Chapter 20
20
Hospitals could be daunting establishments at any time. A world of its own with a sense of urgency lurking behind closed doors or amongst the flow of people wearing scrubs, with stethoscopes looped around their necks, some of them with disposable booties over their shoes and hats covering their hair as if they’d just popped out of an operating theatre for a short time. There was a strong smell of disinfectant and the sounds of pagers beeping or trolley wheels rattling.
When all the signs were in a different language, everyone was speaking too fast to follow and there was a possibility that you were going to be given bad news, the environment could easily become overwhelming. Especially when you were still feeling wobbly after a nasty, but mercifully brief, illness.
But Laura was not alone.
Julien had arranged this appointment in the gynécologie et obstétrique department at his hospital.
‘They’ve got the most amazing technology,’ Ellie had told her. ‘4D high-definition ultrasound. They can even take videos of the baby moving.’
‘Come with me. Please?’
‘You can only have two people in the room with you. Julien is going to be with you to translate what the technician and doctors say.’
‘So you can be the other person.’
‘Don’t you think that should be your baby’s father?’
Laura hadn’t expected Noah to want to attend the appointment even though she knew he had insisted on paying the fees associated with it. But she hadn’t expected him to watch over her like a guardian angel during those first days of being sick, either. It was a side of Noah that had been enough of a surprise to make her wonder if basing her judgement of his potential as a father on his lifestyle had been far too harsh. Maybe Ellie had said something to Julien, because he seemed to take it for granted that Noah would be coming with them.
And here he was. In this dim room where the main source of light was coming from the two screens attached to the ultrasound machine, one that the technician was sitting in front of and a larger one that was turned so that Laura could see it from where she was lying on the bed. Noah was standing on the other side, close to the head of the bed, facing the larger screen. Julien was standing behind the technician.
‘Ooh!’ The squirt of gel on her abdomen startled Laura.
‘ Désolée .’ The technician smiled at her. ‘ Il fait un peu froid, n’est-ce pas? D’accord…’ She rubbed the transducer in the gel and then pressed it more firmly against the skin. ‘ C’est parti…’
The scan was astonishing from the first moment. It was in colour and it was as real as if the skin on Laura’s abdomen had been peeled back to reveal what was safely tucked away in her womb.
The technician would freeze an image on the screen and use cursors to mark points and measure parameters. She would change the angle and position of the transducer to find exactly what she was looking for. Julien’s quiet voice relayed to Laura everything the technician was seeing and doing.
‘That’s the heart. You can see the four chambers and that the ventricular function is completely normal. So is the heart rhythm and the rate.’
There were two kidneys that were also normal, and no evidence of any defects in the spine or brain or any other anatomical structure. It was all totally reassuring. The only time Laura felt a moment of fear was when the gender of the baby was confirmed. She already knew it was a girl from her first scan but, when she saw him freeze for a moment, she knew she’d been right to think that sharing that information with Noah would only remind him instantly of the sister he’d lost.
The one he had buried his heart with.
But then the astonishing clarity of this technology showed tiny fingers and toes that were captivating enough to be a distraction from any pull into the past from learning the baby was a girl. There was the cutest button of a nose as well, but the most amazing thing was the movement – not only as evidence of life but that there was personality to be seen in it as well.
This baby girl was tilting her head and yawning. Her hands went over her ears as if the world was too noisy. She put her fingers in her mouth and… she smiled …
Laura’s inward breath was a gasp.
Julien was saying something about it being caught on video but Laura wasn’t listening. She’d even taken her eyes off the screen because she wanted to see if Noah was feeling what was bringing tears to her eyes.
This tiny human – currently the size of a carrot and only weighing about a pound – was a real person , and the love that Laura could feel for this baby was filling her heart so hard it felt like it could burst.
Not just for the baby, either. Somehow, there was room for the enormous love she felt for Noah in there as well. He seemed so mesmerised by the screen that he wasn’t aware of her gaze on his face and… were those tears she could see in his eyes?
Maybe the power of what Laura was feeling was enough to break the focus Noah had on the screen. Or maybe he was already dragging himself away, because his gaze shifted to catch Laura’s and, just for a heartbeat, the shutters were open. She could see, so clearly, the love that this man was capable of, if he could only let himself embrace it.
And, ohh … there it was again…
That frisson she had felt in the wake of that amazing kiss they’d shared to welcome in the new year.
That… hope …
* * *
The scan was over. They had pictures. A USB stick with a video. A detailed report would follow.
