Chapter 29 Mee Noi
Chapter Twenty-nine: Mee Noi
The woods are eerily dark as Ten, Sud, and I walk along the trail. We shouldn’t be out here when we can barely see. Pah always warns us to watch out for snakes.
As soon as the thought occurs, Ten cries out in fear and pain. He was beside me just a moment ago, but now he’s several yards ahead of me on the path.
I turn to say something to Sud, but he isn’t there either.
“It bit me!” Ten cries out, and I look to where he’s pointing at the cobra. I back up quickly just as it comes at me and strikes, barely missing my calf.
Ten sits on the trail, crying. I know he will die if I don’t get him to a hospital.
“Sud!” I call out. It’s suddenly much darker than it was moments ago. I can’t see anything, but I can hear the cobra hissing nearby.
“Don’t move, Nong. I have to get help,” I tell Ten.
“P’Mee Noi, don’t leave me!” Ten says over and over, his pleas ripping at my heart.
“I have to get help! Just don’t move. The snake’s closer to me now. Be very still, Nong, and he won’t detect you.” I knew the darkness wouldn’t deter the cobra from detecting movement.
“I-I can’t stop shaking,” Ten says in a small voice.
There’s a chance the snake will strike when I turn to run, but it’s a risk I have to take. A bite from a cobra is extremely deadly, and Ten is small.
“I’ll hurry,” I promise him and take off running down the trail, expecting to feel the cobra’s fangs sink into me as I do, but it doesn’t happen.
As I run, I call for Sud. He has to be somewhere close by. I’ll tell him to run for Pah and then I’ll go back to Ten.
But Sud doesn’t answer.
Fear and worry over Ten has me shaking, and now I’m worried about Sud, too. I turn a corner, hoping he’ll be there, but he’s not. Why isn’t it dark anymore? I keep running. I should have reached the end of the trail by now, but around the next corner, there’s only more dirt path.
I’m going to be too late! Suddenly, it’s no longer Ten who is in danger, but Sud. I have to find him. Where is he? I can’t lose Sud.
“Sud! Sud! Sud!” I scream, and then, seemingly out of nowhere, the woods around me change, the familiar trees and path becoming dense and wild.
“Sud! Where are you? P’Sud!” I yell.
A horrible, familiar feeling creeps over me.
Sud has left me. He’s all I have, and he’s left me. Frantically, I look everywhere, tripping over limbs, aware of the danger, but I have to find Sud.
He’s left you. He’s left you, just like your parents left you. Just how everyone will leave you. You’re unlovable. You have no one. You’re nothing. If you died, no one would care.
It’s my own voice I hear, taunting me.
Crunching leaves behind me. A shout. Someone’s following me. My panic rises.
“Noi! Mee Noi!”
Hands grab my shoulders and shake me. I try to get away from the person holding me. I have to get to Sud.
Another shake, and my eyes fly open.
Confused and breathing hard, I look around me.
I’m in my bedroom at home. I’m not in the forest. Sud hovers over me, his hair mussed from sleep and pillow creases on his face.
“You left!” I accuse.
“Noi, it’s okay. You were having a nightmare.”
In the dim light of my globe lamp, I can see the worried frown on Sud’s face.
“Sud? You were lost…” I say, and, just like that, I remember.
That trip to Kaeng Krachan National Park. Camping. Playing in the showers at the campground. The caves.
My eyes lock with his. “You disappeared that day when we were camping. Pah didn’t know where you were.”
Sud nods slowly. “Yes. But I was okay. I was with Mae. And I’m right here with you now,” Sud assures me. “Take a deep breath and let it out.”
I try, but I can’t. Instead of slowing down, my breathing turns into fast pants.
Now that I remember, I have to talk about it.
“That day at Kaeng Krachan. Pah took us to the caves, and you disappeared. I tried to find you, but…but you’d left me.
” My heart’s thumping hard. I press my hand to my chest.
“Easy, Noi. Feel my heart.” He takes my hand and places the palm over the left side of his chest. I concentrate on the beats of his as beneath my other palm my heart races out of control.
Sud continues, “I went back to the campground with Mae. Pah just didn’t get the message. You went looking for me in the woods, and the ranger had to go after you. When he found you, you were hysterical.”
As the memories flood back, tears blur my vision, and I cover my face with my hands.
“It’s okay,” Sud says, pulling me into his arms. He’s warm from sleep and smells of home, and I cling to him.
“You left like they did,” I say, feeling the desolation all over again.
“Just like my mother and father. No one wants to be with me.” A sob dislodges from my chest. Deep down, the adult me knows that Mae, Pah, Ten, and Sud love me.
But the little boy inside me who was rejected by his parents refuses to believe it.
“Mee Noi? What’s wrong?”
I barely hear Mae’s words through my own brokenhearted sobs. Clutching at Sud as though I’m lost at sea and he’s my only lifeline, I cry into his shoulder.
