23. Walker
Walker
T he question just flew right out. Phoenix swerves like he was physically startled, but I don’t apologize, choosing instead to let the question stand.
“You really want to hash this out now ?” he grits through his clenched jaw.
I shrug, trying to prevent him from seeing how much I need his answer. “Now. Later. Just some point in the near future would be nice.”
“Why does it matter?” he asks, keeping his eyes on the road and both his hands around the steering wheel in a white-knuckled death grip. “What’s done is done.”
“ Why does it matter? ” I ask incredulously. “It fucking matters because I know I contributed, but I don’t know how…and I can’t apologize and try to make it better if I don’t understand what happened in the first place,” I admit.
“You lied,” he says simply.
“I didn’t lie !” I argue. “I’d had sex before and I knew how gay sex worked even if I’d never had that particular brand. Why were you so torn up about it? It was my ass that took the beating, not yours.”
“Because sex has always been serious to me!” he yells back. “My first time with a guy was a fucking train wreck. There’s a lot of pressure in being someone’s first.”
I turn in my seat to face him while I continue this argument. “It was so serious to you that your reputation for being a playboy rivaled that of you being a bronc rider?”
“My reputation as a playboy kept me safe! It kept the media off my back and for the record, I didn’t close the deal nearly as often as they made it seem. I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he says, regaining his composure as we pull into a neighborhood and then a driveway a minute later.
To break the silence, I point toward the very modern, very suburban home now in front of us.
“ This is Knox’s house?” I can’t keep the shock out of my voice.
“Yep,” Phoenix says with a smile, forcing the last five minutes of our conversation to vaporize and vanish into thin air.
“This isn’t where I pictured him living. Like, at all.”
Phoenix laughs and the sound goes right to my balls. It’s the first unguarded laugh I’ve heard from him since being around him again.
“That’s because you’ve interacted with him.
Knox is a bit of a conundrum. None of us can really figure him out.
We know Knox always wanted a big family, but his ex-wife didn’t want kids at all, so me, Hudson, and Jake think Knox picked us as friends because we’re like the sons and brothers he never had. ”
“That’s fucking sad,” I admit. “He seems like a good guy.”
“The best,” Phoenix agrees. “He and Karen had just divorced when we all met, but we’ve heard stories, and honestly, good-fucking-riddance. I often wonder what he was like before she broke his heart.”
We climb out of the truck after that and I follow Phoenix around like a shadow. I’m not jealous of his friends per se, but the need to let them know I was in his life first is strong. I’m definitely going to have to watch how much I drink tonight.
Instead of going in through the front door, Phoenix leads me around back where several people are already hanging out. A group of four guys, including Knox, is playing Spikeball and two women are watching from chairs on the patio. One’s holding a glass of wine, the other, a ginger ale.
“Oh, look who decided to j?—”
It’s the woman from the bar. She was also the one sitting next to Phoenix the first night of the rodeo. Even I have to admit, they’d make an incredibly hot couple. Hell, she’d make a hot couple with anyone.
Her eyes land on mine as her sentence comes to an abrupt halt.
Phoenix whispers under his breath. “Told you she wouldn’t mind if you came.”
“Did you mean figuratively or literally?” I whisper back as we watch her rake her gaze the entire length of my body.
Breaking the tension, Phoenix yells, “Damn, Cass. If you want him to take his clothes off, just ask.”
A blush creeps up her gorgeous, caramel skin.
She smacks Phoenix on the shoulder as he pulls her in for a hug.
I watch as her arms envelope his torso. The way their bodies are smashed together without any awkwardness, the way he sinks into her familiar embrace.
..the way he did with mine by the end of our one night together… has me feeling things I shouldn’t.
“You didn’t tell us you were bringing a guest,” she says once she pulls away. “Especially that guest. ”
“Surprise,” he deadpans, kissing her cheek.
It’s not until he greets one of his guy friends—one that looks a lot like the woman he just had his arms around—that I have to look away before my longing is written all over my face.
He grabs the guy and hugs him tightly, pulling him in close until their bodies are flush against one another. I don’t know why I expected a fist bump or maybe a hand clasp, chest bump, and pat on the back, but the longer they stay locked together, the angrier I become.
Apparently, so does the guy next to the one currently in Phoenix’s arms.
“Are you planning on letting my husband come up for air any time soon?” the friend says, prying Phoenix off his… husband?
“Always gotta ruin the moment, don’t you, Jakey?” Phoenix taunts.
“I do when it involves Dylan,” Jakey fires back. “I know you got some shit going on, but find your own hot ass husband to maul.”
Phoenix throws what can only be described as a warning glare at Jake, but the way he just throws it out there makes me wonder if Phoenix is finally out? Or maybe just to his friends? Before I can think on it too hard, Phoenix nods in my direction.
“Everyone, this is Walker DeVille. We, uh,” he rubs the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable.
“We go way back. He’s staying with me for a little bit.
Figured what better way to break him in than all at once, ya know?
” His strained laugh is a tell for his nerves, but his friends don’t seem to pick up on it.
Standing next to me, Phoenix points around the circle.
“Walker, that’s Hudson. His wife, Shannon, is the beautiful pregnant lady over there.
Knox, you know.” Knox raises his beer bottle to me in hello .
“This is Jake and his husband, Dylan. If you forget they’re married, don’t worry, Jake will remind you…
repeatedly. And this stunning woman is Cassie. She’s Dylan’s twin sister.”
I smile at the group and nod. “It’s nice to meet y’all.”
After that, Phoenix mingles with his friends and leaves me to find my own way. The group is very welcoming and I never feel out of place.
I do my best to keep my eyes off of Phoenix throughout the evening, but it’s hard because he’s the most carefree I’ve ever seen him, and the way he is right now reminds me of the cocksure cowboy that followed me away from that bonfire.
When Hudson gets booted from the game of Spikeball, he grabs two fresh beers and comes over to where I’m sitting, handing one down to me.
“Thanks, man,” I say, grabbing the proffered bottle.
“Sorry to hear about your wrist,” Hudson says, taking a seat next to me on the steps of the deck.
I shrug. “Shit happens. Especially in this line of work.” I feel like an idiot as I fumble with the bottle cap until I look up at the sound of Phoenix’s voice.
“Hud, you gonna help him with that or just let him struggle? It’s like handing a blind guy your car keys, asshole.” He roasts his friend and then walks away.
Hudson looks over, finally aware of what’s happening.
“Oh, shit, dude. My bad.” He twists the cap off easily and hands it back to me, making me chuckle.
“It’s all good. I’d have figured it out eventually. And for the record, I’d also make a stellar blind driver,” I joke.
Hudson throws a bark of laughter up at the sky and Phoenix’s head whips back toward us. I can tell he wants to know what we’re talking about, but he doesn’t ask, so I don’t say.
Instead, I raise my bottle to him and maintain eye contact as I relax my throat and drain the entire thing .
Fuck it.
I want him. I never stopped wanting him. And it’s time I make that crystal fucking clear.