Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
VIOLET
After the last few days, I feel so mentally and physically drained.
It was one thing after another. The truth bomb that happened last night should have set me off, but instead it settled deep down inside of me.
I don’t know what to think or how to feel anymore.
It’s been so much to process in such a short amount of time that my emotions don’t react anymore.
Back then, if Ezra had told me he liked me, it would have made my heart skip a beat or two, but last night I didn’t know what to think or feel.
It was all too much. I’m finally glad to know I didn’t imagine anything.
But then it made me pissed off at Rya even more.
But I also didn’t feel as heated as I thought I would be if this truth came out in a different situation.
Am I at the point where nothing fazes me anymore?
Ezra has always been there for me. Even now, he’s here when he’s also going through so much—always consoling me and making sure I’m okay.
And all this time he was silently hurting without us knowing.
It makes me sad to think he had to go through it alone.
I at least have him. What friends were we to him if we didn’t see him hurting?
Rya and Zayn are out of the question with that.
But me? How did I not see it? Am I that fucking blind?
I didn’t see it when we were seniors. Well, I thought I did, but stupid Rya influenced me in the wrong direction.
Has she always been a blinder to me, where I can’t see anything for myself? Fuck, how sad is that if that’s true.
I felt like calling Ashley and asking her if these feelings are normal. But she’s a busy person, and I don’t want to bug her out of nowhere for her to explain my poor feelings to me.
I’m walking outside a strip mall looking for stuff to buy myself, unsure of what I’m going to get.
I thought whatever I saw would speak to me.
Following Ashley’s advice, I took myself out shopping.
I haven’t been in a while and today felt like a good day to go.
And it’s a nice day; it’s not too hot or too cold.
The birds are chirping in the distance. The days are getting cooler.
We can finally step outside and not have the sun burn our skin in a matter of seconds.
I love this time of year—when the mornings are crisp and the day is cool.
Even though I feel so drained, there is some sort of ease running through my body. I’m not sure if it’s because of the nice day or all the truth that has finally come out.
After a couple of hours of shopping, I head for my car and call it a day. I bought new pajamas, skincare, and body care. I think if the whole routine Ashley did helped her, it might help me.
I halt my steps as I pass an empty building.
I look over my shoulder and see two empty glass display cases.
I squint harder as I look through the windows.
Tables and chairs are piled up against the walls.
Empty chalkboard menus hang tall against the back walls.
There is an ‘order here’ on one side of the display cases and a ‘pickup here’ on the other side.
I take a few steps back and look up above the front door.
Black bold letters say Divine Bakes. I squint my eyes looking back inside, confused why I’ve never heard of this place before.
It looks like it’s been closed for some time now.
It must have been a bakery at one point.
Now dust is building up. I turn back around and look at my surroundings.
So many people are walking around the strip mall, going from one store to the next, and I don’t see many food places.
I’ve never entertained the thought of opening a bakery.
It only came to mind when Haley and Zayn would bring it up.
Haley said that her husband helps small businesses.
I huff at myself. Like she’s going to want to help me now after that whole mess.
I haven’t even received any orders from her.
I used to get at least one a month from her.
She was my best customer. Not only that, but she would hype me up so much.
Every time I doubted myself, one of her orders would come in and my doubt would disappear.
I didn’t know her well, but something about her encouraging words always kept me going.
I take down the realtor’s number. It won’t hurt to call and at least see what’s going on with the place.
After getting all my bags in the car, my phone buzzes. My stomach swirls with butterflies once I see “Mom” on my screen. I haven’t talked to her yet or told her anything. Part of me didn’t want to ruin their vacation.
“Hi, Mom,” I say as I get myself seated in the car.
“Hi, honey.” The sound of her voice seems off.
“What’s going on?”
I hear whispering in the background. No doubt that’s my dad. Am I on speaker?
“Oh nothing. Your dad and I decided to end our night a little early. We’re here in our Airbnb settling in and thought we would call you since we haven’t heard from you in a while. How is everything going?”
Now I know for sure I’m on speaker. “Hi, Dad,” I say, still trying to understand the concerned voice on the other line. Usually, my mom’s voice is full of excitement. She and my dad jump from place to place. Something they’ve been saving up for when they retire.
“Hi, sweetie.”
“Where are you now?”
“Spain,” they both say.
Oh, how nice it would be to run away out of the country. Far away from here.
“Nice. How is it over there?”
“Oh, it’s beautiful, you and Zayn—” He cuts himself off and then I hear whispering.
My heart drops even further into this hollow hole that Zayn and Rya have dug nicely for me. They know something. Did he call them?
“What are you two not saying?”
My mom clears her throat. “Well, we got an upsetting phone call from Zayn yesterday.”
My head falls back against the seat. What now? What more can he do?
I let out a heavy sigh, lifting my head back up. “And?” I ask.
“Umm, well, he told us some disturbing…” She pauses.
“Mom, just say it.”
“He told us you and Ezra are sleeping together.”
