Chapter 39
Watching Ty think through my question is physically painful.
It should’ve been easy. He should’ve simply been able to say whatever it was. But here we are.
Again.
I can see it the moment he chooses because his eyes shut down. There was an openness when he came out of the shop, fury too, but an openness that felt like he cared again.
That’s gone now.
“I can’t,” he says through gritted teeth.
“Bullshit.”
“Look, Roxie,” he says with a finality to his tone. “I’ve known you for a long time. You saved me, I saved you. But that’s where this ends. We can be friends, we can work together, and we can have each other’s back. But that’s it. Nothing, nothing, else.”
There’s that fucking word again.
Nothing.
“You mean nothing to me”, “You’re nothing.” “Who would want a nothing like you?” “You’d be easier to handle, but honestly, nothing about you is good.” “Nothing is worth dealing with you.” “She’s just blah, nothing.” “If her behavior wasn’t so fucking awful, but there’s nothing we can do.”
Nothing. It’s all I boil down to.
I ignore the pain in my chest as my heart cracks open once again, and swallow the sobs that want to explode from my mouth as the one person I’ve always loved proves that no one could ever actually want me.
“Got it. Loud and clear.” I swallow the lump in my throat, and cross my arms over my chest tightly.
“Well, thank you. At the very least. I don’t know what you did, but I know it cost you something.
So, thank you for having my back. Don’t think for a second that you’re living down the whole using me to get your dick wet, but…
” I do what I do best and cover up my heartbreak with brattiness and humor.
“At least it was a good fuck, huh?” I smile, it’s the fakest shit ever.
And hell, I’ve had to fake a few orgasms in the last few months.
His face stays completely unreadable and I hate that more than anything.
“You’re welcome. I’ll always have your back.”
“You fucking better. Because if you don’t, I’m taking Asher in our divorce.”
“You can’t take Asher from me!” he exclaims in mock surrender, nodding quickly as his rough-and-tough demeanor turns playful.
I bite back a smile. This is going to hurt, and we’re going to stumble… But I have to have Ty in my life somehow. We were friends once, we can be again.
But when it comes down to it, I need air to survive. And Ty’s that for me.
“Well then.” I tilt my head in my signature bratty way and shrug. “Better have my back. Through thick and thin. Awkward and chill. Friends or foes.”
Ty nods, taking a deep breath like it’s a hardship but then nods.
“I care about you, Roxie. I always have and I always will,” Ty says.
His words dripping sincerity and fuck me, do they hurt.
Almost as much as seeing that leather cord wrapped around his wrist still.
Does he just not remember that it’s there?
So used to it that he doesn’t realize the significance?
Should I tell him?
Ty stuffs his hand into his front pocket, the cord on display, and I swallow the lump in my throat.
“I care about you too.” I nod, and turn to walk inside. Work is what’s going to save my sanity. Work, tattoos, and meaningless sex, because fuck ever trying to find someone better for me than the man that doesn’t actually want me.
Fuck my life.