Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty: Sud
“Ididn’t know Mee Noi is dating P’Wisit.”
“Huh?” Only half-awake after staying up late the night before playing video games online, I stare at Tao uncomprehendingly.
Pouring orange juice into a glass, he repeats, “Mee Noi. I didn’t know he was dating P’Wisit.”
“What makes you think he is?”
Tao takes his glass of juice to the bar and sits down. “I ran into them last night at the movie theater in the mall.”
Slipping onto a stool across from him, I grab a banana out of the bowl on the bar. “They’re friends.”
“They were holding hands.”
I still, banana half-peeled in my hand. “What do you mean?”
Tao frowns. “What do you mean, what do I mean? You know, holding hands. Like, their hands were clasped as they walked through the lobby, same as mine and Jia’s. Then later, when we were leaving, I saw them sitting on a bench. They were still holding hands.”
I’d told Pah I thought Noi might be dating P’Wisit, but deep down, I didn’t really believe it. Our schedule is demanding, so Noi’s with me a lot. He wouldn’t have time to be in a relationship. And would he really date someone without telling me?
Tao misunderstands my silence. “I’m not saying it’s not okay for Mee Noi to be with a guy, if that’s what you’re thinking. I was just surprised it was P’Wisit. I mean, Mee Noi doesn’t exactly put himself out there, and P’Wisit is a really popular guy.”
“Are you trying to say Noi isn’t good enough to date P’Wisit?” I ask sharply.
Tao’s eyes widen. “No. No, I’m not saying that. I guess I just, uh…”
“I have to go.” Standing, I grab my wallet and keys from my room and leave the apartment, ignoring Tao calling after me.
I speedwalk to Mee Noi’s new building. This one is across campus, and it takes longer for me to get there than it did when he lived in the dormitory. The whole way there, my mind fires off questions.
Why would Mee Noi be holding hands with P’Wisit if they aren’t a couple? Is he afraid to tell me?
I want an explanation.
I’m out of breath by the time I reach Noi’s door on the fourth floor of the apartment building. Without hesitation, I pound on it with my fist, then almost fall inside when the door immediately opens.
Bua, still in her pajamas, frowns up at me. She’s holding a cup of coffee like she was making her way from the kitchen to her bedroom with it when I knocked.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asks, frowning.
“Where’s Noi?”
“I don’t know. In bed?”
I head for his tiny room. Why he refused to stay with me instead of moving in here, I have no idea. Coupled with him being secretive about P’Wisit, I have to say I’m hurt.
I give a perfunctory knock to announce my presence before entering. The bed is made, and the room is empty.
“He’s not here,” I announce the obvious when Bua pokes her head in the door.
“Wait. Let me check my messages,” she says.
I follow her to her bedroom, where she sets down the coffee cup and sits on the bed to look at her cell phone.
“Oh. He messaged me late last night. He said he stayed over at P’Wisit’s.” She makes a knowing face. “Wonder what that means?“ When she turns to look at me, her eyes grow wide.
Anger overtaking me, I ask, “Is Noi dating P’Wisit?”
“Um, he says he’s not. I’m sure there’s a good explanation for him staying there.
They went to the movies, and maybe they had some drinks afterward.
” She blinks, then hurries on, hands held out in a placating manner.
“No, not drinks. Mee Noi doesn’t drink. Of course he doesn’t. What a dumb thing to say.”
I don’t know what my face is doing right now, but by Bua’s expression, it must be alarming. Rage builds fast within me at the thought of what might have happened last night. If P’Wisit took advantage of Noi, he’s going to be nothing but a stain on the carpet when I get through with him.
Turning, I stride out of the apartment without saying goodbye to Bua. To be truthful, I don’t think I could form a sentence if I had to.
P’Wisit lives in a condo some distance from the university, so I have to walk back to my place to get my car before driving there. On the way, I tell myself to calm down, that Noi is okay, and there’s no reason for me to be so upset.
But I keep thinking about the two of them. Together. P’Wisit holding Noi’s hand. P’Wisit leading Noi to his bed.
I can’t seem to get past that part. My mind won’t let me imagine them kissing. Touching. P’Wisit’s hands on Noi’s bare skin. Noi’s hands on—
Skidding to a stop, I park my car haphazardly in front of P’Wisit’s building and nearly choke myself on the seat belt trying to get out.
Counting to ten, I try again more calmly.
Successfully out, I jog over to some guys who are coming out the door of the building and ask them if they know which apartment P’Wisit lives in.
They do, and it’s no time before I’m standing in front of his door, hands shaking because I know that in that apartment right now, Noi is with him, and he has been all night.
Fury building again, I pound on the door with my fists.
Several minutes pass. I pound again. What’s going on in there?
It’s nine a.m., for fuck’s sake. The possibilities that flash through my mind enrage me even more until I’m ready to kick the damn door down.
Then I hear movement within, and the lock disengages.
The door swings open, and P’Wisit stands in front of me wearing just a T-shirt and his underwear.
Pushing past him, I charge into the apartment like I’m the police and this is a raid.
“Noi!” I call, scanning the room. “Mee Noi!”
A door opens and Noi walks out, wearing an oversized pair of pajamas that have got to belong to P’Wisit. My blood comes to a rolling boil in my veins, blinding my eyes in a sea of red.
“Sud? What are you doing here?” Noi asks, eyes wide.
Spotting his clothes folded on a chair, I snatch them up. “Come with me,” I snap.
