Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
FINN
I know something’s wrong the second I walk into Genevieve’s house.
She smiles as she greets me, but it’s not the kind that makes her eyes light up.
It’s the one you give when you’re barely holding yourself together.
When you’re terrified everything is about to fall apart.
“Hey,” I say, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.
She lets me, but there’s no heat behind it. No urgency. No need. It’s brief, distant, like she’s already slipping away.
Normally, the second I step through her door, she’s on me, kissing me like I’m the air she needs to breathe. Tonight, she keeps her distance, crossing her arms and erecting a barrier between us.
A wall.
That single action sends a cold shiver of worry through me.
“Are you okay?” I rake my gaze over her frame, studying her demeanor.
When she hesitates, like she’s about to tell me something important, my pulse immediately kicks up.
I try to do the math in my head. Since we stopped staring at a calendar, I haven’t really kept track of her cycle. Could she be pregnant?
The idea doesn’t just shake me. It fucking wrecks me.
Because somewhere along the way, this stopped being about a baby.
It became about her.
About us.
About the way I feel when I’m with her. The way she looks at me like I’m the only person in the world who truly sees her. The way my entire goddamn existence revolves around her, even if she doesn’t realize it.
If she’s pregnant, that means this arrangement has reached its expiration date.
Unless she wants more.
Unless she wants me .
I don’t know if she does. She hasn’t done anything to indicate she wants our arrangement to continue.
But she hasn’t done anything to indicate she wants it to end, either.
That uncertainty is why I haven’t told her how I feel. If I say it out loud, if I put my heart in her hands, she might not want it. She might decide this was all temporary, that I was only a means to an end.
If that happens, if I lose her completely, I don’t think I can survive.
I convinced myself I’d rather have something than nothing at all. But now? I’m not so sure.
“Just had a rough day at work,” she says finally, smoothing a piece of hair behind her ear. “The HVAC went out, so the library was sweltering. On top of that, some moms are making a fuss about certain books.” She rolls her eyes. “Apparently, if a book includes characters that aren’t white and straight, it automatically makes it obscene.”
Her words are frustrated, but her tone is off.
There’s something beneath the surface, something she’s not saying. Maybe she really did have a shit day, but my gut tells me there’s more to it.
“Anything I can do?” I ask.
A flicker of something crosses her face, but she shakes it off. “I just… I don’t know. I need to get out of my own head.”
I step closer, brushing my knuckles along her jaw. “Then let me help.”
She hesitates again, but when I duck my head, kissing the soft skin beneath her ear, I feel her shiver.
“Helping you get out of your head is my specialty,” I murmur, my lips skimming her throat. “Let me make you feel good.”
“Finn.” She grips my face, forcing my eyes to hers.
As she stares deep into my gaze, I get the feeling she’s about to push me away. Give me the red light for the first time since we started sleeping together.
Then she slams her lips against mine.
Over the past several months, I’ve kissed this woman countless times. And each kiss has ignited something deep inside of me. Something I didn’t think possible.
But this kiss… This kiss feels different in a way that puts me on edge.
Genevieve pushes me down the hallway, her lips never leaving mine until we reach the bedroom. She tugs at my t-shirt, and I willingly let her rip it over my head, both of us frantically undressing like we’re running out of time.
Once there’s not a single scrape of fabric between us, I lower her onto the bed, my lips wandering along the contours of her body, desperate to taste every inch of her. But before I can, she stops me and forces me onto my back.
Without saying a single word, she wraps her fingers around my erection and straddles me. Her eyes remain locked on mine as she lowers herself onto me, enclosing me in her warmth.
Bliss washes over me, fire heating my veins. Not just from the feel of her, but how damn beautiful she looks as she succumbs to her own desires.
She curves closer, her lips finding mine as she slowly circles her hips, her pace torturously slow.Normally, we go at it like animals, hard and fast, fucking each other until we’re completely spent.
It’s never been like this before. Never been filled with something I’m not quite sure how to describe. But I don’t care about that right now. I stay in the moment with her, our eyes glued to each other as she sensually moves her body against mine.
I want to tell her how I feel. I want to say those three little words. Want to lay my heart bare and hope she doesn’t shatter it.
But I don’t.
Because if she doesn’t feel the same, I won’t just lose my best friend. I’ll lose everything.
Instead, I hold on to her.
To this.
To the illusion that she’s mine.
Even if it’s only for tonight.
“Finn,” she moans, increasing her motions, her body tightening around me, making it clear she’s on the brink of falling over the edge.
As much as I want to prolong this, I’m powerless when it comes to Genevieve and her needs.
“Wait for me. I want to come with you.”
She simply nods, holding my gaze as we chase our bliss, both of us trembling and shaking through one of the most intense experiences of my life.
And when she collapses against me, her body warm and soft, I let myself believe that maybe she won’t slip away.
That maybe I haven’t already lost her.
But how can I lose something I never had to begin with?