CHAPTER 20
Jay and I settled into somewhat of a bearable routine. Although I insisted my apartment was safe to go back to now, Jay wouldn’t let me. He even offered to rent out an apartment for me, but I refused. I didn’t want any of his kindness or money anymore, not when he didn’t really care.
“You do realize you are a resident at this apartment, right?”
I shrugged. “Who cares?” I waved a hand around. “I don’t own a thing here.”
“But still you live here, shouldn’t you be writing inside your fancy library or something, instead of sticking here like a sore thumb while I’m busy doing my job.”
“I’m spending time with my best friend. And by job, you mean playing coin master on your phone while you flirt with unsuspecting hot milfs who don’t have a clue that you’re gay.”
“Shush.” He hushed, loudly. “Don’t you dare fucking let my secret out! Now get out of here before I kick you out. And you’re messing up the image of the front desk.” He gestured to my attire; the old sweats, my bun held together by a pencil, and my unwashed face.
Today was my day off, and the gang was out at some event. Thankfully, the girls didn’t badger me to tag along. So I decided to catch up on my editing. Now that I was done with the draft, I was going back and revising to make it as perfect as it could be.
Thankfully, Tyler was able to find someone to fix my laptop for cheap. They even added some new parts so it was better than it once was, and recovered all my files so my manuscript was safe.
“Fine.” I stepped out of the reception, poking my tongue out to Gabe while I walked back to the penthouse. I actually didn’t want to stay in the apartment because I didn’t want to be there when Jay returned. I knew he always had someone on his arm during these events. I didn’t know if it was PR or not, but if it wasn’t, did he bring them back home? I didn’t know if my heart could handle seeing another girl when only a wall separated our bedrooms.
We’d been co-living like cordial friends, exchanging respectful pleasantries. Not a word about anything else.
I was swirling the sauce for my pasta when I heard the front door open. My hand stilled on the spoon when footsteps approached me.
The tension in the air changed instantly as he occupied the entryway.
“You’re back early,” I mumbled like a fool.
He shrugged. “It was boring.” Standing tall in his triple black suit, he made my heart go wild.
That man doesn’t trust a word out of you after everything you did for him, Evelyn, I chided myself, willing my heart rate to steady.
“Have you eaten? I made pasta.” I asked tentatively.
“No, I’ll join you after I change.” He spun around and headed upstairs.
I sighed, while I set the table for us in the dining room. Which was an ornate modern room with two sides of full floor-to-ceiling windows with the twinkling Manhattan night behind it.
I set two plates on the solid wooden table and brought out the pasta and the fresh bread I made.
“Wine?” called out a voice from behind me.
“Yes, please,” I mumbled as I settled in my chair. Strawberry happily scarfed her meal that I set by my side.
I gave Jay a small smile as he dropped down the head table, poring me a glass of white wine.
“Thanks,” I whispered as the fresh, crisp citrus of the wine soaked my taste buds.
“Thanks for the meal.” He nodded, forking the pasta.
I licked my lips as I watched a wet droplet fall from his hair and onto his nose. I turned my eyes downcast to the pasta from the distracting sight.
“How was your day?” His husky voice filled the room.
“Okay.” I shrugged. “I was mostly editing.”
I wanted to ask if he had read it but it didn’t feel appropriate anymore to dig up our past when he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me.
“Good.”
“How was your event?” I tried to break the awkward energy, but my question only made it more awkward.
“It was okay, we only had to go there for press, take a few pictures, and mingle about.”
I nodded. “You must be used to it by now. I remember how you used to hate people taking pictures of you.”
He lifted a shoulder. “It’s a part of the job.”
“Lily tells me that you guys are trying to tone it down.”
“Yeah.” His full, sculpted lips closed around the wineglass as he took a sip, my eyes following the move of his throat as he swallowed. “We’ve decided to move away from the label. I want to produce my own music without anyone having a say in it.”
“Didn’t you have full creative control?” I frowned; I remember making sure that bitch allowed it because I knew how much Jay wanted to be part of the process.
“I did, but we still had to cut some songs, attend events we didn’t want to, play shows because the label wanted us to, and people we had to collaborate with who didn’t match our style or vision. I stayed only because they gave us a chance when no one did, but our deal is done now, and I want out.”
I scoffed. “I wonder how you got the chance,” I laid out, my voice thick with sarcasm because I couldn’t help it.
His gaze turned icy. “Are you insinuating something, Evelyn?”
I steeled my jaw, not allowing myself to be scared of him anymore. “Yes, Jay. You guys are talented, I won’t deny that. And all this”—I gestured around—“is because of you, and you only got here because of how amazing your music is. But the initial chance you got was downplayed into something much more sinister. A lot of things happened behind the scenes that you weren’t aware of.”
He cocked a brow. “Like you cheating on me so the label would allow me to produce an album. Are you hearing yourself?”