“Sud?” Pah sounds upset. I don’t want him to be, but I’m not in control anymore. Shaking, I sob until I make myself sick and start heaving. Someone shoves a small trash can under my face and I lose the contents of my stomach in it.
“He had a nightmare,” Sud says, stroking my hair as I wretch into the trashcan. “He remembered that day.”
I start to sit back only to surge forward again, vomiting until I can’t anymore. Finally, I sag back into Sud’s arms, exhausted, my head pounding.
“Mee Noi? Can I get you anything?” Mae asks softly.
I shake my head and wince because it hurts. “Dark,” I say.
“The light hurts his eyes,” Sud says, voice rumbling through his chest where my cheek rests.
Someone switches off the globe lamp. Sud stretches out, back against the pillows with me lying against him. I close my eyes, and a sigh escapes my lips followed by a hiccup.
“He said everyone leaves him.” Sud says quietly.
“Oh, Mee Noi.” I feel Mae’s gentle touch on my shoulder. “We’ll never leave you. You’re ours, don’t you know that?”
The bed dips behind me and Pah’s hand cups my shoulder. “Mee Noi, I will never let anyone harm you, Son.”
Their words mean everything to me, but I can’t stay awake.
***
The sun falls at a slant through my bedroom window, its rays heating the skin on my bare foot.
I judge it to be around two in the afternoon.
How did I sleep so late? Blinking, the events of the night slowly come back to me.
I’m alone, but the door stands open and, far away, I can hear the sounds of clinking dishware downstairs.
Abruptly, I sit up. Pah was supposed to take us back to Bangkok this morning! We’re going to be late!
Scrambling out of bed, I change into a pair of jeans and a shirt and run down the stairs, calling for Sud.
I trip at the bottom of the steps and am about to land on my face, but Mae catches me.
“Mee Noi, are you okay?”
“We’re late! Khun Intapong wanted us at the studio by noon!”
“Calm down,” Mae says soothingly. “Your Pah took Sud back. He spoke with your producer this morning and told her you’d fallen ill but he could bring you back tomorrow. Sud is going to film what he can today.”
“But…why? Why didn’t you just wake me up? I didn’t want to cause trouble.”
“You have a right to a bad day just like everyone else. Now, go on the porch and read or something while I finish making the meal. Ten’s gone over to Oat’s house, so we’re here alone. He was worried about you and didn’t want to go, but I told him you had a migraine.”
I don’t have a choice but to do what she says. Pah’s laptop is on the porch, so I boot it up and check social media.
The company’s site doesn’t have anything new, so I go to the BL Fanatics website. The first thing I see and last thing I expect to find are two recently posted photos of Sud with Cora, the girl from our university who is interning at Rainbow TV.
One was taken at the campsite at Kaeng Krachan. They sit beside each other, eating. Sud is smiling at her.
“When was this?” I murmur before turning my attention to the other photo.
This one was taken at the studio. Cora is sitting facing him, arm raised as she delicately fixes a strand of his hair. My gaze goes to Sud’s shirt—the tie-dyed one that I spotted in his closet yesterday. That means…the photo of Sud and Cora was taken today.
Jealousy rolls through me. I know that Cora likes Sud because she confessed to him that day at school. Now, she’s flirting with him while I’m stuck in Hua Hin. And, of course someone took a picture of them and posted it. I go to the comment section to see what’s being said.
Gunwookiesgrl: Who is she? Does Sud have a girlfriend?
SudMeeNoiFan2025 @Gaunwookiesgrl: He’d better not!
Asiandramaguru555 @SudMeeNoiFan2025: He’s allowed to have a girlfriend.
ProudStuffie25 @Gunsookiesgrl: She’s probably just someone who works there. She’s fixing his hair.
B0yslove13: My friend works in the drink shop in the lobby of Rainbow TV. She says that MeeNoi didn’t return from location with Sud today. And did you know that Sud’s father is the famous actor Thawan Chanthaphan? He drove Sud to the studio this morning!
Gunwookiesgrl @B0ysove13: OMG, really? No wonder Sud is so handsome.
SudMeeNoiFan2025 @B0yslove13: But why wouldn’t Mee Noi be with them? I heard they’ve lived together for years!
Asiandramaguru555 @SudMeeNoiFan2025: Yeah, as brothers!
SudMeeNoiFan2025 @Asiandramaguru555: If they were brothers, they wouldn’t be doing a bl together.
Asiandramaguru555 @SudMeeNoiFan2025: Touch grass, why don’t you? This is all a job to them.
SudMeeNoiFan2025 @Asiandramaguru555: Your ass is going to touch grass if you don’t stop trolling me, freak!
Asiandramagurur555 @SudMeeNoiFan2025: Bring it on! I’d like to see you try.
Moderator @Asiandramaguru555: This is your first warning. The next one will get you kicked off the site for the day. A third will get you banned from the site.
