Chapter 41
Violet: Hey, are you home?
I think it’s weird I haven’t heard from Rya. She didn’t text me back that night either—the same night Zayn went out with his friends and came home smelling like my perfume. I text her again to see what she’s doing. Hopefully she responds this time.
Rya: Yes! What's up?
Violet: Can I come over?
Rya: Of course. Sleepover?
Violet: Maybe.
The heat of the day fades as the sun dips.
A cool breeze sweeps through the air, bringing a sense of calm and relief after everything I’ve been feeling.
Having that talk with Ashley helped ease my mind in a way I can’t explain.
It made me feel like my feelings were being validated even if I don’t exactly know if Zayn is for sure cheating or not.
The sense of relief I feel now makes me not want to go home.
A home I once loved going to, where I felt safe and at peace with Zayn, now feels like anything but that.
It feels cold and empty now. The comfort I used to find in his presence now gives me tension.
I used to feel safe with him. Safe with my emotions.
Now it feels more like a place I’m trapped in, always wondering what the hell is going on with us.
Rya: Doors unlocked. Just walk in.
I haven’t talked to Rya in a while about everything.
Since I feel more validated with my feelings, I guess I feel more at ease coming and telling her what’s been going on.
I slide out of my car and walk into her house.
The lights are off, but the flickering lights of the TV illuminate the hallway.
The closer I get, the louder the sounds of the TV become.
“Hey,” I say as I round the corner into their living room. Rya and Ezra are curled up on the couch.
Rya sits up and pauses the movie. I’m kind of glad it’s dark because I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror. I’m not sure what I look like or if I look like I’ve been crying.
“Hi,” they both say together.
“What are you doing?” Rya asks.
I sit on the opposite end of the couch and cross my legs, facing them. “I didn’t feel like going home.”
Ezra's eyes squint in concern as he looks me over. Does he know if anything is going on? Zayn is his best friend. But I know Zayn has been going out with his friends he works with, not Ezra.
“What's going on? Are you and Zayn okay?” Rya asks.
I hesitate for a moment, unsure of how to explain everything.
My gaze drops to my hands in my lap as I try to gather the right words.
"I don’t know," my voice barely above a whisper. "He’s distant. We haven’t been talking much, and it feels like he’s pulling away from me. I don't know what's happening."
Rya and Ezra exchange a look, the silence between us thick. Rya shifts closer, her eyes softening with concern. "Have you talked to him about how you're feeling?"
I nod, but the knot in my throat tightens. "I have. But every time I bring it up, he either shuts down or gets defensive. I don’t know what to think anymore,” I say. I go on to explain how I think he might be cheating. Right after I tell them about the perfume situation, Rya’s eyes perk up.
“You might be overthinking this,” she says with a small grin. “He did prove that your perfume gets on his clothes.”
Ezra leans forward, his brow furrowed. "Have you considered maybe he's going through something and doesn't know how to talk about it?"
“Yeah, he’s probably just stressed.” Rya pouts her lips and waves her hand, dismissing my concern.
I bite my lip, glancing up at them both. “I don’t know. He’s been spending more time with his work friends." I look over at Ezra. “Has he said anything to you or do things feel off to you?” I ask, trying to make sense of everything.
Rya looks over her shoulder at Ezra in question.
Ezra shakes his head. “We really haven’t hung out much, just us two. Every time we do hang out, it’s with you guys.” He shrugs. “So I haven’t noticed anything.”
I let out a heavy sigh. "I don't know what it is. It almost feels like he doesn’t want to be around me.”
Rya reaches out and places a hand on my arm. "I can’t imagine how hard that must be. But trust me, I doubt he’s cheating on you."
I nod. Maybe he isn’t cheating on me after all. Maybe it’s not someone else, but it’s something else.
I’ve been gone all day, and he hasn’t even bothered to ask where I’ve been. He went out last night, came home late, and was still sleeping when I left this afternoon. And now, here I am at Rya and Ezra’s, avoiding going home, avoiding facing him.
Have I been wrong all along? Is it that he’s falling out of love with me? The thought tightens around my chest. That would make sense, wouldn’t it? The distance between us isn’t because of another person, but because I’m no longer the person he wants to be with. Him not coming home proves it.
I don’t know what’s worse: knowing that he might not be cheating but doesn’t love me anymore. But if he’s cheating, wouldn’t that mean he didn’t love me anymore? I’ve heard men cheat when they fall out of love with their wives. But I’ve also heard men cheat even when they love their wives.
Here I am, overthinking again. I can’t seem to stop. My mind races with all the things that could be going wrong, but I decide to try and push it all aside. I force myself to focus on The Devil Wears Prada playing on the TV.
Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as Rya settles back into Ezra’s arms. They fit together like two puzzle pieces.
Their closeness, the way they seem to be in their own world, makes a pang of longing for Zay.
I can’t help but think of Zayn and us. How it used to be with him.
The way he’d hold me, the way we’d fit together, like we were meant to be.
Ezra catches my gaze, and I shift my eyes back to the TV trying to avoid that I was staring at them.
The ache in my chest grows as I glance down at my hands, trying to ignore the quiet sadness that lingers.
I miss the comfort I used to feel in his presence.
I want that back. I want him back. But I’m not sure if that’s even possible, and I’m not sure why I would even want him if he is cheating on me.
Maybe it’s the comfort of someone I’m used to—not the actual comfort of my husband.
The warmth of a blanket settles over me.
A slight slit of my eyes opens. I watch as Ezra places a blanket over me, tucking me in.
It’s comforting to know he didn’t just leave me down here with nothing.
I watch as he turns the TV off and heads to his bedroom.
I open my eyes wider, adjusting them to the dark.
I’m all alone. Rya must have gone to bed.
I don’t remember finishing the movie. I must have fallen asleep right as I started paying attention to it.
I want to look to see if I have any missed calls or text messages from Zayn. But I also don’t want to be disappointed if I see nothing. Even if he does call or text me, I don’t think I would tell him I'm here. I’ll let him worry for once.