CHAPTER 3
“I think I messed up.” My eyes darted around the warm wooden backdrop as I breathed in the scent of chamomile and mint that always lingered in this room. “Once, though.”
“How so, Evelyn?” Sarah’s soft voice beckoned my gaze back to her kind blue eyes.
“Well…Jay and I were going to this event. I was fine, excited even to support him in the public—in front of everyone. But then I let my insecurities get the best of me, and Jay had to talk me out of it.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“I don’t know,” I muttered, picking at the invisible lint on my dress.
“What happened after that?”
I swallowed. “After he reassured me, I felt a lot better, and when we arrived at the event, I suddenly decided that I wanted to walk the red carpet with him.” I leaned forward, digging my elbows into my thighs. “I just… I just didn’t want to let my insecurities win.”
Sarah nodded, her impassive face giving nothing away as she adjusted the glasses higher up her nose. I’d been seeing Sarah for the past couple of weeks now, but I hadn’t told a soul that I’d been going to therapy.
Well, except for Mikey, who suggested I see her. I didn’t know the whole story, but he assured me she used to work with his mother, and she was the best in town.
And she was.
She had me open up about all the deepest, darkest wounds of my past, and instead of just skimming through them, she had me delve in, grieve, accept, and grow from them. It also felt comforting when she offered me a listening ear and a different perspective rather than judging me.
“And did you do it? Walk the red carpet with him?”
“Yes.”
“Why did you want to?”
“It scared me, and I kinda wanted to say a big ‘F’ you and just do it.”
“And how did you feel after?”
“Good, actually. It wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be.”
“This means you worked through your insecurities—with the support of your boyfriend—and you were brave enough to do something you wouldn’t have imagined doing. The way I see it, that’s a win. It’s okay to ask for help, Evelyn. You don’t have to validate these feelings and overanalyze them. It’s human to feel both the negatives and positives.”
I sighed. “I understand.”
Well over an hour later, I left the session, my head clearer and my breath lighter. After all these years, I never realized that I needed therapy. Given all the baggage I carried, I should’ve done this earlier. I didn’t know how much I needed it till now .
Some people had to go through worse shit than me, but I wasn’t expecting the hurricane I got swirled up in at eighteen. From losing Jay to Auntie M to having no home or money to pay off a mountain of debt, I got swallowed up by the actual struggles of the world. It changed me.
I didn’t even realize I had built fences around me, prickly and sharp, despising the girl staring back at me in the mirror. I succumbed to the version of myself that was no longer me, no longer carefree and hopeful because the pain of my hopes getting crushed wasn’t something I wanted to relive.
But I was slowly shedding away from the version and stepping into a new one I was proud of.
“Good one?” Mikey’s lips tugged into a grin as he held the car door open for me, ever the gentleman.
“Yeah.” I smiled, thanking him.
I watched as he sauntered around the car and slid inside. “Your man is going to have my head if he finds out I’ve been driving you around town,” he joked, starting the engine.
“Therapy, Michael—not somewhere sinister.” I gave him a look. “And it’s not like I don’t want him to.” I secured my seat belt. “It’s something I’m doing for me. I know Jay will want to support me, which I appreciate, but I want him to be proud of me for doing this on my own.”
Mikey nodded. “You don’t ever have to explain to anyone to make yourself feel better, E. You owe that to yourself.”
“I think I know that now. Thanks for doing this, by the way.” My voice lay thick with emotion all of a sudden. “I didn’t know who else to ask.”
“Hey.” His tone softened, and a serious look swept over his face. “You can ask me for anything, E. It doesn’t matter if you’re with that fucker or not. I’m always going to be here for you.”
My heart warmed, and I couldn’t help the smile that swept across my lips. “I think it’s too late for that. It’s impossible for me to leave him, but don’t tell him that. I’m trying to be firm with my boundaries and all, when I very well know they are nonexistent when it comes to him .”
He motioned his fingers across his lips. “My lips are sealed.”
I laughed, shaking my head as he drove me home.
A life without him wasn’t worth living. I knew that now.
“So gold with poppies or pink with violets?” Gabe’s questioning eyes implored me.
