Chapter 60 Nox #2
“Yes, well, that was before we found out he experimented on you.” I stepped toward her. “He said it made you ten times more powerful. More deadly. Whatever he did could hurt you, Devora.”
“He already did!” she shouted, chest heaving. I stopped in my tracks. “He already hurt me, Nox. In more ways than you can understand.” Her head shook as she took another ragged breath. “This is my choice. I can do things nobody else on the team can. I can help. Don’t you believe in me?”
I ground my teeth together. Of course I believed in her. She was the most incredible woman I’d ever met. That wasn’t the problem.
Now that Scarven and his Alchemist knew of my feelings for Devora, every single step would be a trap. Scarven would stop at nothing to rip her from me, the way he had my father. Vera. My mother. Sage.
I was selfish. I had already signed Devora’s fate by falling for her, but I wouldn’t be the one to lead her straight to her death. Even if she hated me for it.
I turned away. “It’s decided, Devora. You’re staying here. I won’t risk it. I won’t risk you.”
Her rage washed over me, a metallic and spicy scent mixing with her usual pomegranates. I closed my eyes for a brief moment before crossing to the door, unable to bear seeing the look on her face.
As I reached for the handle, a wall of shadows slammed against it.
I whirled to face her. “What are you doing?”
“You don’t get to walk away from me,” she said. An angry blush crept up her cheeks. Her shadows slipped from the door and wound around my waist, then fastened in circles around each of my wrists.
I struggled to break free, but she was stronger than I anticipated. “Let me go, Devora.”
“No.” She flicked her hand, and the shadows tugged my feet closer. Her blue-green eyes flashed in defiance. “You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do, do you understand?”
My heart pounded as her magic called to mine, a furious beat of rebellion and desire and pride all mixed into one. Fates, she was stubborn. Obstinate and hardheaded and absolutely stunning.
I didn’t think I’d ever loved her more.
And that was the most frightening thing of all.
A growl worked its way up my throat. “Devora, I—”
“You told me you wouldn’t leave me, but that’s exactly what you’re doing!” she shouted, her magic winding tighter around me.
My dragon thrashed at the challenge as a wave of heat surged through me. “I’m not leaving you, Devora. I’m protecting you!”
She threw her hands in the air, and the shadows pulled me forward. “Well, stop! Haven’t I proven I can take care of myself?” Her voice rose as her magic pushed on the backs of my legs. “I’m tired of this, Nox. Why do you keep trying to cage me?”
“Because I love you!” I roared. My arms strained against the shadows, shoving me forward until I had no choice but to fall to my knees before her.
Her mouth fell open. “You—you what?”
My dragon half bashed against my chest, and the workshop faded around us. The only things left were the heightened sounds of our breaths and the echo of her heart thrumming in my ears, as fast and sharp as my own.
I hadn’t meant to fall in love. But here I was, on my knees for her over and over.
“I swore I’d never feel this again. I told myself I couldn’t.
” The words were choked, blazing their way up my throat.
“But, Fates, Devora, I love you. Fiercely. Selfishly. In a way that terrifies me. Loving you makes you a target, but I—I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t pretend I don’t want you so desperately, I can barely breathe. ”
Her lips parted, shadows swelling around me as if they were hanging on to my every word.
“I don’t care what he tries to take from me this time,” I said, voice low and ragged. “I won’t let him take you.”
As if in a daze, she took a single, staggering step to me. Then she fell to her knees and yanked me forward with her shadows, crashing her lips to mine.
I didn’t think. I just kissed her.
And, Fates, it undid me.
Her hands fisted in my shirt. I jerked against the restraints with a muffled growl until she finally released me, then gripped her waist and drew her closer.
The press of her soft curves against me set me on fire.
Shadows coiled around us, licking up my spine with a fervor that made my dragon purr inside my chest. I buried my other hand in her hair, caught between surrender and control.
The world narrowed to just this—her heartbeat, her breath, her everything.
But just as suddenly as it began, she pulled away, lips swollen and eyes blazing.
“If you love me, Nox Duma, then you have to understand I won’t kneel for you.
I’m not your prisoner. I refused to be one to your hatred, and I refuse to be one to your heart.
” Placing a finger under my chin, she tilted my head up.
“I’m coming with you. From here on out, I stand beside you. ”
“But what if I lose you?” I whispered.
Her piercing gaze softened. She swallowed hard, then cupped her hands at my neck. “What if you don’t?”
I rested my forehead against hers. “I don’t know how to do this, Devora. I don’t want to control you, but I don’t know how to stop being scared.”
Her fingers on my pulse grounded me, like an anchor in a storm. "I'm scared too," she said. "Every time we find out something new, every time we have to face him…I wonder if it’s the last time I’ll see you. But he doesn’t get to control our lives, Nox. We do."
I let out a soft exhale. “If anything happens to you—”
She pulled back just enough to look into my eyes. “Then it will happen with me fighting beside you, not sitting behind waiting.”
I swallowed. I could feel the shift. Could feel my heart warring with my mind, that unbearable tension between protecting her and giving her freedom. I never wanted to cage her. I never wanted her to feel imprisoned again. But now all I was doing was trading one locked tower for another.
She leaned in and pressed her lips to my forehead.
“I’m not her, Nox,” she whispered, and my heart clenched.
“I’m not the woman you lost. I know you’ll carry that with you for the rest of your life, and I wish more than anything I could take away even a fraction of the pain you’ve been through.
I’m not trying to make this harder for you. But I—I can’t live in that shadow.”
I moved my thumb to her waist, rubbing back and forth along the sliver of exposed skin beneath her shirt. “You’re not her,” I said, the words catching in my throat. “But I’m still him. The man who couldn’t save the people he loved.”
Silver lined her eyes. “You’re so much more than that.
You’re the man who put aside his own safety, his own identity, to protect them.
The man who’s led countless missions to rescue people who couldn’t save themselves.
The man who’s given hope in a world full of darkness.
” She paused, giving me a gentle smile even as a tear slipped down her cheek.
“I want you to see that, Nox. Because you’re the most wonderful man I’ve ever known. ”
I swallowed hard and slowly nodded, entranced by the tear lingering at the corner of her lips, her warm breath cascading over my nose.
She kissed me again, slow and deep, and I could taste her salty tears. “Oh, and, Nox?” she murmured into the kiss.
“Hmm?”
I felt her mouth curve upward. “I love you too.”
The backs of my eyes pricked, warmth spreading through my chest and settling around my heart. I held her close, knowing there was no going back now. Knowing this could be the last time she was in my arms.
Tenderly brushing my thumb along her jaw, I said, “Then go pack, Devora, my darling. We leave at dawn.”