15. Fifteen
15
FIFTEEN
PETER DAVIS
CIA Headquarters, August 2022
I watched her sleep a while until I realized that throughout all these years, I’ve never seen her so peaceful. That poor woman. She’s been so miserable over the past few days and I’m glad I could provide her some overdue sleep. Well, or maybe it was the painkiller’s fault. But I wanted to believe that it was me who caressed her to sleep. Her lips were parted slightly and I could feel her drool wetting my shirt, but I couldn’t care less. As long as she was comfortable, I was too.
My heart was drumming strong and fast beneath my chest, and I was scared the quickened rhythm would wake her because her head was resting directly above.
Did she hear what having her close does to my body? I hope she did because I don’t know if I’d ever be brave enough to tackle these feelings. Liam was right. There was something between us that I did not expect, but now couldn’t ignore, and I dreaded that she didn’t feel the same.
What if I made myself a fool right in front of her?
What if she only acts on concussion or painkillers and deep down in her heart, there is still the same hatred she showed over the past decade?
I exhaled widely, trying to shove that thought away and just enjoy the moment with her in my arms. Knowing the circumstances, I was aware that she hadn’t showered in three days, but to me she still smelled like a flower garden. Letting my gaze wander over her body pressed to mine, I couldn’t stop admiring her beauty. She didn’t even know how beautiful she actually was, even though she had just joked about it. But I could see the insecurity shimmering in her eyes every time she cracked a joke. There was always this short period of time when she waited for someone to actually prove her wrong, but thankfully, nobody dared so far.
Only one time in our sophomore year in high school.
I broke Jason’s nose for asking her when puberty would finally hit, because she still looked like a child. He was referring to her small breasts, and even though she countered his joke with a confident, “At least more breasts than your mom, Jason,”—which was true, by the way—but the way her shoulders slumped when she stepped away told me everything I needed to know. Jason's nose broke so easily under my knuckles, but the bone bruise I won from that punch kept me in agony for a couple of weeks.
It was worth it, though.
Even when we didn’t like each other and were even some sort of rivals, I’d never accept anyone speaking to her that way.
She shifted slightly, mumbling something in her sleep that I didn’t understand. At least she wasn’t in pain, I hoped.
Her casted leg had slipped off the pillow and I wasn’t sure if that was okay. Would Dr. Brown give me a lecture for slowing down her healing process just because I needed to have her in my arms?
But she complained about not being able to sleep on her back and sleep was also important for recovery. I think Dr. Brown would be okay with this. As soon as she would wake, I’d make her elevate the leg again. We need to get the swelling out so she can work out with me.
I can’t even think about sweat forming on her skin when we’re pushing weights on the benches. The thought alone made me want to lick it off her skin and fuck her right on the chest press bench until she was sore all over. She was with us in the gym a couple of times, but always with enough distance that I couldn’t watch her close enough.
Something in my pants twitched and I scolded myself for following that drifting mind of mine .
This huge urge to protect her was in me forever, but I never had the chance to show or tell her. She kept me on more than only an arm’s length and I accepted this relationship between us, because it would keep me away from getting my heart broken by Eliana Richards.
But things were different now.
It was already before she fell down the stairs and I’m damn sure that she knows it, too. There was something between us that neither of us could put a finger on yet. But it was worth exploring and I was happy she thought the same. I had made the first step by bringing her breakfast, but she asked me to stay so this is a mutual curiosity of what would develop between us.
I couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot.
Eliana Richards was driving me nuts and I was all in for it.
Carefully, I wiggled myself down a little, watching her closely to make sure she didn’t wake. Quite the opposite happened when I felt her arm wrap around my middle and her fingers tangled into my shirt. She pressed her cheek even closer to my chest and stilled again.
She was fucking adorable.
And for this short moment, she was in my arms.
She was mine.
From today onward, I’d fight that this would never change again and so I closed my eyes, leaned my head slightly against hers, and fell asleep as well.
The movement of her arm on my stomach woke me with a startle, but I tried to stay still as good as possible. My eyes opened a little, curious what she was doing. She had the hem of my shirts in her fingers, slowly pulling it upwards and revealing my abs underneath them. I didn’t have a visible six pack, as I trained for functionality, not aesthetics, and I wouldn’t be able to survive in the field with that low percentage of body fat.
