14. Fourteen
14
FOURTEEN
ELIANA RICHARDS
CIA Headquarters, August 2022
C rutches suck.
Who invented these things right out of hell?
I don’t even want to hear any argument that I would be bedridden without them.
Fuck them. Fuck that ankle. Fuck the cast. Fuck it all.
It's only been yesterday that I was released from med-bay and I’m already annoyed about the situation. Dr. Brown told me I had to stay off the leg for two weeks and then he would decide if he changed me into a boot and weight bearing. Not that this outlook would be any better than what I have to endure right now, but at least it’s better than this monstrosity of cast. Fiberglass was supposed to be light. The fuck it is. I feel like someone put cement around my ankle and will try to drown me in a river soon.
It couldn’t lie in bed comfortably because that thing was always in the way. Laying on my back with the leg elevated on a pillow was the only position that was possible, but no one wants to sleep on their back.
So it wasn’t a big surprise that I slept only around two hours tonight which, not gonna lie, made my mood even worse than it already was.
Hopping into the bathroom to get ready turned out to be a bigger challenge than expected. Doing a one-legged squat to sit down on the toilet was a workout I didn’t have in mind after breaking my leg, but here we are. I had a catheter back in med-bay and as much as this disgusted me yesterday, now I started to realize how handy it actually was.
“Eli?” I heard someone’s voice from outside of my room followed by three loud bangs on my door.
Peter Davis.
I had no idea what to do with him because my heart was confused. We were supposed to hate him. We always have despite the small sentimentality caused by hormonal overpowering during my time at the farm.
But here he was, being my savior and staying by my side to make sure I’m doing okay when I was in med. He only left my side when McGreen made him do some work, but he came back to entertain me for the entire three days Dr. Brown kept me in med. Totally unnecessary in my opinion. It was a simple ankle reconstruction, not a big thing .
If it wouldn’t be for me, I’d be out in the field as soon as possible. They let the PT decide when that would be the case, but not earlier than in eight to ten weeks. Being forced to sit on the sideline for so long is worse than sharing math classes with Peter.
Although I have to admit our little challenge of who became class’s best throughout high school was a bit fun.
Hold on, Eliana.
That wasn’t fun. It was absolutely annoying because I was so hyper focused on being better than him that I forgot about everything around me. Without Mihaela grounding me from time to time, it would have been a disaster.
“Eli?” His voice sounded again and I was so lost in my train of thoughts that I had totally forgotten he was there, waiting for me.
“One second,” I answered, balancing on my good leg while grabbing the crutches that were leaned against the wash basin. I was still not good with using them, every step wobbly while I tried to focus on keeping the casted leg off the floor. Which was easier said than done and I had crashed it against the floor a few times already. That was a pain I did not want to endure again. I hobbled towards the entrance door and opened it.
“Good morning.” He smiled at me, a tray with food in both of his hands. I tilted my head to the side, observing the different bowls and mugs on the tray. I could see some yogurt with fruit, a glass of orange juice, a mug with something I hoped was coffee, and a plate with French toast on them that smelled wonderfully like Cinnamon.
“Morning. Oh wow, that looks delicious.”
“I thought you’d be hungry and because you can’t carry stuff around, I thought I can lend you a helping hand.” He was still smiling, his upper body leaning forward in a self-invitation into my room. I hobbled aside and managed to close the door behind Peter while he was carrying the tray inside. He stopped in the middle of the room, turning in circles to look for the right place to set the breakfast down.
“You didn’t need to, you know,” I started, my head hanging low in shame. I maneuvered myself in this situation, I did not take his warning seriously enough and fell down the stairs. All of this was my fault and now I was dependent on someone else bringing me breakfast.
It was not a situation I enjoyed, even though I have to admit my heart skipped a beat about the fact that Peter cared enough about me to make sure I get some food.
“I know. But I wanted to.” He shot me another of his famous smiles and I could see his emerald eyes shine. Everything about Peter Davis felt different since the accident. It was like he had a glow around him that made it impossible for me to look away. Something was pulling me towards him, like he was gravity and I was an object that was forced to follow the laws of physics.
We held our gazes for a few moments and it was probably the longest time we looked into each other’s eyes since I met him in middle school.
“Where do you want me…”
Everywhere.
Wait a goddamn minute.
This must be the effects of the strong painkillers I was still on, because in all of the years I’ve known him, I never fantasized about him being close to me.
