19. Nineteen
19
NINETEEN
ELIANA RICHARDS
CIA Headquarters, August 2022
“ W elcome back on board, Agent Richards. Well, at least for some desk work. I hope you don’t get bored too quickly, but I’m sure it’s only a couple of weeks until you’re back in the field.” McGreen’s welcome-back-party was cute, but I was never a fan of having all the attention. And the cake in form of a leg cast was way over the top.
Sheppard stood next to me, leaned in, and whispered, “I’m sorry, I tried to stop him, but he’s not a good listener when it comes to stuff like that. I wish I could say you’ll get used to it, but I’m afraid you won’t.”
We haven’t worked together a lot, Sheppard and I, because he’s been out of duty, because of a surgery on his liver, for almost as long as I was. Two weeks, to be precise. And McGreen was throwing a party as if I was gone for years.
“Where is your welcome back party?” I smirked at him.
“Postponed to when Lynn’s back on her feet, as well. He wants to throw one for both of us. Liver cake and all that shit.”
“Sounds like fun. Make sure to invite me so I can make fun of you enjoying the spotlight.”
McGreen was reaching paper plates around with pieces of the cake and I smiled at him when he gave me mine. Red velvet was always my favorite, although I had no idea where he got that information from. Not exactly something you put into your CIA HR file.
My gaze wandered around the room and met Peter’s who was currently hovering a fork with cake right in front of his mouth. As slowly as humanly possible, he loaded the cake into his mouth, before licking over his lips while winking at me.
I had to avert my gaze, because whatever I was feeling right now was not appropriate. That flirty little bastard.
But instead of leaving me be, Peter stepped closer and brushed his shoulder carefully against mine, applying just a tiny bit of pressure so that he wouldn’t knock me off balance with the crutches.
“Good to see you back, Nate.” He nodded towards Sheppard who shot him some sort of smile back that was very clearly only a polite gesture and not an honest smile. Did I mention that I like Sheppard? He’s not one up for bullshit and I respect that very much.
“You too, Richards,” Peter continued and his gaze bored into mine. I couldn’t help myself and admire the beautiful green sparkle in them. He didn’t even know how beautiful eyes he had. If Peter Davis would leave headquarters more often, the girls would stand in line to ask him out for a date. Especially now that he decided to let his hair grow a little into this wild, surfer boy look that looked amazing on him. Not that he wasn’t beautiful with short hair before.
How the hell did I not realize how beautiful he was over all these years?
Oh well, maybe because I was too busy hating him?!
Someone next to me cleared their throat violently and my little mind bubble exploded, catapulting me back to reality where I was standing awkwardly between Sheppard and Peter, who both stared at me like I had five arms.
“You’re good, Richard?” the ladder asked.
“Yeah. Sorry. It’s probably the meds. They let me zone out once in a while.”
“Or it was Oliver’s boring speech.” Sheppard shrugged with an honest smile dancing around his lips.
“Well, who knows. 50-50 chance.” I laughed a little, finally ripping my eyes off Peter to look at the agent next to me. Sheppard looked back at me for a split of a second before he averted his gaze, excused himself, and strolled over to where Gómez and McGreen stood. It was enough for me to see this strong sadness in his eyes that always made me wonder what the hell happened to that man. One says that eyes are mirrors of the mind and I’m curious what’s going on in his.
“Where has your mind wandered off?” Peter slightly shifted positions to stand in front of me.
“You grew out your hair. That was distracting me.”
Peter’s hand shot upwards, his fingers slowly caressing through the blond strands. They were looking even wilder than before.
“That bad?” His face contorted into a pained expression.
“No. Not at all. I like it.”
“Really? Because with everything going on, I just completely forgot to get it cut again. But I can go tomorrow, if you don’t like it.” His voice was barely above a whisper now, clearly indicating that he didn’t want anyone else to hear our conversation.
Carefully, I stepped closer, letting go of one of my crutches to reach over. My fingers were rooting for his hand, desperate to wrap them around his own, but I changed my mind last minute and rested my palm on top of his forearm. He looked at me through thick lashes, the confident and strong agent replaced by the insecure boy I’ve barely seen on him.
“I like you no matter what hairstyle, Goldie. Nothing can disfigure your beautiful face. Well, maybe not nothing. I’m not a big fan of face tattoos, but if you want one, then go for it. Your body, your choice. I’d even come and hold your hand.”
“You’d even like me with a face tattoo? ”
His insecurity had vanished and was replaced by the boyish grin I deeply fell in love with.
God dammit, there was this stupid L-word again.
“Probably.”
“Even if I had your name tattooed all over my forehead?”
“Eli, Eliana, or Cinnamon?”
He looked at me for a moment as if he was really considering his answer before he pulled out his phone and looked at his own reflection on the screen.
“Cinnamon might be a bit too long and Eli too short. I think Eliana would fit in perfectly.”
I slapped his arm playfully in response, laughing out loud about the absurdity of this conversation.
“You’re an idiot,” I commented. His head spun around and I assumed he was watching for our colleagues, because he took his sweet time to observe our surroundings before leaning in and placing a kiss on my cheek.