Laura wiped the gel off her skin and climbed down from the bed. She still felt dazed as she followed Julien and Noah back to where the car was parked, and she was quite sure that Noah was equally affected by the experience they’d both had but he was hiding it well. They would go back to La Maisonette now. Noah would go home and Laura was planning to go online to rebook her tickets back to Scotland. Ellie was going to help her tidy up the cottage and get packed.
But something was becoming clearer to her with every step she was taking. Whether or not he wanted to acknowledge it, Noah had felt an emotional connection with his baby and it had weakened the barriers he had around his heart, but if she took herself – and the baby she was carrying – far enough away, it would make it too easy for him to shore up that protection again and hide himself away in the space where he felt safe.
The same tiny voice that was whispering words of hope in her head, or possibly her heart, was also telling her that she shouldn’t go home to Scotland. Not yet. That, if she did, that hope would be destroyed. Noah would never recognise, let alone trust, the love that was being offered to him. Or the love that he might even find himself able to return, at least to their baby. Perhaps even to her?
* * *
‘You don’t have to go home yet.’ Ellie looked delighted at Laura’s confession that she would prefer to stay longer. ‘You’re welcome to stay here for as long as you wish. I’d love you to stay. You could have your baby here – it’s more than half French already, and I’ve heard that if they’re born here, they automatically receive French nationality as well as keeping UK citizenship. Otherwise, I think you have to apply for it later.’
‘But that’s months away.’ Laura felt a beat of panic. She hadn’t given much thought yet to the actual birth of her baby.
‘Not that many months. They’ll go faster than you can imagine.’
‘I have to get back to work.’
‘You’ve been sick. I’m sure Julien could give you a doctor’s note and you could ask for more leave. And shouldn’t you tell your boss that you’re pregnant? You’ll need to arrange maternity leave and they’ll have to organise other agents to take over your listings.’
‘I need to sell my apartment.’
‘Not right now. Isn’t January the worst time to put a property on the market, with awful weather and people worried about how much they just spent on Christmas?’
‘It can certainly be more challenging.’
‘And you could take leave without pay if it came to that. You’ve got your share of the money from selling La Maisonette.’ Ellie’s expression softened. ‘And Julien told me that Noah looked really emotional when he saw the baby.’ She looked as if she was blinking back tears herself. ‘It makes it so real, doesn’t it? Like your heart just cracks open and gets filled with the most amazing love you can ever feel.’
They were both crying as they hugged, so tightly that they both had to let go in order to take a breath.
‘Ring your boss,’ Ellie ordered as she wiped tears away. ‘Right now, before you talk yourself out of it.’
* * *
The last thing Laura expected was that Colin Armstrong would be delighted to hear that she wanted to stay in France longer.
‘Couldn’t be better timing,’ he said. ‘I never did get that chance to talk to you about the real estate market in the South of France. I’ve recently bought a property in Nice. A block of flats that I’m planning to renovate and sell separately down the track, but I’m not sure the agency I’ve purchased it through is the one I want to work with. I’ve been wondering how to find the right people on the ground to get the project up and running and… there you are. Our salesperson of the year! Perfect.’
‘I might not be here long enough to do something that big.’ Laura was still trying to find the right moment to tell Colin that she was pregnant. ‘Passing on my current listings to other agents is only intended to be temporary.’
‘You can get the ball rolling. A single step will start any journey, you know – but choosing the right route? That’s what makes the real difference. It’ll be some time before I can take possession, but I can arrange for you to get access and I’ll come over when you find an agency in the area that you think might be suitable. What about the agent who sold the house you inherited? Didn’t I hear that got snapped up in the blink of an eye? And that you had a big part in the marketing copy? I want the same dream team in charge of marketing this project.’
The reasons for the success of La Maisonette’s sale had more to do with the passionate love affair happening between Ellie and Julien than any real-estate-marketing prowess on either side of the English Channel, but there was no need to explain that to Colin, was there?
Laura caught her breath. This wasn’t fate giving her just a nudge in the direction she thought she wanted to go, was it? It felt more like a definitive shove.
‘Aye,’ she said. ‘I think he might be just the right person.’
* * *
‘ Ouah …’
Noah was standing in the foyer of a small apartment block in one of the more prestigious areas of Nice, within easy walking distance of the Promenade des Anglaise and the beaches.
Laura was looking at the intricate pattern that edged the tiled floor between the front door and a lovely old wooden staircase. ‘I love these mosaic tiles.’