I stay silent on the phone, not knowing what to say.
My head falls back against the seat. I exhale a shaky breath.
Another fucking blow. My chest tightens, pressing down until it’s hard to breathe.
How much more is there? How much more can I take?
Every time I think I’ve reached the end, he does something else.
“Violet, we didn’t raise you to treat someone like this,” my dad says.
Oh my god. I want to scream so badly. I don’t even know where to begin. What do I say? How do you tell your parents your husband is a lying piece of shit that cheated on their daughter?
“Violet,” my mom says. “Is this true?”
“No, Mom, it isn’t. That piece of shit cheated on me. And guess with who. Rya.”
I hear them both gasp.
“That motherfucker,” my dad says.
“When did this happen?” Mom asks.
“It started on our birthday trip we all took to Vegas.”
I hear shuffling in the background. “What do you mean it started? It was more than once?” Dad asks.
“Yes. It lasted a couple of months, and then I found out.”
“Oh, honey. How are you? How’s Ezra?” my mom asks, her voice laced with hurt.
I look out my window and watch as cars pull in and out of the lot.
People are walking into the stores as if it’s a normal day.
When will my days be normal again? It’s strange how the world keeps moving while mine feels like it’s on fire.
It’s hard to dig myself out of this fire when it keeps being lit.
The sun blazes high above, glaring through the windshield, burning against my skin.
Sweat beads at my temples, my body already hot from everything running inside me.
The heat presses down, making my already pounding pulse throb even harder.
It’s like the sun itself is mocking me, reminding me that there’s no escaping this dumpster fire.
“I don’t know how to feel anymore. Zayn won’t leave me alone, hence why he called you two to cause more drama that he started. It’s like he’s pissed at me for not going back to him, so now he’s trying to destroy everything and make me look like the bad guy.”
“That motherfucker. When I see him, I’m going to shove my fist so far down his fucking mouth he won’t be able to speak another word about you.”
I giggle under my breath at my dad’s words. I wish he were here to knock some sense into this dumbass.
“Is that why Ezra is living with you? He told us Ezra was living there and that you two kicked him out?”
“Jesus Christ. When did he say we kicked him out?” I ask.
“Last night.”
“Ugh.” I groan. “He is seriously making my life a living hell. He left on his own free will after I found out about him and Rya. This was about a month ago. And now he’s pissed off that I won’t take him back and Ezra is living with me. Now he’s starting even more drama.”
“I always knew that motherfucker was a drama queen,” I hear my dad say in the background.
I’m kind of taken aback by his words. Was I the only one blinded by him?
My mom clears her throat. “It’s the guilty ones who always act out like that.”
“I know. All Ezra and I are doing is trying to move on. If it weren’t for him, I would be a bigger mess than I am. He’s been helping me through all this. So I asked him to move in with me since he didn’t want to stay at his place he shared with Rya.”
“Oh my. Why didn’t you tell us when all this happened? We would have canceled our trips and come home to be there for you.”
Sometimes I wish I weren’t an only child.
In times like these, I could fall back on someone.
I guess that’s why I cherished my relationship with my friends so much because they were like siblings to me.
Sometimes I would watch them with their siblings, and I wished I had that.
But my wishes turned into reality with my friends.
“I don’t know. I was so hurt and confused I didn’t know where to turn.”
I hear shuffling in the background and my dad saying, “I’m going to fuck this motherfucker up.”
“We can still cancel our trips and come home to be with you.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“Are you sure?” Dad yells over the phone.
“Yes, Dad. You two enjoy your retirement. I’m fine. Really. Ezra has really been there for me.”
“He was always such a good kid,” Dad says.
My mind swirls with confusion, and before I think, I blurt out. “Did you two always know Zayn was a piece of shit?”
Silence erupts over the phone. My dad must have stopped shuffling his feet, and my mom is speechless.
“He wasn’t always bad. At times, we did question him. And you two,” my mom says softly, and in a tone I know she’s using to try not to hurt my feelings.
What? Why am I only hearing about this now?
The thought circles in my head, making me dizzier than I already am with my life.
Maybe it’s because I wouldn’t have listened to anyone back then.
I can admit that much. But still…no one said a damn word.
Not a single person thought of telling me.
The realization hits deep. I feel like a stranger in my own life.
I go on and tell my parents everything. Except for the part of Ezra and me sleeping together. I’m not sure what they would think about that. By the time I end the call, they’re both pretty upset and wanted to go take a walk before bed to calm themselves down.
And when I get home, all I can do is crawl into bed and curl up beneath the covers.
The silence is heavy, and before I know it, more tears are slipping down my cheeks.
I thought I was past this, too numb to cry anymore.
Too numb to feel. But here I am, again, breaking.
Every time something good happens, it comes crashing down.
I was so happy and content today. Even finding the closed bakery made me look ahead in the right direction.
But now that feels like he will ruin it.
I know I shouldn’t let him have this much power over me.
But how can I stop it when he keeps digging my grave?