CHAPTER 17
MATT
I thought I was a responsible adult who had an unprecedented amount of self-control.
But here I was proven wrong by folds of a curvy ass.
If temptation came in a pair of boy shorts, I was being tested…
And I failed.
A big fucking F.
It had been two weeks since that day, and ever since then, I’d kept my contact with her minimal. At times, I didn’t like seeing the smile fall from her lips when I didn’t answer her questions or didn’t linger much in her presence.
All I wanted to do was sit there and watch her talk, but it wouldn’t be for the best.
“Morning, Matty.” Sierra beamed, spinning around to a sight that was even more beautiful.
Her eyes and her smile.
I gave her a stiff nod, mumbling, “Morning,” as I got to the fridge to retrieve my glass of coffee, which was almost always waiting there for me. Something in my heart tugged, knowing every morning she made it for me.
My fingers clutched tight around my glass, forcing down the moan as a burst of sweetness hit me.
“I’m going to go get ready now,” she announced in an overly excited voice before she rushed out.
Sierra Chan was a lot of things, but she was the worst liar in the world.
I watched her enough to know that her eyes always darted around the room at lightning speed whenever she lied. I also picked up that she hated routines, so much so that she never followed them.
Except on every Monday through Friday.
Like clockwork, she would leave the apartment exactly at nine and return exactly at three, not a minute early or late.
And today was a Friday, and it was eight forty-eight now.
I knew classes followed a strict timing, but weren’t there other factors that could influence her timing? Maybe she took a train or a bus that dropped her exactly at that time.
But something made me question if she even went to the campus for her summer classes because the other day, I volunteered to drop her off at Morningside Heights because the band had a meeting that way, and she outright blinked at me, blinked like a flutter of a feather flying in the sky which I found adorable as fuck, but she had no clue what was Morningside Heights. But after knowing that was where Columbia was, she gave me the most clueless excuse while she came up with a spurt of lies that even a stupid man wouldn’t believe.
It wasn’t just that. What piqued my curiosity more was her Saturdays.
Every Saturday morning exactly at ten, she would walk out of her room, dressed in a black attire that molded to her skin and curved along her figure in all the right places. Her tight high-waisted black skirt showcased her thick legs clad in stockings, and her fucking crop top that always had some pop of color stopped just below her breasts, showing off a slither of bare skin around her waist that no man should ever be allowed to see.
Her makeup was expertly done, highlighting the gold in her hazel eyes and the fullness of her pouty lips.
But the fucking ribbons plaits framing her face? Those fucking got to me all the time.
I want to unravel them slowly, one by one, till those beautiful dark caramel waves cascade into untamed strands of silk.
But more things about her didn’t make sense.
Like the other day, we were watching some animal documentary, and they mentioned a frog had three heart chambers, and that fascinated her so much that she had a conversation with her brother, who for some reason knew more than she did, while she had a clueless expression on her face. She didn’t even know the heart had chambers and found it to be romantic for some weird reason.
I got that she wasn’t into biology, but wouldn’t any biology student know that fact? She was accepted into an Ivy League college. Not anyone could do that.
I didn’t give a damn about other’s business, but the more she did, the more it didn’t add up.
It was almost as if… as if she had secrets—secrets that she didn’t want anyone to know.
Especially me.
I knew because the abrupt halt to her conversation with her brother whenever I walked in paired with the wide-eyed look gave her away easily.
They were both hiding something, something about her, though, because Raphael was as serious as it came when he was immersed in his music, and he spent most of the time in the studio.
What could it be?
“Bye, Matty.” Sierra waved goodbye as she came bolting in with a little too much eagerness, wearing a worn-out hoodie and faded jeans. “I’ve gotta go now. Classes and all.”
The time on the oven flashed 8:59.
“Bye,” I replied in a monotonous tone.
A flicker crossed her eyes as some of her sparkle dulled, but she masked it with a smile as she nodded and hurried away.
I inhaled sharply as I watched her leave. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the fire fading from her eyes.
Fucking hell , I cursed myself, I can’t believe I’ve put myself in this unbelievable position.
Why the fuck was a pair of hazel eyes fucking me up like this?
I sighed, exiting the kitchen after washing my glass like I’d watched Sierra do. I secretly cleaned all the dishes before she could wake up. I just didn’t like those pretty fingers doing hard labor.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
You shouldn’t be thinking that way, Matt.
I headed straight to shower off my workout sweat because I had another important appointment in thirty minutes.
