Chapter 45
If I just smudge this line here, I might be done, I think. I’m hunched over my small desk at home, the same one I had when I shared an apartment with Asher all those years ago.
I don’t know what urged me to recreate the drawing of Roxie and I in the woods the night before she was transferred from Haven, all those years ago.
Her soft hair flowing over my thighs as I tried to keep her as comfortable as possible as she laid curled on her side.
I didn’t sleep a wink that night…but it was worth it.
I sweep my pencil over the final curve of her hips as she lay there and I know it’s finished. It’s…exactly like my memory.
I thought I knew love then. I thought I was able to understand love and sacrifice because of my family growing up. I thought family was sacrifice. That everyone was meant to give and give and give, no matter if there’s anything given in return.
But Roxie, she showed me that that isn’t true.
She was the first person besides Asher who gave me something back. The first person who made sure I had my fair share before anyone else. The first person who stood up for me against my family. The first person I ever fell in love with.
The only person I’ve ever fallen in love with.
I stare down at the paper, lost in the memories and the ‘what-ifs’ of it all and I know, I fucking know just how badly the two of us love each other. But I want her to be free. That’s always what I’ve wanted–no, needed.
The leather cord on my wrist catches my attention and I’m thrown back into the way her smile looked on the day she was transferred. How she tied it on my wrist like it was a lifeline to her.
Fuck, Asher’s right. She tied a life commitment on my wrist and I’ve never looked back.
I’ve never wanted to.
Sighing deeply, I have to figure out what to do. I want her. I want her so fucking badly. Being her freind was hard, being her secret fuck buddy was torture. And I thought it was just me feeling this way.
But now I know it’s her too.
Can I keep hurting us both just because I can’t let her go?
“I’m done with this back and forth, Ty. It’s been years and… It’s either you want me or you don’t. But if you don’t...then let me go,” she’d said. Her voice is still ringing in my head as it drops to the desk with a thud.
I don’t know what to do.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
Intense knocking hits my front door, nearly knocking it off the hinges.
“Ty! Terecino! Let me in!”
Roxie.
I slowly sit up, confusion lighting up my brain. Did I die? Am I having a stroke?
“Ty, please,” she sobs. “Let me in.”
My feet move before I fully understand what’s happening and I nearly rip the door open. She’s here.
She’s here.
“Roxie?” I ask numbly, dumbly.
“Ty,” she sobs, launching herself into my arms, wrapping both arms and legs around me. Stumbling back, my arms latch around her and hold her tighter than I think is healthy.
She’s here.
Her face curls into my neck and the warm tears wet the skin there. Her cries are soft, but I can feel her breath catching under my hand at her back.
“I love you,” she says, it’s muffled and quiet, but it’s there.
My heart fucking soars. I don’t know if I’ve ever been happier than right now, but my brain can’t be happy for the moment.
“I can’t put you in danger.”
She laughs, it’s broken and humorless, but it’s full of that Roxie-ness that tells me she’s there.
“Do you really think I’d let you get that far? Besides, Ty, you’ve never, ever, hurt me for no reason.”
“But–”
“No.” Roxie sits back in my hold, eyes intent on mine.
Eyes burning into mine, like she’s not taking no for an answer.
“You did what you had to do. You did what you had to do. I understand now. I would’ve understood then too.
You didn’t knock me out because you wanted to hurt me, you knocked me out because you wanted to save me. Do you see the difference?”
“But then I killed people, aren’t you scared?”
She starts to laugh, a small bubble of laughter, but then visibility swallows it down.
“Don’t laugh at me.”
“I’m not trying to, baby.” She cups my cheek and presses her forehead to mine lovingly.
“No, no, I’m not scared of you. Because I know your mind.
I know your heart. I know you. Even when we were apart, you never let someone who was in need go without, you never put your hands on anyone that didn’t deserve it, you never let me go even when it would’ve been easier on your heart.
You stayed. You protected. You gave. You’re the best man I know, and the only man I’ve ever loved.
You, Ty, are mine. And I’m not letting you talk yourself out of the happiness you deserve because you’re worried about some hypothetical. ”
Something cracks in my chest at her words, and tears line my eyes.
“Oh, Ty,” she croons softly, using her other hand to brush back my short hair. “I’ve got a worry of my own. It was actually why I ran before.”
“I thought you were disgusted with me.”
