Chapter 19 #2
“We’ll hold you to that. If not, expect us to show up there in Bangkok,” he jokes. “Now, who is this friend you’re going out with tonight?”
“P’Wisit is in his third year in the medical faculty. He’s very well-liked at my university.”
“I’m glad you’re making friends. Although—Sud insinuated in our last conversation that you might be dating this boy. Is that true?”
My nerves reverberate like a plucked harp string. Why did Sud say that?
“Mee Noi?” Pah prompts.
“Er, I’m not dating P’Wisit, Pah. We’re just friends.”
“You know you can tell me if you are. Are you embarrassed because you’re going out with a boy? Because Mae and I don’t care about that. We just want you to be happy.”
Warmth fills me at the love they show me, and it’s a struggle not to cry.
“I’m not embarrassed, Pah. It’s just that I haven’t figured it out myself. If P’Wisit tells me he wants to be boyfriends, I’ll tell him I need time to think it over.”
“All right, then. That sounds reasonable, but then, you’ve always been a very reasonable boy, Mee Noi. I’m proud of you.”
Sniffling, I choke out, “I love you, Pah.”
“I love you, too, son. Work hard but be sure to rest, all right? And call me if there’s anything you need.”
“I will. Oh…and Pah?” I clear my throat. “Have you, um, spoken to my parents recently?”
“No. I haven’t heard from Somchai and Supaporn in a while,” Pah says quietly.
I’m not surprised. I really don’t know why I asked.
After we disconnect, I sit thinking about my birth parents. I’m more positive than ever that I don’t want them paying my way. I want to do it myself. I have to make that happen.
“They don’t care about me,” I say aloud. “They didn’t even care if I got turned out of my dorm and didn’t have anywhere to go.”
Sud would never let that happen.
I know that, of course, but my parents didn’t. They just don’t care.
As I head down to the front of the building to wait for P’Wisit, I think about everything Pah said, my heart swelling with love for him even more. For the millionth time, I wish that he were my real father, Mae my real mother, and Ten my real brother.
But that would make Sud your real brother, and would you really like that?
P’Wisit pulls up to the curb in his pale blue Toyota Alphard.
I appreciate the fact that, even though his family is wealthy, he drives a relatively understated car.
I don’t like show-offs. My parents tried to buy me a flashy car before I left for university, but I refused it, which is why Sud drives me around or I catch the BTS or a motosai.
I don’t want to feel indebted to the people who call themselves my parents but have never earned the title.
When we’re both in the car, P’Wisit looks me over.
“You look nice in black, Nong. It emphasizes your pale skin,” he says.
My face heats with a blush. “Thank you, P’. You look nice, too.” He’s wearing a colorful shirt hanging open over a blue T-shirt and a nice pair of khaki pants. A thick gold necklace rests around his neck. His dark hair is slicked back, and he looks undeniably handsome.
“P, may I ask where you got the necklace you’re wearing? I’ve noticed it before and admire it.”
“Oh.” P’Wisit touches the chain with his fingers as though he forgot it was there. “An ex-girlfriend bought it for me a few years ago. I would have given it back, but we broke up amicably and are still friends. You like it, huh?”
“Yes. It…looks good on you.” I blush harder and tell myself to shut up before he gets the wrong idea. I’m so bad at small talk. Why this popular guy wants to hang around with me, I have no idea.
The movie theater is crowded, and P’Wisit takes my hand as we move through the congregation of people in the lobby.
Since I have no desire to be left alone among this many people, I don’t pull away.
P’Wisit buys popcorn, and we squabble about who’s going to pay before I finally give in.
I allow P’Wisit to take my hand again and navigate us toward the correct theater.
When someone calls my name, I raise my head and look around, and P’Wisit stops.
It’s one of Sud’s roommates, Tao. A pretty girl is with him, and their hands are clasped like mine and P’Wisit’s are.
I have the sudden urge to jerk my hand away, but that would be rude to P’Wisit.
Instead, I move a little closer to him, attempting to block Tao’s view of our entwined hands with my body.
“I thought that was you,” Tao says, smiling at me before giving P’Wisit a curious look. “This is my girlfriend, Jia.”
“‘Wa’dee, Tao-khap,” I say, using the excuse of giving the wai to slip my hand out of P’Wisit’s grasp.
I introduce him to them, although I have a feeling both Tao and Jia already know who he is. I can tell Tao’s curious as to why I would be at the movies with such a popular senior of ours.
Since we’ve stopped in the middle of the long hall lined with theaters, people are having a difficult time getting around the four of us, so we say our goodbyes and continue on.
