Chapter 40
I forgot about the sound bath event that Ashley wanted me to do with her. She invited me to join the sound bath free of charge since I’m handing out samples of sourdough bread. But honestly, If I hadn’t already told her I would do this, I wouldn’t have even come.
With all this stress and lack of sleep, I’m not in the mood to be around people.
Especially today, on a Sunday after not talking to Zay the entire week prior and then him going out all weekend.
I feel like I can’t catch a breath, and my body is in autopilot mode.
The sound bath would have been the perfect thing to do with all my stress.
But I couldn’t bring myself to be around people longer than I already have to tonight.
I came to set up while everyone was attending the event.
The Pilates studio is an open room, but the hot yoga and hot mat Pilates is in an enclosed room to keep the heat in, so everyone is in that room right now.
They moved the reformers to the side of the walls, giving the place a more open space.
There are a couple of tables set up. One of them has the nutritionist stuff on it.
I’m assuming she’s in the sound bath. I set my stuff on the other empty table and set up.
I place the platter of bread on the table, and I arrange butter, honey butter, and blackberry jam spread I bought from a local farm next to it.
I lay napkins and small plates off to the side.
I open the box of plastic knifes and place one in each spread.
Lastly, I place a pile of my business cards off to the side.
The sound of voices fill the room. I sit on the side, waiting to see what is happening first. Ashley said that they were going to have the nutritionist do her own little spiel on healthy eating. But right away, a couple of girls come up to my table, looking over the bread.
I stand up with a fake smile on my face. They help themselves to a slice of bread and then take a few steps back while the nutritionist talks.
Thank God, because I don’t want to talk. As bad as it sounds to say that as a business owner, I just can’t seem to get myself out of this funk.
I keep rerunning this entire weekend through my mind.
It dragged out as if it would never end.
I felt as if I had to walk on eggshells throughout my house.
Then at night, I was anxious as hell until Zayn got home.
At least during the week, I know he’s at work.
Like that makes it any better. He could do something at work, but I guess knowing it’s harder since he has to be at the shop makes me feel a little better.
An hour later, everyone is trickling out of the studio. Thankfully, I didn’t have to talk much. At the most, I said hi as I watched everyone come and get a slice of bread throughout the talk the nutritionist was doing.
“Hey, Violet,” Ashley says as she grabs a slice of bread.
“Hi,” I mumble.
She grabs the honey butter and spreads it all over her slice. “This turned out so good,” she says and takes a bite.
“Yeah. It did.”
I knew Ashley would approach me at the end of the event.
I tried to prepare myself for it. But no matter how much I prepared, I still feel like breaking down with every word that leaves my mouth.
Why do these tears choose to come out now, when I spent the entire weekend at home feeling numb and nothing came out?
Yet here I am, surrounded by people. Everything I’ve been holding in decides to hit me all at once.
“Thank you for bringing your bread. It looks like it was a hit,” she says, glancing over the table at the almost empty platter. “I hope this helps with your business. Did people take your card?”
I nod slightly. “Yeah, some did.”
I’m trying to keep the conversation going, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to find the words.
All I can manage are short answers. My mind is racing with thoughts I can’t say out loud, and the more I try to push them down, the harder it becomes to speak.
I know I’m coming off cold, but I can’t help it.
She pivots, looking around, saying bye to the last of the girls leaving.
I grab my tote bag and start picking up.
Ashley walks away and says bye to the nutritionist. All I can think is, why am I the last to leave?
I wanted to be the first to leave. It’s giving Ashely more of a chance to talk to me.
I should stop being a crappy bitch, anyway.
She looked out for me and wanted me to join this event with her to help with my business.
“Hey, is everything alright?”
My head shoots up, and Ashley is back in front of me, looking at me with concern.
Why did she have to ask that? I was doing fine, holding everything in. Convincing myself I could get through this without breaking down.
I nod, saying, “Hmm hmm.”
The tears I’ve been desperately fighting to keep in are now burning my eyes. I swallow the lump in my throat and force a smile. It’s no use. I can already feel the tears streaming down my cheeks.
Turning away from her, I wipe my eyes. I take a big breath to stop myself from crying, but it doesn’t help. I can’t catch the tears fast enough, and my back shakes while my head hangs low.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
She places a hand on my back. “Don’t be. Do you want to talk about it?”
My shoulders slump forward as I turn around with a small grin, as if that’s going to hide my emotions. “I have a feeling my husband might be cheating on me,” I blurt out before thinking if I should be this honest with my Pilates instructor.
Her eyes widen and her lips part. “Oh no. Do you know for sure?” she asks as she leads me to sit down on a bench.
I shake my head. “It’s mostly a gut feeling. I haven’t found any proof.”
Her brows pinched together in concern. “But something feels off?”
I bite my lip and look down at my hands fidgeting in my lap.
I’m kind of embarrassed to be spilling everything to her.
Someone I know but don’t. I mean, I see her almost every day.
We talk all the time, but it’s not the friendship like I have with Rya.
I haven’t even talked to Rya about this.
Last time I did, she reassured me he would never cheat on me.
But she also made me feel a little stupid for bringing it up.
“Yeah. He’s been distant. Almost like I’m living with a stranger.”
Her hand gently squeezes mine, stopping me from fidgeting.
