3. Luis
Chapter three
Luis
It was the front door slamming shut that woke Luis with a pounding heart. He had a moment to notice Darius’ weight against him before there was a crash and a voice shouting, “Fuck!” echoed through the condo, followed by the sound of stomping feet, and a curse as someone bumped into a wall.
“Fuck,” Darius said, his voice still choked with sleep. “What the hell is Ricky doing back?” Darius kicked off the covers and swung his feet over the side. “I’ll go tell him to shut up.”
Luis barely acknowledged his friend as Darius exited the bedroom. Adrenaline had flooded his body, sending his heart into overdrive and cutting off his ability to breathe normally. His mind went blank, and all Luis could think of was finding somewhere safe.
Stumbling out of the bed, it barely registered that he was only wearing his briefs because his need to move and hide was the only thing that mattered, and the only place he could think to go was the bathroom. He rushed into the hallway, almost colliding with Ricky, and ran for the door that felt like salvation. If he could be behind that door and lock it, he’d be able to breathe again.
“What the hell is your problem?” Ricky yelled as Luis shut the door.
He was vaguely aware of Darius saying something and Ricky’s angry response. None of which was helping him calm down.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Luis sat on the toilet with his head in his hands and tried to slow his breathing. Inhale…one…two…three. Exhale…one…two…three. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. As he got himself under control, he heard Darius trying to talk to him through the closed door.
“Chico? You okay?”
The doorknob rattled a bit, the sound causing Luis’ heart rate to speed up again.
“I’m okay,” he called, though even he could hear that his voice betrayed him. “I’ll be okay,” he amended. “I promise.”
“You sure?”
“Just leave me be for a bit, okay, Dar? I promise I’m fine. Just a bit of anxiety, that’s all.”
Darius agreed, and Luis assumed he’d moved away from the door. At least, he hoped so because the thought that Darius was waiting on him only made his heart rate speed up again.
Luis hated feeling weak. He hated feeling vulnerable and scared, and hiding like a small animal made his stomach clench with shame, but panic attacks like this weren’t uncommon for him. They seemed to come out of the blue, triggered by something Luis couldn’t name nor remember once his anxiety subsided. All he knew in the moment was that he needed to get somewhere safe, somewhere small and enclosed, and somewhere with a lock on the door.
Through the door, he heard Darius and Ricky talking, and his face burned hot with the thought that they were discussing him. Though it embarrassed him to think of Ricky witnessing this panic attack, he really couldn’t care less what their fourth roommate thought about him. It was worrying about Darius’ reaction that made his face burn in embarrassment.
For their entire friendship, Darius had been the steady one, the protective one, the person who made Luis feel safe and taken care of. Luis, on the other hand, had been small, easily intimidated, and flighty even before the night of Marissa’s quincea?era. His first nightmare happened the following night and filled in the hazy and indistinct details about what Andrés had done. His first panic attack happened two weeks later after Andrés had cornered him in the hallway outside his bedroom and warned him not to say anything to anyone, especially Darius.
He didn’t have to worry; Luis wasn’t telling anyone. He’d already told Darius he didn’t remember anything about the night of the party, and if it wasn’t exactly the truth, it was enough of it. Luis’ memories had been hazy and indistinct the next day, and it wasn’t until the nightmares that he got a clearer picture and realized he’d kissed Darius, that he’d wanted to go further with his best friend, and that freaked him out as well.
While sixteen-year-old Luis had been completely fine with his best friend being gay, the thought that he himself might be attracted to men wasn’t so easy to accept. His family called Roberto’s younger brother—Luis’ uncle—a “confirmed bachelor.” The man worked as a make-up artist and lived in West Hollywood and was rarely invited to family events. When they talked about him, it was often with a note of disapproval. Darius was the one to realize he was gay.
Even if that wasn’t the only reason for Armando’s ostracism, Luis wasn’t eager to accept being attracted to men and risk his relationship with his family. He’d been firmly in denial until his freshman year of college when he’d fallen hard for a guy on the gymnastics team and finally came out. His family had been cautious but accepting, but it mattered more that by that time, Darius was in a serious relationship and unavailable. Luis distracted himself with hookups and casual dating, and had gradually learned to live with the fact that Darius didn’t see him as boyfriend material.