Tao and Jia go into a different theater as P’Wisit and I continue down the hall.
This time, I keep my hands in the pockets of my light jacket and stay close to him.
Inside the darkened auditorium, the movie is just starting.
Instinctively, I know that P’Wisit will broach the subject of our relationship tonight. It won’t happen until after the movie, though, so I make an effort to relax as P’Wisit finds us two seats together and we settle in, sharing the tub of popcorn.
The film is a comedy, and I’m soon tugged into the plot.
Something about the tongue-in-cheek style of humor tickles my funny bone, and I laugh more than I ever remember laughing at a movie before.
A couple of times, I turn to P’Wisit to say something, thinking that it’s Sud by my side, and have to cover the move by getting more popcorn.
I get the feeling that P’Wisit wants to hold my hand, and I keep mine tucked between my thighs.
Sud was right—I am na?ve. It’s so obvious now that P’Wisit likes me, likes me, that I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.
By the time the movie’s over, I’ve worked myself into a state of anxiety, but P’Wisit talks about the funniest parts of the show, and, before long, I’m comfortable with him again.
Outside, the night is warm and humid. We stroll a couple of blocks, still talking about the movie, and then P’Wisit leads me to a bench at the edge of a park.
“Mee Noi, you’ve probably figured out that I like you,” he says after a moment.
Although I’ve been expecting this, I’m tongue-tied.
He watches me with expectant eyes while my heartbeat escalates.
“Um, I wasn’t sure, actually,” I say when I finally find my voice.
P’Wisit smiles. He really is handsome, but, in my mind, his nearly perfect features are no competition to Sud’s sleepy-eyed, rough-and-tumble good looks.
“Does it bother you?” he asks.
“No! No, of course not. I’m flattered that you notice me at all.”
P’Wisit lets out a short, disbelieving laugh. “I’ve never met anyone like you. So self-deprecating. Of course I notice you.” He shakes his head, smiling at me again. “Nong.” He reaches for my hand, warm fingers curling around mine. “I want you to be my boyfriend.”
My breath catches in my throat. The moment is surreal.
Someone wants to be my boyfriend. The idea is both exciting and terrifying.
I can’t imagine being close to P’Wisit like boyfriends.
Kissing him. I’m sure he would be very nice to kiss, but I barely know him!
And what about Sud? The longer I don’t say anything, the dimmer P’Wisit’s smile becomes until it’s completely gone.
“There’s someone else you like, isn’t there?” he says.
Miserably, I say, “Kind of. But not realistically. It’s just…something I haven’t dealt with.” I bite my lip before continuing. “But I wouldn’t feel right saying I’ll be your boyfriend when I haven’t resolved my feelings for the other person. Actually, I’m really just figuring out that I like guys.”
The twinkle returns to P’Wisit’s eyes. “Did I have anything to do with that realization?”
I nod, although it was more Sud than him.
P’Wisit hasn’t let go of my hand.
Trying for a light tone, I say, “Anyway, you don’t want a boyfriend who’s in a boys’ love drama with a shipped partner, do you?”
My attempt at humor misses its mark. Meeting my eyes, P’Wisit says, “Is that who this other person is? Sud? I thought he’s your best friend?”
I wince. “It’s complicated.” Feeling like I owe him an explanation since he’s liked me this long and I’ve been too dumb to see it, I continue, “We’ve known each other since we were kids, and acting in a romance with him is kind of confusing me.”
After a moment, P’Wisit squeezes my hand. “I get it. There are different kinds of love, and sometimes it takes time to sort them out. If you don’t mind, I’d like to stick around and be your friend. Maybe I’ll be lucky and your feelings for me will grow.”
Shocked, I don’t know what to say. I really thought P’Wisit would walk away, but I told him the truth, and he accepted it. There’s no reason we can’t be friends.
“Are you sure?” I ask. “I don’t want to lead you on.”
“I’m sure. You may think I’ve dated a lot of people, and you’d be right. But there’s something different about you, Mee Noi. I noticed it the first time I saw you at the freshman orientation. I watched you after that before I finally got up the nerve to approach you.”
Floored that anyone would be afraid to approach me—especially the popular guy sitting beside me—I sit blinking at him a moment in astonishment before finally saying, “I would like us to be friends, P’Wisit.”
He smiles. “Why don’t we keep walking? It’s nice out tonight.”
I agree, but as soon as we stand, I slip my hand from P’Wisit’s grasp, serious about not wanting to lead him on.