dressed.”
“We won’t look,” Peach says, covering her face with my teddy bear.
Bua covers her own eyes with her hands.
With a sigh, I step out of my basketball shorts and into my jeans, then change my shirt.
“Have you heard from P’Tam?” I ask, just to annoy Bua.
“I’ve talked to her online a few times,” Bua answers from behind her hands.
“And?”
“And I’m still not sure. But…I agreed to go out with her.”
“Okay, you can look,” I say as I fix my hair. I meet Bua’s eyes in the mirror I hung on the back of the closet door.
“And I’m not repressed. But good for you that you’re going out with P’Tam.”
She laughs. “Sure, sure. You’re about to turn nineteen and just had your first kiss. And…thanks. It’s scary.”
“Did P’Wisit kiss you?” Peach asks me.
“No. It was Sud during the audition.”
“Such a hardship,” Bua teases.
“Mmm. Sud’s cute, too,” Peach says.
“You’re boy crazy,” Bua tells her.
My cell phone rings, and when I look at the screen and see that it’s Pah, I shoo Bua and Peach out of my room.
“Sawasdee, Pah,” I say.
“Mee Noi, I’m glad I caught you.”
I didn’t even realize I was wound up with anxiety about going to the movies with P’Wisit until Pah’s deep voice immediately fills me with calm.
Suddenly emotional because I miss him and, evidently, he hasn’t been able to get me on the phone, I clear my throat. “I’m sorry, Pah-khap. I got your message the other day and I meant to call you back-khap. You’re right—I ‘ve been busy, but that’s no excuse-khap.”
“I know you have been, son. Take it easy. I’m not angry with you. Do you have a few minutes now to talk?”
Settling, I look at the clock by my bed. “I’m going to see a movie with a friend, but he won’t be here for twenty minutes or so. How are you? How are Mae and Ten? Nothing’s wrong, is there?” My stomach twists at the thought.
“Nothing’s wrong. They’re doing very well.
We miss you and Sud a lot. I just wanted to talk to you about something, Mee Noi.
” Pah sounds so serious, I immediately tense.
I’m not sure why—he has never raised his voice to me or treated me with anything but loving kindness.
“I want you to be honest with me. I know Sud can be very persuasive. It’s a little late for me to be asking, but did he push you into doing this series with him? ”
“Sud asked me to do the video for his class. But he didn’t push me into it. As for the audition and series, I knew he needed me to partner with him to succeed, and I willingly offered.”
Pah grunts softly. “And are you uncomfortable? This is a big deal for someone who doesn’t like to put himself out there. Sud can’t relate.”
I rush to Sud’s defense. “Sud always thinks about me first. He gave me an out. He told me he could do it without me, but the truth is—it kind of surprised me how much I enjoyed doing the video with him. And then, after auditioning, it kind of solidified it for me. I wanted to try this. Actually, it’s kind of freeing to be able to be another person for a while.
And—I think maybe it’s been good for me. ”
Pah chuckles. “I know well the feeling of losing yourself in a role. Just be mindful not to let it go too far. Will you and Sud come to see us as soon as you have a break?”
“Yes, I promise.”