Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
FINN
“Did you have a fire last night?” Jude scans my disheveled appearance as I move toward the bar in the brewery. The late afternoon sun filters through the floor-to-ceiling windows, lending a warm glow to everything in sight.
The benefit of my brother owning this place and being the head brew master is I get to drink all the free beer I want.
And I need it right now.
Jude reaches for a glass and places it under one of the taps, then sets the honey brown ale in front of me.
Nodding my thanks, I take a sip, hoping to find some clarity.
Although, I doubt anyone’s ever found much clarity at the bottom of a glass of beer.
Still, I’m willing to try anything.
I’ve been thinking about Genevieve’s list all damn week. Every time I recall the names on it, a knot forms in my chest. At first, I told myself it was just the idea of her going through something so big alone that unsettled me.
I know better.
It’s not just the thought of her being alone. It’s the idea of some guy who doesn’t deserve her stepping up when I know I could.
When I know I should .
“I’ve been off,” I tell my brother as he leans against the back counter, folding his arms over his chest.
Despite it being only a little after five on a Thursday, the taproom is packed with people hoping to taste one of the beers he’s famous for. And not just in our small town, but all over the west coast and the rest of the country.
And I get to reap the benefits.
“Working a twenty-four tomorrow, though,” I add when he remains silent, his blue eyes scrutinizing me.
“Then…”
“You ever feel like you’re about to do something that could either be the best or dumbest thing you’ve ever done?”
“Every damn day,” he replies with a low chuckle. “What’s on your mind, Finn?”
“I’m thinking about offering to help Genevieve have a baby,” I blurt out before I can stop myself.
I’ve been wanting to talk to someone about this since Genevieve first told me her plan. As close as I am to the other guys at the fire department, this is a bit of a personal topic, especially for Genevieve. I’ve always been close to my family. I just hope my brother can help me navigate the warring thoughts in my head.
After a beat of stunned silence, he says, “I’m going to need you to back up and tell me what you mean.” He grabs a glass and heads to the row of taps, filling it and taking a sip, which surprises me. He normally doesn’t drink while he’s working.
I guess this conversation warrants an exception.
“She wants a baby, but after her divorce, she has absolutely no desire to date,” I explain. “She’s decided to have a baby on her own.”
“So…what?” He tilts his head. “You’d provide a sample?”
“Not exactly.” I tip back my glass and take several large gulps, downing half of my beer in order to steel myself for where this conversation is headed.
“But…” He furrows his brows in confusion before the realization dawns on him, his eyes going wide. “She’s going for a more…natural approach.”
“It’s a mistake, isn’t it?” I ask.
“I didn’t say that. I just…” He trails off, seemingly having difficulty wrapping his head around this bomb I just dropped. “How did this come about?”
“She’s been looking into her options, but her insurance only covers certain things. And they require her to go through six rounds of IUI before they’ll even consider covering IVF.”
“What’s IUI?”
“Intra-uterine insemination.”
“Right.”
“Her insurance has a high deductible she needs to meet before they’ll cover anything. Even then, they’ll only cover the procedure, not the donor vial. And each vial can cost about two grand.”
Jude spits out his beer, his reaction similar to mine when I learned this. “Damn. Maybe I should donate sperm.”
“I said the same thing.” I chuckle, grateful for the break in tension, regardless of how brief. “But the chances of getting pregnant with IUI are only slightly better than going the natural route, so she’d have to spend upwards of fifteen grand just to be eligible for IVF. Then there are all the shots.”
“Shots?” He arches a brow.
“Yeah. She’ll have to stab her ass or thigh or something with a fucking needle for two weeks.” I don’t tell him how I learned all of this. That I’ve spent the past few days researching everything about IUI and IVF in the hopes of giving myself some direction about what to do.
It hasn’t.
If anything, it’s only confused me more.
“All for the chance to have a baby?” Jude remarks.
“For some people, it’s the only way they can have a baby. But…”
“Yes?”
“She doesn’t have fertility issues, so it’s possible…”
“For her to conceive naturally,” he finishes.
“She has a fucking list.”
“A list?”
“Of potential baby daddies.”
“At least you made the first cut,” he offers with a smile.
“That’s the thing…” I tilt back my beer and guzzle the rest of it. “I didn’t.” I slam my glass onto the counter, a renewed ache forming in my chest over the thought.
I shouldn’t care. It shouldn’t matter that my name was nowhere to be found on that list. Hell, my name shouldn’t have been on that list.
But it stings.
“What do you mean?” He grabs my glass and refills it.
“I’m her best friend and I wasn’t on the goddamn list.”
“Maybe she doesn’t want to do anything to ruin your friendship.” He slides me a fresh beer. “If she’s going to be a single mom, she’ll need to lean on people for support. She’ll need to lean on you for support.”
“And I told her I’d give her all the help she needs. Changing diapers. Midnight feedings. Whatever. But to learn she’s okay with taking DNA from Mitchell Brighton? Or…or fucking Thomas Hubert? I’m sorry, but I think my DNA is infinitely better. I doubt they’ve got the swimmers to seal the deal.”
“There’s no guarantee yours are any better.”
“My swimmers are just fine. I had them tested.”
This additional piece of information causes Jude to spit out his beer yet again, leaving him momentarily speechless.
“You’re serious about this. Aren’t you?” he asks softly.
I run a hand down my face. “I don’t know. One minute, I’m convinced it’s a horrible idea. The next, it doesn’t seem so bad. We get along great. We practically live with each other as it is. She trusts me, and if she’s going to try to get pregnant naturally, shouldn’t trust be the most important factor? Or am I crazy for even thinking about this?”
“I don’t think you’re crazy. I think you’re a good friend. Gen’s lucky to have you.”
He places a hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze before pulling back and leaning against the back of the bar.
“Look, I’m not going to tell you what to do here. If you’re this worked up over it, you probably already know what you want. You’re just looking for someone to give you permission. There’s only one person who can do that.” He narrows his gaze on me. “And I’m looking at him.”