CHAPTER 23
Many months later.
Strong hands curved along my waist. “Wake up, sweetheart,” a soft voice whispered in my ear before the heat of his skin seeped through my body, surfacing the blush that was addicted to his touch.
“Jay, I’m pretty sure it’s super, super early,” I groaned. “And you’re just trying to get me into your stupid morning routine.” I buried deeper into his hold.
His newfound inner peace morning routine involved waking up at five o’clock, journaling some bullshit that he swapped for writing songs, taking a bunch of unnecessary supplements, working out for an hour, and meditating. To say I loathed that particular routine was an understatement because he was never by my side when I woke up. It was all because of the new holistic life coach, Moira, who was working with the band, and I hated her—she was pretty with really long legs, gorgeous tan skin, and luscious hair.
“I swear it’s not.” I felt lips trace like butterflies all over my face. “It’s nine o’clock. Did you forget what day it is?”
My eyes snapped open, immediately locking onto a pair of blues shining like sunshine on the dark blue ocean. The panic rose at the smile dancing on my face. “It’s release day,” I shouted, pushing him away as I jumped out of bed.
“Ouch,” he mumbled, grinning as he propped his head in his fist, lying on his side.
“What do I do?” I asked with wide eyes, shivering in my thin cami and shorts. I already missed my little furnace cave created by my blankets and my man. The cold season was back again, and I must say, I didn’t really miss the sun.
“I think you still haven’t woken up. Drink your coffee.” He gestured to my nightstand.
“Right,” I muttered, jiggling my knees as I sipped the hot coffee, moaning as the caffeine warmed my blood. “Okay. I think I’m good now.” I placed the mug aside. “What do I have to do?” I met his amused gaze. “I need to get ready because my book is releasing today,” I screamed the last part, tackling him. “Why didn’t you just tell me that?” I shouted in his face.
He bellowed a laugh, gripping me tighter to him. “I was trying to,” he mumbled before devouring me in a long, hard kiss that made me go all gooey on the inside.
It took me a second for my brain to start working again and push him away. “Jay, I need to get ready. You can’t distract me like that,” I chided, straddling him while he just grinned, feeling me up.
My eyes roamed over the thin vertical scar above his umbilicus. Although it was healed, it still looked red and puckered. “Does it still hurt?”
“Nope.” His hand ventured up, squeezing my breast. “What really hurts is you looking at me like that.”
“Ass.” I twisted his nipple, climbing off him. “Shower first,” I said, dashing to the bathroom .
“I love showers.” The grin didn’t leave his face as he followed me.
An hour later, I was biding time, smoothing my palms over the invisible crinkles in my skirt. I chose to wear a plaid pink tweed jacket and matching skirt; I paired it with Grandma’s pearl earrings and Auntie M’s open-toe pumps. That way, they were always with me.
“You look perfect,” Jay whispered from behind me.
I gave him a jittery smile from the mirror. He looked dapper in his long-sleeved navy polos and slacks, molding over his body in all the right places. He had grown out his hair. It was longer, curling just over his neck with a few pieces falling over his forehead like art. Those blue eyes seemed to shine brighter as they watched me gawk at him.
I blushed, averting my gaze back to myself, smiling at the mirror. I had gained a bit of weight and it added to my cheeks and hips. I wasn’t complaining because I looked happy—I was happy.
The past few months had changed us a lot. We had grown so much together and as individuals, basking in the calm of our slow days and enjoying every moment rather than rushing it. Nothing from the outside world touched us, and we reveled in it.
“Ready to go?”
I nodded, lacing my fingers with his as we headed out.
We planned to go to the local bookstore to see my book on the stands. They were officially going live at noon today, but Angela let me know that the shelves had already been stocked. I wasn’t as nervous as I hoped I’d be. I was actually excited to see the fruits of my labor in reality .
Jay adjusted his baseball cap over his head, donning a pair of Ray-Bans before we exited the car. Even though the store was practically empty at this time of the day, we could never be too careful. The whole band and the girls wanted to join us, but we couldn’t risk a crowd in case they got recognized. The store didn’t have that kind of security, and Jay insisted that today was my day and that his popularity shouldn’t ruin it. So instead, we were having a little party later at our place.
“Evelyn, congratulations!” Angela greeted me with a hug, smiling. “You’re officially a published author now. How does it feel?”
