CHAPTER 4
My neck felt like it had been cemented with bricks, and a marching band played inside my head.
My mouth wasdry as I lifted my heavy eyelids open.
A shock of blinding sunlight invaded my vision, making the pounding harder inside my head.
“No,” I moaned as I twisted in the cloud of sheets, pressing the bridge of my nose. “Go away.”
“It won’t just go because you ask it to.” A looming presence came into my field of vision. “Here.” He tugged me to a seat and handed me a glass of ice-cold water. “Drink.”
I nodded, grateful, and then downed the entire thing in one go.
“Swallow.” He dropped two white pills on my palm.
I did as he said before I slid out of bed. “I need a shower,” I said, and the first step I took, my knee almost bent in half.
“Careful,” he said, holding my hand as he led my limping self to the bathroom.
Yesterday’s shenanigans were catching up to me. I shouldn’t have ran that hard. It was fun, though. But the pain screaming in my knee thought otherwise .
“Thank you,” I whispered as I settled in front of the counter. I was taken aback as I peered at the raccoon eyes staring at me in the mirror. My hair was wild, my lipstick smeared all over my chin, and my dress crushed like paper.
“I tried to get this off you last night.” Jay’s brows furrowed in concentration while he untied the intricate knots down the back of my dress. “But it wasn’t an easy task with you tossing a limb at me every second.”
“I thought you liked taking dresses off me, Jay,” I teased, smiling as I met his eyes in the mirror before going straight to the toothbrush. I squeezed a generous amount of toothpaste on it and brushed my teeth vigorously.
He was still undoing the knots when I ran a warm washcloth over my face, taking off all the evidence of last night.
“Fuck, finally.” He blew out a breath as the dress pooled at my feet. “Next time, I’m ripping it off you.” He smoothed his hand faintly over my waist as my back touched his bare chest.
“I love you,” I whispered, lacing my fingers with his.
“Hmm.” He nuzzled his face in the hollow of my neck. “I love you more.”
I shimmied out of my underwear while he pulled away his sweatpants before we both hopped in the shower.
I groaned as the steamy water hit my back. “Have I told you how much I love your shower?”
“More times than you’ve said you love me.” He lathered a heavy amount of shampoo in his palms and massaged itthrough my scalp, washing my hair. “You love my bed, you love my shower, and you love me, which is why I think it’s a great idea for you to move in with me. ”
“This again,” I mumbled, my eyes fluttering from the pressure of his fingers. God, it was so good.
I wanted to do the same for him, but he was so damn tall, so I lathered some of his body wash instead and worked it across his skin.
He sighed a heavy breath, his molten blues fixing on me. “I want you with me, Evelyn. Always. I lost six years with you, and I don’t want to waste another second.”
My heart flipped a beat as I averted my gaze. I wasn’t sure what to say. I wasn’t sure why I was holding on to my apartment instead of letting go. But who was I kidding? I knew exactly why.
“I’m scared,” I admitted, running the foam along the fire-breathing wyvern on his chest.
“Why?” His fingers froze on my hair.
My eyes drew back to him. “Because I need my space. I’m scared that if I move out, I won’t have anywhere else to go,” I whispered, swallowing at the flash of hurt that crossed his eyes.
He gave me a firm nod as he schooled his expression. “You’re scared that something could fuck us up again? Scared that you won’t have anywhere to go if something happens between us.”
“Yes,” I said through the thickness of my throat. I am working through them, Jay. Just give me some more time.
He let a heavy exhale and tilted my chin toward the water. An uncomfortable murkiness swirled in my heart. I didn’t like the blank look on his face, but I also didn’t want to keep evading his requests with lies .
“I understand,” he said after a long moment. “But, sweetheart, we are together now and we’re going to have problems and fights and disagreements. That’s what being in a relationship is. I get that you’re scared, and if our past is any example, you should be terrified. I know I am. But we need to face these problems together. And not run away from them.”
A sudden sting crept behind my eyes. “I know, but I’m still scared.” My voice cracked.
His hand clutched the back of my neck, lifting to meet his eyes. “And it’s okay to be scared. And it’s okay for you to make your own decisions. I’m not going to ask you to move in with me until you’re ready, okay?” He gave me a soft smile. “You practically live here anyway, so the semantics don’t matter.”
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that. Your feelings matter too. They are important.” He pressed his forehead to mine. “Just don’t run away from me. If anything does happen, we’ll both deal with it together, okay?”
“I promise,” I whispered, catching his lips in a slow kiss that soon became rushed and breathless. And then deliberate and gentle, his hot breath mingled with mine as our hands roamed over every inch of our skin. I felt its tingles in every single cell of my being.
Though my fears and insecurities were like a dark shadow expanding its branches into our love, one thing was certain and true.
I loved this man so goddamn much .
“How is your editing coming along?” Jay asked, placing a steaming cup of coffee for me on the coffee table.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, my eyes dashing to the words on my screen. “Alright, I guess. But I’m not sure I like it that much. It’s tedious.” I leaned and retrieved my drink before sinking back into the soft couch.
