Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
EZRA
I watch as Violet drags her body upstairs. I’m sure she’s mentally drained, and it’s also causing her physical exhaustion. After what happened yesterday, finding the box of condoms, and Rya coming over, I would be exhausted too.
I want to say I can’t believe what Rya was saying, but sadly I can believe it.
She has always played the victim. It took me a while to understand that she always framed things to make herself seem like the victim.
I would even catch her doing it around Violet, and she sometimes fell for it.
Just like I did. I think Violet would drop it because sometimes that’s the best thing you can do when dealing with someone like that.
I feel bad for Vi. I can tell this is hurting her. She raises her head high when she is around them to show that she is not hurting, but I know deep down inside it hurts.
She’s human.
It’s only natural.
I, on the other hand, felt the pain while I was still with Rya.
Slowly, piece by piece, I was getting over her, over us.
She never even noticed. I could tell that much just by the way she acted as if she had no care in the world.
And when this last blow hit, it didn’t cut as deep.
What’s one more hit from the two people I once loved the most?
People can only endure so much before they become numb to other people’s actions.
I remember all the nights I stayed up worrying about my marriage and my friendship.
I always questioned whether it was me. Both Rya and Zayn would blow me off when I questioned it.
Zayn blew me off with not only our friendship but even when I went to him questioning my marriage.
Soon enough, I stopped going to them and sat back and watched everything play out.
Maybe if I had left Rya, this wouldn’t have happened. Violet wouldn’t be hurting like this.
But then would I have gotten a chance with her?
I’m an ass to think like that because all I want is for her to be happy.
But I want to be the one to give her that happiness.
I need to figure things out with her and see if what Rya said is true because it’s hard to believe what comes out of her mouth.
I’ve bitten my tongue long enough. I tried asking her before Rya had to make her unwelcome appearance.
I haven’t wanted to make things more confusing for Vi, so I’ve held off.
But I need to know. It’s not a want at this point; it’s a need, and if she needs me to step back, I will.
Once I reach Violet’s room, I see the bathroom door closed. I lightly knock. “Vi,” I say softly.
“Yeah?”
“Can I come in?” I hear water swishing around.
“Yeah.”
I twist the knob and walk in. The smell of vanilla swirls in the air. I catch sight of her rosy cheeks raised high, smiling at me.
“What?” I ask. I’m glad she’s smiling; it’s a change from the tears.
“I was so angry I put myself in the bath, and now I feel better.”
I chuckle as I slide down to the floor, leaning my back against the wall.
“Your mom was right. Bathing when you’re mad or sad helps a lot.”
I chuckle again, then smile and nod my head. “I’m glad it helps you.”
“When was the last time you took a bath?” she asks, while moving bubbles around with her hands so they’re not so close to her chin.
I shrug my shoulders. “Not since I was a kid.”
Her eyes widen in surprise. “Really?”
I nod, bringing my legs up to my chest and resting my arms on my knees.
“I thought this would be like…your thing or something?”
My lips turn downward. “The older I got, the less I thought of a bath.”
“Being with Rya seems like you would take a lot of baths.”
We burst into laughter, and the sound echoes through the bathroom.
I shift my gaze away from her, trying to build up the courage to ask her again.
“What’s wrong?”
In all the time Rya and I lived together, she never noticed when something was wrong. Yet in this short time, Vi can see it and sense it. Somehow it makes me feel seen in a way I haven’t felt in a long time. Or maybe ever.
I clear my throat. “When Rya said you confessed your feelings to her about liking me during our senior year…” I pause, my eyes locked on hers. She looks at me with a soft expression, as if she has been waiting for this moment. “Is that true?”
She nods. “Yes.”
I stare at her for a moment. My brain is still processing that she liked me. The words echo in my head. My chest tightens from the confusion of all my other questions.
“So you never knew?”
Her question pulls me out of my scattered thoughts back to the present and I shake my head. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
The bubbles move up from her shrugging her shoulders. “I thought you might not have felt the same way since we’re best friends and have known each other pretty much our whole lives.”