Sitting on a toilet, cowering behind a locked door, Luis could understand why Darius wasn’t interested in being anything more than friends with someone who became such a basket case over the least little thing. What had set him off this time? A slamming door? Please. No wonder guys ghosted him or bailed after the sex was over. Luis might be a fun fuck, but he screamed high-maintenance. Reed wasn’t the first guy to take off without saying goodbye, and he wasn’t likely to be the last. Which was another reason Luis wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize his friendship with Darius. Who else would keep him from spiraling after each fuck and run?
Luis let out a huge breath and scrubbed his face with his hands. Time to get it together . He stood and went over to the sink, closing his eyes as he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. Deep breaths. One. Two. Three. Opening his eyes again, Luis took note of his bright red lips. He’d chewed them to blood in a couple of places and bruised the skin at the corner of his mouth by grinding it between his teeth.
“Hey, Luis?” Ricky’s voice was accompanied by a quiet knock. “Are you going to be done soon?”
“Yeah. No worries.” Luis splashed water on his face, then grabbed his towel to dry off. He opened the door for Ricky. “Sorry about that.”
Ricky shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. I could just use a shower.”
“Long flight?” Luis asked, and when Ricky frowned, he remembered that Ricky wasn’t supposed to be home for another couple of days. “What happened?”
“Emergency landing in Hawaii because of an unruly passenger.” Ricky pulled back the red hair that covered his forehead, and Luis could see a bruise on his temple. “Got clocked with a full can of soda the asshole took off the beverage cart. They took me off the plane, checked me for a concussion, and sent me home on the next flight to LA. I swear, the passengers are getting worse and worse since Covid.”
“Amen to that,” Luis said.
“And everyone grabs their phones as soon as something happens. The video of me getting hit has already gone viral. It’s ridiculous.”
“Shit. How are you doing?”
Ricky shrugged. “Fine. Pissed. Mortified. But at least it got me some extra time off, and the videos are evidence if the airline wants to go after this guy for assaulting an attendant.” He rolled his eyes. “We’ll see how far that goes.”
They paused in the doorway, the conversation waning until Ricky gestured at the bathroom. “Anyway—”
“Yeah. Right. Have at it.”
Moving past Luis, Ricky stopped. “You want to go out tonight?” he asked.
The invitation surprised Luis, and he hoped his face didn’t betray his shock as he shook his head. “Can’t. I fly out tomorrow morning. Darius might be up for it. He’s home for another couple of days.”
Ricky rolled his eyes. “Right. He’s not going out if you aren’t, dude.”
Chuckling, Ricky continued into the bathroom and shut the door, leaving Luis standing in the hallway to contemplate whether they’d judged their fourth roommate too harshly. Yes, he was prickly, and yes, he was moody, and yeah, he definitely wasn’t the easiest person to get to know, but he’d also taken the place of someone they all dearly loved and enjoyed having in the apartment.
When it had been the four of them—Luis, Darius, Greg, and Micah—things seemed easier. Micah and Greg were both easygoing, and Micah had been the perfect blend of outgoing and fun while still having the best shoulder to cry on. But then Micah had moved out, leaving LA for San Francisco and the relationship he’d always wanted with his soul mate. Ricky had taken Micah’s place, but he’d also had an incredible crush on Micah and not taken it well when they’d all gotten the wedding picture of him and his now husband. Now, it looked like Greg was heading the same way, and he and Darius would be looking for a fourth again.
Thinking about all those happily ever afters depressed Luis even more, so he decided to do the one thing that was sure to cheer him up. He was going shopping. There was a new vintage shop at Row DTLA that he’d been wanting to check out, and there were a couple of places on Retro Row in Long Beach as well. If Darius wanted to come with him, they could make a stop in the old neighborhood to visit Luis’ parents as well. That was something he felt like he needed today.