“Like what you see?” I asked in a raspy voice.
Her head fell back, her eyes looking at me in surprise while her hand quickly let go of my shirt. I chuckled slightly about her reaction and my heart skipped a beat when these beautiful, big, brown eyes narrowed slightly.
“I thought with being a gym rat as your hobby, I’d see some more abs popping out, but I’ve seen worse.”
“Glad that I’m accepted around you.”
“I wouldn’t say that, but bringing me breakfast and making me sleep like a baby really comes on the advantages side of the list.”
She slightly rolled off me and on her back with a loud sigh.
“You need to elevate the leg, Eli,” I commented, still a little guilty that she hadn’t for the past…I have no idea how many hours have passed, to be honest. I reached into my pocket to grab my phone and saw over ten missed calls from Oliver.
Fuck.
It was already past 11.
We slept for almost four hours.
Which means I missed the beginning of my working hours. Hence the calls from Oliver.
How the hell would I be able to explain this to him?
Sorry, boss. Eliana and I have this weird connection although we officially hate us, and I tried to take care of her because she’s hurt, and then we fell asleep cuddling. But I know you won’t be mad because love is more important than professionalism.
Yeah. No. Big no. Not gonna happen.
I quickly texted Oliver that I’m sorry I haven’t appeared yet, but that I wasn’t feeling good and my body demanded additional rest.
Fantastic. Now I was already lying to my team leader.
“Everything okay?” Eliana’s voice sounded from the side. I quickly put my phone back into my pocket and turned my head towards her.
“Yeah sure. Just texting Oliver.”
“Is he looking for you?”
“He is. I might have fallen asleep next to you and missed starting my workday.”
Her eyes widened and I could literally see the guilt shimmering in them. It wasn’t her fault, though. I was an adult, so I was responsible for all my actions.
“Oh, Peter,” she groaned, covering her face with her hands.
“What?”
“I’m not worth losing your job.” A murmur came from my side that made me turn my entire body in an instant.
She was averting her gaze, looking purposely away from me, but I could see a slight shake of her hands.
I wondered what had triggered this intense reaction, especially because I’ve never seen her like this before.
This was not my super confident, badass Eli.
“I won’t lose my job,” I said softly, trying to not tackle the topic right away. I’ve always been good with anything around tactics.
“But you’re risking it. Just so that you could spend the morning with me. That was stupid, Peter. You love your job.”
But I love you more.
There, I said it.
Liam was right and there was no way I’d deny it further.
“Eli,” I started, but she turned her head even further to the side and I knew she would have stood up and ran away if she was physically able to. Her entire body screamed discomfort.
“Eli.” This time, I reached my hand towards her, but was unsure where I was allowed to touch her. Maybe it wasn’t okay to touch her at all? Dammit, that was more complicated than I thought it would be.
I let the hand that was hovering in the air for a bit too long fall back on the mattress, but the thud made her turn her face towards me.
Looking back at me wasn’t the Eli I knew.
This was a terrified woman in agony. The storm in her mind showed on her face when she tried to fight against the tears that were gathering around her eye. She had sucked her lower lip in, pretty sure to hide the tremble.
“Oh, Eli,” I sighed and finally reached out to place my hand on top of hers. I felt her fingers wrap around mine in a silent plea for support. All I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and shield her from whatever was bothering her. I wish I could take it all off her, no matter how painful it was.
She didn’t deserve this much pain.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed violently and my heart burst into pieces by that sound. Seeing her physically hurt was already straining the capacity of pain I could endure, but this? This was too much for me to handle.
Every tear that slipped out of her eyes was like another dagger stabbing in my heart.
“I’m so sorry, Peter,” she repeated, but I stopped her with a little, “shh,” coming out of my mouth. Her fingers were shaking around my hand, but she gripped onto it strongly, as if I was her lifeline that she dared to lose.
“There is nothing you have to be sorry about, Eli. ”
“But Oliver…”
“Let Oliver be my problem for later. Now all I care about is you. It hurts me to see you like this.”
