24. Phoenix
Phoenix
“ H e’s it, isn’t he?” Cassie asks, nudging my elbow at the sink after dinner. Everyone is still outside, drawing the last bit of energy from the sun as it dips below the tree line, but Cassie and I stayed behind to clean up the dishes that wouldn’t fit in Knox’s dishwasher.
“What are you talking about?” I ask innocently, washing the next plate as she dries them to my left.
“The person you’ve been missing.”
My jaw clenches. “Who said I’ve been missing someone?” I ask defensively. “And even if I was, it wouldn’t be him.”
She leans in, her lips brushing my jaw. “Your neck and ears turn pink when you lie, Phoe. It’s why you always lose at poker.” She takes the washed plate from my hand and begins to dry it with the towel before placing it in the cabinet and turning to patiently wait for the next one.
“Fine,” I relent. “It might’ve been him at one time, but that was a long time ago and I don’t want to talk about it. Speaking of missing people, Knox tells me you’re seeing someone.” I keep my eyes firmly on the dish in my hands as I change topics to put her in the hot seat for a change.
I had hoped Cassie and I would hook up right until the second I knew we never would, but I still feel uneasy at the thought of her with someone else. Someone none of us know.
She places her head on my shoulder.
“I am. I wasn’t keeping it from you intentionally. It’s just, this trip, you’ve been distracted, and now I know why.”
I brace my hands on the edge of the sink and blow out a breath in preparation for the admission about to leave my lips.
“I’ve been on-edge since you told me you got tickets to the rodeo.
I’ve purposely avoided it because I miss it every day and I’ll never be able to ride like I once could.
And you’re right. Walker and I have history and it’s not a great one considering he’s the biggest reason I lost everything.
I didn’t expect to ever see him again because he usually doesn’t compete here, but this year he did.
And now he’s staying in my house…and I’m a complete mess. ”
“Oh my God, Phoenix ! Why didn’t you say something? If I’d known you intentionally avoided the rodeo, I never would have suggested we go!” Abandoning the dish in her hand, she wraps her arms around me.
I return her hug, pulling her into my chest. The faint smell of her floral shampoo soothes my frayed nerves.
“It’s fine,” I say weakly, tilting her head back to kiss her forehead. “You didn’t know because I don’t talk about it. But enough of that. Tell me more about this chump you’re seeing.”
She pulls away, batting my shoulder as we finish the last of the cleanup duty while the sounds of our friends’ raucous laughter filter in through the back door.
“Miguel is not a chump. Our relationship is wonderful, and healthy, and not nearly as dramatic as what you guys get into up here. After all the drama over the last year, I’m happy to say neither Miguel nor I are secretly married, secretly gay, or secretly part of any mafia, cartels, or shady government deals. ”
I burst out in laughter. “That you know of. And to be fair, Shannon wasn’t secretly married. Hud was well aware that she wasn’t available.”
Cassie rolls her eyes playfully as she continues to look up at me, her chin on my sternum.
“You know what I mean. None of you have exactly taken a conventional route. And Knox, well, I suspect Knox will be stubbornly single for the rest of his life. But anyway, I was thinking about bringing Miguel up next time. Do you think Dylan can handle it?”
“The question, my love, isn’t can Dylan handle Miguel…it’s can Miguel handle Dylan, Jake, Hud, Knox, and me?”
Before she can respond, we hear a voice behind us.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Walker says coming into the kitchen looking uncomfortable. “Uh, Jake asked me to grab him another beer since I’m not playing this round,” he explains unnecessarily.
“I got it,” Cassie says, moving away from me and toward the fridge, giving me a knowing smile before sauntering back outside, leaving me at the sink with Walker.
Something settles deep in my chest as I take in his pink, flushed cheeks and the smile on his face.
It’s one of the few times I’ve seen him without his cowboy hat on, and fuck if I don’t want to grip his hair and haul him to me.
“Are you drunk?” I ask, my voice laced with concern as I force my fantasies back into their box. “I don’t know if you’re still taking those pain meds, but you gotta be careful.”
He shakes his head. “I only take one at night when the pain seems to intensify with nothing to distract me.” He’s in another pair of athletic shorts and a dark t-shirt, but thankfully this one isn’t as baggy, allowing me the gift of seeing the outline of his body .
“So, you and Cassie…” he trails off.
“Are just friends,” I say immediately.
The look of relief that washes across his features is not good for my mental health.