Hell, how was I supposed to know? He was asking me to make a decision when he very well knew I couldn’t choose. It didn’t matter if I went to therapy for years. One thing that wouldn’t change about me was my indecisiveness and clumsiness.
Katy took pity on my panicked eyes. “How about pink with violets if it’s a girl and gold with poppies if it’s a boy?”
That answer seemed to satisfy Gabe as he nodded. “You’re right.”
I huffed out a breath, suppressing the urge to roll my eyes. After the success ofthe launch event, Katy put in a good word for Gabe which made him land a few clients to continue building his profile. I was proud and happy that he finally got the break he deserved and was no longer the manager at Blueline. However, I would miss seeing him at the reception desk every day, flirting with unsuspecting wives.
“Okay, I’m done.” Lily shot off to her feet as she put aside her graph pad.
“Then let’s go, bitches,” Gabe shouted while I donned a jacket over my tiny dress.
We were all going out tonight, probably one last big night for a while since Katy was returning to LA. With Gabe’s schedule and Lily’s internship, it looked like we wouldn’t be planning something like this again for a while.
“Do you really have to go?” Jay’s sad eyes met mine from the couch where he was currently sulking.
“Yes,” I confirmed like I already had a few hundred times.
“Oh, come on. The sky won’t fall if Evy goes out with us for one night. We promise to bring her back before she turns into a pumpkin,” Lily scolded her brother.
“Fine, be safe. All of you.” He eyed us girls.
“J.J., don’t worry, I’ll punch any guys that dare to bother our girls,” Gabe added, closing his arms around Katy and Lily.
“That makes me feel a whole lot better,” Jay said flatly just as Mikey and Matt entered the room.
“Oh, fun night, huh? How about room for one more?” Mikey rolled out, grinning as he propped himself against the wall.
“No, girls only.” Katy fixed him in a hard gaze.
Mikey arched a brow in amusement. “Well, I at least see one of you with a dick.”
“Gabe doesn’t count. He’s one of us,” Katy retorted, giving him the middle finger.
“Fine.” Mikey held up his hands in defeat .
“Come on, let’s go, everyone,” Gabe announced, dragging Katy and Lily with him.
I nodded, waving goodbye to Jay and the others as I followed them through the hallway. But a presence shadowed behind me, pulling me into his arms before I got too far.
“Fuck, you smell so good.” Jay kissed the side of my head.
I sighed, burying myself in his warmth, gliding my cheek along his soft hoodie. We weren’t the ones for parties or gatherings. We’d rather cuddle under sheets, closed in our bubble, while we forgot that theoutside world existed. But that wasn’t always healthy, even if it was what we craved. Not like I cared about the definitions of a healthy relationship, but at times, I had to force a break, even if it was just for a few hours.
“Thank you, but I gotta go now.” I compelled my limbs to pull away from him.
“Okay.” He clamped the loose strand of hair behind my ear, smiling. “Have fun. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I blew him a kiss while I scurried fast to meet up with the rest of them.
The club we were going to tonight had just opened in the heart of the city and was the talk of the town, according to Katy and Gabe. It was exclusive and glitzy. If it weren’t for Katy, we never would’ve gotten in.
The inside was all red. From the neon lights to the skimpy dress the server wore to the velvet seats, it was all painted crimson. Even the dance floor was gleaming red.
Though it almost looked sensual instead of being flashy with tasteful techno music .
Even though I’d been to several exclusive parties since being back with the band, I could never get used to seeing so many pretty faces in one place.
“Cheers to one hell of a night,” we all yelled. We clinked our glasses and downed our shots in one go, then repeated it two more times. The buzz went straight to my head as Katy tugged us all to the dance floor.
The music flowed through our bodies as we danced, swaying and grinding to the beat while we laughed at Gabe’s funny moves. Thankfully, I was sporting my tall, club-appropriate sneakers. Soon, two girls wearing matching glittering dresses joined our little dance group, sharing our space as we let go to the night.
We’d been dancing for well over thirty minutes when a sudden weird prickle shot straight to my spine. My head twisted over my shoulders, but all I could see were blurring faces and dancing red lights. The sensation crawled throughmy bones; it almost felt like someone was watching me, but soon, it faded as if it had never happened. I shook my head, turning back to the group. It was probably nothing.
After three more songs, we halted our dancing while we carried our tired feet to a table that Katy had reserved for us.