“I’m so sorry you’re going through this,” she says softly. “Have you talked to him about how you’re feeling?”
I let out a shaky breath and shrug. “I’ve tried. But every time I bring it up, he shuts down. Or he makes me feel like I’m crazy.” I let out a sigh. “It’s making me go crazy.”
She frowns and shakes her head. “You’re not crazy. Sometimes, our gut knows things before our hearts do.”
I look up at her, my eyes glossy, burning from the tears and lack of sleep. But I can’t help but listen to those words that replay in my mind constantly.
Trust your gut.
“I don’t know what to do anymore. I know I need proof and there just hasn’t been any yet, so it’s literally driving me insane.”
She sighs “Give it time. Men are stupid, and they’re bound to slip up eventually. We woman always catch them even if it takes a while. Men think they won’t get caught, but they always do.” She swallows hard. “Trust me. I went through it.”
My eyes widen. “You did?”
Her lips pull together as she nods her head. “Yup, my first husband did a number on me.”
“Was it similar to my situation?”
She squeezes my hand. “Yes, but I don’t want you to think because my ex was the same way that yours is for sure cheating.
I had a lot of friends think the same thing after what I went through.
But turns out some men are really stressed and going through stuff.
They handle it way different then woman do. ” She shrugs.
She’s not the only one who suspects he might be cheating because of how he’s been acting. My hairdresser mentioned the same thing. But then again, Zay told me he’s been stressed lately. So, is Ashley, right? I’m so confused. I don’t know what to believe anymore.
The weight on my chest feels a little lighter as her words sink in.
“How did you catch your husband?”
She chuckles. “The idiot went out to lunch with her. Out in the open. One of my friends saw him, approached him, and he said she was a coworker.” She scoffs. “She called me right away, and I sped down there as fast as I could.”
“Damn. Did he try to play like she was a coworker?”
To my surprise, she giggles again. At least she can laugh about it now. If Zay is cheating, I know I have a chance to laugh about it after.
“She really was his coworker. But she’s the same coworker that slept with someone else in the office and broke up that marriage.”
I catch my breath.
“Yeah. He’d come home complaining about her—how the whole office had to lie to her husband, saying she was out with a client whenever he dropped by to take her to lunch.
In reality, she was off fucking another coworker.
” She shakes her head. “Her poor husband knew she was cheating. You could tell he was trying to catch her.”
“Oh my God, that’s awful.”
“Right. She breaks up one marriage and her own and then moves onto my husband.”
“Wow. There are no words for that kind of behavior.”
“He used to call her the slut of the office and then he ended up sleeping with her. To be honest, when I saw them together, I wasn’t as mad and hurt as I thought I would be.
It got to a point where I was so over the stress, overthinking everything while he denied it.
I finally felt relief once I saw them together. ”
“Really? Well, that’s good to know. What happened when you went to the restaurant?”
“All the words that I thought I would say to him once I had proof vanished. All I did was laugh in his face because I knew he wasn’t going anywhere with someone like that. Come on, she broke up two marriages before mine. I’m sure this wasn’t her first round of men, either.”
“That’s true. Did she say anything?”
She chuckles even harder this time, shaking her head.
“He denied their relationship in front her, which only pissed her off. Because he had told her he was going to leave me for her, and she had already been sick of waiting for him to leave me. So she ended their relationship right in front me and I divorced him.” She giggles.
“He was left with no one. It’s funny how that always happens. ”
I furrow my brows. “How what happens?”
“The ones that cheat think they’re on top of everyone else, living their best lives.
Then in the end, they’re left with nothing.
I got remarried, opened my business, had kids with my now husband.
I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and he’s now balding with a beer belly and hasn’t had a girlfriend since all that happened. ”
I wipe my eyes. A small laugh escapes me, thinking about how it all backfired on him. The more I replay it in my head, the harder it is to hold back my laughter. It’s almost pathetic how he thought he could hide things from her.
She’s right.
Woman always find out the truth sooner or later .
“You would never know that you went through all that. You’re always so cheerful,” I say, turning to her.
She tilts her head. “I wasn’t always like this. It put me in a dark place for a while.”
“How did you get through it?”
She raises her hands and waves them around the studio. “This. This was my sanctuary during it all. And come to think, I almost didn’t open it up.”
My eyes rise in surprise. “Really?”
She curls her lips together, nodding her head.
“Everything was going on when I was in the middle of opening the studio. Some days I couldn’t get out of bed, but I had no choice.
I was already knee deep into this. I would have lost out on so much money if I didn’t finish.
” She rests a reassuring hand on mine. “Don’t worry, if he is cheating, he will get his karma. They always do.”
“Was he mean to you all of the sudden?” I ask one last question because I still replay some of his random blowups in my mind, wondering what would cause it.
“Oh, yeah,” she says, nodding. “I couldn’t do anything right. I couldn’t even breath correctly or he would blow a fuse.”
Most everyone I talked to about this other than Rya have led me to believe he is cheating. I don’t want to have to try to find evidence. What married woman wants to find that? But at this point, it’s something I have to do.
She wraps her arms around me, pulling me close.
I sink into her, feeling a comfort I haven’t felt in a while.
It’s strange how something as simple as a hug can make the weight on my chest feel a little lighter.
For the first time in days, I feel like I’m not completely crazy.
Her hug reminds me I’m not alone in this.