CHAPTER 17
MIKEY
Earlier that day…
I slowly eased her inside the heavy sheets while she snored away in deep slumber. Unlike the last time, I slid in next to her and held her tight.
Not wanting to let go even for a minute as she rested on my chest.
Her dark, long-lashed eyes fluttered, and her lips pouted upward as she slept, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
I wanted to keep her like this forever, safe in my arms.
But the problem was the one that she needed to be safe from was me.
Lily Jameson had made me a weak man.
So weak that here I was feeling her soft body all over mine.
That night, I didn’t sleep. It was the last thing on my mind.
Only when orange started to peek through the dark sky did I slide out of bed.
Taking one last look at the temptation, I walked out and made her favorite buttery toast and soft eggs .
It wasn’t like I wanted to leave her alone after what happened last night, but every Thursday morning, I went to do something.
Something that I couldn’t miss. It was almost like a lifeless routine now. Robotic.
And I needed some time away from her to wrap my mind around all this. Now that I had a taste of her, it would be hard to let her go. Hell, these past weeks with her were the happiest I’d been since the night my life changed. I didn’t show it, but Lily was the only one who could do that.
Minutes later, I was out on my way to meet my mother.
Heaving out a heavy breath, I picked up the peaches that she liked and got out of the car. Like I did every Thursday.
My finger pressed the golden call button on the side of the door.
Thursday mornings were probably the hardest day of my week.
“Hey, sweetie.”
“Hey, Mama,” I muttered softly as she pulled me into a hug. My body froze. It did every single time she hugged me. My relationship with my mother hadn’t been the same since that night. Every time she tried to talk to me about it, I switched topics. It only took me back to the look she had in her eyes that night.
So we avoided it at all costs, beating around the bush as we conversed about mundane topics.
Almost like that night never happened.
“How was your week, sweetie?” She smiled, taking the peaches from me.
“Good, Ma,” I said, following her to the kitchen .
In her own way, Mama still loved me. When I told her I was moving to New York, she wanted to come too. So I settled her in a nice townhouse uptown and always made sure to keep her happy and safe in the only way I could.
I knew she was terrified of the monster inside me, a stain left behind by the man who robbed her safety. I knew I was a constant reminder of him, which was why I kept our visits minimal and made sure she was never reminded of him again.
“I made all your favorites, Michael. Go on and have a seat while I put these away.”
I nodded, taking my usual seat while I stared at the usual spread she made for me. Fresh orange juice, French toast, eggs, waffles, and creamy coffee.
“This is amazing. Thanks, Mama,” I said, chomping on the French toast like it was grainy sand. It wasn’t that I didn’t like it. I loved it. She was right when she said it was all my favorite. But every second in her presence made it so fucking hard for me to breathe. It reminded me of the past that I terribly wanted to forget.
“You’re welcome.” She clasped my hand in a delicate grip, and I stiffened.
My gaze landed on her, and an uncomfortable energy swirled in my gut.
Her eyes turned gloomy. “Sorry, sweetie,” she mumbled, letting go of my hand.
I shook my head as her touch left mine. “You don’t have to be sorry, Ma.”
Her face softened. “It’s okay, sweetie. Dig in.” Her eyes told me she had a lot to say, but she stopped herself because of me .
It wasn’t like I didn’t want to have a normal conversation with my mother. It was just that it was hard after all these years. I didn’t think even years of therapy could fix the damage that had been done.
“So I wanted to tell you something.” Her lips curved into a shaky smile as she wiped her hand on the soft cream sweater that she was wearing.
My heart thudded . What was it?
“I met someone at the book club. We’ve been seeing each other for a while. He’s really nice and treats me well. You know I haven’t been with anyone since…” Her words hung in the air, eyes wide as she continued, “I want you to meet him, Mikey.”
The muscles around my eyes relaxed. “Sure, Mama. What’s his name, and what does he do?”
Her eyes lit up with joy. “His name is Marcus, and he is a retired veteran. He moved here to be closer to his children, and one of them is expecting a child.”
“That’s good to hear, Ma. Does he know about me? What I do for a living? I just don’t want him to take advantage of you because of me.”