Today was my off day from the studio because Raphael had a vocal class this morning and told me he would be spending his afternoon writing, so I promised someone I’d make it to game this morning rather than our usual evening session.
To be honest, it wasn’t just in the evenings. Whenever I was free, I found my hand going straight to my phone and texting to see if she was free. And she almost always was except for every Saturday when she told me she had an important family meeting.
I didn’t know why she lied because I was aware that a gaming tournament was happening in the city. There was an event every Saturday, and I knew for a fact that she was participating in it.
Sierra had occupied my real life, my virtual one was engrossed with Luna. With whom I seemed to be spending a little too much time than necessary, sharing with her things I shouldn’t be sharing.
I thought gaming was my escape, but now Luna had become my escape.
I had no fucking clue how two women in my life had me in a chokehold in a matter of days when no one’s even attempted to get their fingers around my neck my entire life.
“Hey, Matty.” Her beautiful voice came through the headphones just as I hit call after a quick shower and ate the pancakes Sierra left for me. Something squeezed my gut to think Luna’s voice was beautiful when I thought the same for Sierra. It felt like I was cheating on my firecracker even though I technically wasn’t.
My firecracker?
Hell, what was I even saying?
Sierra is not yours, Matt.
And she can never be.
All these confused feelings and staying away from her were messing with my head, and it only got more annoying as the days passed.
“Hey,” I murmured back.
“You’re in a mood today, but then you’re always in a mood.”
“I’m not.”
“Oh but you are,” she teased, and something about that tone hit a familiar note.
“You don’t know that.”
“Of course, I don’t… I mean, how would I? It’s not like I live with you or anything. I just heard a peculiar frustration in your voice.”
“Sure you did,” I mumbled, and the game opened, landing on the loading screen.
“Are you uhmm…” She faltered. “Still upset about him ?”
I inhaled. “No, it’s not about that. And it’s not about anything else. I’m perfectly fine.” Like a fool, I told her about Truman. Not everything but just the bits I shared with Sierra.
I didn’t know what came over me. Maybe it was her insistence to know why I didn’t say a word that day, or it was the way she asked me in her sweet voice, but I told her. But not just that, I told her I played the drums, I told her I liked caramel, and I told her l lived in New York.
Like a sappy fool, the privacy I spent years protecting and shielding crumbled like a castle in the middle of a war zone.
Just for a girl with a honey voice and another girl with honey specks in her eyes.
Maybe something was terribly wrong with my head, and I needed to get it checked.
“Okies, let’s play. I hope you’re ready, Matty, because we’re going to show them who’s the boss today,” she squealed, and my lips twitched.
And like a sucker, I followed her every command while she spoke like a bullet train from Japan. It was hard for me to concentrate with the game’s sound effects and the clash of her keyboard.
But I didn’t want to miss a word.
I never wanted to miss a word she said.
“Hell yeah, losers!” she shouted just as victory splashed across our screen for the tenth time in a row, and even though we won every single match, every game with her was an exhilarating rush. Not because of the game but because of her.
“Matty, as much as I hate to do this, I gotta go now,” Luna groaned. “I have practice in a few.”
I nodded absentmindedly. “Of course, Sierra.”
“K, bye, Matty.”
A beep went through the line before silence ensued.
And it was only then I realized I’d called her Sierra, and she never corrected me.
Right at three, the front door flung open, and Sierra walked in almost as if she was waiting right outside the door for the clock to hit three. Hmm, maybe I should take a peek at my door camera.
“Hey,” she mumbled in a tired voice as she swung her small backpack onto the couch, which bounced and landed on the floor. But it didn’t seem to bother her as she crashed herself into it next. Thankfully, she didn’t bounce off the floor.
You seem tired, I wanted to say, but I kept my mouth shut.
“Wait, are those my Cheetos?” She shot the question to her brother, who was currently sitting on the floor with his guitar, scribbling lyrics on his torn-edge notebook that he always seemed to be carrying around. He also had a bowl of Cheetos sitting in front of him.
I wasn’t much for songwriting—that job went to Lan and Emmie—but I pitched in my input here and there with the composition. Raphael didn’t need much help. He had a good ear and fantastic taste.
I was never telling him that, though, because the kid already had too much arrogance dumped in his head.
Although, it was good to be arrogant in this industry. As long as he was humble and kind, which he was.
When I wasn’t recording or spending studio time with Raphael, I’d been listening to a lot of demos and scouring the internet for some fresh sounds, but till now, I had no luck.
Finding talent was a process, and I wasn’t rushing it.