“…to put the tray?” he continued his question, but I only blinked a couple of times, confused about the turn my mind had taken. I averted my gaze from him, closing my eyes for a second and trying to reduce the heat in my lower belly with a few deep breaths. What the hell was wrong with my body? Ever since we had that moment on the mission, right before my inelegant way down the stairs, this man was doing things to me that I didn’t understand.
“Eli, are you okay?”
He had put the tray on the cupboard next to the door and was close now, standing right in front of me with one of his big hands resting on my upper arm. His touch was delicate, gentle, almost like he really cared for me. I could see his brows furrowed while he looked up and down my body in an attempt to find a reason why I didn’t answer him.
Subconsciously, I leaned into his touch. I had never experienced someone else caring for me than my mother or Mihaela. I’ve learned the hard way that I wasn’t worth anybody’s time or love, and being weak meant being a burden to someone else. I was taught to never be a burden.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, but didn’t move an inch. His hand on my shoulder felt so good and I didn’t want this moment to end. Instead of stepping away, Peter raised his other hand as well and placed it opposite of his first one.
“Hey, look at me,” he demanded softly, and against my instinct, I let my heart lead the way and followed. When my eyes met his, I saw the concern shimmering in them.
“What are you sorry for, Eli?”
I couldn’t form cohesive thoughts that I would be able to communicate to him, so I just stared. He waited a few moments, giving me time to speak. He was the most patient man I’ve ever met. This Peter standing right in front of me was a completely different person than the Peter I remembered from high school and college. I still wondered how the hell this was possible, but one thing became clearer with every second: Peter Davis wasn’t the devil. He wasn’t my enemy, my nemesis. He wasn’t a bad guy.
“I…I’m…” I started, and he encouraged me to continue with a shimmer in his eyes, his head leaning to the side just an inch. He probably didn’t even know that it looked adorable, like he was a puppy waiting for a treat.
“I know we might not have been friends before and I know I said some horrible things to you, Eliana. But you don’t have to be scared to tell me anything. We’re adults now. We’re working together, and if you want it or not, we have to trust each other. So please tell me, what are you sorry for?”
“I’m sorry that I’m a burden to you. I’ll try to be better next time, I promise.” My voice was low, pain shimmering in every syllable like I was a wounded animal hovering in the corner of a shelter. I didn’t expect myself to become so emotional and I hated myself for it. Emotions meant weakness. Weakness was not allowed and wanted. You couldn’t become a CIA Agent when you were weak.
Dad would be disappointed.
I expected him to lash at me, scream at me. Even beat me. That’s what I was used to my entire life and I believed that he had every right to. I saw him move his right hand and closed my eyes, awaiting the painful sting of his palm making harsh contact with my cheek.
Instead, I felt him cradle my face in his big hand, his thumb drawing circles over my cheek bone. My eyes shut open in an instant and I saw him being leaned even closer to me than before. His mouth was only inches apart from mine and these new thoughts in my mind wished he would close the gap. I wondered what his lips felt on mine. I bet he’s a good kisser.
“Eliana Richards,” he started, and suddenly had all my attention.
“You’ll never be a burden. What happened was an accident. Shit like this happen every day. Even to the best.” The last part was emphasized with a little wink that made my lips curl upward .
“But…” I started only to be stopped by him placing his thumb on top of my lips.
“No buts. It was an accident and now you’re hurt. I’m sorry that you’re in pain and forced to do desk work for a couple of weeks, but that doesn’t make you a burden. Quite opposite, to be honest. You’ve always been the best in profiling and analytics. Having you digging into the material we retreated from the facility is a big advantage for the team.”
He didn’t even give me a chance to answer to this, as he kept on with his monologue.
“Eli, you are not a burden. You’ll never be. Especially not for me. I’m happy that I can provide you with some sort of support, even when it’s only with bringing you breakfast every morning.”
Every morning?
I could get used to that, because it would give me some alone-time with him to explore whatever this was between us.
“Not. A. Burden. Understood?” He emphasized every word with a little tap of his thump on my lips and I couldn’t stop myself from chuckling a little. His mouth turned into a smile as well and it made the heat in my lower belly reappear.
What was this handsome man doing to me?
“Understood,” I whispered against his finger and I could swear I saw his gaze flickering down to my lips while he dragged my lower lip down just a little bit.
God, I really wish he would kiss me now.
