Chapter 13
When he wipes the tear from my cheek I swear, the whole world falls away.
Just Ty and I, locked in this dance between us. The push and pull. The need I have to protect him and the need he has to protect me.
When I say okay, something small inside me heals. I’m not alone anymore. Ty’s looking at me like I’m precious, like I’m the same girl he held in the clearing, like nothing that I went through to survive changed his mind about me.
Ty’s eyes drop to my lips for a moment, then back up to my eyes. Like he sees me.
Then Asher clears his throat.
And the bubble pops.
I relax back on the couch a little bit, putting just a little bit of space between us instantly, but Ty… Ty watches me do it and then grumbles under his breath about murdering his best friend before unwillingly sitting back.
“I’m going to go get extra blankets and stuff for the couch,” Asher says awkwardly, turning down the little hallway toward where I’m guessing their rooms are before taking a sharp left and closing the door loudly.
“I think you should take my bed. It’s not great, but it’s better than the couch.” Ty takes my hand, looking at me kindly.
“No,” I say, laughing slightly. “No, I will not be taking your bed on top of everything else.”
“You need actual sleep. Not broken sleep on a shitty futon.”
“Ty, I’m not taking your bed. That’s the end of it,” I say strongly. I’m already taking everything from him, I can’t take that too.
“Goddamn it, you’re such a stubborn person.”
“Takes one to know one.”
“Oh, and very mature as well,” Ty snarks with an eyeroll. “Come on, Roxie, just take the bed. I’ll sit with you until you fall asleep.”
How’d he know?
I sigh, giving up the fight because I know I won’t win.
“Okay.”
Ty smirks and then bends down, slipping his hands under my knees and behind my back. “Hold on,” he says, before he lifts me up like I weigh nothing.
“Ty,” I start to tell him to put me down, but his hold just tightens.
“I’ve got you, Roxie.”
And I can tell he means it.
It’s only maybe fifteen steps from the couch to the door of what I’m assuming is his room, and he nudges the door open with his foot before turning and kicking it shut behind us. My eyes are so tired; burning and stinging from all the shit today. That small nap didn’t do much.
Ty’s space is tidy. There’s an outfit on the floor beside the laundry basket, but everything else is so put together.
I feel like I’m going to make it dirty just by being in his space.
“Wow,” I say softly, looking around for pieces of the boy I knew to see if there’s anything left of him in this…
mammoth of a man in front of me. Ty has art supplies covering every inch of his desk.
Loose-leaf papers stacked neatly with his charcoal pencils on top of a half-finished design, a beat up laptop that looks like it’s on its absolute last legs, and a handful of books stacked in the corner.
While it’s cluttered, it’s completely organized.
“This is me,” he says with a laugh that tells me he’s trying to keep it light and jokey, but I’m actually in his safe space.
Something that he offered up to me. Insisted I take.
“You’re neater than I thought you’d be, Ty.
” He cracks a relieved smile with a short exhale and sets me down on the full-sized bed gently.
Making sure I’m not going to fall, he steps towards the head of the bed and pulls the sheets back before going to his dresser.
A soft, well-worn t-shirt lands in my lap and it hits me.
I’m still in my dirty clothes. Quickly, I throw the shirt on top and try my best not to cry when I shift my sports bra off, sliding it down my body. Ty’s biting his lip and he shifts slightly like he wants to offer to help, but doesn’t want to cross a line.
I maneuver enough to get it off, but I’m sweating and near tears when it’s done.
“Come on, trouble-maker. You need to sleep.”
I start to slide into a comfortable position and I bite my tongue from crying out. He doesn’t need to worry about me anymore than he does already.
“Don’t think I didn’t see that whole thing. Let me go get another painkiller.” He’s watching me like a hawk and I’m… scared to trust it. My heart beats harder because I know I like it. The care. But it won’t last, it never does.
Instead of trusting my voice not to shake, I nod and he jumps to his desk, pulling out a generic store bottle of meds.
“You can’t have any of the others for the next few hours. I don’t… I don’t have any unopened bottles of this one.” He’s saying the words so softly and so achingly understanding that I know I can trust him with this.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t recoil a little.
“It’s okay,” I say, trying to steady my voice. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.
“I promise you, on my life, it’s just ibuprofen. I swear,” he says aggressively but not the angry kind of aggressive. No, this is aggressive because he wants me to believe him so badly. Ty opens the top, pours a handful and picks two at random before taking them as well.
