Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
VIOLET
He avoids my gaze, and his shoulders slump low. “I never knew you saw us,” he says, as if the thought of me seeing that hurts him.
“If you liked me, why did you sleep with her?”
He snaps his gaze to me. I see his chest rise and fall, letting out a heavy sigh and shaking his head in disappointment. “She told me you liked Zayn.”
My stomach twists at his words. How could she?
My best friend. Was she this deceiving back then too?
My chest feels heavy knowing she knows everything about me.
Every piece of me I told her. Has she manipulated our friendship all these years to get what she wanted?
Or is what I wanted always what she wanted?
Like she couldn’t stand the thought of seeing me get what I want?
And now I’m realizing she lied to my face all those years ago when she told me Ezra said he liked her when she went to him to tell him my feelings.
The betrayal doesn’t come with a scream; it comes with a deep hollow silence because how much more can I hurt from all the betrayal. I’m numb to it all.
I shake my head at all the deceitful lies. “She told me you liked her when she went to talk to you about how I felt.”
I remember how twisted my stomach became when she told me.
Even though I saw them together, something about hearing those words made it all worse.
Like it made it all official. But I remember being confused because of the way Ezra and I interacted with each other.
The way we would both shy away from one another when we would lock eyes.
It made little sense. I thought it was just all in my head after she told me that.
But of course I put my feelings aside and let Rya be happy.
Sometimes I ask myself why I always put other people before myself. Look what it’s cost me.
“You got to be fucking kidding me? Has she been fucking playing us this whole time?” He releases his arms from his legs and straightens them in front of him. He lets out a huge huff before his head thumps back against the wall.
“But if you didn’t like her, why did you sleep with her?” I feel guilty asking because I slept with Zayn that night after finding them together. But I still want to know. I need to know if what I felt when we were younger wasn’t something I imagined.
He runs his hand down his face. “I don’t know.
I was drunk and Rya had told me you liked Zayn.
One minute we were talking and the next she was on top of me.
” He shakes his head. “I was young and dumb. I felt so guilty the morning after because I had feelings for you. Then I saw Zayn and you holding hands when we left, and my heart broke even more. But then I felt like a hypocrite because how could I feel that way when I had slept with her?” He says ‘her’ in a disgusted voice.
“Then Zayn told me you two slept together, and I knew after that I had no chance with you. I thought about it so many times and wondered why I did what I did. I questioned it all the time. But my actions and questions haunted me so much I finally had to let them go. Then one thing led to another with Rya and me. Then I saw you and Zay getting closer, so I just pushed my feelings for you away. Even now after all this started coming out, my guilt resurfaced. And now knowing you saw us.” He puts his head down in guilt. “My heart hurts even more.”
“Ezra.” He looks up at me with wounded eyes.
“Don’t feel guilty. I know how bad it can haunt you.
I slept with Zay that night, after I saw you two together.
” His eyes widen. “I was hurt and drunk too. So, I understand where you’re coming from when you question everything.
I did the same thing. It looks like Rya played us both and maybe even Zayn. Who knows at this point.”
I sit frozen as shock settles over me. For a second, I can’t even breathe, as if something punched the air out of me.
Now that the truth is finally revealed, it feels as if someone has ripped my whole life out from under me.
She was my whole life. All of them were.
Her, Zayn, and Ezra. If I weren’t so hollow inside, I would scream and cry.
Shock doesn’t even cover how all this feels.
It’s a deeper betrayal than I ever expected.
This truth is so sharp that it’s digging deeper than the lies ever did.
“When did you stop questioning everything?” Ezra asks.
My head tilts at his questions. I’m caught off guard with it because I’ve never really tried to look back at when I stopped questioning everything. “I don’t even know. Since I thought you liked Rya, I guess it was easier for me not to question Zayn and I so much.”
It is the truth. Life kept on happening, and I kept on moving forward with it. I never really regretted my decision with Zayn. Until now. Especially now, at this very second, knowing the whole truth.
“When did you stop questioning everything?” I ask.