CHAPTER 29
LILY
My heart thudded inside my chest, beating so loudly that it crowded the silence in the room. “Lily, darling.” Mira’s voice snapped my attention from the green eyes peering at me with a strange look.
I mustered a smile through the awkwardness of the situation. “Hey, Mira,” I said. I hadn’t seen Mira in years, but it looked like she hadn’t aged a day since thirty. She had the same blond hair and green eyes as Mikey. Her soft blue flowy dress swooshed over her petite form as she made her way to me.
The smell of honeysuckles wafted to my nose as she pulled me into a hug. “It’s so good to see you, Lily. I must say this is a good surprise.”
“Ah, yes,” I mumbled, not knowing what to say. I was expecting anything but this when I demanded that my brother tell me where Mikey was—so sure that I would finally learn the truth that pulled him away from me all those years ago. But this? This was the last scenario I imagined I’d be in today .
“You should stay for dinner. I made plenty.” Mira’s eyes glimmered with hope.
I swallowed. “That’s okay. Looks like you guys were in the middle of something.” I pointed toward the fully set table. “I shouldn’t have interrupted, I’m sorry. I’ll get going.”
Mira waved a hand. “Oh, don’t be…”
Her words halted when a muscular arm closed around my shoulder, tugging me to his side. “Stay,” he said in a low tone that sent warm tingles through my blood.
My eyes flashed to his determined ones, and I couldn’t help the automatic nod that willed out of me.
“Good.” A smile spread across his beautiful face that left me breathless.
Some of the earlier tension that swam through my stomach dissipated as Mikey led me to the table and pulled out a chair for me as I got situated. But still, I didn’t like the fact that I interjected myself into the situation. How awkward was it to have dinner with my boyfriend’s mother, giving her no choice but to invite me? That is, if Michael was still my boyfriend. A label I still wasn’t sure if we had after how the past couple of days transpired.
“Marcus, you know Lily,” Mira started, beaming as she sat opposite me and Mikey. “She J.J.’s little sister—”
Michael cleared his throat, interrupting her once again. “She’s also my girlfriend.” He said it with such conviction that it sent shivers down my spine.
A healthy flush of red swept across my cheeks as I watched Mira blink, and Marcus, who I assumed was seeing Mira, peered at me with a knowing smile .
That answers my question, but did he have to announce it like that?
Mira soon gathered herself, and her eyes swam with emotion. “That’s so wonderful. I’m so happy for you, baby. For both of you.”
“Thanks, Ma,” Mikey replied softly as he briefly spared me a look. A look that screamed I was his. His eyes no longer held that vacant lifelessness. It looked like whatever had been torturing him had disappeared. Yet it still didn’t answer the questions swirling inside my head.
Though the situation started as weird and awkward, the tides soon changed as the conversation flowed, and I found myself enjoying it.
It wasn’t long before my stomach burst from having two full servings of Mira’s incredible lemon grilled fish and rice.
After dinner, she led me to the parlor out back, which overlooked the backyard garden, while the men took care of the cleaning.
“I’m sorry to have barged in unannounced,” I said, easing down on the soft lounge chair with my after-dinner espresso, forgoing the wine, much to Mira’s efforts. “I had a great time, though.”
“Oh, come on, Lily, stop apologizing. You’re always welcome, honey,” she replied, sipping on her glass of red.
I nodded with a smile as my eyes grazed over the showers, still going strong outside, painting the garden a deeper shade of green. It reminded me of his eyes.
“Michael has never brought a girl home before.”
I switched my gaze to her .
Her eyes remained on the floor, her face grim as she traced a lone finger along the rim of her glass. “It’s partly my fault the way he is. I know a part of why he ended up here today was because of you. But give him time, he’ll come around. Deep down, my boy loves and cares like nobody else.”
“I know,” I whispered, even though time wasn’t something I could give. It dawned on me that whatever had to do with Michael hiding from the world had to do with his family. It made sense because even back then, he was always at ours and didn’t share much about his home. And I could count the number of times I’d seen Mira before on one hand.
The beat of seriousness soon slipped as she brought out an album full of pictures of Michael growing up, and my heart warmed as she told me stories behind each one of them. It was like I was finally seeing a glimpse of him I’d never seen before. He was quiet and moody in most of them, but God was he adorable. Something in me ached as a flash of little kids with golden-blond hair and dark green eyes riddled me once again. The chances of me having kids with Michael were zero to none, though it was still a nice thought.
Mira and I were giggling over a picture of a three-year-old Michael in his diapers when the men entered the room.
“Ma, I swear I’m never going to bring Lily over again if you keep up with this,” Michael managed in a serious tone as he slid in beside me. Though his tone suggested anything but seriousness. I was glad his usual playfulness had returned .
“Who else am I going to show off my adorable kid to if not his girlfriend?” Mira countered with a grin to which Mikey rolled his eyes but didn’t comment further.