Raphael shrugged, not even sparing a glance at his sister.
“Really?” she whined. “That was my last bag! I’m going to murder you. Write this down. Today is the day you die, Raphael Rui Chan.”
“Like you can even try, Sierra Daisy Chan.” Raphael poked a tongue at her.
A thunderous expression crossed her face and she was about to lift her weary body off the couch when I asked, “Wait, you’re middle name is Daisy?”
As if someone had stopped time, she froze midair while Raphael stilled, his pencil an inch away from his paper, while he volleyed his eyes between us.
I narrowed my eyes at them. What the hell were they both hiding?
“Yes, my middle name is Daisy,” she shouted louder than necessary as her eyes flew to me. Those hazels were brimming with nervousness. “Like the flower. It’s a pretty common flower, right, Raphy? Very, very common. Like it’s everywhere. I don’t know what my mom was thinking when she named me Daisy,” she rambled, which only added to my suspicion.
What did her middle name have to do with her secret?
Fuck, was she dancing in bars or something with that name? But that worry soon deflated, knowing my firecracker had two left feet.
Hell, there I went again, twice in a row, calling her my firecracker.
I was way past drowning in trouble. I was fully submerged now.
The two girls who made me a madman were named Daisy.
Was it purely a coincidence, or was life fucking with me?
I nodded toward her, not knowing what to say, and she let out a loud sigh and melted against the couch.
A moment of silence passed, and she literally fell asleep, snoring softly with pursed lips and her fingers folded as her pillow.
Wow, that was the fastest I’d ever seen someone fall asleep. She must be exhausted.
And before I could drape the blanket over her, Raphael beat me to it with a softness shining in his eyes. He shocked me when he glided back the strand of her hair sticking on her nose and removed her shoes and set them carefully near the coffee table.
The Chan family bond was something else. Even though they all acted like they barely tolerated each other. But it was quite the opposite. Jen called me from time to time to check on them both. Victoria even kept tabs and texted me every day to ask if her children ate and were healthy.
She cared more about them than she let on. If Sierra wanted to do something else, I had a feeling her mother would understand and support her.
But I trusted Sierra to do the right thing whenever she felt it was the right time.
“She must be tired,” he said in a hushed whisper as he returned to his spot. “She’s been working hard lately.”
Working hard for what? Did she have exams or something?
I didn’t go to college, but still, wasn’t the summer before college supposed to be fun?
Raphael and I spent the next hour working on the verse before Sierra slowly stirred awake from her sleep, rubbing her eyes. “Hey, guys,” she murmured as she sat up, the blanket pooling over her hips. “Did I fall asleep?”
“Duh, dork,” Raphael replied.
“Raphy.” She pouted. “Did you really eat all my Cheetos? I really want one. I have to ga…” Her eyes quickly darted to me before sliding to him. “To study tonight.”
He shook his head. “That was the last one, Si. I’ll go buy it for you.”
Her eyes lit up. “Yes, please. Thank you.”
“I’ll head out in a few.”
“There are Cheetos in the pantry,” I announced, and her confused eyes locked on me.
“There is?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled, rising as I walked toward the kitchen.
I felt her soft footsteps following me.
“Here.” I gestured to the massive cardboard box on the floor of the pantry. “I thought you were saving it for a later day.”
“I didn’t know,” she muttered, crouching as she opened the box and revealed the one-twenty packets of Cheetos in her favorite flavor.
“When did you get all this?” she asked, her tone laced with disbelief.
“Long ago, you did ask for a month’s worth when you helped me name the label. You eat four every day.”
“How do you know that?” she asked, wide-eyed.
I paused before answering, “I just do.”
“Thank you,” she whispered as a flush of pink brushed her cheeks.
“You’re welcome,” I mumbled as I walked out, not wanting to linger there any longer than necessary.
I strode straight to my music room, wanting to beat the frustration out of me. This room was my sanctuary, my quiet amid the noise. I felt the most like myself inside these four walls. Like I didn’t have to pretend or try harder or focus harder.
It had soundproofed walls, with my prized kits and a few trinkets I collected over the years.
It took three rhythm drills to fire me up and calm my heart, and the sweat trickled down the side of my forehead as I hit the beat over and over again, raising the tempo as I went.
I spent the next couple of hours exactly like that till I was drenched and my lungs burned with fire.
But I still couldn’t settle.
Luna was plaguing my mind, and Sierra was building a camp in my heart.
And I was stuck right in the middle, like a door without hinges in a rainstorm.
With no way in or no way out.