“I don’t get why we’re here if you’re not going to buy anything,” Ricky said as they entered another shop at Retro Row.
Against all odds, the redhead had decided to accompany Darius and Luis on their excursion. Given the amount of complaining he’d been doing, Luis wondered if it had been a wise decision, but, whatever , he was in his happy place, and Ricky’s petulant teenager thing was absolutely not going to kill his joy at finding beautiful pieces in the vintage shops. Buying wasn’t the goal here; seeing what the shops were selling was. This way, when Luis went to estate sales, he knew what kinds of things were worth spending his money on. He’d already explained this to Ricky at DTLA.
Luis loved finding vintage pieces, and he had a knack for it. In addition to furnishing the condo for next to nothing, he’d made a decent amount of money from selling to the vintage stores, as well as directly through online sales sites. It didn’t make him enough to retire from flying—not that he’d want to because he loved his job—but it had given him a nice nest egg for when he did decide to hang up his wings and try opening a store of his own.
Darius looked up from a display of vintage denim and grinned at their grumpy roommate. “We warned you, buttercup, Luis can do this all day.” He pulled a pair of cutoff shorts from the rack. “These are really cute.”
“Yeah, and probably about five hundred dollars,” Ricky said. “Why is everything so damn expensive? It’s all old stuff like my grandmother owned.”
“And that’s why it’s expensive,” Luis said. “It may have been crap when it was first made, but there’s only a limited number of pieces left. Low supply. High demand. It’s basic economics.” He eyed a mid-century credenza that was in pristine condition. Price tag: three thousand. “And why I’m not looking to buy anything.”
“At least not in these stores,” Darius said. He pulled a denim corset that laced up the front off the rack as well and held the two pieces up together. “What do you think?”
“Cute. Go try it on.” Luis nodded, then resumed his perusal of the credenza.
Ricky scoffed as Darius headed off for the dressing rooms. “Why is he going to do that? It’s not like any of us can afford the stuff in here.”
Looking up at Ricky from where he knelt on the floor, trying out the sliding door to see how smoothly it moved, Luis rolled his eyes. “That’s not the point.” He stood and walked over to the denim, sorting through the pieces until he found a pair of bell-bottoms and held them out to Ricky.
“What?”
“Take them.”
“I’m not trying them on.”
Luis sorted through another rack of ?70s mod clothing and pulled out a shaggy vest that looked like someone had cut arm holes in a sheep’s fleece. He shoved both the vest and the jeans in Ricky’s direction.
“I told you, I’m not trying them on. What is with you people?”
Ricky turned to walk away, but Luis grabbed his arm. When Ricky turned, Luis cocked a hip and put all the sass he could into telling the asshole in front of him, “Look, sweetheart, we’ve all got shit going on in our lives, and this pissed-off routine is getting boring. You’re the one who decided to come along today, so stop raining on my parade, and go try these fucking clothes on. Okay, sweetheart?” He shoved them into Ricky’s arms and walked off without waiting to see whether Ricky would do as he was told or throw the clothes on the floor and stalk away.
Busying himself with vintage clothes from the ?80s, Luis watched Ricky trying to decide what to do. In the end, he surprised the heck out of Luis by walking toward the dressing rooms. Not wanting to be left out, Luis went back to the racks of ?70s fashion and quickly found an embroidered denim jacket and paired it with some well-worn jeans. He also grabbed a denim newsboy cap, then followed Darius and Ricky to the dressing rooms.
A few minutes later, they were all standing in front of the three-way mirror in their best vintage attire. Luis and Darius posed while Ricky stood to the side with his arms crossed over his chest.
“I feel ridiculous,” Ricky said, but he was trying hard not to smile.
“Well, I think I look pretty damn good,” Darius said as he turned to admire his ass.
Luis couldn’t blame him. God, his friend looked so hot in those short shorts with sleek legs that seemed to go on for days. And the way the corset pulled his already trim waist in and highlighted his broad shoulders and muscular arms? Damn. Not to mention the way the corset’s laces played peek-a-boo with the tight black curls on Darius’ chest. It was incredible, and Luis continued to take in all the things he’d been too distracted to admire properly the night before.