On impulse, I check Sud’s Instagram.
The last thing he posted, which was a picture of us at Kaeng Krachan, has several comments.
Yaoimangaguy69: Why isn’t P’Mee Noi at Rainbow TV today? Is he sick?
ChibibabyElf @Yaoimangaguy69: He isn’t there?
Yaoimangaguy69: No. He didn’t come back from Hua Hin with Sud.
BamBamMyMan23 @Yaoimangaguy69: Oh, I hope he wasn’t hurt!
ProudStuffie25 @BamBamMyMan23: Maybe we can call the hospital there and see if he was admitted.
ChibibabyElf @ProudStuffie25: They’re not going to tell us anything.
Asiandramaguru555 @ProudStuffie25: It’s none of your business what’s happening to him.
ProudStuffie25 @Asiandramaguru555: We’re his fans! We have a right to know!
Asiandramaguru555 @ProudStuffie25: You don’t have a right to anything. They are their own persons. You don’t own them.
FahRama_ghostship: They’re actors. They know what comes with being in the limelight.
Asiandramaguru555 @FahRama_ghostship: Being an actor doesn’t mean they have to tell their fans everything. Ever heard of privacy?
SudMeeNoifan2025 @Asiandramaguru555: You again! Do you just go from site to site and cause drama? Is that where your name comes from?
Asiandramaguru555 @SudMeeNoifan2025: I can go anywhere I want to go. At least I’m not trying to run the actors’ lives like you do.
SudChanthaphanOfficial: Mee Noi is fine. He just has a migraine, so he stayed home an extra day. He’ll be back at work tomorrow. Thanks for worrying about him, khrap.
Over six hundred comments follow Sud’s post. Leaving Instagram, I sigh and stare out at the front yard.
“Something wrong?” Mae asks, coming in with two plates and setting them on the table.
“No, I’m fine.”
“Come over here and eat with me.”
I get up from the chair and take a seat across from her.
“Could it be that you saw those pictures of Sud with that girl?” Mae asks, causing me to choke on a sip of water.
“Mae! What are you doing going on the BL Fanatics website?”
She shrugs. “I like to keep up with my boys. Who is the girl? Do you know her?”
“Her name’s Cora. She goes to our university. She confessed to Sud that she likes him earlier this year.” I kind of grumble the last part.
“I see. Did he date her?”
“No. He turned her down.”
“Then, why are you jealous?” Mae asks.
“Who said I’m jealous?”
Mae laughs. “It’s pretty obvious. Mee Noi, they’re just talking in the photos.”
“I know that,” I mumble, rubbing my head.
“Still have a headache?” Mae asks.
I shake my head even though I do.
Mae clucks her tongue. “You’re so stubborn.”
“That’s what Sud says.”
“Well, he knows you. Listen. It’s very obvious to me how Sud feels about you, or else I would have been more upset last night when Sud told us. Don’t worry about his feelings, all right? I’m glad we have this time to talk because I want to make sure you understand something.”
She pauses until I meet her gaze, then continues, “Pah, Ten, Sud, and I love you very much, Mee Noi. We have always wanted you to be with us. If your parents had tried to take you away, we would have put up a fight even if that meant accusing them of neglect and taking it to court.”
Shocked, I stared at her. “Really?”
She nods. “Really. Thawan and I have discussed it several times over the years. Thankfully, we never had to do it.”
Giving up any pretense of eating, I sit back in my chair. “Part of the reason I agreed to do this series is that I want to take over my own expenses. I don’t like being a burden on anyone.”
“Your parents accepted that burden the day they conceived you. I say let them carry it, but it’s up to you.”
She tilts her head to the side, studying my face. “Are you okay now that you’ve remembered that day at Kaeng Krachan?”
I nod. “I’m sorry I spent years making you worry.”
Mae sighs. “First of all, young man, you can’t make people worry about you.
We worry because we love you. It wasn’t your fault that your parents were neglectful.
It wasn’t your fault that you were scared and lonely and very attached to Sud.
Anyway, most of the time, you were a very happy kid. You weren’t any trouble at all.”
I stare at my plate. “I’ve always sensed Sud’s worry.”
Mae chuckles. “Well, Sud’s a different case entirely.
He’s always been extra focused on you.” Her smile fades.
“Mee Noi, I promise this is the last time I’ll ask, but are you sure this is what you want?
Not just the acting, but to be with Sud this way?
I know that if it isn’t, he will back off and, although it might take some time, eventually things will go back to the way they were. ”
I look her in the eyes. “I’m sure, Mae. I love Sud. More than a friend. Different than a brother. I want to be with him.”
“Okay then.” Her smile is genuine. “Do you believe he feels the same way about you?”
“Yes.”
“And you trust him?”
“Of course.”
Reaching across the table, she pats my hand. “Then, stop worrying about the girl in the photo and eat.”
I guess that makes sense. I pick up my fork and spoon.