Two whole albums later, after seeing a whole new side of him, Michael suggested it was time we head home, much to Mira’s dismay. It was only when Michael hugged her close, whispering something in her ear, that some of the sadness in her eyes disappeared. I knew Michael visited her every week, but it was apparent she missed her son; it made me think that whatever issue they had went deeper than I thought.
The car ride back home was quiet. Back in each other’s presence, the silence of the unanswered questions screamed louder. I kept my eyes focused on the window, watching the thrashing rain outside.
I didn’t want to ask him first; I wanted him to tell me instead. Tell me everything so I can set the ghosts of our past free.
Michael held my hand tightly, smoothing his thumb over the back of my hand as we walked over to my apartment.
“Let me,” he mumbled, punching in my code as he let me in, then followed. Guess whatever space and time he needed had come to an end. My chest swirled in anticipation and relief that he was here instead of repeating the past and running away.
I sighed, sinking into the couch as I watched him drop next to me with a blank look on his face, giving nothing away.
A beat skipped into seconds and then minutes, yet I waited patiently as the air around us sizzled with tension .
Something told me he was struggling on the inside to get it out of his chest, so I slowly placed my hand on top of his, squeezing tight as I reassured him. My way of telling him that I wasn’t going anywhere, for now at least.
A faint smile tugged his lips, and he forced a deep exhale. “My father used to hit my mom.”
My eyes widened. “What?”
He scoffed. “At least the man who I thought was my father until today.”
I was still in shock at his revelation. Never in a million years did I imagine he would say this. It made me think how blind and selfish I was when it came to him. God, I couldn’t imagine the nightmare that Mira must have experienced.
Suddenly, another cruel thought hit me. “Did he hit you too?” I bit through my teeth, already feeling the anger sizzling my blood at the thought of a tiny, innocent Michael being abused like that.
“Not really. He was a coward who only used his fist on women.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” I whispered,
“I didn’t want you to.” He spilled out a vacant laugh. “I wanted to protect you from my ugly past. At least I thought I could, but I failed.”
My brows pulled together. “What do you mean?”
His tortured greens flashed to me. “Can’t you see? All this time, I thought I had his sickness. That I had that monster inside me. Now, I know it’s not from him, but still, I don’t think it’s just going away. The urge is too strong sometimes. I don’t know if I can ever control it, but I promise you as long as I shall live, I will never hurt you like that. I can’t stay away from you anymore. I just can’t.” His voice cracked.
“Michael, what are you talking about? What urge?”
He inhaled sharply. “It’s this blinding rage. Once I give in, I can’t stop.” He paused. “Can’t stop till I’ve destroyed everything in front of me.”
“What rage…?” Only then did the reality of the situation hit me like a sharp blast of winter wind. My mind reeled back to the incident at the bar a few nights ago and then back to all those years ago, the night when Michael started to pull away from me. A vague recollection of him rearranging Trent’s face for making a crude remark about his mother came back to me. It was the first night that I thought I’d gotten my Michael back after he disappeared for weeks without a word.
“What happened? Back then, what actually happened?”
He avoided my eyes as a flush crept over his neck. A moment passed before he told me everything, the version he made himself believe for all these years and the reality of it that he learned today.
My eyes stung with unshed tears, and the hurt in my heart deepened at the sight of the lost boy who carried the wounds of his past, all alone for all these years.
“I’m so sorry.” I wrapped my arms around him as tears freely leaked out of my eyes. “I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you. I’m so sorry you were alone all this time, believing something that wasn’t true,” I whispered against his shoulder through the thickness in my throat.
“Don’t cry for me, little mouse. It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it. ”
“How can you say that?” My voice rose a decibel.
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. The truth doesn’t change much. I know what I have in me, and I won’t let it control me anymore. I’ll do my best to keep it at bay.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, already feeling the frustration itch my nerves. “And what if you can’t? What if we get into an argument and throw shit around? Punch a hole through a wall? What then, Michael?” I knew he was trying to change things around—for me, and that made my heart squeeze, but his still believing that he was this monster he painted in his head made me want to shake some sense into him.
He gritted his teeth but didn’t say a word.
And I just knew. “You would leave again, wouldn’t you? You would leave thinking it’s for the best. Because some stupid urge has taken you over again.” With my limited time, I knew my words were hypocritical, yet before I left, I wanted to show Michael who he truly was. I vowed to do that.
“It’s not as easy as you think, Lily.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair while he pinned me with a pointed look. “I can never live with myself if I hurt you like that. It’s in me, and I can’t change it.”
“You mean the urge to protect others?” I screamed.
He looked baffled at my outburst. “Wh…what?”
“The urge you keep talking about. Don’t you see? For what it truly is. It’s an urge that every human has when they see someone hurting a woman or a child. At least something any decent human would have. It’s an urge to protect them, Michael. Not hurt them.” My voice softened as I cradled my palms over his cheeks. “You’re not some monster; you never were, and you never will be.”
