CHAPTER 11
Tension coursed through the air as my mouth dried up.
Jay gripped my waist and pulled me closer.
I swallowed as I felt the warm heat radiate down my soul as his entire body pressed against mine, smashing me flush with him.
His hot breath feathered across my skin as he peered at me with such an intent gaze, haunting me.
I was imprisoned.
By the devil or the knight, I wasn’t sure.
I could only hear my breath come out in short rasps as the loud silence in the room buzzed in my ears. I couldn’t help but lock my gaze with his blues as my mind scrambled to formulate what was happening.
And before I knew it, rough hands circled my neck with such brutal force that I fought for my breath.
“I can’t stand you,” Jay hissed, running his nose along my cheek. “Do you know how much I fucking hate you?”
My lips parted as I fought for air.
“But fucking hell, you drive me crazy. Even after all these years, I still want you,” he mumbled, and in a fraction of a second, he stole my breath away, his teeth clashing with mine.
I gasped into his mouth as the shock faded away, bringing in the feel of the long-forgotten familiarity of his lips. Our tongues danced, craving the taste we once used to worship. Only this time, it was not out of love but full of unspoken bitterness. The hate, the sadness, the loss, the despair, the hope, the lost love, and the pain wedged between us.
He gripped my hair, pulling me closer to him as he explored every single inch of me. He tasted like the Jay I used to know but only much more sinful. The man I still loved with all that I had was somewhere. And I was lost in a trance as I gave in to his kiss.
Because I missed it so fucking much.
He suddenly pulled back, lifted me into his arms, and carried me to his bedroom.
His lips met mine once again, and they never parted, even when we crashed into his bed—driving a frenzy through my core.
He pulled back, his hands running all over my body. “Why the fuck is it always you?” he mumbled before his blues locked on my browns merely an inch away, his nose touching mine.
Only a beat of a second passed, and his mouth clashed with mine, once again stealing my soul. And my body betrayed me as the old familiar sensations overtook me. His smell, his taste, the feel of his body all over me as I gave in. He was all man now. I fumbled like an inexperienced teenager as I kept up with him.
His hands roamed all over my body, gripping and squeezing me so fucking hard that I was sure I would have bruises tomorrow.
He didn’t stop kissing me as he pressed me tighter against the bed, tilting his head for a deeper angle that made me moan.
He unbuttoned my jeans in one quick snap and tore open my zipper.
I breathed hard, panting as I watched him.
He kissed my cheek while he squeezed hard between my thighs, making me groan so loud that the sound echoed throughout the room.
“Hmm, still moaning and begging for me?” His hand gripped the side of my red lace panties and shredded them in one go. Then he ran a straight rough, calloused finger down my slit, clit to pussy, and I succumbed to the pleasure of it. “Your pussy still weeps for me, Evelyn?”
My body went into overdrive at his words as I gushed.
He pulled away from me as he kneeled by the side of my hips. My breath hitched as I watched him peel off his T-shirt and unzip his jeans ever so slowly while he had a cocky grin plastered on his face. Like he knew exactly what he was doing to me.
He pulled out his length, and my eyes widened as I took him in. Even though it’s been years, I would never get used to seeing his glorious member. It was huge, throbbing in heat—for me.
His body covered mine once again while he ran his cock from my clit to pussy, just like he did with his fingers a moment ago.
I writhed underneath him, aching and moaning. “Please.”
“You want me, Evelyn?”
“Yes,” I whimpered, locking my gaze with his.
He fixed my gaze as he held his cock against my pussy, and without warning, he drove his cock into me to the hilt. He didn’t give me time to adjust.
I screamed, crying out his name when he started to pump into me with merciless thrusts. I was so full. He fucked me so hard that my legs were shaking, losing all their strength. He gripped my hips and lifted my limbs, spreading me wider as he held me tight, fucking me deeper and wilder.
It burned.
The pain consumed me.
Even though I was so wet, it’s been six years since I had anyone inside me. The day he fucked me on the floor of that wretched bedroom was the last time I had sex. I was practically a virgin at this point.
“Fuck, you’re so tight, your pussy is squeezing my cock.” He drove his hips into me, stroking the deepest parts of my walls that hadn’t been invaded in a long time.
My entire world clouded as I took it. My mind distorted at his unrelenting and punishing pace.
“Yes, take it like the slut you are.”
My mouth twisted into a scream as the intense sensations consumed my body.
I didn’t realize that the pain laced with the sweetest pleasure was all that I needed at the moment.
His length dug deeper into me, hitting a spot that made my toes curl.
I moaned. “Please.”
He grunted as he plunged his full length back in one quick thrust.
I screamed as I came hard. Which only made him thrust harder into me.
Ah, fuck.
A blinding white light consumed my vision as I let go over and over again in waves, my body a quivering and trembling mess.
Jay grunted as he came inside me. “Fuck.” He gave me two brutal thrusts, burying himself as he finished off inside my walls.
My ragged breath and blinding vision consumed me as he pulled back, leaving my body cold and shivering.
I could see the wings on his shoulder blades moving as he retreated.
