Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
HOLT
This fucking woman.
She’s all I’m thinking about. She’s everywhere I look. She’s in every breath I draw. My lungs burn and my hands twitch. How is it possible to have fallen this fucking hard?
I thought I’d hit rock bottom all these years, watching Selene from a distance. But now? Now, I’m royally fucked.
Every day, I wake up disappointed to turn over and not see her shining green eyes. How can I miss her in my bed when she’s never even been in it?
Waking up frustrated, once again, I cancelled all my morning meetings and hit the gym, then headed back to my place to check in with Cory to make sure he and Macy were safe.
After he assured me they were, I ignored another message from Treena, asking when I was seeing Selene again.
Over the past few days, all she’s done is remind me of needing to keep the gossip columns intrigued.
She needs fresh pictures of us together, growing closer.
A message from my father, reminding Julianna and me of our monthly visit to our mother’s gravesite was the final straw. I couldn’t fucking take it, and if I receive another message from anyone other than Selene, I’m going to scream. So instead, I head back to my personal gym.
Her silence is killing me.
I’m wound the fuck up.
Restraint has never been my strong suit, and the past few days have only exasperated the situation.
I’ve given her space to digest our first date.
I’ve given her the time to think about my proposal of fake dating.
I know it’s all a mask for my true feelings.
There’s no amount of pressure from Treena or this fucking lawsuit that will convince me to pretend with Selene, but I know how quick Selene is to put up her walls.
She’s placed a rule against herself when it comes to dating, especially after Adam.
It’s probably na?ve, but I’m hoping if she agrees to fake date me she’ll see me for who I really am and maybe fall for me the way I have for her.
Because living this way, feeling this way, alone, is fucking torture.
I look down at my time on the treadmill: eighty-seven minutes.
Eighty-seven fucking minutes. I’ve officially gone insane.
What’s even more insane is how none of this has done anything to loosen the tension in my body. I haven’t felt this wound up, well… I don’t think ever.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Sweat drips down my face, and my feet ache. Once I hit the ninety-minute mark, I slap my palm against the stop button and jump off. I plant my hands on my hips and pace in a circle, catching my breath.
“Watch the World Burn” by Falling in Reverse blasts through my earbuds. Still pacing, I grip my head in my hands, feeling as if I’m going to explode.
I’ve backed off on my surveillance of Selene over the past few days.
I’ve only asked Knox to update me once a day, usually at the end, to know she’s made it home safely.
I don’t want to tip Selene off to me watching her, and I won’t deny the bit of guilt that is eating away at me.
It feels wrong to watch her so closely when she’s still processing and hasn’t officially said she’ll date me.
I try to have faith that she feels the same way I did.
First when we kissed, then in the elevator.
Her body reacted to me in the way I always hoped it would.
I can’t get her heated breaths out of my head.
But the longer her silence goes on, the more I wonder if I made all this shit up.
Am I imagining things? The mind can’t be trusted.
I learned this fact over the years of my father telling me that the men I saw kill my mother weren’t, in fact, the ones I saw. I’ve been raised to question my own memory. Maybe that’s what I’m doing with Selene now.
Fuuuuuck.
I may just have to check myself into the psych ward at this rate.
Before completely losing my mind all together, I leave the gym and hop into the shower. When I step out, my phone rings, and my heart drops into my stomach. Then it jumps back into its rightful place when I read the name on my screen.
My thumb shakes as I swipe the green button and slap my phone to my ear.
“Selene?”
“Holt.” Selene giggles. “You answered quickly.”
“Of course, I did.” Keeping the phone pressed between my shoulder and cheek, I slip into a fresh pair of lounge shorts. Without pulling my cell away, I manage to scramble into a plain black T-shirt.
The sound of footsteps on her end fills the silence.
“Where are you?” I ask her.
“I’m outside my apartment.” Her voice is light and playful. Different than usual. “My weather app says it’s forty-five degrees, but I’m thinking it could be wrong. I feel fine.”
“You’re just standing outside?” I ask her, pulling the phone from my ear. I put her on speaker and scroll through my messages with Knox.
Knox: Wallflower is home and secure.
“Well, I was inside,” she slurs. “But I wanted fresh air, so I came back outside. I also wanted to tell you something.”
“You’re by yourself?”