“Thanks, Angela, and I feel great,” I said softly. “And it’s only possible because of you. So thank you.”
It wasn’t long after our meeting that she called to inform me that we already had a publisher interested in my work, and the rest was just a breeze. Honestly, I couldn’t have done it without her because publishing a book was a lot different from writing it.
“You’re worth it, Evy.”
Glancing back, I tugged Jay closer to me. “Meet my boyfriend, J.J. You might know him if you’re into rock music.”
Jay’s lips curved into a wide smile, holding out his hand. “Nice to meet you, Angela. Thank you for helping my girl with her dream.”
She flushed, shaking his hand. “Likewise,” she muttered, starstruck. I laughed internally because it seemed so out of character for her. She was always so put together and serene. But it’s not every day you get to meet a rock star, and I must say Jay did have that charm—it even got me from time to time although, at this point, I should be immune to it .
“This way.” She nodded, pointing toward the far-right end table with a sign that said New Release.
I held my breath as my eyes searched for my book, anchoring myself with the strength of the man holding my hand.
And there it was, stacked in a row, my name in print.
“Here it is. It all came out perfectly,” Angela commented.
“I agree,” I said as I held a copy in my hand. Even though I had proof copies at home, it wasn’t anything like this. I simply named it Me it was the exact shade of his eyes—a blue that made me want to drown every time I looked into them, a blue that was secretly my favorite color, but I would never admit that out loud, especially to him.
“It’s beautiful, sweetheart.” Jay hovered behind me, his arm loosely around my waist.
“Thanks,” I mumbled. Pulling out a marker from my purse, I swiped to the title page and signed it, adding an “I love you” at the bottom. “Here.” I spun in his embrace, holding it out to him. “My first signed copy. Just like I promised you all those years ago,” I said softly.
His eyes flashed to me, and my heart tugged at the emotions crossing through them.
“Thank you.” He swallowed, carefully lifting it from my hands almost as if it were precious. “Can’t believe you remember that. I’m so proud of you.” He gathered me in a warm hug, pressing a kiss to my forehead .
After taking pictures and buying ourselves a trophy copy, we left, not wanting to stick around longer than necessary in case any sleuths spotted Jay. I was still reeling over last month’s incident when we all went to a private dinner, and somehow, the press and fans got word of it and swarmed the place. It was a pain to get out. But I had to get used to his lifestyle, and I was adapting to it at some level, but it wasn’t always terrific.
“When is everyone coming over?” I asked Jay just as we entered the apartment, heading straight to the living room.
“Tonight, I think. I need to confirm with Katy,” Jay muttered, following me through the dim hallway.
Out of nowhere, a loud cheer of “Surprise!” cut through the air, and I almost jumped out of my skin.
“Fuck,” I screamed, holding my heart and losing my balance, but Jay chuckled, catching me just in time before I face-planted on the floor.
I gasped, sucking in deep breaths to calm my thundering heart. “Gosh, you guys scared me,” I mumbled as my eyes swept over everyone’s smiling faces.
A huge “congratulations” banner stood in the middle of the living room, which was decked out in balloons and tinsel, matching the exact shade of my book cover. There was even a table featuring my book. I can’t believe they did all this for me. Even Strawberry had a little bow tied around her neck while she ran around the room.
“Thank you, everyone,” I blubbered, pulling myself out of Jay’s embrace as I stepped toward them.
“Damn, E. If I’d known you were going to have that reaction, I would’ve had my camera out,” Mikey joked, hugging me tight .
“Thank you,” I muttered, not even caring about his joke because I loved him so much.
“Proud of you.” A real smile crossed his lips as he ruffled my hair.
I beamed, stepping away just as Lan and Matty greeted me with a half hug.
“You look so beautiful, Evy.” The girls and Gabe crowded me.
“Thanks, guys.” I smiled. “When did you all have the time to do all this? We weren’t even gone for an hour.”
“Oh, did you really doubt my ability, chica?” Gabe raised a brow.
“No.” I laughed.
“Of course, he got it done. He had me,” Katy quipped, shaking her head.
“Evelyn, a moment please. Excuse us, guys,” Jay interjected, stealing me away.
All their eyes widened, shooing me off. I glanced over my shoulder, mouthing, “Is it finally time?” and all of them nodded with gleeful faces, giving me a thumbs-up.