He stood tall, his eyes darting to mine. “This will be nothing more than a fuck, Evelyn,” he asserted before he turned and walked away.
I sighed as I watched him disappear out the door.
And I didn’t bother getting up and going to my room. Although I would have loved for that to have unfolded under a different circumstance, I couldn’t deny the pulsating bliss coursing through my body.
I snuggled into the sheets—everything smelled like him. My tired eyes drooped, finally relenting to the sleep I had been fighting the whole day. However, one thought stuck in my mind as I drifted off.
He came back for me.
Well, our next stop, Vienna, was quite interesting. Amid the busy days, shows, and schedules, our fuck fest continued.
It was always impromptu. Unplanned. And at the height of the moment.
We spoke with our bodies and eyes but not with actual words like adults.
It was infuriating yet exhilarating at the same time. I didn’t know how this would end up, but I hoped it wasn’t anything like the last time.
I exhaled a frustrated breath as I hit the backspace button once again. I was stuck in a writer’s block. It was like I knew exactly what to write, but I couldn’t seem to form the words or get the flow. It was so annoying.
A ping in my phone interrupted me.
Overbearing rock star: Need water at the gym.
I rolled my eyes as I scurried out of bed. I needed a distraction anyway.
As I walked, I looked at the late afternoon misty gray clouds outside the huge arched windows littered throughout the hallway. We were cooped up in a mansion similar to the one in Berlin. It almost felt like I was living in my princess fantasy.
The steady thud of the treadmill filled my ears as soon as I closed in on the gym. Even though last night ended in the early throes of morning, that man was at the gym.
His eyes met mine through the mirror as soon as I entered the room. And just like the air thickened in an instant—only hours ago, he fucked the daylights out of me, but the tension still lingered. It was like the sweetest craving; we couldn’t deny it even after all these years.
He paused the machine, and my breathing hitched as he sauntered toward me.
I gulped, squeezing the throb between my thighs.
“One high-grade Swiss water, sir,” I said, trying to sound confident, but it sounded more needy and desperate.
He smirked, cocking a brow as he closed his lips around the mouth. I licked my lips as I watched his throat bob as he swallowed. Beads of sweat streamed all over his upper body. It was a distracting sight, further compounding my struggles.
“What are you doing?” I asked as he pushed me against the workout bench.
“Now that I’m hydrated, I’d like to fuck you.”
My eyes widened as he laid me flat on the bench. “What if someone sees us?”
“So what if they do? Let’s give them a show.”
Heat consumed every cell on my skin as his sweaty body draped over mine. His teeth latched onto the tender skin on the side of my neck and sucked it hard.
I moaned as I gripped his wet strands. “I thought you were in the middle of your workout,” I spewed out through my heavy breathing.
“I decided to get my cardio done differently. Now spread your legs for me, Evelyn.”
Fuck. Just his words could make me come.
I hurriedly pulled off his T-shirt, and he dragged my sweatpants down.
“Fuck me, Jay.”
“Why should I?”
“Because I want you.” I writhed underneath him, and a flush of embarrassment ran through me.
He grinned, bringing his face closer and pushing his hips into mine. I could very well feel his hard cock rubbing against the thin material of my drenched panties.
He thrust his hips once again.
My breath caught in my throat.
And as usual, my body turned against me even with his barest touch.
He caught my lower lip between his teeth and ran his tongue over it, sucking it hard. I couldn’t help the moan that escaped me. He gripped my aching, heavy breasts and squeezed hard.
I moaned louder. He stole it away by plunging his tongue into my mouth, and we kissed. It was more like a messy battle of tongues. He drew my lips in, hard and fast, sucking and biting. The need to breathe was long forgotten as we gave in to each other. His hands held my hips and ground against his hard, throbbing length.
He pulled back, and I whined. The ache in my core escalated tenfold. I wanted him.
“Beg.”
I licked my lips ever so slightly, still feeling the taste of him on my lips. “Please,” I said, my voice barely a whisper.
He gave me a cruel smile as his blues locked on mine.
My ragged breath went into overdrive, and the anticipation of what he would do made my clit pulsate.
His hands snaked down as he pulled out his throbbing hard cock and pushed my panties aside.
I gasped as I felt cool air against my warm, aching pussy.
He plunged his middle finger entirely into me.
“Jay,” I cried out as he fucked his finger hard into me. My eyes rolled upward in bliss.
He leaned lower and bit my ear.
His finger left me, and I moaned, but soon, I felt the head of his cock rubbing against my hole.
“See, you didn’t even have to be primed. Your pussy is already leaking for me and begging for me to fuck her good, isn’t it?”
I tried to push my hips back to meet him, but he gripped them, stopping me short.
“Answer me.” He swirled his head, gathering all the seeping wetness that wouldn’t stop gushing.
“Please, please fuck me, Jay,” I begged.
And he did, and my entire body rocked backward. His cock thrust into me up to the hilt, and my hands almost pulled his strands away from the force.
I moaned as I tried to keep up with his violent pumps.