“Yep,” she hiccups. “I mean, I haven’t been completely alone. It was girls’ night. Julianna’s driver dropped me off a little while ago.”
“But you’re alone now?”
She giggles again, and I can’t get over how different she sounds. She must have had more to drink than usual.
“Yes, silly. I just told you I was.”
“Go back inside, Selene.”
I’m already slipping into my shoes and swiping my car keys from my end table; a mixture of adrenaline and dread coursing through me.
I’m sure Selene is safe outside her apartment, but the thought of her being alone when the threat of Rhys is still a possibility scares the fuck out of me.
I hate that this is what I’m feeling, but I can’t stop the wheels that have already been put in motion. This is my new reality.
“So, bossy.” Selene’s playful voice drops. I picture her bottom lip sticking out as she pouts. I’d kiss it right off her mouth if she were in front of me.
“I’m not bossy,” I argue back. “It just isn’t safe for you to be outside alone. I can tell you’ve been drinking.”
“I’m fine. I only had, like…” She pauses. “I can’t remember how many drinks I’ve had, but I know it was more than one.”
“Go back inside, Wallflower.”
“You using my sexy little nickname isn’t going to make me listen any better, Holt Capuleti.”
She thinks my nickname for her is sexy?
I flex my hand, stretching my fingers out fully. This woman has me unraveling so fucking quick. The urge to spank her until she screams my name consumes me.
“You know what your problem is?” She doesn’t even give me a chance to answer. “You’re so uptight all the time.”
“Me?” I slip into my car, press the start button, and the engine roars to life. “I am not uptight, Wallflower.” My phone connects to the car system and then I’m peeling out of the garage, heading straight for Selene’s apartment.
“You are.” Her voice vibrates through my car. “Everything you do is with a businesslike state of mind. When have you ever done something that didn’t serve you financially or for the magazine?”
I grind my jaw and shake my head. Oh, how wrong you are Wallflower.
“A few nights ago in the elevator,” I state boldly.
I race through the streets of the city, silently thanking the universe that she doesn’t live terribly far. If there were somewhere to land close to Selene’s place, I would have taken my helicopter, but there isn’t, and I needed the quickest way to get to her.
My Porsche.
Selene hasn’t responded to my comment about our date the other night by the time I’m pulling onto her street, and before I know it, I’m parking alongside the curb in front of her apartment building.
I don’t know how I got here in the time that I did.
Weaving in and out of traffic and swerving around every corner must have made a difference.
I drove on autopilot, knowing I just needed to get to her.
When I put the car in park, she stops on the sidewalk and leans forward, narrowing her eyes. Unsteady on her feet, she stumbles. Her heel scrapes against the pavement, and her ankle rolls. The glittery dress wrapped around her curvy frame shimmers beneath the streetlight.
“Is that you?” she squeaks.
I hang up the phone and practically jump out of my car.
She still has her phone pressed to her ear as I grow closer to her.
She takes a step back. “Either you’re really standing in front of me, or those six shots of tequila were spiked with something that’s causing me to hallucinate.”
When I reach her, I fight the urge to scoop her into my arms. I slowly pull her phone from her ear.
“I’m really here,” I tell her, handing it back to her. “And I thought you said you couldn’t remember how many drinks you had.”
Her eyes shift to my car before they’re back on me. I haven’t seen her in a few days. She may be drunk, but she’s still as stunning as ever. I can literally feel the air leaving my lungs just looking at her.
“Did you seriously drive all the way over here from your place, or were you already out and just happened to be in the neighborhood?” She stumbles back again, catching herself on the wrought iron stair railing behind her.
“Because seeing you here is insane.” Her glassy eyes rake over my body.
“Actually, seeing you in a T-shirt and shorts is what’s insane. ”
“What, you think I only wear suits?”
“Yes.” She pauses and blinks. “Yes, I… did.” Swaying, she catches herself on the end of the railing.
I step forward, holding my hand out, just in case she might need it.
“Don’t.” She points to my outstretched hand with hooded eyes. “I can take care of myself.”
“Of course you can.”
“Really?” Her eyebrows pull together; both hands gripping the rail. “Because you driving all the way here means you trust me to take care of myself? I didn’t call you to come over here. I didn’t ask you to. I don’t need anyone, and I certainly don’t need a man to save me.”
“You don’t need saving, Wallflower. But you did call me.”
“I did.” She nods once.