“Jonas saw her at the bar. Thought she was hot.”
I growl in response because fuck that guy . “I’ll tear his eyes out of his head next time I see him,” I bite out. “Have you heard from him?”
“Not a word. I don’t expect to either since I fired him.” Walker looks anywhere but at me while he talks.
“I’m sorry. I figured there was some bad blood there, but I didn’t know you called it quits.”
“Yeah, well,” he moves his gaze from the walls to the floor, “it kind of left a bad taste in my mouth when he told me that at least if he went to work with Jackson, he wouldn’t have to worry about, and I quote, walking in on him taking it in the ass .”
“ What? He said that? Wait, he knows you’re gay?” Shit. This isn’t good.
“I sort of let it slip when he said…you know what, never mind. It’s done now,” his eyes flash wide with panic for a brief second as he tries to backpedal.
“ Never mind my ass, Walker. Tell me what he said,” I demand, turning my attention fully on him.
“He just noticed something was up between us. He kept pressing until I admitted we’d met before.
He knew the timeline and asked if anything inappropriate had happened.
” My stomach is in my fucking throat and the room spins so fast I have to reach a hand out to steady myself as Walker continues talking.
“Anyway, I told him it was all me. That I was the one who had a crush on you and that you shut me down.”
Before I can stop myself, I grab the front of his shirt and pull him around the corner out of view of the glass door that leads to the backyard, careful of his wrist.
“You outed yourself to protect me?” I whisper in disbelief. “Walker, if he opens his mouth?—”
“It’s the least I can do, Phoenix.” He digs his fingers into the left side of my shirt while his injured right forearm is wrapped around my neck.
I couldn’t tell you how we got this close.
“I can’t go back and save your ride, but I’ll be damned if I let anyone think you forced yourself on me that night, or that I didn’t want it just as badly as you.
Jonas may not have had all the details, but his insinuation that you somehow took advantage of me made me sick. ”
I drop my forehead to his in a moment of utter weakness and vulnerability.
“Please don’t do this,” I choke out.
“Do what?” he asks, full of innocence.
“Make me fall for you.” I swallow hard. “It’ll never work. My life is here, yours is in Texas. You don’t want to come out to that crowd, Walker. All the reasons we stayed in the closet back then are still valid reasons for you now.”
“Why don’t you let me worry about that?” he asks as he brushes a hand down my cheek. Against my better judgment, I lean into his touch and of course Hudson comes into the kitchen at this exact moment and turns the corner of the hallway we’re in, headed for the bathroom, no doubt.
“Fuck, Phoe. You too?” Hudson laughs. “You and Jake keep macking on these hot guys and before long, Knox and I’ll be making out in the corner...but don’t tell my wife.”
I jump away from Walker, startled by my best friend’s presence.
“Don’t stop on my account. I just need a quick trip to the little boys’ room.” Hudson points down the hall .
I scrub a hand down my face and walk outside before I say, or do, something else I’ll regret.
Two hours later, Walker and I say our goodbyes to the group.
When I get to Cassie, she cups my face and holds me captive with her beautiful eyes.
“You’re the best guy I know besides my brother, PhoePhoe.
” I hate the nickname, and she’s the only one I let get away with using it.
“Maybe it’s time you take something for yourself. ”
Outwardly, I smile and nod. Inwardly, I beat my head against a wall because I already did that.
And the something I took was the ass of a barely-eighteen-year-old virgin who got under my skin and in my head in the span of four hours…
and who’s shown back up in my life as a man that apparently, I still want.
Jesus Christ.
I kiss her cheek without another word and climb in my truck.
When we get back to my house, I go straight to my room and stare at the ceiling.
I finally roll out of bed at five a.m. after getting a grand total of fifteen minutes of sleep last night and fuck do I feel it. These long, southern summer days have the sun already bringing a small amount of light to the sky outside my window.
I get dressed in barn clothes since I need to prep the stalls for the broncs to come home today, and then I stop outside Walker’s door.
I briefly think about waking him up since he’s here to help, but ultimately decide that he’ll have plenty of mornings to wake up early and I can manage today alone in an effort to let his body heal.
Heading downstairs, grateful for the auto-start feature on my coffee pot, I notice a light on in the barn.
Strange, since I haven’t been out there in a couple of days. Maybe Trisha came back and forgot to let me know her plans changed.
I pour my coffee and head out to start my day.