“Take it all. Your pussy is gripping my cock so good.” He grabbed my hair, pulling me back to take all of him, and it felt so damn good.
My heart hammered as I dug my heels into his back, trying to match his pounding. He continued with his hard fast rhythm, whispering what a good slut I was for him.
His finger found my clit, and strummed it like he would his guitar. His pace went faster and longer as he drove it in. God, he did fuck like a rock god.
The ecstasy of colorful dots blinded my vision as my arms failed out and gave in to the sweet pent-up release. My toes curled, my pussy squeezing around his cock as we both came.
“Jay,” I screamed as I came, and came and came.
“Fuck,” he grunted as I felt his hot, warm release shoot inside me.
It took me a moment to come back to reality as I felt him slip out of me.
My blurry vision returned back to normal, my body was spent and deliciously exhausted. I drew my eyes shut as I tried to catch my breath.
Words started to form behind my eyes as a sudden jolt of inspiration hit me. I shot upright. I knew exactly what to write.
Who knew having sex could cure writer’s block?
“Whoa,” Jay mumbled as he eyed me. He looked perfectly fine, not like someone who fucked me like a whore he picked up from the street.
I swallowed the dryness in my mouth. As someone who hasn’t used their body in a long time, even the tiniest muscles in my body screamed from the conditioning he gave me.
I grabbed his discarded bottle of water and took a huge swig from it. My forehead began to crease in confusion . What was so special about this water? “This water tastes the same as any other water,” I told him, waving the bottle around.
He shrugged. “It’s supposed to be good for my voice.”
“That’s absurd,” I said to his back. He was already on his way to pick up his weights, acting like nothing happened between us. I hated when he did that. Every time he fucked me, he would make sure to never linger and leave.
“So that’s it, huh?” I voiced out.
He turned around, scrutinizing me with his gaze. “What?”
I gestured back and forth between us. “You’re just going to ignore me?”
He stiffened, dropping the weights on the ground. “I think I made it clear that this will be nothing more than a fuck, Evelyn.”
“Actually, you didn’t. You just grab me whenever you want and fuck me, and then you leave as if nothing happened between us.”
“What is it that you want me to do?” His blues narrowed to slits.
“I don’t know.” I huffed out. “It’s like you’re hot one minute, and then you’re cold. It’s confusing.”
“There’s nothing to be confused about, Evelyn. We are two grown adults engaging in consensual sex. If that’s too much for you, we can end it.”
“Jay,” I started, my voice softening. “It’s not that I want it to end. Don’t you think it’s so weird that we can’t even see eye to eye except for when we’re having sex?”
“What is that you want me to do, Evelyn?”
“I don’t know, talk.” I lifted a shoulder. “Act civil. Stay after having sex?”
His fists clenched around his side, knuckles brimming white. “That’s something couples do, Evelyn. Couples who are in a relationship, and we are not.” He pointed between us both. “In a relationship, and we’ll never be in one.”
Frustration peeked its way up my nerves. “Why are you being so difficult? Yes, our past is an absolute mess, but we can talk about it and heal, Jay. It’s not that hard, is it?”
“Evelyn, let me get one thing straight.” His voice thundered, making my body freeze at a standstill. “You and I, we are done. You made your decision six years ago, and that was the end of us. I don’t want to rehash past wounds nor do I want to relive them with you. I’ve learned my lesson the hardest way when it comes to loving someone. Trust me, I don’t want any man, least of all me, to ever go through that again. I would be blind not to deny whatever physical attraction we have between us, but that’s only what this will ever be, Evelyn. Nothing more, nothing less. All I can give you is a fuck, a fuck that will leave you satisfied, but if you want a companion or a friend, you need to look elsewhere.”
I crunched my molars as the maddening helplessness rushed to me. I breathed out the anger drilling through my veins. “Fine,” I mumbled.
“Good.” He nodded.
I didn’t think as I snaked my hands around his neck. His eyes widened a bit in surprise. I raised onto my tiptoes, pressing my lips closer to his.
His lips curved into a smile, his eyes glowing with mirth.
I took his lower lip between my teeth just like he did and ran my tongue over it.
He cocked a brow.
“Well, you didn’t say I can’t kiss you.”
“You want to be fucked again, Evelyn?”
“Yes,” I rasped. “I want to ruin your workout.”
He gave me the most devious grin as he lifted me like I weighed nothing and continued his cardio for the second time today.
My hands flew faster across the keyboard as I typed away the words that hit me earlier today. Not just then, but every time I was with Jay, the sentences started forming in my head, and I had to write them.
It was like being around him fueled the need to finish our story. It was long overdue, and it got me excited that I was almost done. I didn’t know if it was good or if people would like it, but all I knew was that I put my heart into it.
Some said that if you didn’t fear putting out what you created, then it wasn’t honest or authentic enough. The line drew straight to my heart because that was exactly how I felt.
For the first time, I did something solely for me, not because I was forced to or because someone told me to. I wrote every single word for myself.
It was my biggest accomplishment, and I was so proud of it.
It was the dream of a thirteen-year-old girl slowly birthing to life.