“But I…”
“Shush.” I placed a finger over his lips. “I won’t let you think otherwise. You beat up that man because he was hurting your mom. At that party, you hit Trent because he was talking shit about your mother, and the other night, you were giving that man a taste of his own medicine for taking advantage of that girl. What would it take for you to see the truth? The truth is that you’re this incredible man whom I am so proud of. You were never a monster in my eyes. You’re the man of my dreams, Michael.”
His eyes got so big as he blinked. He looked so vulnerable and childlike, someone who misunderstood the part of him that made him human for something deranged.
“I never thought of it that way,” he whispered, almost in disbelief.
“And you shouldn’t.”
“I’m scared. I don’t even know who I am. Look what I’ve let my past do to me. I ruined everything and everyone I cared about. I put on this facade just so people wouldn’t see the real me. Hell, I’m not even the real talent in the band. I’m nothing, useless, just a mere puppet, Lily. A puppet of my past.” He sounded broken as his eyes locked on mine.
I sighed, resting my forehead against his. “Being scared is okay. It means you’re human. And you’re not a puppet. You’re so much more than that to me. You’re my muse, Michael. I would be nothing without you. My art wouldn’t have color, and my world wouldn’t have life. You may think you’re nothing but you’re past, but you fail to see how much we care about you. The boys adore you, and I adore you, so don’t you dare tell yourself otherwise.”
His breath hitched as his greens glinted with something akin to wonderment. “I’ve never felt this way before.” His palm curved around the back of my neck, bringing me a breath away from him. “I don’t ever want to lose you, Lily. I don’t think I can spend another second without you, again.”
I smiled. “Then don’t,” I whispered against his lips.
His wide smile made my heart skip a beat, but it only lasted a second before his lips captured mine in a breathless kiss full of longing and hope. I let go of all my fears as I gave myself to him.
In one swoop, he lifted me in his arms and glided us to the bedroom.
The passion from our kiss didn’t fade as he effortlessly laid me on my back without missing a beat. A loud moan escaped my lips as my fingers threaded over his soft, golden strands that formed a veil around our faces.
“Fucking hell, Lily, you taste so good,” he mumbled between our kisses. “Like you were made for me.”
His weight settled between my thighs, grinding against my aching core.
“Michael, I want you, please,” I managed through my labored breaths. My lungs were screaming for an ounce of air, but at this moment, I wanted him more than the desire to breathe.
“You have me,” he muttered with so much devotion and tenderness that my heart melted. It took him seconds to undress us, and he was back to me again, taking me in a long, hard kiss.
My core tingled, and the wetness seeped between my folds as I arched my back to relieve some of the pressure.
Only the sounds of our ragged breaths and the heavy rain outside remained as our lips parted. The tip of his nose touched mine as his eyes implored my soul.
No word was said when our hips met, and he sank into my depths, stretching my walls as delirious pleasure coursed through my veins.
Our eyes spoke so many unsaid words as he drove into me at a slow and steady pace. His quiet was riddled with the ghosts of his past and mine with the guilt that this right here was only momentary, and only I knew that.
Looking into his eyes, something in me snapped.
I loved him.
Through all these years, a part of me never stopped loving him. Even through the hate and anger, I still loved him anyway. He was the only man I could ever bring myself to love, wholly and truly.
And here I was, making love to the man I’d always wanted, the man who was my best friend, the man who made the little girl in me feel safe. The man I loved, yet I couldn’t say it out loud.
There was so much I wanted to say, so many promises I wanted to make, but what good would it do?
My days were numbered. Michael didn’t know that I wasn’t going to be his forever, and I didn’t have it in me to voice it out loud .
So I showed him instead, giving myself completely to him. There was no one else in this world that I’d rather spend my last days with. I was thankful to have this piece of him before I left for good.
My toes curled as another moan ripped out of my throat.
“Michael,” I groaned, clutching tighter as he quickened the pace, hitting the parts of me that made my spine curve with pleasure.
“I know.” His hand held my waist tighter as he went deeper and harder. The sound of our thighs slapping became louder, and I couldn’t hold it any longer.
His green eyes gazed lovingly at me. “Come for me, Lily,” he growled, followed by a guttural moan that made the waves rising in me crash.
“Michael,” I screamed as I let go, riding the overflowing sensations as I felt him tighten and spill himself deep inside me. My eyes flew shut as the tiny tremors overtook my body. My head was spinning, and my chest was burning from the lack of air.
My heavy wheeze crackled through the room as I gathered myself with deep breaths.
“God,” he mumbled, pulling himself out of me and crashing on his back.
It took us minutes to return to a semblance of normalcy, both high from the moment we shared.
“You okay?” he whispered, propping his head on his fist as he watched me from his side.
“Hmm,” I mumbled, feeling some calm ensue in my lungs.
“Good.” He dropped a quick kiss on my nose and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear .
I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he ran a thumb along my cheek, peering at me with so much warmth and fondness.
What a cruel twist of fate?
I had my perfect fairy-tale ending right here in my arms, yet I didn’t have the time to live it.