“I know, and I’m happy you know how to deal with idiots.”
And just like that, this little asshole left me standing there with a warm settling in my belly and my cheeks blushed in the brightest red while I could still feel the careful touch of his soft lips on my skin.
A moment later, I composed myself and made it over to McGreen and the others.
“Thank you so much for this little party, sir.” I smiled at him .
“Please, call me Oliver. I’m not into all the formalities.”
“Sure. Thank you, Oliver .”
“No idea how I’ll survive you and Nate being forced to desk workfor the next couple of weeks. You two will drive me nuts, I can already see it,” Oliver sighed and overdramatically rolled his eyes. Gómez only patted his shoulder with an eyeroll of her own, that actually made me laugh. I wasn’t really into the gossip of headquarters, but while being in med-bay, I did get a lot of information from nurse Birdie. Apparently, the rumors that Gómez and McGreen were dating were spreading, although nothing was confirmed. The way they behaved around each other was a clear indicator for it though; like love-drunk teenagers. I’d seen it months ago already, but haven’t talked to anyone about it. I mean, why would I?
“Richards and I will form an alliance to annoy the hell out of you, pal. No worries.” Sheppard winked at me. The beer in his hand might have loosened him a little.
“You shut up or I’ll tell Lynn that her lover boy is having alcohol while on strong pain meds. She’d run out of med-bay immediately to kick your ass,” Oliversnarled.
“Please don’t.”
“Talking about pain meds,” I jumped into their conversation, “My next dose is due as well, so I’ll head back to my room and lay down a bit. You know, elevate the leg. ”
“Of course, Eliana. See you tomorrow morning for your first shift.” I sloppily saluted him in response, almost losing balance on my crutches. I still hated them with all my heart, but the only other option was a wheelchair and boy, would I not let myself down that much.
The thuds of my crutches on the linoleum floor was enough to open the door opposite from my own room.
“Fleeing the party, are we, Cinnamon?”
“Apparently I survived it longer than you. I had to elevate my leg. What was your excuse?” I winked at him and the inevitable smile creeped back on my face. Being around Peter, it was impossible to not smile. He had this influence on me.
“Helping you elevate your leg.”
“Shitty excuse when I was still at the party, isn’t it?”
“I might not have thought that through,” he admitted, scratching his forehead in fake shame.
“Good that you’re cute, so you don’t have to be smart all the time.”
His face lit up in an instant like a child that was offered a candy. The range of emotions this grown-ass man was showing was fascinating to me .
“Eliana Richards thinks I’m cute. I can die in peace now.” He had put his hand over his heart and sighed theatrically.
“Please don’t. I still need you a little longer,” I answered honestly.
“I haven’t planned to let you go again, now that we’re actually getting along.” He winked and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at him with a grin on my face.
“So you wanna help elevate my leg or stand in the middle of the hallway any longer?”
“One moment,” Peter exclaimed and ushered inside of his room to do whatever.
“Still waiting!” I shouted through his open door while making my way to my own room. The ID card over the electronic lock let the light turn from red to green and I bumped my shoulder against the door to open it. It was the handiest way with the crutches although it gave me a bruise or two.
“Comin’!” I heard his voice behind me, but I didn’t bother to turn around and already made my way towards my bed. The ankle had started to throb half an hour ago and I was looking forward to the next round of pain meds.
I made one last step at my desk to grab a protein bar, because even when I had some of the cake, I wanted to get a more solid base for the meds. Not that a protein bar would be a solid base for literally anything, but let me gaslight myself, okay?
Next thing I heard was Peter violently closing the door behind him and the rustle of paper bags that confused me more than anything else.
He stepped in front of the bed and held the brown paper bag up in the air, slightly wiggling it around.
“Look what I have,” he almost sang.
“Do I look like I’m having X-ray vision?” I snapped playfully. Instead of answering, Peter just threw the bag at me and thank fucking God I hadn’t taking my meds yet, because I don’t know if I would been able to catch it under their influence.
“Jesus,” I exclaimed, but curiosity won me over, so I opened the bag and found a large sandwich with cheese and ham in it. My brows raised so high that Peter let out a tiny laugh.
“You need to eat something before your meds and I know you haven’t had dinner yet.”
“We had cake.”
“That’s not dinner, that’s dessert.”
“Whatever.”
I smiled at him because this was really fucking cute and thoughtful, something I was not used to at all. Being an independent woman for so long, I totally gave up even the thought of other people caring for me. Peter had proved me wrong over the last two weeks, and although it still felt a bit weird and I struggled more often than not to accept help, it actually felt pretty nice.
Like there was a weight lifted off my shoulders.
I knew my independence wasn’t the only way to survive because there was someone by my side who would do anything in his power to support me.
And that felt absolutely amazing.
Peter made his way to his usual place next to me in bed and helped me arrange the pillows to elevate my leg as promised.
“I like this,” I mumbled before taking a big bite of the sandwich.
“The sandwich?” Peter asked.