He slowly leaned in, his lips brushing along my skin before they came to a halt an inch in front of my ear. The hair on my neck raised in anticipation and having him so close made me realize how amazing he smelled.
Do you know that feeling when you smell a specific scent and it feels like home for you? That is what Peter Davis smelled like. Home.
“Now, you really need to move because French toasts taste best when they’re still warm, and I was in the kitchen for twenty minutes this morning to prepare this amazing breakfast for you,” he breathed with a slight tremble to his voice that made me clench my thighs together. If he’ll ever moan my name with that voice, I’d come right away. He wouldn’t even need to touch me.
“Breakfast. Understood,” I managed to get out even though I had no idea how my body was able to function with him being so close. My knuckles were turning white from the intensity I grabbed the handles of my crutches to prevent myself from touching him. It would make me lose balance, plus, I don’t know if I could ever retreat again.
And then he stepped away, his fingers left my body and all I could feel was emptiness. And it shocked me to the core. How did someone that I hated a few days ago have such an effect on me? It didn’t make sense to me at all. But emotions aren’t logical, I guessed.
Slowly, I followed him towards the desk that was standing in my room with a single chair in front. Peter now placed the tray on top of the desk, right next to the mountain of medical papers Dr. Brown had given me. Surgery reports, X-rays, MRI’s, therapy suggestions, PT plan, official sick note for Agent McGreen, and a ton of meds against pain and thrombose and whatever. It was sprawled over the desk when I threw it on there after arriving back in my room yesterday. Peter had carefully sorted and put them aside without a comment.
“This looks absolutely amazing, Peter,” I commented, trying to convey as much gratitude as possible in these few words.
“Ah, it’s nothing,” he answered with a wave of his arm, but couldn’t hide the wide grin on his lips.
“I’ve never had someone bringing me breakfast to bed.”
“So you tend to kick guys out and not let them stay overnight?”
I turned my head around to him so fast that I became a little dizzy, the concussion still not fully healed.
“It was just a joke. I didn’t want to offend you…again,” he added in a low voice, eyes wide in fear while he stared at me.
“No offense taken,” I answered with a little wink he didn’t expect. His features softened immediately and we were both happy that he lightened the mood with his little joke. It helped to wash off the weird tension between us, although I’d loved to give this tension a try and see where it would lead us.
I’m very convinced we’d end up naked in my bed.
My head turned from the desk to the bed a few times. I really didn’t want to sit on the desk alone to eat, because I was scared it would make Peter leave the room. I wanted to start a conversation with him, getting to know him. The new Peter, the man that was stuck in my mind against my will.
“What?” he asked, amused.
“I actually wanna have breakfast in bed. It’s more comfortable with the leg, you know. It hurts when I have it hanging down for too long.”
I need to congratulate myself for digging that excuse out of my mind so effortlessly. It wasn’t fully a lie, as the dull pain in my ankle did return as soon as I was sitting or standing for too long. Dr. Brown had explained it had something to do with the blood and lymph flowing back into the limb. But as I’d take my first dose of painkillers with breakfast, the pain would be forgotten relatively quickly. At least I hoped so. Let’s see what these oral painkillers are good for.
“Make yourself comfortable and I’ll bring you breakfast to bed then.”
“And I haven’t even let you sleep overnight. That’s definitely a win for me,” I retorted.
“Don’t celebrate your win too early, Richards.”
The last name? I think I just challenged him and I liked it. His sass was driving me nuts over many years, but now that we started on a different level, emotionally. I think this could be a good icebreaker for an actual conversation.
I have to remember to tell Mihaela every detail of this, because it will blow her mind.
Getting comfortable in bed was a little hard as the pain in my ankle started to kick in, but Peter helped me to arrange the pillows that elevated the casted leg, and hurried around me to rearrange the blanket and remaining pillows resting on the headrest so I could comfortably lean against it. His head cocked to the side while he observed his work before he finally placed the tray on my thighs. I didn’t miss the tip of his fingers scratching along my legs and the fire that erupted under my skin.
“There you go,” he uttered and was about to step away from bed when I raised my head from the food to look at him. His eyebrow was raised, waiting for a reaction.
“I don’t mind sharing. It’s a lot of food, you know. And now that I can’t work out, I need to be careful to stay in shape,” I whispered an invitation.
“You sure about that? Don’t want it to be weird for you.”
“Shut the fuck up and join me in bed, Davis.”
“Never thought I’d hear these words from you ever.”