Excitement coursed through my veins as Jay led me to a quiet corner on the terrace. I greeted everyone on the way, but my mind was elsewhere, thinking about how the next five minutes might be the most important moment of my entire life.
I didn’t mind the chilly breeze that washed over us as he pulled me closer to him. The clatter from the inside died into a distant whisper.
“You know I love you, right?” His hands brushed the flying hairs away from my cheek .
“I know.”
“Good.” A warm smile curved his lips as he held both my hands. “I just want you to know that today wasn’t just your win. It was mine too. You don’t know how much it’s been haunting me to see your dreams get stalled. And it took many years, but here you are taking the first big step, and I just… You don’t understand how happy and proud I am of you.”
He raised my hand to his lips while his other hand dug inside his coat pocket.
My heart leaped to my throat as I watched him pull out a deep red box—only it was a little too big than I had imagined, but I was still hopeful.
“I brought you a little present,” he said, glancing up at me.
Thrilled, I rolled up to the balls of my feet to peek in, and my heart sank. A bracelet ? I had to force every ounce of my body to not let the disappointment flash in my eyes. It felt like I’d been pushed into an ice water bath in the middle of a tundra.
I shifted back to my feet as a sudden wave of sadness hit me.
“I had it custom-made for you,” he said, and I frowned, watching as it broke into two arches that he carefully screwed tight around my wrist. “Guess what? I get to keep this.” He grinned, sliding the screwdriver into his inside pocket. “Only I get to open it.”
Loved the message, but today I didn’t feel it. It was a stunning gold piece studded with diamonds twinkling under the low lights, and on the side, it had a little engraving that said E hearts J. “Thank you, Jay.” I sighed, hiding my fallen face in his chest .
Minutes later, I couldn’t take the cold anymore so we retired back to the room, I left Jay to his devices while I went in search of the girls and Gabe.
I thought I’d end up being engaged tonight instead I carried my heavy heart across the room warding off my sullenness.
I mustered a fake smile while a few other people congratulated me, they were all friends and colleagues of Jay so I didn’t linger much.
I found Katy, Lily, and Gabe huddled at the kitchen breakfast table and sank into the empty chair beside Katy.
“So did my brother pop the question?” Lily’s excited eyes met mine.
Thank God those three were alone in the kitchen because I needed to vent.
“Nope,” I rolled the ‘p’ with my tongue. “Your dear brother gave me this instead.” I waved my hand, adding venom to my tone. It’s not like I didn’t love the bracelet. Maybe in a different time, I would have.
“Oh, it’s a Cartier love bracelet. It’s cute,” Katy commented as she took my hand in her dainty ones. “But I assume it’s not what you wanted tonight.” Sympathy glinted in her eyes. But even then, she was glowing. The subtle luminesce and healthy flush in her skin, thanks to her swollen belly, made her more gorgeous. I couldn’t believe that Katy was the first of us to have a baby, but I was so excited and happy for her.
“Do you think I should have a word with my brother?” Lily narrowed her gaze, shooting lasers at her brother from across the room.
And my eyes couldn’t help but dash to the pretty diamond sitting on her ring finger .
A lot changed within the past months as if the twilight zone graced us—Katy and Lily both got married within a matter of months, and Gabe had gotten engaged to Rory. I know in my head it wasn’t really a competition, and I was happy for them more than anyone in this world, but I wanted to call Jay my husband. I didn’t have anyone left in this world, and there was only one person I wanted to fill that spot.
I was “the eleven-year-old girlfriend”—counting the years we were apart because I was mentally with him even then. I waited every day since after we recovered from the incident, hoping he would pop the question at any turn, but he didn’t. It was embarrassing at this point to even hope for it.
“I think I need wine.” I paused when Gabe’s kind eyes met mine. “A bottle or two.” Hell, I wasn’t getting married or having a baby, and I know I should be celebrating my book release, but getting drunk sounded a whole lot better because if not, I was going to cry.
“One cold glass of wine for my girl.” Gabe handed me a glass, and we all clinked them, mumbling cheers— for what? I had no idea.
I downed the entire glass in one go and started pouring my next.
“Maybe Katy and I could drop some hints to him,” Lily suggested, leaning forward as her elbows dug into the counter.
“No,” I said sadly. “That’s pathetic.”
“It’s not, chica. Maybe he wants to wait until tomorrow,” Gabe added, trying to cheer me up.