Her words hit me hard because all this time it could have been us. All these years were wasted on people that didn’t deserve us.
“Rya never told you?” she asks.
My forehead creases in confusion. “No. Was she supposed to?”
Her eyes roll as she nods her head. “Yes.”
Of course she was, and of course she didn’t, because Rya only thinks about herself. Even way back then.
“Violet,” I say softly, catching her beautiful brown eyes staring back at me. “I liked you too.”
Her eyes widen in shock. “What! You did?”
I nod again, still trying to process all the years that have gone by.
All the years we could have been together.
All the what-ifs that I buried deep inside.
The thought of it all aches heavy because now I can’t stop wondering what it would’ve been like if we had told each other back then. If we had been together all along.
“But…” She pauses and looks at me with her brows knit together. “I caught you sleeping with Rya.”
My head jerks back, shocked at hearing this. “When?”
“That weekend after graduation at Jordan’s lake house.”
My mind flutters back to that night.
All weekend I’ve been trying to find the courage to tell Violet how I feel.
It almost feels like this is my last chance since our senior year is over.
I know it’s not my last chance, but in a way it feels like it.
My feelings for her have always been there, and growing more over the years.
I had thought maybe I was confusing our friendship for romantic feelings, but our senior year enforced it even more when we started spending more time together.
I’ve always known.
Even when I was little and I met her down at the river.
It’s always been her. When I tried to date other people, my mind would drift to Violet.
I always compared the other girls to her.
It wasn’t fair to them, so I always ended up breaking it off.
I felt bad that a lot of guys never dared to date Violet and Rya because of Zayn and me.
We were so close people either thought we were together or that we would get in the way of them.
In a way, I liked it because I knew if she dated anyone I would get jealous.
I never dared tell Zayn how I felt towards her because I thought he would just laugh at it.
So I spun in my own thoughts year after year until now…
well, if I tell her. All weekend it seems like she’s been avoiding me, or every time I find her she’s talking and having a good time and I don’t want to take her away from it.
Jordan’s parents rarely care about what he does, so he invited the whole senior class to his family’s lake house in Idaho the weekend after graduation. Although more people showed up who aren’t in our class. There are a lot of faces I don’t recognize, unless I never noticed them before.
We told the girls not to go to bed alone and at least to tell us so we can all go to bed together.
Just in case, since everyone is drinking.
But last night all four of us slept in the same room, so I couldn’t tell her.
So tonight is my last night to tell her before we go home. Is it better to wait until we’re home?
Once again, I’m searching the house for her.
It’s the end of the night, and some people have gone to bed, making the house die down a little.
We’ve been drinking all weekend, eaten little to nothing, and haven’t slept more than a couple of hours.
Tomorrow we leave, and I know I’m going to have to drive us home, since I’m the most responsible out of Zayn and me.
I round the corner into the kitchen, and I find Vi taking a shot with some girl. Relief leaves my body knowing she’s not with some dude.
“Ez!”
My eyes perk up when she calls my name and waves me over.
“Come take shots with us.”
I probably shouldn’t, but I’m not saying no to her.
“What are we shooting?” I ask as I come up to the counter in front of her.
I eye all the empty bottles around us. Trash is scattered everywhere, and people left food out that is half eaten.
The sink is overflowing with dishes. This is pretty disgusting.
I feel bad for whoever has to clean this.
“Vodka,” she replies, raising a shot glass.
My face winces because it’s not my choice of liquor. “Vodka?”
“It’s the only liquor left.”
I nod my head, agreeing to the vodka. I’m not sure how all of us underage teenagers got so much liquor for the weekend. We must all have a friend of a friend; I know that’s how we got ours.
I grab the shot glass from Vi. All three of us raise our shot glasses and clink them together. I shoot it down, holding my breath so I don’t taste it as much. My face winces along with the girls.
I grab a Corona next to me and take a sip, trying to wash down the vodka. After that hits my throat, I look at it hoping it was one of theirs.
“Hey, Vi,” I say.
