Chapter 16
AVAH
I’m getting married today.
Staring down at my phone, I try to keep it together after re-reading the text I got from Declan.
Also, Brady got us a private ceremony room.
His texts have my heart beating a million miles a minute.
This is a very bad idea. This is not the type of thing I do.
Especially since the lines feel a tiny bit blurred after our date last night.
The way we held hands, his words about gaining what Axel lost…
it felt true and sincere in the most unsettling kind of way.
Staring at my phone, I pull up my mom’s number. I have to call her and tell her. Yet, I have no idea what I’m going to say.
How am I going to convince my parents this marriage is a good idea especially since this relationship with Declan pretty much fell from the sky.
This is not the way I usually do things and it’s not the way my family does things.
My mom and dad raised me to find someone who’d be a partner in life.
They want me and EJ to find people who are compatible with us, who will help us grow in all areas of life, who share the belief that there’s no giving up in a marriage… especially when times get hard.
Which just goes to show how much I’ve messed up in the first place.
Dating a man for years and then getting engaged, still didn’t equate to me finding the right partner in life. Because we didn’t grow together, we did our own thing…and Axel did other things too.
And when I found out, I didn’t bother to stay and fix it. I didn’t want to.
There’s a knock on my door, giving me the perfect excuse to not press the call button or to dive further into my own romantic shortcomings and failures.
Opening the door, a sigh of relief moves through me at the sight of my brother. Plus he’s holding two very large coffees with a bag of pastries that smell heavenly.
“I’ve never been so glad to see you in my life,” I tell him, all but pulling him into my apartment. My half-packed apartment.
“So this is why you didn’t want me in here before,” he says, gesturing to the boxes.
I shrug, taking the coffee and pastries from him. “I wasn’t ready to tell you. I needed to figure this out on my own, EJ.”
He moves to the couch and sink into it, elbows resting on his knees, his forehead wrinkling as he sighs heavily.
“I don’t like this, lillasyster,” he says, shaking his head. “I saw the pictures of your date last night…” He trails off. “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”
I saw them too.
I’d say we are two perfect actors who know exactly what we’re doing. Although I’m not sure that we were acting, or at least trying to act. Which makes the whole situation a bit more confusing.
“Declan’s agent thought a date would be good. You know, to get the social media trail out there before the wedding.” I take a sip of my coffee and head to the kitchen, opening the bag of pastries he brought.
“When’s that?” he asks, looking at me with caution.
“Uhm…” I rummage in the bag, pulling out a custard Danish and stuffing it in my mouth in a bid to stall.
I hate that I’m doing this to him, and to my family.
This would all be so much easier if I could just make my own decisions and not think about how it may impact the rest of the people in my life.
“Avah,” he presses.
“Uhmsfhtoday,” I say with my mouth full of custard and buttery pastry flakes, some of which are covering the kitchen counter.
“Try again.” EJ’s tone is sharp and insistent, in a way only an older brother’s can be.
I force the rest of the pastry down with a sip of coffee, my throat tight for reasons that have nothing to do with custard danish.
“This afternoon. At two o’clock.”
His eyes widen in shock, which only adds to my own nerves about this whole thing. The silence between us stretches, the reality of it playing out on his face.
“It’s fine, EJ,” I say, hoping I sound convincing. “We’ll go to city hall, say the vows, sign the papers, and then it’s done. You’ll be there with me, right?” I ask, my voice sounding more vulnerable than I’d like. “I need you there.”
His sigh is long as he shakes his head. There’s a pained expression on his face as he runs his fingers through his hair.
“You know when we were little,” he says, his voice softer, “Mom always asked me if I loved you?”
I frown. “No, I don’t remember that?”
Grabbing another pastry, I head over to sit next to him on the couch.
“I know you make a big deal out of us only having eighteen months between us, but I am your older brother. And mom always reminded me of that.” He leans back, his eyes filling with softened amusement.
“I remember one day we were driving in the car, going to get ice-cream. I think I was about seven, and you were five. You were tired and started to lean against me in the backseat. I placed my arm around you and you tucked yourself into my side.”
I remember something like that. But maybe not that specific time. I know EJ always gave me hugs and he’s always been there to comfort me when I skinned a knee or when words hurt more than they should’ve.
“Mom looked in the review mirror and asked me if I loved my little sister.”