We both laughed while he rounded the bed and carefully let himself down on the mattress without startling my leg too much.
“Never thought I’d be so desperate that I’d end up with you in bed. From all the men available on this planet.”
“Heeeeeey, that’s mean. One French toast less as punishment.” Quicker as I could react, his arm shot forward to snap one of the toast triangles off the plate. The breakfast ended in his mouth and he chewed on it in pleasure. A little moan escaped his throat and I had to take a deep breath to not react inappropriately, abandon the food, and make everything I can to hear that sound again.
“Okay, okay. I’m sure they are worse men out there than you, Peter,” I tried to appease him and it seemed to work.
“Did Eliana Richards just give me a compliment?”
“I wouldn’t call it a compliment…”
“It was a compliment. Don’t deny it.”
“Don’t get used to it.”
“I won’t.” He winked at me while letting his gaze wander over the breakfast buffet that he originally prepared for me.
The grumbling sound of my stomach made me tackle the bowl with yogurt, blueberries, and strawberries with a spoon first. Diving into the food, I discovered a hidden layer of granola on the bottom of the bowl and gasped in surprise.
“Not a fan of granola?” Peter asked, who had creepily watched my every move.
“I love granola, but who the hell puts granola into the bowl first?” He furrowed his brows slightly, his eyes darting between mine and the bowl before he decided to answer.
“But I thought it’s the same rule as with cereal? First cereal then milk. First granola then yogurt.”
“You’re right with the cereal, but not the granola.”
He groaned loudly in response, letting his head fall back against the wall in an exaggerated movement. I had to chuckle a little because he looked almost comical while doing it.
“Why is that so complicated,” he sighed, his big emerald eyes pointed at me. I could get lost in the beauty of his eyes and one day I’d be brave enough to tell him.
“You tried. That’s all that matters. And in the end…” I started to stir all layers in the bowl to one big mush, “…it all ends up in your stomach like this, anyway.”
“It’s all about the inner values, right?”
“Don’t underestimate the power of beauty. I know what I’m talking about.”
“I give that point to you, Eli.” He chuckled and my heart skipped a beat with the nickname.
I loved the way my name sounded on his lips.
“So, Peter Davis, tell me something about you,” I casually said, although I could literally feel my heart drumming against my ribs because it was beating so fast. I was desperate to keep the conversation alive because this might be my one and only chance to get things right with Peter. And life was way easier without an enemy watching your every move. I’m done with fighting, done with hate. The longer I’m away from home, the more I crave to move on. Even though that felt like an impossible task.
“What do you want to know? We have known each other almost our entire life,” he answered, confused.
“We might have known each other our entire lives, but not known, known . You know?”
His facial expression showed me he didn’t know what I meant, so I just started to laugh to cope with the hint of insecurity rushing up my body.
“Eli, I…”
“What I mean is of course I know you for over a decade, but more than your name, that you’re a freaking overachiever, and that you don’t have any siblings. It is all a mystery to me.”
“Because you never asked.”
“You never told me.”
“Let’s just say we never had the chance to really get to know each other before, right?”
“Right,” I agreed before shoving another loaded spoon of breakfast into my mouth.
“So what do you want to know?” He was as insecure as I was, I could hear it out of his voice.
“Do you have any hobbies outside of your job or are you so determined that you don’t let anything else enter your mind?”
“Actually, my job occupies a lot of my time. Maybe that’s why I’m so good at it.” His answer only let me roll my eyes and he chuckled in return.
“Okay, okay. I actually enjoy working out with Liam a lot. It’s not only to stay in shape, but also clear my mind. These missions can be…tough. I’ve seen a lot of shit already and I've only been in this task force for about two years.”
“Did I hear right that Liam is a computer nerd?” I asked.
“Hacker, but yes.”
“One could think he only does gym simulations on his computer instead of actually working out,” I joked and thankfully Peter laughed as well.
“Yeah, I was surprised, too. But he’ll easily make you feel weak when you train with him. You should join us one day instead of only watching us from the other side of the gym like you normally do. Can’t wait to see you being humbled by the computer nerd .”
“First of all, you make me sound like a creepy stalker. Second, I can’t fucking wait. It’s only been a couple of days and I’m already itching to go back to working out.”
Peter’s gaze flickered to the omnipresent cast around my leg and back up to my face. He couldn’t hide the pity appearing on his face.
“I bet. You’ll be back in the gym in no time.”
“If no time means eight to ten weeks, then yes.”