“Violet, let’s go play beer pong,” the girl says at the same time, grabbing her hand. “It looks like they’re starting a new game.” Our heads turn to the kitchen table as a couple of guys are setting it up. Before I turn back over to them, she’s rushing her off to the table.
I sigh to myself, grab a barstool, and sit and watch her like I’ve done all weekend. I finish the rest of the Corona and then I grab another and finish that off too.
The haze in my head thickens as the alcohol settles deeper.
My eyes roam the room, unfocused, searching for Zayn and Rya.
Zayn’s easy to spot slouched on the couch—laughing too loud with his arm stretched across the backrest as a couple of girls lean in closer.
I look away, scanning for Rya. Nothing. She’s nowhere in sight.
The alcohol settles more in my system and I stumble as I get up.
I decide to go lie down until they’re ready to go to bed.
I slowly make my way up the stairs then go from room to room looking for an empty bed. I find a small twin bed and lay down on it. The room is spinning, and I regret the last shot and beers I just had. We’ve been drinking all weekend. I’m going to have to detox myself once I get home.
Lifting my head at the creak of the door, I spot someone coming in. “Hey, this room is taken.”
“It’s me,” they whisper.
I push up onto my elbows and see Rya coming closer until she settles on the bed with me.
“Oh, hey. I was looking for you earlier and couldn’t find you.”
“Oh, really?” she asks seductively.
“Yeah. Zayn and Violet are still downstairs.”
She scoots further onto the bed, looking down at me as I rest my head against the pillow.
The slim light from outside filters in, enough for me to see her eyes are dark and heavy, locked on me.
Her lips curve upward as she tilts her head.
It feels like she’s drawing me in for something to happen.
Or is the alcohol messing with me? My head’s spinning, and I can’t tell if her “oh really” carried an edge to it.
I think it did, but maybe I’m just too drunk.
She lowers her lips to mine, brushing gently against my lips. My eyes squint trying to gain recollection if this is really happening? She lifts her head up and her face falls as she stares down at me in confusion.
“What’s wrong?”
I shake my head. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?”
My head is still spinning as I swallow the lump in my throat.
“I like you, Ez. I’ve always liked you.”
My heart sinks, and a heavy weight presses into my chest as the realization settles in.
Rya likes me? How did I never see it before?
And then Violet floods my thoughts. My stomach knots tighter and my heart sinks even further, because I know where my feelings truly lie.
I like Violet. I’ve liked her for longer than I’ve wanted to admit.
And yet here’s Rya, standing in front of me, confessing she likes me.
Rya swings one leg over me, straddling me as she bites on her lower lip.
“Rya,” I mumble, bringing my arms up to stop her from going any further.
“What?”
“What about Violet and Zayn?”
“What about them? They’re doing the same thing as us…unless you stop us from going any further,” she says with a slight smile, looking down at me.
My mouth parts, and my breath catches the second the words leave her mouth.
She likes someone else. The girl I’ve liked since I was a kid.
My chest tightens until it hurts to breathe.
How did I not see it? Did I miss something?
Every smile and laugh we’ve shared after school plays in my mind, and confuses me even more.
Rya leans up, staring down at me with a tilt of her head. “You didn’t know?”
“Didn’t know what?”
“That Violet likes Zayn.”
I shake my head, trying to hold back the anger. It’s my fault I waited so long to tell her how I feel. Even if she didn’t feel the same way, at least she would have known my true feelings.
If anyone would know where Violet’s heart really lies, it would be Rya. They’re best friends, and girls tell each other everything.
The hurt lingers, clinging to me and my unsteady body. My thoughts scatter like pieces of sharp glass, and before I can bring myself to think straight, warm lips press against mine. For a moment I’m stunned, frozen as the alcohol and confusion blend altogether.
Now I’m questioning everything—my thoughts, my friendship, Violet, and now Rya.
Our lips move together in a way that feels wrong, but the intoxication and hurt are consuming me.
My chest pounds as my emotions take over, pulling me in, and I give in.
I can’t tell if this is something I want or if the alcohol is making me believe I do.