“I think we all look good,” Darius said, breaking Luis out of his thoughts. “Kind of like gay Charlie’s Angels. Come on, everyone, strike a pose.” Darius grabbed his phone from the dressing room, cajoled Ricky into mugging for the camera, then snapped a couple of shots. When he showed them off, he bumped Ricky’s hip with his own. “See? This is what’s fun about going shopping with Luis.”
Ricky rolled his eyes, but he was grinning. “Fine. But lunch better happen soon or I can’t be responsible for what I say or do.”
Laughing, Darius eyed Luis as Ricky disappeared into the dressing room to change back into his own clothes. He sidled up and threw an arm around Luis’ shoulders. “Nicely done,” he whispered and kissed Luis’ temple.
“I didn’t do anything. I just got tired of him being such an asshole.”
Darius stepped back from him and shook his head. “You have no idea how good you are with people, do you?”
“Just not good enough for them,” Luis said and hated the stricken look that crept across Darius’ face.
“Chico, that man last night wasn’t good enough for you , not the other way around.” Darius leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Luis’ cheek, then returned to the dressing room to change.
“I wasn’t talking about him,” Luis said under his breath as he did likewise.
They took a break for lunch, agreeing on pizza and cocktails, and everything seemed to be going well until Ricky checked his phone. He cursed and put the phone facedown on the table.
“Something wrong?” Luis asked, but Ricky just shook his head and flagged their waiter down to order another drink.
A concerned look passed between Luis and Darius, but Darius shrugged, and Luis knew he was right. They couldn’t force Ricky to share whatever was going on with him, and it was clear he didn’t think he knew them well enough or didn’t trust them with his secrets. Luis was surprised when Ricky agreed to continue shopping rather than catch an Uber home and then outright flabbergasted when Ricky bought a vintage leather bomber-style jacket in a gorgeous gold metallic for two hundred dollars. It was striking and set off his red hair beautifully, making the gold and copper highlights spark like fire.
Luis would have suggested Ricky to wait until he wasn’t buzzed from the cocktails, but he wasn’t going to talk Ricky out of it. Not after seeing the lining. Whoever had priced the jacket didn’t realize what they had, and Luis was almost beside himself with envy that Ricky had found it first. His roommate didn’t have a clue what he was buying, but Luis kept his mouth shut until they were out of the store, and then he practically dragged Ricky around the corner and ripped the shopping bag out of his hands.
“What the hell—?”
“Oh, my God. You have no idea what you just bought.” Luis’ hands were trembling as he lifted the jacket up and checked the interior and the label to confirm his suspicions. “It needs some repairs, but my God.” He looked at the other two men. “I’m speechless.”
“Want to clue the rest of us in, chico?” Darius asked.
“This is Jean Paul Gaultier. It’s couture, baby. This jacket may have walked the runway during Paris Fashion Week in 2011, and it probably should have been priced in the low four figures.” He laughed. “They had no clue. You lucky bastard.”
Ricky took the jacket from Luis’ hands and smoothed his own over the leather. “I just liked how it looked.”
“As I said, you are one lucky cabrón. I’m so jealous you saw it first.”
“It’s a cool jacket.” Ricky folded the jacket and put it back in the shopping bag.
Luis put one hand over his heart and held the other one out. “It’s clear you don’t deserve it, so you should give it to me. You know, the person who can really appreciate it.”
“Not on your life,” Ricky said, holding the bag out of reach when Luis pretended to make a grab for it. “And if it goes missing at some point, I’m gonna know exactly where to start looking.”
“Fine. But if you don’t take care of it the way it deserves, I’m going to stage an intervention.”
Ricky tried to scowl at Luis, but he couldn’t stop himself from laughing. Shaking his head, he said, “All right. This thrift store thing is pretty cool. What are we doing next?”
Next was stopping off at his mom’s. He’d warned her he was bringing Darius along as well as one of their roommates, so she was prepared to feed an army when they got there. She herded them into the backyard, and Darius immediately made a beeline for Luis’ dad’s fridge in the garage and brought out bottles of Estrella Jalisco for all of them.