“Isn’t that why you hire someone?” He lifted a brow as he lowered himself next to me.
“Yeah,” I said, sipping my coffee. The smooth flavor of vanilla hit my taste buds, and the caffeine coursed through my veins. “But I still have to edit it.”
“I wouldn’t know. I think it still reads great to me.”
I froze, dragging my eyes to him. “You read it?” A mix of fear and anticipation drummed my heart.
He ran his fingers through his dripping hair. “Not a lot. I’m reading it slowly. I’m getting there, but it’s hard for me to read it.”
“Why?” My pulse skyrocketed. “Is it bad?” I blurted.
He gave me a soft smile. “No, not like that. I’m still in the good parts, but I don’t know how I’ll get through reading everything that happened. I can’t even take a scratch on your pretty skin, Evelyn. And the shit that you went through was more than just a scratch.”
A warm heat spread through my chest, and I smiled, squeezing his hand. “Yes, it was hard, but it was worth it because here we are.”
“Here we are.” His smile matched mine as he planted a soft kiss on my lips.
The smile was still dancing on my face as I went back to my editing, and Jay started to fiddle a melody in his guitar .
Our favorite routine.
It was late Sunday afternoon, the spring rains ringing outside with the love of my life next to me. What more could a girl want?
It was well over an hour before I yawned into my palms and shut my laptop, done with work for the day.
Jay was in deep concentration, perfecting the riff that he had played over a hundred times already but I still wasn’t bored listening to it. I loved gawking at him like a high school girl waiting on her crush whenever he played the guitar.
“New song?” I asked as I curled up beside him, careful not to touch the body of his precious guitar.
“Yeah. I’ve been working on it for a while, but something seems to be missing, and I just can’t get it right,” he muttered.
“Maybe you need a break,” I suggested, my eyes scanning over the notes on his paper. I had no idea how to read music, but all the symbols looked complicated. “Or maybe one of the boys can help.”
“Lan helps me sometimes. Only if he picks up his calls.”
“Do you have any idea what’s wrong with him?”
“No.” He shook his head, sighing as he set his guitar aside. “I have no clue, and Katy won’t say a word. Now that she’s back in LA, I doubt we’ll get any word from them.”
I frowned. “But he’s still a part of the band, right?”
“He always is. Lan likes to get into himself when something bothers him, so we usually give him the space until he comes around.”
“People deal with things differently.”
“Yeah, but it’s frustrating. We only want to help him.”
“Maybe he still needs you guys, just maybe not right now. ”
“Probably. What do you want for dinner?” he asked, as he drew me into his arms.
“Hmm, pizza?” I mumbled against his chest.
“Pizza it is, then,” he muttered, pulling away from me. “Let me order it. Same toppings?”
I nodded, missing the heat of his body.
My eyes pinned on the storming rain outside. It was wild and angry but so beautiful. The tiny shimmering lights of the Manhattan skyline felt like distant stars amid the pouring rain. The flash of the lightning and the crackle of the thunder calmed me for some reason.
It took about five minutes before Jay returned, gathering me in his arms once again, and I sighed happily, melting into him.
“I have a present for you,” he whispered in my ear.
The steady beat of my heart was replaced by a fluttering rhythm. “What present?” I eyed the glow in his blues.
He gently retrieved my hand and placed a small, deep-blue rectangular box in my hand. The flutter in my heart only heightened. “What is this?” I mumbled as I opened it, only to see a plain silver key. My finger clamped over the cold metal and raised it. There were no markings on it. It was just a key.
Was it a key to his place?
But didn’t we just have a conversation that he wouldn’t be asking me to move until I was ready?
“A key?”
“Yes, it’s something I’ve been meaning to give you for a long time. More than six years, to be exact.”
My brows furrowed in confusion. “You’ve been meaning to give me a key for six years? ”
“Well, it’s not just any key. It’s the key to the house in Bellevue.”
“The house?” My eyes rounded. “You mean the blue-painted house Auntie M and I lived in?”
“Yes, that.” A faint smile tugged his lips. “I promised to buy you that house. And I did with my first paycheck, and I’ve been holding on to it for this long. But now it’s yours.”
I shook my head. “I can’t accept it.” I pushed the key back to him, my heart pounding. “I’m glad you have it, but it’s too much.”
He shook his head, closing my fingers over the key in a fist. “I bought it for you. It isyours, and it will always be yours. Now you have a home that you can always go back to, Evelyn.”
A single salty trickle escaped from the corner of my eye, and my vision glassed as I clutched him tight, tucking my head in his chest. “Thank you,” I whispered through the array of emotions clouding my senses.
I always thought that he was my home, and he always would be, but that worn-down blue-painted house in Bellevue was also my home because of its memories.
Every nook and cranny held a memory that was close to my heart. Memories of me falling in love with Jay and the best years I spent with Auntie M. I would give anything to go back to those days, and that house was proof of that.
And now it was mine.