I curled my fingers around my fork. “Don’t you dare mock me. More like a manipulative bitch was obsessed with you. I still don’t understand how you couldn’t see it. She’s been rolling the dice in our lives for a long time, Jay. I hope it won’t be too late before you see for yourself her true colors.”
“Evelyn.” The muscles around his eyes tightened. “Cece is my good friend and has helped me a lot throughout the years and was actually with me in some of the darkest times of my life. I can’t forget that. If what you say is true, if she’s really obsessed with me, then why isn’t she here? Why hasn’t she tried anything?”
My heart started to pick up its beat. “I know exactly why she isn’t here. Because she doesn’t know that I’m here, and she’s not worried about the other girls you are with, Jay, because she knows the only girl you’ll run back to is me.”
“That’s enough, Evelyn. Stop this nonsense.”
“No, I won’t. I’ll scream it at the top of the Empire State if I’ve to. Do you know why? Because it’s the truth. Just because you don’t believe it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. It doesn’t erase the hell that I went through while she played me like a doll. Do you know the distress and the constant state of agony I was in every day, Jay? Do you even understand that?”
“No, I don’t, Evelyn. Because then I don’t understand why the man you cheated on me with was in your apartment. If everything you said was true, that you were forced to go through with these things, then why was he there?”
It dawned then, that no amount of explanation and arguing was going to help this. One day, eventually he was going to learn the truth but I didn’t know if that day I would be willing to forgive him for treating me like this when I sacrificed my entire life and dreams for him.
“Let’s not argue,” I said, softly dragging my eyes back to my pasta. I was done going back and forth with him when I clearly knew it wasn’t going to lead anywhere that I liked.
A loud sigh escaped from him. “Yeah, you’re right.”
Only the sound of our forks clinking on our plates was heard afterward. We retired to our separate bedrooms; I pulled in Strawberry next to me. I usually didn’t allow her to be on the bed, but I needed someone by my side that night.
“Hey,” Jay called out just as I was scrolling through my phone while eating Cheerios.
“Hi,” I mumbled back before clearing my throat. “Actually, I’ve decided to move back to my apartment.”
He pinned me with his stare. “Evelyn, I told you it’s not safe there, and you can stay here as long as you want.”
“But I don’t want to stay here with you. I’m tired of all this. I thank you for dealing with David and T. I’ve changed the locks and fixed everything as much as I possibly could so it should be fine.”
“What are you tired of, Evelyn?” He sighed as he eased in beside me on the couch.
“I don’t want to argue. I feel drained being here, and I feel like I don’t really fit in here, Jay. I just wanna go back home.”
After a long minute of silence, he said, “I understand,” fixing his gaze ahead at the windows.
We sat there like this, moments of finality pulsing between us. He slowly slid his hand over to me and linked his fingers with mine.
I couldn’t help the blubber of tears that started to spill from my eyes. The drops caught on our joined hands.
“Evelyn,” he whispered.
I locked my glossy eyes with his. “I’m angry, Jay. I’m lost,” I sobbed. “I don’t even have a life. You may not believe me, but I sacrificed everything for you. I destroyed myself for you. Sometimes I wish I could’ve told you everything, and we could’ve just run away. I wish that I was selfish enough to choose me. But I loved you so much. So much so that it was the only thing I knew. I was a stupid fool in love with you, and I was willing to do anything for you, and I did. In the end, I’m hardly the girl I once was. Too ruined to even stand straight and have a life. Do you know the cruelest thing out of it all?” I wiped the flowing wetness from my eyes. “That I still love you. Even after everything, even after you want nothing to do with me, I still love you. How pathetic is that?”
“Hey”—he cupped my cheeks—“don’t cry.” He leaned in and brushed his lips across mine in the softest way possible, but I moved back. I didn’t want to get pulled back into this same cycle again. Even though my blood felt heavy with sadness, my heart was elated at the thought of freeing myself from all this pain.
His eyes widened a fraction. He knew I was really done at that moment because I’ve never pulled away from him.
“We never got the closure that we needed. That I needed anyway, you believed that I cheated and played you, and you moved on the only way you could. But I’ve carried the burden of what truly happened. It’s been eating me alive for all these years, but now I’ve made my peace. I’ve told you everything, and now it's finally time for me to go for good.”
His blues traced over every inch of my face as I wiped away all my tears. “You’re right. You should do what’s best for you. But I’ll always be there for you, Evy, no matter what. I promised Marie I would take care of you, and I vow to do that till the day I die. Maybe this being together wasn’t in the cards for us after all. I mean, we were two stupid teenagers who had no idea what love actually was. But we are adults now. We know better, and nothing stops us from being friends.”
“Friends, huh?” A laugh broke out of me, but I nodded. “I think it’s for the best too,” I whispered.
And we sat there, watching the rain weep from the skies as it drenched the city. It seemed like hours, but a version of closure and calm settled between us. Like a silent breeze that reassured you after a long day, I could feel it this time. The hope of recovering our lost love had finally died.