Luis was in heaven. While spending the day with Darius and Ricky had cheered him up, getting fed by his mom was the best thing for his aching heart.
“You both grew up here, right?” Ricky asked, and Darius nodded.
“My house was two over.” Darius lifted his beer to the right. “My parents don’t live there anymore, but it doesn’t matter. This was home.”
“That’s because you were always here,” Luis said. He raised his bottle and clinked it against Darius’.
“What about you?” Darius asked Ricky. “Where did you grow up?”
Ricky took a long pull of his beer before setting the bottle on the picnic table and picking at the label with a fingernail. “Seattle.”
“Holden’s mom lives there,” Luis said, thinking about Greg’s boyfriend.
“Yeah, she lives on Bainbridge Island. I grew up in Redmond. Different sides of the city. Different worlds, really.”
From the way Ricky spoke, Luis could tell it wasn’t something he wanted to talk about and was prepared to change the subject when Ricky surprised him once again.
“Both my parents work for Microsoft. They weren’t happy when I wasn’t interested in a tech career. Among other things.”
Luis looked over at Darius, wanting to know if they should prod for more details now that Ricky was starting to open up or if they should leave well enough alone. Darius shrugged and shook his head just as Ricky looked up.
“Go on and ask,” he said. “I know I’ve been pretty much a ghost since I moved in. I’ve been…dealing with some stuff.”
“Not really our business,” Darius said. “Unless you want to tell us.”
While Luis admired his friend’s tact and consideration, it frustrated him because all he wanted to do was fire off questions. They were interrupted by Luis’ mother bringing out the food: picadillo con papas with arroz rojo and beans, along with her tortillas and spicy salsa. His mom hustled back and forth from the kitchen, declining all offers of help because “her boys” needed to concentrate on eating.
“You’re all too thin,” she said as Darius chuckled.
“Lucky for you, I don’t have to fit into my uniform for another couple of days, Mrs. Herrera,” he said.
“What is this ‘Mrs. Herrera’ today?” Luis’ mom asked as she came around the table and pulled Darius into a hug. “You’re family. You always call me Tía Rosa. And you, too,” she said to Ricky. “You call me Tía Rosa as well.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Ricky mumbled as he scooped picadillo and rice up with a piece of tortilla and shoved it into his mouth. “This is so good.”
“Hm. I’ll forgive the ‘ma’am’ since you like my food.”
“Yes, ma—. Tía Rosa.”
She gave them all a satisfied smile. “Anyone want anything else?”
“We’re fine, Ma,” Luis told her. “Sit down and eat with us.”
With a wave of her hand, she bustled about filling their glasses with sweet horchata. As she filled Luis’ glass, she chatted away, filling him in on the family gossip while Darius and Ricky grinned at him.
“Marissa has a new boyfriend,” she said with a dramatic sigh. “I swear, she has a new one every week, but at least this one has a good job.”“Probably means he won’t last long at all,” Luis said, and his mother batted the back of his head with her palm.
“Don’t talk about your sister that way.”
“But, Ma, you taught me not to lie.” Luis grinned at her.
“And I also taught you to keep silent if you don’t have anything good to say about someone. Speaking of… Andrés got out of jail…”
“I know. He came to visit me,” Luis said. He looked over at Darius, silently asking his best friend not to say a word about how he’d reacted.
“That was nice of him. He always did like you.”
Luis shrugged and looked at the food on his plate, his appetite suddenly gone. For reasons he’d never been able to understand, his entire family loved Andrés and thought his conviction was the result of corrupt police and a bad lawyer. Luis had long ago stopped trying to convince them otherwise and kept his mouth shut whenever his name came up.
“I don’t know why you two don’t get along. He always asks about you, wants to know how you’re doing.”
Without warning, Luis’ stomach heaved, and he stumbled to his feet, mumbled something about needing the bathroom, and took off for the house. Unfortunately, his mother followed right after him.