‘This place must have cost a fortune. And your boss has purchased the whole building? It must have about eight apartments.’
‘I knew he was wealthy,’ Laura said. ‘But I don’t think he’s gone into this alone. He does want to keep one of the top floor apartments for himself, as a holiday home.’ She was sorting through the bunch of keys she was holding. ‘Apparently they all need “refreshment” and Colin wants me to find the local people he needs to talk to when he comes to meet you. He also wants me to stay long enough to see the project get off the ground. Shall we have a look?’
Noah followed Laura into one of the apartments. Mid-nineteenth century, it had the high ceilings, tall windows and parquet floors he had anticipated in the spacious rooms. The chandeliers and wrought-iron balconies were a nice touch but the kitchens and bathrooms needed updating.
The opportunity for Dufour Immobilier to be part of the refreshment and sale of apartments that would be highly sought after was a no-brainer, but Noah wasn’t sure how he felt about Laura staying on in France long enough to be part of the process of setting up the partnership and the employment of contractors.
He still hadn’t quite got his head around the changes in their relationship over the last week or so. The intimacy of being with her, night and day, while she was ill had inevitably brought them closer. The glimpse into the life of a child who was frightened of the one person she should have been able to trust to protect her had made those bonds feel unbreakable. But seeing the baby on that extraordinarily detailed scanning machine had been so overwhelming he was only just beginning to find he could think about it without a level of emotional reaction that was physically painful.
Whether or not he wanted it, this was really happening and it was a connection he would have with Laura for the rest of his life. This friendship – if it could fit into such a mundane-sounding category – was a relationship with another person unlike any Noah had ever experienced and he had no idea what he was, or was not, supposed to do. Maybe he still needed time to recover from the shock of seeing his child.
His daughter …
Ouais … Finding out that the baby was a girl had left raw patches on his heart, but experience had taught him that you could recover from almost anything, given some time and the necessary care. And the ability to parcel up any disruptive emotions that an illness or injury might have let loose and securely lock them away.
Recovery could mean that you were stronger than ever. Laura was almost completely healed from her recent physical illness and she definitely looked better than ever. Noah wondered if it was partly because she had stopped straightening her hair. It may well have had nothing to do with him telling her how much it suited her to have curly hair, but he hadn’t been wrong. He was fascinated by the way the sunshine was catching those soft, red-gold curls that tumbled to her shoulders as she swung towards him from where she was standing by the tall windows.
‘Isn’t this amazing? It’s going to be perfect.’
Her smile was just as bright as the glints of light in her hair and… was there something different about the curve of her lips as well? Was her physical appearance a reflection of changes on a deeper level? She seemed softer. Less determined, perhaps, to straighten out her whole life as well as her hair?
She certainly seemed happier, and that was exactly what he’d wished for her when he’d persuaded her to come back to France and live a little.
‘ Parfait ,’ he agreed, returning her smile. But he wasn’t referring to this piece of real estate, however impressive it was.
Maybe this could be the perfect way to move forward with his own life. A combination of both a professional and personal relationship with the mother of his child. One project like this could easily lead to another, and working together would ensure regular contact and give him a way of being part of his daughter’s life without the expectation of visits being for purely personal reasons, which could lead to disappointment for everybody involved.
Laura knew him now, perhaps better than anyone ever had. She’d been shocked by his approach to life but she knew exactly what to expect – and not expect – from him and she clearly accepted him for who he was. She had also accepted that gift he had given of teaching her the pleasure that can come from living in the moment. He’d had no idea of how that blink of time back in August had been going to change both their lives, but it was still a philosophy that he had no intention of abandoning.
He didn’t need to let the weight of future responsibility crush the pleasure in this moment, of seeing the fragments of sunshine caught in Laura’s curls or the unfiltered joy that was in her smile. He could simply enjoy the company of this extraordinarily beautiful woman. To savour the happiness, however fleeting it might be.
There was plenty to be happy about, after all. The potential of this new business arrangement was exciting. Laura was well again and nothing bad had happened to the baby. Noah could also be happy that he hadn’t caught the virus himself, which was surprising, considering the kiss they had shared on le réveillon .
Ohh … that kiss .
Was it weird, when it should have been such a no-go area, to still feel so attracted to Laura now that she was pregnant?
More attracted, even, with the new depth their friendship had developed?
It wasn’t so much that he was dreaming about taking her to his bed again.
It was just that he couldn’t, for the life of him, stop thinking about that kiss.