A chuckle rumbled from her lips, her green eyes shining. She was still so beautiful. You couldn’t guess she was in her fifties if not for the few grays hiding in her golden hair and laugh lines along the corners of her eyes. “Oh, Michael, when I told him, he didn’t even know you guys. But he was trying to be nice, so he picked up an album to listen to. The next day, he had an apologetic look as he confessed that no matter how much he listened, he couldn’t get into it, stating it was more for the younger kids. ”
My lips tugged in the corner. “Doesn’t like me already, huh?”
“Yep.” She laughed, and it was so good to see her laugh like this again.
Carefree and happy .
She deserved it more than anything.
It was well over an hour before I returned to the apartment, making a beeline straight to Lily’s.
But it was empty.
“Lily,” I called out, hoping I’d hear her voice back from the bathroom, but she wasn’t there.
Frowning, I dug my phone out and called her as I walked out of the apartment.
“What?” her voice thundered through.
“Where are you? You’re not in your apartment?” I asked, clenching my teeth.
“I’m out.” She gave a snarky reply.
“Out where?”
“Why do I have to tell you?”
I clutched the phone tighter. “I told you not to drive around. Don’t test my patience, Lily.”
“Don’t worry. I didn’t. Jack drove me here.”
I cut the call, already on my way to the parking lot.
Hell would be on the topside if she were on a date with that fucker, especially after last night.
My vision was clouded until I reached the café in mere minutes, pulling my hoodie low in hopes that I wouldn’t be recognized as I stormed inside. We all had a location finder installed on our phones by our security team, and Emmie, worried for his sister, gave me full access to hers, not knowing I already had it. I didn’t keep track of her like some weirdo, but sometimes late at night, I would just check whether she was home safe.
The vein down my forehead throbbed as soon as I spotted her at the far-end booth with his hand over hers.
“This is all just terrible, but if you need anything at all, please let me know. I’ll always be here for you,” that fucker said.
“I’m sure she won’t need anything from you, Jack,” I said, dropping next to her as I wrapped my arms around her, bringing her close to my side. My dick twitched as I felt her against me.
I felt every muscle of her body coil with tension.
“What are you doing here?” the little mouse asked.
I didn’t waver my gaze. I just stared straight ahead at that fucker who, for some reason, had a wide grin plastered on his puny face.
“Hey, man.” That fucker held out a hand.
He’s got a death wish.
I grasped him in a firm grip, squeezing hard for good measure and reeling in satisfaction when his eyes widened a fraction.
Tiny hands grabbed my forearm, retrieving my hand. “I asked, what are you doing here, Michael?”
I finally brought my eyes to her narrowed ones, and my lips tugged, watching her face crease with anger. Fuck, she was adorable.
“I’m right where I’m supposed to be, little mouse.”
A grin spread across my lips when the tips of her ears turned red. I loved riling her up like this .
Our intense stare down got interrupted when a throat cleared. We both snapped our vision to Jack, who was sliding out of the booth, still sporting that grin on his stupid face.
“I’ll get going then, Lily. It seems like you guys have a lot to discuss.”
“But Jack, I thought we were having coffee,” she mumbled as she watched him don his jacket.
“Thank God for to-go cups, right?” He raised his from the table. “I’ll see you later, Lily. Michael.” He nodded, hesitating as his eyes cast to her. “About what I said earlier, it still stands. I hope you think about it, Lily.” He gave her a soft smile before scurrying out.
I felt her body stiffen once again.
“Think about what?” I asked coolly, although my blood was certainly boiling.
“Nothing,” she said a little too quickly. “But enough about you asking me questions. How the hell did you get here so fast, and how did you find out that I was here?” Her violets held me in a glare.
“I was in the area.”
“Fine, but that still doesn’t explain how you found me and decided to interrupt my dat…”
“Don’t finish that sentence, Lily. If this is how your dates look, then it’s boring. You should have better taste in men.”
She scoffed. “Well, not all of us get invited to exclusive parties and parade around long-legged bimbos.”
