Chapter 15 #2
“Yeah.” Julianna’s tears have dried in streaks on her cheeks.
She wipes her fingers under her eyes, brushing away what’s left.
“Since Holt shut me out, I wanted to try to and mend things with Rome so I could go back to him with it fixed. I was hoping Rome would be willing to meet up or call a truce, then he’d drop the lawsuit.
But he won’t answer my calls or texts. He’s stonewalling me in every way possible.
He’s probably blocked my number, too. If he has, I don’t understand it because I don’t even think he knows it was me who wrote the article.
I’m guessing it’s because he’s sued Holt and doesn’t have the balls to face me.
” She plants her hands on her hips and looks up at the ceiling.
“Shit, I’m so stupid. I let this prank rivalry bullshit between us go too far, and now it’s destroying my brother.
What the hell was I thinking? Rome knows exactly how to get under my skin, and when he does, I don’t know how to explain it.
I just see red. I can’t think straight. You know?
” Breathing hard, she covers her face with her hands and groans. “What am I going to do?”
“It’ll be okay, Jules.” I stand from the couch and wrap my arms around her. She quickly wraps her arms around me, too, burying her face in my neck.
I soothe the back of her head. “You’ll figure something out.”
“I don’t know how.”
“You will.”
She nods against me, then pulls away. “Thank you, Selene.”
Her softened gaze causes an ache to echo inside me, because she isn’t the only one who needs to make a confession.
I open my mouth to tell her about Holt but stop when she inhales a cleansing breath, then steps back, eyeing the drink London left on the table. “Maybe I will take that drink.”
Charleigh and London giggle as Julianna takes a large gulp.
Guilt eats me from the inside out. Julianna has kept her secret about Rome the past week, and I’ve kept mine about Holt.
It shouldn’t be a big deal that I’ve spent time with Holt.
We’ve been in the same social circle for years.
But I’ve never spent time with him alone before.
I’ve never felt the feelings I’ve been having since he kissed me a week ago.
Although I’m still working on diffusing the electricity inside me from his touch, remembering it’s supposed to be fake, I know I need to tell Julianna.
“I have a confession to make as well.”
My announcement causes all three girls to go quiet. Julianna lowers her glass and slowly sits on the edge of the large, wooden coffee table behind her. I follow suit and sit back down on the couch, directly across from her.
“I, um.” I run my palms across the top of my legs. “I went on a date with Holt.”
Julianna’s perfectly micro bladed eyebrows pull together, and her mouth falls slack. Her neck visibly moves as she swallows thickly. “Wait, like the date he won from the auction?”
I don’t know why her question stings a little. It shouldn’t but it does. I brush the feeling off, chalking it up to the confusion I’ve felt ever since I agreed to go out with Holt.
“Yes.” I nod once, then scoot forward, bringing my knees close enough to touch Julianna’s. I take her hands in mine. “I’m so sorry, Jules. I should have told you sooner.”
“Oh, Selene. Don’t worry about it.” She gives me a gentle smile. “When did you go on this date?”
Blinking, I try to wrap my mind around her reaction. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this. “A few nights ago. Like I said, I should have told you sooner. I shouldn’t have kept this from you.”
“Selene. You don’t owe me an explanation. You’re both adults. What business do I have telling you or him who to date?”
I’m both relieved and caught off guard. Relieved she isn’t angry with me, yet surprised by her lack of anger. It isn’t like her to be so calm, especially when it comes to the matter of her best friend and brother.
“I’m surprised at your reaction, Jules,” Charleigh cuts in, as if she’s reading my thoughts. “You’ve always been pretty vocal about your friends getting close to Holt.”
“Old habits die hard I guess.” Julianna works her mouth, chewing on the inside of her cheek, her gaze glazing over again.
“Growing up, friends of mine used to pine over Holt all the time and I guess I just had this fear it would ruin what we had. My relationship with him. Mine with my friends. But honestly, you’re both adults.
I have no right to tell you what to do. Besides, I don’t really have a leg to stand on, do I?
I’m fucking up his life already.” She sniffs, running her hand under her nose and shaking her head.
“You know, I love you though, right Selene?”
“Of course I do.” I give her a smile Running my fingers through her brown hair, I tuck it behind her ear, making sure she knows I’m there for her.
“Does this mean you and Holt are dating now?” London asks, sitting forward in her spot on the couch, her elbows resting on her knees. “Are you planning on seeing him again?”
I shake my head, my reflexes kicking in. “No. I don’t think so. You know I don’t date.”
“But you dated Adam,” London persists, hope lighting her up. “Maybe Holt is different.”
“I don’t think so,” I mutter too quietly. “He asked me to go out with him again, but only because of the publicity it’s given him ever since the lawsuit went public. Apparently, me being seen with him improves his image and serves as a distraction.”
I tell them how all eyes were on us at the restaurant all night, and how Holt proposed the idea of fake dating me. I leave out the part where, after he’d received a text, he’d rushed us out of there only to finger fuck me in the elevator, or how I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.
The fact that I haven’t and that I’m wishing we’d gone further is terrifying.
“His publicist is probably encouraging it.” Julianna leans back on one of her hands, crossing one leg over the other.
“Treena’s number one job is damage control, so it doesn’t surprise me.
But also, it wouldn’t be out of character for Holt to go along with this. The man never dates seriously. Ever.”
A tiny bit of disappointment stabs my chest, right in the center. I already knew this about Holt. None of this information is new. But for some reason, it’s as if I’m hearing this all for the very first time.
“What are you thinking?” London asks, sensing my retreat from the conversation.