“No, no. It was fear, but more… I’m scared you’re going to resent me. You’ve sacrificed so much for me, what if one day you regret it? Or you look at me and see what you’ve done and… you don’t want that reminder anymore?”
My jaw drops slightly, my grip on her tightening. “Never.”
“Never?”
“For as long as I’m breathing, and even in the beyond, I’ll never regret a moment that I have you in my life. As friends, lovers, partners. I love you too, Roxie. I always have and I always will.”
The smile that brightens her face is electric. It’s contagious and beautiful and heals every dark hole in my heart.
“We’re done being stupid now, right? We’re together, fully?”
I nod quickly, keeping my face close to hers. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too.”
“No, Roxie, I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Stop,” she says softly with a smirk on her face, the words calling back to an earlier time. “Stop saying sorry. We live and we learn, and from now on we do the learning together.”
I lean in closer so my nose brushes her and she can feel my lips just barely brushing hers.
“Fully together and we’ll stay that way forever.”
“Finally,” she groans and we crash together. There’s no finesse with our kisses, there’s nothing but need and love.
I walk us back to my room after making sure the door is closed. This time, we will be making love in a bed. Not the floor, not the wall, not the kitchen table. A bed. Where she’ll be surrounded by warmth and softness and the smell of us together.
“We’re not doing this sacrificing again, are we?” She pulls back abruptly, holding me still by the back of my head. “Please, Ty, promise me. You always tell me the truth, even if you think it hurts and I’ll do the same. Understood?”
I smile softly, nodding. “Yes, carino, understood. I promise. I promise on everything I hold dear.” You, I promise on you. That way I’ll never break it.
She presses her lips to mine, lifting herself higher in my arms to get impossibly closer.
“Fuck me, Ty.”
“No, carino,” I say gruffly, my voice sounding like satin over gravel. “I’m going to make love to you.”
Roxie’s eyes go from confused to aroused in half a moment and she nods.
“You’re going to follow my directions, si? I promise, I’ll take care of you.”
“Yes, Daddy,” she whispers, and that name from her lips makes a shiver go down my spine.
“Good girl,” I growl in her ear and gently lay her down on my bed. It’s small, but it worked for me. I didn’t have anyone I wanted to permanently share a bed with except her.
I haven’t shared a bed with anyone, except her.
“I’ll get a bigger bed tomorrow,” I say softly.
“I have a queen, we’ll be fine.”
I smirk, sitting up to pull my shirt over my head and letting it drop to the ground. “Oh, just going to move right in?”
“Absolutely not,” she barks a laugh that makes me grin freely for the first time in years. She speaks as she shimmies out of her black joggers and pulls her white shirt overhead. “You’ll be moving in with me tomorrow. My place is bigger and closer to work.”
“Then, I’m buying you–us–new bedding. And we’ll be making your place, our place very soon.”
“Deal.” She smiles, and I return it, leaning down to cover her lips with mine. My hands wrap around her small waist and pull her up so our bare skin touches. Even though we were together like this last night, this time… This time it means something more.
And we both know it.
This is forever.
“Make love to me, Ty,” she whispers against my lips as she arches her back under my hands and I melt.
“I will. Always.”
I kiss her softly at first, then lick the seam of her lips and groan when she gives me access to deepen the kiss. One of my hands slides up to her hair and I thread my fingers through the thick locks, keeping her pressed against me.
How could I ever have thought we wouldn’t end up here?
After everything?
Roxie’s part of my soul and I know I’m right where I’m meant to be.
Her thighs wrap around my waist, and she grinds against my hips making my cock start to harden. Before I know what’s happening, Roxie’s hands leave my shoulders and she’s pushing my pants down.
“Here, let me,” I start to lean back but she shakes her head.
“No, no, please, don’t go far.” She pushes the waistband to just below my ass and we both moan when my hard dick meets her soft skin. “We just need this, I just need you. Don’t move from me.”
“Okay, baby. Okay, I’ve got you,” I say softly, pushing a lock of hair away from her face.
I move down to touch her, to get her ready for me, but fuck, my fingers meet her slick wetness and if I wasn’t rock hard before, I am now.
My eyes look up to her and I see the need, the want, the please in her eyes before she whimpers it, but through it all, I see love.
This is special and I want it to be perfect.
“Please, Daddy, I just need you.” Her hand cups my cheek and the pad of her thumb sweeps over my cheekbone. “Just love me, Ty.”