“Careful, little mouse.” My thumb slid across the corner of her lips. “Your jealousy is showing. I prefer my women’s legs to be short and thick. I like how they wrap perfectly around my hips.”
I had to contain my laughter when her entire face turned cherry red while her mouth gaped, lost for words.
“Stop laughing at me,” she muttered, averting her gaze.
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
“I’m really not.”
“Okay, fine.”
“Great, let’s go.” I grabbed her hand, linking my fingers with hers as we exited the café. The bustle of the city and the midmorning sun greeted us.
“Michael, what the fuck are you doing?” she hissed, hiding her face with her hands. “What if someone sees you with me?”
“So what if they do?” There were already hushed whispers around us as we hurried to the car.
“What do you mean so what if they do? You know how the media is, especially when it comes to their favorite boy of the band. I don’t want to be the talk of the town, pictured with you. What if my brother sees it?” She asked her line of questions as I opened the car door and settled her in.
I scurried to the other side and started the car, swerving us out of there, not before I get captured by a few phones thrust into my face.
It was a fucking circus every time I got out the streets. While I did bask in the attention it got me, it was annoying sometimes, like now. But this was nothing compared to the shit they pulled back in LA .
“Well, aren’t you going to answer me?” Lily huffed, folding her arms by her chest as she stared bullets at the side of my head.
A chuckle rumbled from me, eyes softening as I dragged my gaze to her. “What do you want to know, Lily darling?”
She rolled her eyes. “Stop with whatever that is you’re trying to do and evading my questions like an ass.”
“Fine. To answer you, people are going to follow me wherever I go. I, unfortunately, can’t do shit about it. And I don’t think it would be a big deal if I get photographed with my best mate’s sister, and I give zero fucks if your brother finds out.”
“Okay.” She nodded. “But what about you acting like a caveman?”
“Caveman? Me?” I laughed as I parked the car in my spot.
“Yes, you.” She slammed my car door as she got out and followed me down to the elevator.
“I’m not a caveman, Lily. I’m a gentleman.” I grinned, loving the sight of her mad at me.
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you? You know what? Do whatever you want. Just leave me the fuck alone.”
I smiled, my eyes scanning her pouted lips, which were fixed in an angry line as she stared ahead.
I didn’t say a word as I shadowed behind her to her apartment and watched as she punched her code with a bit more force than necessary.
“Okay, that’s it.” She spun around one foot inside the house. “I told you to leave me alone. ”
I crouched lower till I was in her eyeline, our noses almost touching. “Even if you wish upon the last star hanging in the sky, that would be impossible.”
“Big words.” She tossed her jacket on the couch as I closed the door behind me. “Big fucking words but no real meaning, Michael. And stars don’t hang in the fucking sky.”
“Figure of speech.” I shrugged, coming to a stand in front of her as she lowered to the couch. “And aren’t big words all what girls like these days?”
She bobbed her head. “Yeah, yeah,” she mumbled, darting her gaze everywhere till it stuck on me. Unlike her earlier fire, a sad glint coated them now.
My brows furrowed.
“Yeah, you’re right. Girls do like big words, but they also like boys who don’t abandon them.”
My breath hitched and my heart felt like a thick concrete slug. She thinks I abandoned her last night? “I didn’t abandon you, Lily. I… I… I went to see my mother,” I said quietly.
She nodded, swallowing. “So you didn’t abandon me this morning. Fine, okay, I get it. But you still abandoned me, Michael. All those years ago, you did. You left me alone. What do you get to say to that, huh? Are you going to avoid it like you did last night? Distract me? Play off on my feelings for you? Go on, tell me how big of a mistake all of that was and how much you regret it. Tell me how it shouldn’t have happened and that it will never happen again, but Michael after you do, I want you to get the fuck out of my life. I’m done with your mixed signals. I’m just done. I am done with you abandoning me.” Her voice was thick, laden with anger, frustration, and pain .
Fuck, it felt like a shotgun fired straight down my gut.
I understood her words clearly and loudly.
And she was right.
I deserved every single word she threw at me.
Because I did abandon her.
All those years ago.