Chapter 44
“How could he do that for me? Eight years, Jade? Eight years?” I ask desperately through sobs.
Jade’s holding me close to her chest, letting me ruin her shirt with my tears.
At least it’s soft against my face as the day-old mascara leaves streaks on her light shirt and down my cheeks.
The Chinese food she ordered on her way here sits untouched on the table, and I’m so out of it, I can’t even smell it. I just… I’m devastated.
“He literally killed for me,” I cry, “And he kept it all inside.”
I feel her take a deep breath and sigh.
“He did.”
Wait a damn minute.
“You don’t seem surprised.”
“No, I don’t think I am. And it’s crazy to me that you’re so surprised.
Anyone with eyes can see how that man would protect you until the last breath in his body.
And even then he’d probably somehow situate it so you’re still protected in the event of his death.
” Jade brushes a dark lock of hair from my face and hugs me tighter.
“You want to tell me why you’re actually this upset? ”
Damn her.
“You’ve been my friend too long,” I mutter. “Can you not just let me hide it for a freaking second?”
Jade laughs, making my hair ruffle. “No. I’d be a shit best friend if I did that.”
“Yeah, you would be. But you’d be nice,” I sass back, sitting up quickly and wiping my eyes. “He’ll resent me. I told you that on the phone. There’s no way he’s going to just…accept that what he did for me was worth it.”
“And…” Jade raises an eyebrow, waiting for me to admit what’s actually wrong.
“And, when he realizes it, he’ll leave me for good.
Ever since he broke it off, we’ve still been circulating in each other’s lives.
We secretly,” Jade snorts as I say it and I cut her a glare.
“Secretly, started hooking up again and I thought I could do that… Could accept it. But now? Now that I know what he did for me? There’s no way it goes back to before. And he’ll leave for good this time.”
“Rox, you didn’t ask him to do that for you. He did it because he chose to. Because he loves you.”
I look down, trying to hold the tears back. “How can he look at me and not be reminded of what he had to do? At all he’s done? Won’t I just become one big, physical representation of bad memories?”
Jade stays silent, letting me have the moment I need to grieve, to get the scary thoughts out so they don’t have as much power over me.
“Maybe I need to completely cut it off. To move and quit the shop.”
“What the hell, woman? No.” Jade jumps in quickly.
“It’s his shop. His life. I can’t… I’ve intruded long enough and with all he’s done for me, it’s the least I can do.”
“Don’t you dare think that way.” I’ve never heard Jade’s voice be so commanding towards me.
It’s like her mom tone to Tyler but worse.
“Don’t you fucking let that thought take root, do you hear me?
” Her hands grip mine tighter, and I feel the frustration leave her, the tension in her hands and body melt back down to normal.
“Let me ask you something and really, really think about it because I think you’ve forgotten some things, Roxie. ”
I nod, swallowing a lump in my throat and looking towards her.
“Do you look at Ty, after all those years with Mickey, and feel anything but the sense that it was worth it?”
“Jesus. You’re not pulling any punches today,” I gasp, but the longer I sit with what she says, the more I see it.
“No, not at all. Everything I went through, it was what I had to keep Ty and Asher safe, and that, that’s never something I’d blame on him.
” My eyebrows pinch together. “It was my choice.”
“Then why in the hell would you think Ty would feel anything but the same for you? That guy has stayed by your side for years. Years, just watching and waiting. Content to make sure you’re living happily while he’s alone because he loves you.”
“He stayed away from me for years…” But… Did he though? My mind asks me loud and clear.
“No, he really didn’t,” Jade says with a soft smile that doesn’t meet her eyes. “He didn’t stay away from you, Roxie. He let you be free.”
“No matter what Roxie, you deserve to be free. To never have to do anything you don’t want to do. And I’m going to make it my life’s mission to make sure you are free.” I remember those words he vowed to me as if it was yesterday and not nearly a decade ago.
“I don’t think the guy even looked at another woman since you two broke up.
Asher said he hasn’t hooked up with anyone, or at least hasn’t told him so.
And you know those two, they’re worse than two old ladies in a nursing home when it comes to gossiping.
” She chuckles, but my jaw drops as my eyes squeeze shut before snapping open.
She clocks my expression because Jade’s joking smile shifts to one of earnestness.
“He’s always been here, Roxie. Steady and yearning for you, just in the quiet. ”
“I need to see him.”