Chapter 40
FIVE YEARS LATER
I can’t keep doing this.
But I have to.
She’s flirting with the postman while sitting in that sexy little harness and fishnet combo that’s lethal to all men–and women–and she knows it.
I clean off my station with more force than necessary, but I’m so tired of this. I’m so… I’m so fucking hard up, but I refuse to sleep with anyone. I don’t want to, but really, I don’t think I could even get hard enough to try to sleep with anyone else.
Every part of my body just wants her.
Asher’s girlfriend, Jade, walks in and her long blonde hair swings at her waist as she passes me by with a big smile on her way to the front desk.
I’m so glad she changed her major from business to art.
She’s a natural, and so talented. Not to mention, the girl fits into our weird little family like our missing piece. Now, we’re all balanced.
Without saying a thing, Jade grabs the mail from the postman's hand, nods at him dismissively and grabs Roxie’s arm. They turn and–of course–Roxie has to throw him a wink over her shoulder.
“I just can’t do this shit anymore,” I mutter in Spanish under my breath, turning towards my storage case behind me and taking stock.
“What was that?” Asher asks, chuckling at my back and I grunt in frustration. He knows. He knows why I’m like this.
“I’m so sick of this, Asher.” No use in hiding it from him, he knows how deep my feelings go. How much I’m holding back.
“Then go tell her.”
“I can’t.”
“Says you.”
“Asher,” I growl his name out threateningly.
“You know I’m right,” he says in a sing-song tone before walking away.
“You’re pissing me off,” I call after him in Spanish, thankful that he isn’t fluent, but I just get flipped off in response.
“And you love me. We’re going out tonight,” Asher says decisively. “It’s been way too long since we had a guys night and you need to blow off some steam.
“I have plans.”
“The fuck you do,” Asher laughs. “You’re coming out with me and we’re going to go get a beer and talk.”
I groan, but Asher doesn’t seem to be in the mood to give me much choice.
“Fine,” I grumble, closing my storage shelf behind me. “I’ll meet you there at nine.”
“Yes,” Asher fist bumps the air in success as Jade walks up to his station and drops off some of the mail. Her hand grazes his shoulder before she presses into his back for a quick cuddle before going back to her responsibilities.
And I’ve never been so damn jealous.
My eyes drift to Roxie and she’s looking at Jade and Asher too. I nearly stand up and go hold her right there. Her eyes… There’s none of that Roxie bravado that’s always there. No brattiness or strength she always feels like she has to have.
I see her.
All of her.
She wants what they have, just like I do.
But the question is, does she think I can give it to her? I know I can’t yet. I’m not good enough for her. I’ve done terrible things, and I’m still terrified of how easy it was for me to kill.
I can’t…
At night, I still see them. All of them. And Mickey’s at the forefront telling me how I’ll hurt her too in the end.
I won’t let him be right.
Roxie turns back to her phone and I’m just close enough that my curiosity gets the better of me. The way she’s sitting at her desk with her legs up and the phone right in front of her face… It’s not my fault I can see exactly what she’s typing.
And fuck me, she’s confirming another date.
My heart beats a little faster when I realize she’ll be at the bar where Asher and I go… at nine thirty.
“A whiskey on the rocks, please,” Asher orders, sliding up to the wooden bar and taking one of the stools. I sit next to him and hold up two fingers to order the same. The bartender nods and gets to work making our drinks.
“What are we doing, Ashe?” I ask because I know Asher. Sure, we used to go out but it was a two drink maximum and that was before he had Jade. I know he’d much rather be home with her.
“We’re getting a drink?”
“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter,” I snark back at him, finding the clock on the wall and keeping an eye on it. Twenty-two minutes until Roxie arrives.
“I’ve just noticed you needed a night out.” He shrugs.
“How long have we known each other?”
“Alright, alright, Jesus fucking Christ,” Asher rolls his eyes. “Yes, I did have something I wanted to tell you about.”
“I’m all ears,” I say just as the bartender slides our drinks over to us.
“Well,” Asher suddenly gets nervous and downs his drink in nearly one gulp.
“Jesus, man.”
“Jade’s pregnant,” he blurts out.
“Oh.” My eyes widen and I sit back in my chair. Jade’s pregnant. “She’s only twenty-one.”
“I know.” He nods, running a hand through his hair nervously. “I know. It wasn’t part of our plan or anything, but… We’re happy. I’m so fucking happy man. So unbelievably over-the-moon happy as can be. Jade’s having my baby.”
I’ve seen Asher happy before. It’s always been a little subdued, like he’s worried the other shoe will drop. As the three–well, four actually–of us have learned over time to expect. But this… This is purely good.
“Jade’s pregnant!” I say a little louder, a big smile growing on my face and throwing my arms around Asher. “My brother’s having a baby. Oh my god, I’m going to be an uncle.”
Wow, a baby. A baby…
“How far along is she?” I ask, just as the bell above the bar’s door rings and my attention zeroes in on the two people that walk in.
A tall blonde guy with conventionally attractive features but he’s scrawny like a bean pole and barely taller than his date.
The love of my life.
My heart jumps in my fucking chest. She’s so beautiful.
Roxie’s signature half blonde, half black hair is curled and pinned back from her face, with smokey makeup but her lips painted red. The little black dress shows off her pale, toned arms and tight waist that I know fits perfectly in my hands so well.
She’s wearing heavy combat boots and has…one of my old plaid shirts wrapped around her waist.
“You’re not even listening, are you?” Asher’s voice cuts into my oogling and I force myself to turn from Roxie before she can see me.
“I am. I’m sorry,” I apologize quickly, turning my attention back to my best friend who just told me life changing news.
“No problem,” Asher says with a chuckle. “I may have brought you here before her date for a reason.”
What?
“The hell?” I hiss, “Why the fuck–” I start to cuss him out, but Asher sits up and leans on the bar.
“You need to see how fucking miserable she is. You think she’s happy and moving on, but you only see what you want. Look at her.” Asher nods towards the other side of the bar and I slowly turn my head towards where she must be.
Am I ready to see how happy she is without me? I mean, fuck, is it not enough that I have to see her in post-orgasmic bliss with these fuckers the morning after?
But when I gain the courage to look at her, I see what he’s talking about.
Roxie’s not smiley and bubbly. She’s not chatting up a storm or flirting like crazy. She’s just…there.
And the asshole seated across from her doesn’t seem to notice that she’s checked out.
“You don’t have to do anything, fuck man, you don’t even have to say anything to her. But I thought you should know.” Asher stands up and sets down a twenty, sliding it towards the bartender. “I’m going to go home to my pregnant baby mama and hold her hair for her as she throws up.”
That pulls me out of my shock and I wrap Asher in a big hug.
“I’m so happy for you, man,” I say softly. “I’m here for whatever you both need. Anytime, anywhere. You say the word and I’ll make it happen.”
“Thank you, brother.” He claps me on the back and then leans back. “You hang out, have another drink and relax. You deserve it. Or, if you don’t want to, head home and go relax there. But either way, Ty, think about what you’re doing and what you want for your future.”
With those annoying fucking words of wisdom, he gets up and leaves. Leaving me alone with alcohol, my broody thoughts, and the girl I love on a date with another man.