I was shaking my head violently, but took my time to chew and swallow the food in my mouth. And maybe I needed this small procrastination to sort my mind because I was definitely not used to sharing my emotions with anyone other than Mihaela.
His arm was sliding around my shoulders, and I leaned to the side a little so that the warmth and comfort of Peter rushed through my body and made my heart skip a beat.
One more deep breath.
“I like that you've been coming over every day since the accident and we spent so much time together. No matter if it’s talking about everything or only sleeping in each other’s arms. I haven’t felt that comfortable with someone other than Mihaela, and you know damn well what big of a compliment this is.”
In my peripherals, I saw his lips curling into a beautiful smile before he turned his head around to press his lips on my forehead.
“I love you, Eli,” he breathed slowly and the sound of these four words felt like a lighting shot through my body. My skin lit up, my heartbeat increased, and I closed my eyes to preserve this moment in the archives of my mind. A single tear gathered in my right eye before it trailed down my cheek and onto my shirt.
“I didn’t imagine my confession making you so sad that you have to cry.” He laughed, but I could hear the panic in it, realizing that the laugh was only a coping mechanism. Instantly, I opened my eyes and looked at him, his green ones already awaiting me. The insecurity was showing off again and I felt my heart twist a little. Seeing him like this was always painful because there was no reason for him to be insecure in the first place.
“I’m not sad. I’m just…happy, you know. And before you have to ask: I love you, too, Goldie.”
You could literally feel the weight being lifted off his shoulders when he visibly relaxed and his eyes narrowed a little thanks to a smile on his face.
“Seeing Eliana Richards cry because she’s happy was something I didn’t have on my bingo card this year.”
Me neither, Peter. Me neither.
“I never had someone to actually love me since my mom died. Hearing these magical words from you triggered a lot of emotions,” I mumbled, slightly shocked about the confession myself.
“What do you mean?”
“Dad…he…” I started, but my throat was dry like it was filled with sand and I struggled to breathe. Lucky me that we were in a position where he couldn’t see my face completely, only parts of it. I needed to get this out, but I knew that I couldn’t if I had to look into his beautiful and pitiful eyes.
His arm was still wrapped around my shoulders and I felt his fingertips caress over the soft fabric of my shirt. Probably his attempt to reassure me. Not gonna lie, it was working. The touch of this man had healing powers.
“My therapist says that Dad emotionally manipulated me. He used Mom’s love against me, telling me over and over again that she would be disappointed and that I didn’t deserve the love she had for me. He even told me once that he wished I would have died instead of her.”
The sharp breathe in of Peter was followed by a groan that I couldn’t interpret. Was he angry or annoyed?
In a swift movement, he pulled my body onto his so that our stomachs were pressed against each other and I was forced to face him. What awaited me was nothing I’d ever imagined: Peter Davis was crying.
My mouth fell open, but I was short of words.
“Cinnamon, I want you to know that no matter what your father has told you, it’s not true. You might be a little sassy and annoying from time to time, but you are so worth the love of others. And I know that if your mom would still be with us, she would tell you as well. Everyone who has the honor to look behind that thick shell of yours knows how loving, caring, and funny you are.”
His words were enough to open the floodgates that changed the single tears on my cheeks to literal rivers trailing down my face. What an absurd moment of us pressed against each other, crying in each other’s arms about fucked-up childhoods.
“We might not have had the best start, but since I know you…I mean, really know you, I haven’t had a single moment where you were a burden or disappointed me.”
“You don’t mean that,” I whispered.
He couldn’t because ever since breaking the leg, I was a walking disappointment. Peter’s hands grabbed my face with an intensity that was hard to describe. It wasn’t physical intensity like a hurtful grip or something. More about the determination that he put into this movement to make sure I’m giving him every ounce of my attention.
“I love you, Eliana. And I’m proud of you for surviving in this toxic environment. Many others would have given up after your mom’s death. And even the ones who would be able to keep going would have given up because of your father’s manipulative and unfair treatment. But you didn’t, Eli. You didn’t give up. Quite opposite, to be honest. You kept on fighting for your dreams no matter how hard he tried to hold you back. This is something you should be proud of and I’m very sure your mom watches you from above with a big smile and a full heart.”
There was no way I could ever find the right words to respond properly to Peter’s words, so I carefully closed the gap between us and connected my lips with his. His grip on my face softened slightly while he deepened the kiss and let me melt into it. We were molding together, two bodies and souls connected through our lips and our relationship was lifted onto a level I would never be able to describe.
I’ve dated guys before. Not many, but they existed.
But nothing was ever feeling like Peter and I.
As if everything that happened in my life, the good and the bad, was supposed to us ending here together in this bed, sharing our feelings in the most special way.
My heart, that was empty and hollow before, slowly filled with love like it was drowning and suddenly reached the surface to take the first breath again. Peter’s lips moved in sync with mine and was accompanied by the roaming of his hand along my neck and down my spine where he gripped my shirt for some sort of friction.
You know these scenes in romance movies when the couple is kissing for the first time with fireworks in the background and fanfares music playing along?
I always thought they were complete bullshit.
Until today.
Til I had my own firework and fanfare worthy first kiss.