I drank an entire glass of cold water as soon asI eased into the booth, feeling some sense of normalcy return as it washed down some of the alcohol.
We placed orders for fresh drinks, and soon after, everyone started to chatter around our table.
“Is this your first time here?” asked one of the girls who joined us .
“Yes, how about you girls?” Gabe asked, sipping his fruity cocktail.
She flipped her red hair over her shoulder. “Oh, we’ve been here a couple of times. BTW, I’m Sasha, and this is Trisha.” The girl in the short black bob beside her waved to us. They both seemed pretty young to be in aclub, but that was quite common among the rich. And they did look pretty loaded, decked out in gleaming jewels and flawless makeup.
“You guys want to have some real fun?” Sasha grinned while she opened her purse and fished out a small bag with purple pills.
I had no idea what they were, and I certainly didn’t want them.
“No, thank you,” Katy chirped while we all exchanged glances.
Trisha laughed at the expression on our faces. “Ah, don’t worry. It’s just something to loosen us up, and we don’t force it on people who don’t want it.”
“Good to know,” Lily mumbled.
They both held the pill on their tongues before grinning widely and swapped the pills in a deep kiss before swallowing it whole.
None of us batted an eye because we were so used to seeing this and worse at the parties in LA.
“How do we get rid of them?” Lily whispered to me.
“Don’t ask me. Gabe and Katy were the ones who invited them.” I lifted a shoulder.
“We swing both ways.” Sasha wiped her lips with the back of her hand as she leaned forward, eyeing us. “You girls got a man? ”
“We do,” I answered quickly as an uncomfortable awkwardness grew each second with their presence.
Sasha pouted. “Too bad, you all look like a snack. I could have hooked you all up with the best boys in town. And trust me, I know a few, and it wouldn’t be like anything you girls have had till now,” she slurred, wiggling her finger at us.
If only she knew who we were actually dating. Thankfully, the press didn’t dig up much on me from the other night—passing me off as just another one of Jay’s dates to the event.
Trisha nodded. “She’s right. Those boys do know how to fuck, and you girls would be lucky to land a night with them. Just say the word.”
Gabe scoffed, flicking his finger. “That one is dating J.J., and that one is with Landon Greige. Trust me, they don’t want to meet your friends.”
I gritted my teeth while I directed my narrowed eyes at Gabe. They didn’t have to know that particular information. Gabe gave me a sheepish look while he ran his fingers through his hair.
The two girls burst out laughing like they were having a fit. “OMG, that’s so funny! You capped us for a second there.”
We all sighed.
“Hmm, I think we’re going to call it a night. Why don’t you girls head on out to the dance floor?” Katy suggested with a stiff smile.
“Oh, don’t tell me you’re kicking us out.” Sasha pouted. “I thought we were friends.”
And before Katy could reply, Trisha interrupted. “But wait. I’m still not over the lie that you guys spewed. Is that what got you lot the table this evening? By lying you were dating J.J. and Lan from the Four Foxes?”
“It’s not a lie,” Gabe bit out.
“Oh, come on. J.J. is my friend.” Sasha twirled a finger through her hair. “I know him. In fact, we are very close, and the last I knew, he wasn’t dating anything that looked like that.”
That definitely was a lie. She didn’t look a day over eighteen, and my man never entertained girls like that.
“That’s enough. You don’t get to talk to my friend like that. Get out.” Gabe clenched his hand hard on his glass.
“Oh, shut up,” Sasha sneered at him. “You’re just a bunch of lying fuckers.”
“Okay, you guys need to leave now,” Katy snapped, fixing them with her glare.
“Why don’t you get out, you bitches?” Sasha snickered, and before we could see it, she clocked her drink at us. “Losers.”
It took a second to grasp what had just happened. The cold drink seeped into the front of my dress, drenching me.
Seconds later, our table erupted in fury. Gabe shot to his feet, and Katy slapped her right across the face.
They both shrieked and soon, we were a pile of bodies on the floor, scratching and slapping while pulling on each other’s hair.
Gabe cursed, trying to break us apart, but the adrenaline and the alcohol rushed through me. I had no idea what transpired between screaming obscenities and landing and receiving blows.