“You could still train your upper body. I could help you with carrying the weights around.”
He was right. I could train my upper body. And training with him would give me more time to ask questions and get to know him. And maybe, if I was lucky, he would train with a naked upper body and then the workout would be my favorite time of the day. Giving me enough pictures for the fantasies in my head that suddenly popped up a few days ago. Fucking hormones.
“I’d love to do that. Just give me a few more days to settle. I need to get the swelling out of the leg first so I’m not having too much pain while sitting.”
“That makes sense,” he mumbled while being occupied to dig some of the granola and yogurt out of the bowl with the fork. Of course, he only brought one spoon. I dived said spoon through the mush and loaded it as fully as possible before carefully carrying it towards his face.
“Here. It’s easier.” I shrugged my shoulders as if it wasn’t a big thing that I was feeding him. But it was indeed a big thing and I was scared my blushed face and the highly increased heartbeat would give me away.
“Thank you,” he responded before slowly lowering his head to take the spoon in his mouth. It was a normal gesture and I didn’t even know why I thought it was so damn sexy.
“By the way, I need to take my pain killers, would you mind getting them for me?” I asked, interrupting the moment between us before I would finally give in to the hormones.
“Of course,” he answered, jumped off the bed and grabbed the orange bottle with pain killers. While climbing back in bed, he placed them on the tray before maneuvering another French toast in his mouth. I opened the bottle and let two pills fall into the palm of my hand. With a big sip of the orange juice, I gulped them down.
“These will make me sleepy, so don’t be confused if you find me snoring and drooling in a few minutes.”
“Oh yeah, no worries. Whatever helps you recover as fast as possible.”
“That breakfast actually helped perfectly with that. ”
“Just ask, Eli,” he groaned slightly and I had to turn my head around to look at him in surprise.
“Ask what?”
“Would you bring me breakfast every morning, Peter?” he asked in a mocking version of my voice.
“I don’t really sound like that.” I shot him a small pout.
“Just ask.”
I rolled my eyes again, but the smirk on his face was so cute that I couldn’t pretend to not want him any longer.
“Would you bring me breakfast every morning, Peter? Pretty please?”
“Of course, Eli. Everything for your recovery. And to see you smile more often. It suits you well.” He winked.
Peter Davis winked at me. The audacity that this man had to be so sexy while sitting in bed next to me. Our thighs almost brushed against each other. This was nothing I ever looked for but damn, was I ready to go down that road. No matter the consequences.
We ate the rest of the breakfast while shooting questions back and forth. I learned that French toast was his favorite food and that he could eat it 24/7. That explains why he was struggling so hard to hold himself back from eating the entire plate. I wanted to eat my yogurt first before I tried the absolute delicious French toast. He didn’t have a favorite color, but he’s a simple and clean kind of person who was into earthy colors. He was a sucker for beige t-shirts, but they had to be without an imprint. Thinking back to all the years with him, I never saw him with an imprinted shirt. No band shirts—his favorite band was Linkin Park—sports team gear, or anything. Even though he’s a big ice hockey fan. I got to know a lot about Peter Davis and he made me curious about more. I wanted to know every aspect of him and I was even willing to show him a bit of myself.
Time went by and I was yawning more often, my eyes getting heavier when the lack of sleep and pain killers finally started to get to me.
“Tired?” he asked from the side with a little smile, and I only managed a nod.
“Your body needs a lot of rest, so stop fighting it and make yourself comfortable.”
I let myself lower on the pillow a bit, careful to keep the leg elevated.
“I promise our conversation isn’t so boring that I fell asleep. It’s the pain killers,” I whispered in between a few yawns, not sure if he even understood me.
“I know, Eli. You comfy?”
I shook my head in response and it was the truth. Laying on my back was horrible and all I wanted was to turn on my side. But I haven’t found a comfortable position on the side yet.
“Come here,” Peter’s muffled voice said and I felt him raise his arm. Without a second thought, I turned on my left side, scooted closer to him, and let the leg slip off the pillow. In a last effort, I rested my face on his broad chest, clear evidence of his countless trips to the gym. His arm lowered on my back and I felt him caress his fingertips over the fabric of my shirt. Did I mention already that he smelled phenomenal? The slight rising and lowering of his chest was enough to lull me to sleep completely and for the first time in days, I was comfortable.
“Night, Eli. Get some sleep.” Were the last words I heard before my mind went black.