“At this rate, Ty, you’re going to be as medicated as I am,” I say with a smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes.
“If that’s what I need to do to prove to you that I’d never fucking betray you like that, then it’s what I’ll do.”
I nod, and pick two pills for myself. Ty waits patiently for me to make my selection, and then puts all the pills back into the bottle. I throw the painkillers back, swallowing them without ceremony. I just want this day to be done.
Letting myself fall back against the cool sheets, I try not to be too awkward.
Ty moves, putting the bottle on the small table by his bed before flicking the small light on there and shutting the overhead off.
“I’m going to be right here, okay? I have some work I have to do, is that okay?” Ty asks, spinning in the old desk chair, pulling out a piece of paper and picking up his pencils.
“Sure, Ty. Whatever you need.” My voice is weary and I sink into the cushioned mattress. I haven’t been able to sleep fully in years and the darkness is calling me. Ty’s looking right at me as I open my eyes back up again, barely half way.
“Sleep, carino. I’m here,” Ty says softly, before he turns towards his paper and gets to work. And for the first time in six years, I fall asleep peacefully, knowing that someone has my back.
Mickey stands behind the thin curtain, just his silhouette is just visible through the fabric. I know he’s there, but he’s silent. Moving stealthily through the room and the terror in me builds more.
I do my best to stay quiet, to keep my breathing level and even like if I was sleeping. But he just stands there, on the other side of the sheet. Staring.
‘This is a dream’, my mind tells me, but I can’t pull myself out of it.
“I know…what you’re doing,” he whispers through the curtain, in that stupid fucking creepy voice that he knows I hate. “You can’t protect him.”
“What?” I whisper in the darkness, giving up the pretense of sleeping. What does he know? Ty…
Wake up, Roxie. Wake up, wake up, wake up.
“I’ll kill him. Slowly. Then his little friend. They both think they can save you but they should know that you don’t deserve to be saved. You deserve everything you’re given. Everything you’ve endured. All of it. And now… you’ll deserve exactly what I’m going to do to them.”
“No,” I whisper, and in the background I hear Ty scream. A desperate, loud scream that tells me just how much pain he’s in. I throw off the blankets and try to get to him, but the curtain wraps around my arms, and I scream for him.
“TY! No, not him! Not him!” Tears fall from my eyes as I scream. I knew this would fucking happen. How’d they get here? How did I fail them so spectacularly?
Mickey just throws his head back and laughs, still somehow hidden as the curtain wraps around me tighter. I throw all my weight into punching and kicking, doing everything I can to get rid of this fucking curtain that’s holding on with a strength I didn’t know was possible.
I hear Ty scream again, but this time, he’s screaming my name.
“TY!” I scream, biting the curtain to rip it and the fabric falls to the ground.
“Mark my words,” Mickey snarls and runs off, and I feel my world shake violently.
“Roxie!” Ty says loudly. He doesn’t sound like he’s in pain anymore, just frantic. “Roxie, come on! Come back to me!”
My eyes jolt open and Asher’s standing in the doorway, holding his arm with concern in his eyes, but Ty… Ty’s holding me so tightly I don’t know where I end and he begins.
“Roxie?” he whispers, his voice cracking like he’s so fucking sad.
My heart drops as I realize what happened.
“Oh god,” I groan. “Fuck.”
“Are you okay?” Ty doesn’t let go, not even a fraction, just holds me to his chest like he’s saved me from falling to my death. And the way my heart is pounding, it feels like it too.
“Sorry,” I say breathlessly. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Ty says automatically. “Seriously. Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “I get them from time to time. Are you okay?”
Ty’s eyes lock onto mine. There’s a hurricane in those dark eyes.
“You were screaming for me,” he says the words so wrecked, I immediately shift us gently so I’m holding his shoulders, tightening my hold on him as soon as I can. “You weren’t screaming ‘help me’ or begging for me to save you… You were screaming my name. Saying ‘no, not him.’”
“I’m sorry,” I say again, tucking my face into his chest like I might be able to pull the pain from him just by holding him tightly.
“You don’t have to be sorry, carino,” he says softly, and the quiet latch of the door sounds behind me, telling me that Asher left the room. “Want to talk about it?”
“Mickey…” I swallow the lump in my throat, the sob that I’ve just barely recovered from. Ty doesn’t push for me to speak faster, but I feel his grip tighten protectively on me. His fingertips digging deeper into my flesh like he could save me from everything if he just holds on a little tighter.