“Yeah, I think so too. Knowing Emmie, he would want it to be something very special—so maybe he wrote a proposal song.” Katy smiled, squeezing my arm .
“No, it’s not happening tomorrow,” I firmed, sipping my wine.
We were all flying down to LA tomorrow. The band released their sixth studio album and had a midnight concert to celebrate it. I had actually gotten over my hatred for the city and visited with Jay for a few of his work trips, but I knew in my heart that he would never ask me to marry him there. Especially in front of the world. We liked our quiet moments.
Lily gave me a pointed look. “You don’t know that.”
“Jay wouldn’t propose to me in LA,” I repeated.
They all let out a collective sigh.
At the moment, I wasn’t even mad at him. I was sad. “Do you all think… that maybe… he doesn’t really want to marry me?”
“Impossible,” Katy and Lily blurted at the same time while Gabe screeched, “No.”
“Or maybe he is still not sure about us,” I muttered, glancing over my shoulder at him. His eyes found me in an instant, and a wide smile spread across his lips that sent butterflies to my stomach before he returned to the conversation.
“I don’t think I’ve seen anyone more convinced about anyone in my life before.” Gabe’s voice reached my ears but I didn’t turn away.
Jay was talking with the boys and their new team.
“I don’t like her,” I muttered as I watched Jay and Lan animatedly talk with Moira while Mikey and Matty were in a deep discussion with Christopher, the band’s new manager, and Ian, their personal assistant. Aimee still worked for Jay but she was taking more of the virtual role while Ian assisted all four of them. I still couldn’t wrap my head around how Katy wasn’t the band’s manager anymore. She was still the boss man behind the scenes. But still, this domesticated version of her wasn’t one I imagined for her, yet she was glowing so who was I to say anything?
“I hired her.” Katy’s apologetic tone pulled me away from them. “I thought it would do the band good.” A worried smile lifted her lips as she glanced at me. “Also, she is bisexual and has a girlfriend,” she paused, “and a boyfriend.”
“Yeah, I know,” I groaned into my palms. I wasn’t really jealous of her. I was only finding reasons and excuses for what was really bothering me. “You know what.” I shot up, chugging my drink. “I think I’m fine. Just fine being his girlfriend for the rest of his life. Who cares about labels these days, right? Wife, girlfriend they are all the same thing.”
“Yes, it’s just a name on a piece of paper. No one gives a fuck,” Gabe explained.
They all nodded offering me encouraging smiles but I could see the truth behind their eyes.
One bottle of wine later we had shifted the conversation to Katy’s upcoming due date and Lily’s new manga which sounded a whole lot more exciting than my life.
I felt his presence before he could even speak. “What’s wrong?” he mumbled, holding me from behind.
“Nothing,” I muttered under my breath, already grabbing onto my fresh glass of wine. God, I was so drunk but I liked the buzz.
“Like you don’t know Emmie,” Lily’s sharp voice was directed to her brother.
“I concur,” Katy bit out.
“What the fuck did I do?” Jay asked, taken back .
I shot them all a warning glare not to say another word because I really didn’t want my stupid expectations to cause problems between us.
“Nothing, baby.” I turned to his embrace. “I love you.”
“I love you, more,” he said it with such conviction that a lump formed in my throat.
At the end of the day, I loved him and I reminded myself that was all that mattered.
“Fuck, you’re drunk, woman.” Jay settled me under the sheets later that night. It was well over midnight when everyone started to leave and I was exhausted.
“Yeah.” I giggled and moaned when he got up. “No, don’t go,” I whined.
He chuckled. “Let me change.”
“No,” I slurred.
“Fine.” He smiled, sliding in beside me, and I cuddled closer, dropping my head to his chest.
“Are you going to leave me in the morning?”
“Leave you in the morning?”
“I don’t like it when you’re not there when I wake up,” I mumbled sadly.
“I’ll be here,” he promised.
“How?” My eyes flashed to him. “Don’t you have the routine ?”
His gaze softened. “It can wait. If my girl wants me here, then I’ll be here.”
“Now I feel bad.”
“Don’t. I kinda miss waking up with you too.”
I nodded, holding him closer .
“Did you have a good day?” he asked, threading his fingers through my hair as the steady beat of his heart lulled me.
“Yes,” I lied as sleep came for me.
The glint of the diamond in my bracelet was the last thing that caught my eye before I drifted off.