I never opened up to London about my belief that dating and love were never for me, but I can tell she already knows with one single look.
We may not share the same blood, but it’s never mattered.
London can know exactly what I’m thinking and feeling without me ever needing to speak it into existence.
Words are never needed when it comes to us.
“I don’t know.” Lie. “I guess it doesn’t really matter to me whether Holt would date me for fake reasons or not.” Another lie.
Memories of Holt’s voice in my ear, telling me he wants to fake date me for show, ring in my ears. His words said one thing, his hands another.
My neck heats at the thought. I shake my head and wrap my hand over the heat under my straightened hair.
“Well, whatever you decide, I don’t see the harm in going through with it,” Julianna points out, straightening her back. “If he wants to date you for show, and you have no intentions of dating seriously, then it might work out. No feelings involved for either of you. Less messy, right?”
“Yeah.” I blink, shaking my head and agreeing, shoving the feeling down in the places I’ve created to protect myself. “You’re right.” I chew on my bottom lip and nod.
I’m on a roll with these lies. Am I trying to convince my best friends or myself?
The problem is that feelings are already involved.
Julianna and the girls think we had a simple dinner date; they don’t know the details of how we took it a step further.
They don’t know how I’ve been haunted by the memory of his teeth sinking into the flesh of my ear and his fingers blazing down around my hips.
They don’t know how I’ve fantasized about how it felt to have my ass grind against his full, hardened cock.
“I changed my mind.” Julianna bounces to her feet. “Let’s go out tonight.”
The dramatic pendulum swing from Julianna’s confession to mine has caused a dark cloud to hang over our signature girls’ night. One the four of us have prided ourselves in keeping up over these past few months. They’re an escape. A chance for us to share in everything. We’re sisters. Family.
Now, though, it seems Julianna’s managed to change that by a simple clap of her hands and a grin I haven’t seen her crack all night.
“Are you sure?” Charleigh asks, looking around. “We figured we’d check out that new movie on Netflix. We were okay with staying in.”
London nods her agreement, but Julianna is quick to wave them off.
She spins to pick up her half-finished drink.
She takes a sip, swallows, then says, “No, I think a night out is exactly what we need. I’m tired of throwing myself a pity party.
It’s depressing. Plus, if I sit around here all I’ll do is lose my mind over this shit with Rome.
” Julianna turns to me. “Right, Selene?”
I surprise myself by saying, “Yeah, I definitely think we should go out.”
Both London and Charleigh’s eyebrows rise so high I think they might fly off their foreheads. My sudden agreement has them shocked.
Join the club.
But staying here will only make me think of Holt. I’d rather spend the night with my girls, dancing my ass off than sit in the dark, pretending to watch a movie, when the only one I’ll be paying attention to is the one of Holt playing over and over in my mind.
Maybe going out will get him out of my system.
“Okay.” Charleigh chuckles, pinching her sweatpants. “But we’re not exactly dressed for a night out.”
“Oh.” Julianna moves around the table and picks up the dozen shopping bags she brought in. She holds them up. “Problem solved.”
“Fine.” London sighs, taking a few bags from Julianna.
Charleigh does the same, and they start to head back to Julianna’s bedroom.
We’re halfway there when Charleigh shouts over her shoulder, “I guess it’s safe to say we aren’t going to Club Verona!”
“Fuck, no.” Julianna snorts behind me. “Not making that mistake again. After last time, I made sure to do my research. I took note of every club Rome owns within the five boroughs.”
I laugh with the rest of the girls as I grip my phone, aware of Holt’s unanswered text still sitting there. I know I need to decide, and I know I’m only fooling myself if I say I won’t even consider it.
It’s the fact I’m even considering it in the first place that has me not responding. Maybe I’ll just spend the rest of my life haunted by the memory of our one date. It would already be more than I’d bargained for, considering I’ve committed myself to remaining single for the rest of my life.
Maybe I could do this with Holt, though. Julianna’s right. I don’t fall in love with anyone. Fake dating him should be easy. After all, I’d be doing him a favor by actively rehabilitating his image as it’s crumbling.
I’ve already begun to convince myself to let loose tonight, forgetting all thoughts of Holt and this fake dating scheme. I can figure this out another night.
We’ve made it just outside the threshold to Julianna’s room when she grabs my hand. “Hey, Selene?”
I stop and spin around.
I’ve admired Julianna’s beauty for years. She’s stunning with her chestnut brown hair and cobalt blue eyes, but this time is different than any other time. I look at her, and immediately, my mind swings back to Holt.
Intense yet kind. It’s in the Capuletis’ DNA.
“Yeah?”
“Please don’t tell Holt it was me.”
“Jules.” My shoulders drop, a sense of dread rushing through my veins.
“Please?” she begs, sliding her hand down my arm to squeeze my hand.
“I know you said you don’t know if you’re going to keep seeing him, and I know it isn’t right for me to ask you to keep this from him, but if you do, please don’t tell him.
I promise that I will soon. I need to be the one who tells him.
He needs to hear it from me. I own this one. ”
I swallow, nodding in understanding. It needs to come from her. It should.
I may be considering dating Holt Capuleti—well, sort of—but first and foremost, I’m Julianna’s best friend.
“I promise.”
“Thank you.” She breathes a sigh of relief, and so do I.
Then Julianna hooks her arm in mine, ushering me into her room, but the sudden realization that getting Holt off my mind tonight will be next to impossible when I’m spending it with his sister hits me at once.
Even if I weren’t spending the night with Julianna, though, I still wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about Holt. As much as I can’t stop thinking about him, I don’t want to. I fear, in the end, I’ll crash and burn.