“What’s going on? Did something happen?” Mee Noi starts to take off the pajama top, but I stop him.
“Don’t do that. Come on,” I say, taking him by the hand. Noi turns to say something to P’Wisit, but I tug him forward. “Come on, Noi!”
“What’s your problem?” P’Wisit says angrily. “Can’t you see how much you’re upsetting him?”
I look at Noi. His whole body is trembling, and his eyes are full of tears.
More gently, I say, “Please, Noi.”
“I’ll get these to you later,” he tells P’Wisit, tugging at the shirt of the pajamas he’s wearing, stirring my simmering anger. I don’t want him to see P’Wisit again.
I’m silent in the elevator, doing my best to calm down. Noi doesn’t try to talk to me. Halfway through the parking lot, he tugs on my hand. “Sud, stop! You’re hurting me!”
The words register and I freeze.
Noi yanks his hand out of mine. “I don’t even have my shoes on! What’s wrong with you?”
I look down and see that Noi is indeed barefoot on the hot pavement. Without thinking, I sweep him up in my arms and carry him to the car.
When we’re both inside, Noi says, “Sud, you’re scaring me. What happened? Is it Mae? Pah? Ten? Tell me!”
I turn to him, and the sight of tears spilling out of his scared brown eyes is like a slap in the face that effectively shuts off my anger.
He thinks something bad has happened at home, and why wouldn’t he after I charged into P’Wisit’s apartment and dragged him out of there without even allowing him time to get dressed? Tossing his bundle of clothes into the backseat, I take his hands in mine.
“They’re okay. No one is hurt,” I say, looking him in the eyes so he knows it’s the truth.
Noi wipes at his cheeks with shaking hands. “Then, what’s the matter?”
Remorseful, I pull Noi into a fierce hug.
Nose tucked into his warm neck, I say, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I—I just freaked out when Bua told me you’d spent the night with P’Wisit.”
Noi hugs me back a moment before pulling away and running the sleeve of P’Wisit’s pajamas over his eyes. I’m definitely going to make sure Noi washes every bit of himself off those before he gives them back to P’Wisit. I’m aware it’s a weird, possessive thing to think, but I can’t help it.
“But, why?” Noi asks. “He wouldn’t hurt me.”
“I just saw you walk out of his bedroom wearing his pajamas, and you ask me why?” I nearly yell, angry all over again. “You know, just because he’s the president of pretty much everything at school and his family is rich as fuck doesn’t give him the right to take advantage of you!”
Noi frowns. “Take advantage of me how?”
“Oh, come on, Mee Noi!” Heaving a sigh, I look out the windshield. “Could we at least go home before we have this conversation?”
Noi remains silent while I drive to his building. When we pull up, he unbuckles and turns to me.
“Okay. Explain to me how you think P’Wisit is trying to take advantage of me.”
I’m not about to call Noi na?ve after he yelled at me about it the last time, but I’m certainly thinking it. How could he not know? It must have been easy as hell for P’Wisit to sweet-talk him into bed.
“He took you back to his place and talked you into sleeping with him!”
Noi’s jaw drops open.
“That’s what you think?”
“I saw you come out of his room!” I yell. A couple walking by the car turn to look at us, and I shout, “What the hell are you looking at?” They scurry away.
Noi says quietly, “Last night after the movie he asked me to be his boyfriend.”
The bottom of my stomach drops out.
“That’s why you stayed the night with him,” I say, jaw tightening. “Because he’s your boyfriend and you wanted to…to be with him.” I can barely get the last part out.
Noi doesn’t say anything, and when I raise my eyes, he has that look he always gets when he’s going to slam a door in my face. It happened so many times when we were kids, I’m surprised I still have my nose.
“That’s what you think,” Noi says.
Imagining the scenario makes me crazy. The way Noi looked coming out of the bathroom wearing P’Wisit’s pajamas…
Blood pressure peaking, I snap, “Yes, that’s what I think! Because it was fucking obvious what was going on!” I’m breathing hard, and I can feel a vein in my temple pulsing.
Resting his hand on my thigh, Noi says in a low, calm voice, “When P’Wisit said he wanted me to be his boyfriend, I told him I needed to think about it.
We went for a walk. It was late, and I forgot my key and didn’t want to wake up Bua and Peach.
That’s why I stayed at his place. I borrowed a pair of pajamas and slept on the couch.
That wasn’t his bedroom I was coming out of when you arrived, it was the bathroom. ”
The deep breath I couldn’t seem to catch a moment ago fills my lungs, and the loud buzz that took up in my ears during my tirade gradually dissipates.
Noi remains silent, giving me the time and space I need to pull myself together.
I’m not normally hot-headed, and the force of my anger shocks me.
I don’t ever want to be that way with Noi.
It pains me that we’ve been arguing so much lately, and I’m desperate to bridge the gap that’s forming between us.
I’ve got to be straight with him or risk losing him.
Only, with all the emotion running through me, it doesn’t come out the way I want it to.
“You’re mine, Noi. You’ve always been mine. I don’t want you to be with anyone else. I absolutely cannot stand the idea of P’Wisit or anyone else putting his hands on you for any reason.”
While I tend to wear my thoughts and feelings on my face, Noi is the opposite. His face is a mask. He could be thinking anything.
It takes him a moment to speak.
“I want to shower and put some clothes on. Don’t follow me. We’ll talk later when you pick me up for work.”
Without another word, he gets out of the car. I watch him walk inside his building without looking back.