Chapter Sixteen #2
She cut him off. “And my children,” she said.
“I know you think that simply because you will be a duke someday, that you can control their destinies, but that is not entirely true. People will look upon you with respect, but they will not want to marry their sons to the daughters of your concubine. And that is the reality of it. I cannot do that to my children, Trenton. I cannot be selfish at their expense.”
Trenton’s face were starting to pale as he received an answer from her that was not the one he was expecting.
“Your father told you to say all of this,” he finally hissed. “He has convinced you that what we feel for one another is wicked.”
Lysabel shook her head. “It was not my father,” she said.
“I am sure he has said to you what he has said to me, and he has only spoken about what is morally right in this situation. This is about honor, Trenton – mine, my children’s, my family’s, and even yours.
If damaging our honor is my decision to make, then I choose not to do it.
I cannot let my selfishness ruin lives.”
Trenton couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He put his hands to his head and turned away from her for a moment, trying to process what she was saying. The problem was that it all made sense; nothing she had said was untrue. But that wasn’t what he wanted.
He was becoming desperate.
“If honor is what you worry over, then come with me,” he muttered. “Come with me and we shall flee to France, or Aragon, or Austria. We will go where no one knows us and you will be my wife, and Cissy and Cinny will be our children. We will start a new life together.”
He was grasping at the last vestiges of hope, trying to find a solution to a situation he very much wanted to end in his favor. But as much as Lysabel wanted to, she couldn’t agree with him.
“The more you beg, the more painful this is going to be,” she said, tears glittering in her eyes.
“I will not leave my family behind, not even for you. Think about what you are saying, Trenton. Would you really leave your father? Your mother and your brothers? I do not think you would. I know I would not. Trenton, we have shared something I have never known before and I am certain I will never know again. We have shared love and joy as God intended it. I have given you my heart and it is yours to keep, for always. But I cannot go with you. You must understand that.”
Trenton’s breathing was starting to come in rapid pants as he began to see the future he wanted being destroyed right before his eyes.
“God, no,” he said. “Please do not tell me this. Please do not tell me that this is not something you want, too.”
Lysabel took a deep breath, struggling to keep her composure. She had to look away from him, unable to stand the pain in his expression.
“I want it,” she whispered. “With all my heart, I do. But it cannot be.”
“Lysabel, please…”
“Go, Trenton. Please go. Do not make this worse by begging.”
He was standing a few feet away, looking at her lowered head.
His entire body was twitching with emotion, fury and disappointment and grief like he’d never known.
He felt gutted, as if everything inside of him was bleeding out all over the floor, the life draining out of him as Lysabel turned her back on him.
It was the worst thing he had ever experienced.
He couldn’t walk away.
“If I have to beg, I will,” he said hoarsely. “Anything worth having is worth fighting for, and I believe our love is worth fighting for. Don’t you?”
She was starting to weep, unable to hold back the anguish. “It was something that was never meant to happen in the first place,” she said tightly. “How can we fight for something that would hurt other people? Is that the right thing to do?”
“It is what I want to do!”
She whirled to him, tears on her face. “Then you are fighting alone,” she said, “for I will not fight for something that would hurt so many. And I cannot believe you would want to hurt others, too. I must believe that, because if you are truly so selfish, then I want nothing to do with you. Do you hear me? If you would knowingly shame everyone we love, then you are not worthy of me!”
Her last words were hissed and Trenton’s head snapped back as if she’d physically slapped him. Her harsh words had just as much impact. He just stood there, staring at her, hardly able to breathe through the force of his emotion. Swallowing hard, he took a step back.
“Mayhap you are right,” he rasped. “I am not worthy of you because I am willing to forsake everything simply to be with you. I do not care who I hurt, as long as we are together. If that offends you, then I am sorry. But mayhap in years to come, you will reflect kindly on a man who loved you so much that he was willing to give up everything.”
With that, he turned on his heel, heading for the garden gate and feeling tears sting his eyes. But he didn’t give in to them; he was too hurt and shattered for that. What he felt went beyond tears.
“Trenton,” Lysabel called after him.
He paused before he came to the gate, but he didn’t turn to look at her. He was afraid of what would happen if he did. “What is it?”
She didn’t answer right away. Trenton remained where he was, facing the garden gate, when he heard the gravel crunch behind him.
Startled to realize that she was now standing behind him, he kept his face away from her, closing his eyes tightly because he didn’t want to see her.
Instead, he felt a small, warm hand slip into his.
“I love you,” she whispered. “Until the end of all things, I will love you and only you.”
She squeezed his hand, once, and then she was gone. He heard her footfalls as she ran the other direction, heading for the small gate the led into the keep. He heard the gate open and then crash shut, the iron hinges squealing.
After that, there was complete silence in the garden except for the sounds of the bailey on the other side of the wall. The sun was down completely now and the servants had all gone inside, leaving Trenton standing alone in the dark.
It was fitting, he thought, that his love for Lysabel first started here and now, it had ended here. Only it wasn’t ended; it would never be ended. He was tied to her as surely as the stars were tied to the heavens.
Covering his face, he wept.