Her eyes widened in disbelief and her gaze immediately fell, as if she didn’t want to look at me. A small tap on her hand let her eyes come up again and I waited for her with the biggest smile on my face. One that would make every mother-in-law fall in love with me in an instant.
“Eli, it’s all okay. No one will fire me because I’m taking a day off spontaneously. All that matters for me now is that I can help you as best as I can.”
“You don’t understand,” she sniffled, and I felt her hand shift a little within mine.
“What do I not understand?”
“I’m not worth this. All of this. You’re risking your job, you’re spending all your time taking care of me just because I was an idiot that fell down the stairs. I’m nothing more than a burden to you.” Her eyes filled with tears again, but she held my gaze. There was something behind her eyes that I couldn’t put my finger on, but to me she looked like a beaten animal in a corner, not believing that anyone would ever do something else than bring her pain and suffering.
“You’re not a burden to me, Eli.”
She had said that earlier already, but I hadn’t understood back then how much she actually meant it. The tension on her body language long forgotten through our little banter and then falling asleep with her in my arms .
“I’m not wor?—"
“Stop it, Eliana,” I said in a louder voice that I hope she didn’t interpret as anger. But I saw her flinch a little in reaction and my heart broke again.
I’m a fucking idiot.
I shouldn’t have raised my voice when she was already in such a miserable state. One that I still didn’t understand where it was coming from.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice,” I added immediately, giving her a sad smile as an apology. Eliana nodded slightly, but her shoulders were still tense.
“I broke my leg and can’t do a lot of things on my own. I am a burden. And because of that, you have to spend your time and effort just to make sure I’m okay. Time you could easily spend with more important things.”
“I don’t mind bringing you breakfast, Eliana. It’s not a big deal, really.” I tried to assure her, but the shaking of her head showed me that it had not helped.
She didn’t make sense to me. Why was it such a big problem that I brought her breakfast? I know she was very independent, but everyone does need help sometimes, and she broke her fucking leg and was forced to use crutches. If that wasn’t the situation to get some help, I didn’t know what else was.
“It’s not about breakfast. It’s…” She was frantically looking for words that would explain the whirlwind in her mind and when she, apparently, hadn’t found what she was looking for, she raised her free hand and covered her face with a loud groan .
“Let’s make a deal, okay?” I suggested.
She had driven herself so deep down that rabbit hole of whatever was going on, that I needed to get her out of it before she lost herself. Her hand fell off her face and she looked at me, the tears replaced by a frustrated frown.
“What deal?”
“I only bring you breakfast if you want me to, but you have to stop saying that you’re a burden. Because you’re absolutely not. I actually enjoyed spending time with you, even when we slept most of it.”
My last sentence made her chuckle a little and I finally felt relief flood my body. I had her back.
“I enjoyed that, too, you know.”
“Good. Because, if you let me, I plan to do that more often.”
“I’d love you to.”
“Come here.” I opened my arms widely for her and she scooted closer so I could give her a proper hug. Eliana buried her face in my t-shirt and I wrapped one of my arms around her upper body and rested it on the back of her head.
“You could never be not worth my time and attention, Eli,” I mumbled into her hair, but didn’t receive a reaction. Maybe it was too early for her to believe me and I still didn’t know what was going on with her, but I would someday.
“Thank you,” she whispered in a soft voice that made my heart race .
“Is ‘giving good hugs’ also coming on the advantages side of your list?” I asked with a laugh.
I felt her body shake in laughter and the cute noises coming out of her mouth—even when muffled by my shirt—were enough to warm my entire body.
“I only got one hug so far. I need a few more to evaluate if this was only a one-time performance or if you’re more the consistent type of guy.”
There was my Eli back fully and it made me smile.
“Ouch. Have some faith in me.”
“Never been a religious guy. Let’s say I need four more hugs to give them a final rating and decide which side of the list your hugging skills end up.”
“Four more? I can live with that.”
She wiggled herself out of my arms and smiled at me. Her eyes were practically shining with the slightly reddened skin around them and I swore I could get lost in them right away and wouldn’t regret it.
“And now, Peter Davis. Get your ass out of my room, look for Oliver, and do some work. Nobody likes lazy men!”