“What did you say?” I ask, unable to keep a smile from tugging on my lips.
“Of course I said yes,” he says, reaching over and ruffling my hair before pulling me into his side again. “And then she asked me if I’ll always look out for you, if I’ll always protect you.”
I look up into his eyes, the concern clearly written there.
“You’re my little sister,” he says in a way that makes my heart ache. “I should’ve known what Axel was doing, I should’ve known he wasn’t right for you. You’re right, I didn’t protect you then, but I’m going to try my best now.”
Before I can protest, he lifts his hand to stop me. “I will be by your side no matter what you decide.”
Relief moves through me, tangled up with gratitude.
I lean into him again and he pulls me in for a tight hug.
I allow myself to crumble in his embrace…
just a little. Because the truth is, I am scared.
I am afraid that I’m making the wrong choice, that I’m making this choice based on my own understanding and not because of God’s will.
“That’s all I need,” I say against his chest. “My big brother by my side. And of course your prayers.”
He places a kiss in my hair. “Is that all?” he asks, a slight teasing lilt in his voice.
“Maybe just one more little thing…” I pull away, giving him my best puppy dog face.
“This is going to be bad,” he says with a groan. Letting me go he leans forward and grabs his coffee from the coffee table. “What is it? Do you need help with adopting five kids to your insta-family while you’re at it?”
“Don’t be dramatic,” I scoff. “I just need you to help me tell mom and dad about this.” I can’t help but wince as the words leave my mouth, knowing it’s a tall order.
“She’s going to know this is not real,” he deadpans.
“How?”
“Some days I seriously wonder if you’ve ever met mom,” he says, a playful grin on his face. “She knows everything.”
“Not if you’re my witness.”
“You mean if I lie for you?” he asks, letting out a mirthless laugh before getting up from the couch. He walks to the kitchen counter, grabs my phone and tosses it to me.
“Call her,” he says, taking a seat at the counter and opening the bag of pastries. “You get started on that, and I’ll handle this.” He takes a bite of the pastry and groans.
I get up and snatch the bag from him before he can eat another one. “You’re supposed to stick to your diet during the season.”
“You’re mean,” he mumbles through a mouthful.
“You’re the one who doesn’t want to help,” I say, pulling up my mom’s number.
My thumbs hovers over the green button, my stomach twisting. My heart reaches toward Heaven, a silent plea to help me say the right thing. I don’t want to worsen the situation. I need help to be truthful despite the complicated nature of the agreement I’m stepping into.
Taking a deep breath, I press the call button.
“It’s about time, my girl,” my mom answers the phone. “You need to call your mother more.”
“Mom, we talk to each other every week.”
“That’s not enough,” she says simply. “I wiped your face and clothed you. Helped you build your first puzzle and patiently sat by waiting for you to stick your foot into the right shoe…You need to call your mother more. Coming home would be even better.”
I sigh. “I called because I have some good news.”
EJ snorts, choking on his coffee in the process and I fling my half-eaten custard Danish at his head.
“Is that your brother?” she asks. “Put it on speaker phone.”
“Mom—”
“I never see you,” she says. “Now let me talk to my babies together.”
I put the phone on speaker before sitting down on the couch, glad my brother has no choice but to help me get through this conversation now.
“Hi mom,” EJ says, cheerful as ever. “How’s dad?”
“Your father is fine,” she says. “He’s gone out to the reserve, he misses you a lot my boy. When can you come home for a proper visit?”
“I was just there two months ago, Mom,” EJ says, flashing me a smug grin. “Don’t you rather want to hear Avah’s good news?”
I glare at EJ, and he sticks out his tongue.
“Yes, of course. Tell me all about it,” she says, excitement filling her voice.
I swallow, not sure how to start. “Well, I kind of have been keeping something from you mom, and I know you don’t condone secrets, but this is one I had to keep.”
There’s a stretch of silence before she asks, “What is it, Avah?”
EJ frowns at me, possibly wondering where I’m going with this.
“There’s this guy here in New York.” When she doesn’t immediately respond, the rest of the words tumble out fast. “At first we didn’t really get along, but the more time we spent together—the more something kind of clicked.”
I’m trying my best to stay truthful about most of the situation with Declan. But it’s not easy…especially with EJ sitting across from me, his eyebrow arched in silent judgment.