“Always,” I whisper, lining myself up at her entrance before pressing in slowly. Each inch I sink in, the more her mouth opens and she gasps.
“Every time, Roxie. Every fucking time,” I mutter, pressing my forehead to hers to try to restrain myself from thrusting right into her. “I can’t control myself.”
“You have for years,” she says breathlessly as her head falls back. I bite my cheek when I feel her walls pulse around me.
“And it was fucking torture. My version of hell.”
“I only ever wanted to be your heaven,” she whispers.
“You are. And I still don’t know if I deserve it.”
“You do.” She says it so decisively, so honestly, that I believe it a little bit.
I press into her, going further and further until I’m as far into her as I possibly can be.
“There, there,” she gasps, closing her eyes as she arches up so her mouth is against my shoulder. “Fuck, you’re so deep.”
I love when she says that.
My hands go to her thighs and I force them back so her knees touch her chest, and take her even deeper.
“Oh fuck. Oh fuck, Daddy!” she cries out before turning her head and biting the pillow.
My hips start to move involuntarily, I need her, I need all of her, and her neck catches my attention.
It’s so strong, so long, so tantalizing.
And behind her ear, so fucking tiny I would’ve thought it was a mole had I not been paying attention, is a small boxing glove with a T inside.
“I fucking love you. So much,” I groan, a hand going from her thigh to her neck so I can brush my thumb over the small mark. My mark.
“You like it? Jade just did it for me,” she says with a bratty smirk right before I fuck into her harder to knock that challenging smirk off her face. “For you, to show you I’m yours, forever.”
Her hand comes up and wraps around my wrist, and she kisses right over where the leather meets my pulse point.
“Like you’re mine, forever.” She smiles.
“That was never a question,” I say as I lean down and kiss her, grinding against her with each thrust, using her legs to reach into her deeper and hit her g-spot. I know I’ve hit it when she moans and her thighs clamp down around my sides tighter.
“Yes! Oh god, there, there!” Roxie groans loud enough that I know my neighbors are going to complain. But let them.
I’m going to be out of here tomorrow.
She bites her lip and her fingers thread into my short hair, pulling me closer. Thrusting into her harder, I need… I need more.
“Kiss me,” I demand against her lips as I feel the burning need to cum make everything tighten. “Please, carino, kiss me like it’s forever”
She doesn’t answer, doesn’t wait, just drags her lips to mine and presses a hard, needy kiss to my lips. Roxie doesn’t hold back and does exactly what I ask… Kisses me like it’s forever, like we’re forever.
Because we are.
Like always, I give as good as I get and our movements become frantic and desperate. I need her to come for me, I need her pleasure like I need air.
I slip my hand down to play with her clit, but she shakes her head quickly.
Instead, she starts thrusting up in time with me, grinding against my public bone with each move.
My head drops so my face is nestled in her neck and I groan.
Our breathing is coming out in harsh pants that fill the air between us.
It’s so fucking sexy.
My hand slides to her ass, and I help her move in time with our thrusts. Just giving her a little more power as I slam her onto me.
“Ty, Ty, Daddy, fuck!” Her cries erupt as her pussy clamps down around my cock and it feels like she’s trying to keep me locked inside her.
“Oh, yes, fuck,” I groan, pressing a hot kiss to her neck and nipping the soft skin there.
Not too hard, just enough to add to the long string of expletives she’s moaning in my ear.
Her walls grip me so tightly that I have to fight to keep thrusting.
But goddamn is it a fight I’ll gladly take for the rest of my days.
“Please,” she whispers hotly in my ear as her pussy slowly stops spasming and I feel the edges of my restraint snapping free.
“Yes, yes, yes,” she chants, wrapping her legs tightly around my waist, pressing her tits closer against my chest. “You fuck me so good, Daddy. I want you, this, forever.”
Annnnnd that’s it.
I slam into her two, three, four more times and I come so hard my vision nearly whites out.
I hold her tightly as I come down, our warm bodies pressed together and my softening cock still pressed deeply inside her.
Roxie’s nails slowly drag up and down my back as she presses a kiss to my forehead.
And in this moment, it’s like my nervous system can relax for the first time in nearly a decade.
She’s here.
We’re here.
And I know that this, us, it was written in the stars.
I plan on never taking us for granted. Ever.
‘Til death and beyond. She’s mine and I’m hers.