“Fuck. Girls, we have to go now.” Gabe pulled the three of us away, and through the blur, we saw the girls on their backs, Sasha crying, holding her bleeding nose, and Trisha moaning, her eyes swollen blue.
While the three of us only had a few scratches on our faces.
“Girls, run! Now!” Gabe screeched, tugging us toward the exit. It was only then we saw two big bouncers heading toward us.
We squeezed through the masses of bodies, our thundering hearts matching the beat of the music and sweat gliding down our backs as we ran toward the exit.
I turned to look behind me, and the two men were still chasing us, screaming for us to stop.
“The back exit, now.” Katy’s eyes were frantic as she led us through the crowd and to a hallway that was thankfully empty other than the few people making out.
“Fuck, do you think we lost them?” Lily wheezed, her face red as she leaned over, clutching her knees.
“Nope, I don’t think so.” Gabe’s eyes widened as he looked behind us.
“Hey! Stop. Get back here,” shouted the bouncer, his face fixed in an angry frown as he weaved through the crowd. Fuck, he was closing in on us.
“Guys, through here.” Katy’s face was etched withalarm as she pointed atadoor atthe end of the hallway.
I grasped Lily’s hand, and we rushed through the door. A blast of cold NYC wind slapped our faces, but we didn’t have any time to waste.
“Girls, now really run,” Gabe shouted, dashing off toward the streets.
We ran like fools without looking back while the two men chased after us. But we didn’t spare a second as our feet pounded on the sidewalk. I couldn’t even feel the pain in my knees as I tried my best to keep up with everyone.
It felt like we’d been running for hours when we slowed down and darted into a quiet alley, dropping like a heap on the ground.
My lungs were flaming, and every breath burned like I was inhaling fire. Lily collapsed by my side, her head on my shoulder as she hyperventilated. I rubbed her back in soft circles while she caught her breath.
“Okay, thegood news is that they are not chasing us anymore,” Gabe announced, peeking out at the alley, breathing hard. “The bad news is I have no idea where we are.”
Katy’s wide eyes volleyed between us. A moment of silence passed before we all laughed so hard that whatever air we forced into our lungs went right back out.
“That’s the most fun I’ve had in a while,” Katy spewed through her laughter.
“Me too,” Gabe replied, his eyes gleaming under the street lights.
After giggling like fools, it took us a while to retrieve our bodies off the ground. My heart was light when we trudged out of that empty alley. Somehow, it felt like my haunting memories of alleyways were erased and replaced by this moment right here. The happy glow on my friends’ faces and the rush of the feeling, maybe it was all coming full circle.
“Let’s get the night started, bitches.” Gabe wiggled his brow, his hand gesturing to the neon light right out the alley that said Cherry’s Cat—a hole-in-the-wall, dingy dive bar .
We ended up spending a couple more hours in Cherry’s Cat, drinking our body weight of alcohol while we talked about anything and everything.
Though the journey was hard, I was indeed lucky after all.
Maybe the universe was still rooting for me.
“Jay!” I collapsed into his arms when he opened the door later that night. “I AM DRUNK!” I yelled in his ear.
“Fuck,” he muttered, holding my rolling head in place. “That you clearly are.”
“Lily?” he questioned someone behind me.
I frowned, twisting behind me to see a tall figure casting a shadow on the doorway.
“She’s with Ms. Evans, sir. Mr. Gabriel is also home,” said the figure.
“Thanks, Tyler,” Jay replied.
Ah, that’s who it was. “Tyler,” I shrieked. “When did you get here?”
Jay shook his head, closing the door behind us.
“Jay, why would you do that? I was talking to Tyler,” I whined as he carried me upstairs. “Oh, and do you want to know what I did?”
“What?” His soft eyes met mine.
“I slapped your friend Sasha in the face.” I giggled, blinking as I held up a finger. “No, wait. Maybe Katy did or Lily, or even me, I don’t know.”
I was still giggling like a little girl on a sugar high.
“Is it?” His lips twitched, shaking his head .
“Yeah. How do you know her?” I slurred as he dropped me on the bed. Strawberry jumped on top of me and cuddled close. I settled my cheek on her soft fur, pulling her closer to me.
His answer never reached my ears because darkness consumed mein a deep slumber.