CHAPTER 21
JAY
She was gone.
Though she was only here for a week, the place felt empty somehow. Like all life had been drained from it. Was this how it used to be before? Was that how I’d been living before she came along?
In a cold, desolate empty cell.
Her hair tie on the couch, her coffee mug on the counter, the smell of vanilla and burnt orange lingering in the air, the soft smile that tugged her lips when I came home, her warm gaze that followed me, and fuck, even Strawberry running around.
I knew I shouldn’t miss it but I did.
I reminded myself of the betrayal and the agony that rushed back to me when I saw her with Will. It was like I was back to that day six years ago. All the benefit of the doubt, the tiny glimmer of hope that maybe she was right vanished in an instant. It was something that I never wanted to feel again. It took me right back to that time when I was barely living when I realized that it was all an act, a facade to get me to see her in a different light.
The burning rage that consumed me made me despise her, and at that moment, I wanted to hurt her like she hurt me
I hated her, I told her I never wanted to see her face again, but back here I was, days later, her sad brown eyes tugging my soul when I saw her with those marks on her neck.
I wanted to kill someone at that sight.
That was when it hit me that I could never hate her. But I couldn’t trust her either. So I was stuck in this weird dynamic.
Friends. I told her that we could at least be friends.
I hoped that I was right.
But deep down, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d somehow fucked it up.
“Emmie, if you don’t stop, I’m going to throw your ass out,” Mikey complained.
My hand grasped the tennis ball that I’d been volleying at the wall as my gaze slid to him. “Shut up, fucker,” I mumbled as I hurled the ball against the wall once again.
The constant thud of my tossing echoed loudly through the room.
“Fuck, you’re giving me a headache, Emmie,” he groaned, sprawled on my couch in my TV room. “Is this about you fucking it up with Evy?”
I caught the ball and snapped toward him. “How do you know if I fucked up? Did she say anything?”
He grinned. “If you want to know, then drop that cursed thing that you’re holding.”
I sighed. “Fine.” I launched the ball aside and slid in beside him.
He still had that wicked grin dancing on his lips but didn’t say a thing.
I raised my brow, my patience wearing thin at his antics. “So?”
“So you fucked up,” he stated simply.
My arm reached out on its own accord and gave him a hard smack. “Fucker. I’m asking how? Did she say something?”
“Ouch.” He grimaced, rubbing the back of his head. “Fuck, isn’t it obvious, she was right in front of you and you let her go?”
“I thought she said something.” Leaning back, I stared at the ceiling. “It’s not easy. You know all the shit that she pulled back then. I can’t let her in again, not like I used to anyway. We decided to be friends.”
My eyes snapped to him as I heard a blubber of laughter spill out of his lips. “Friends?” A gleam coated his eyes. “You and E? That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in a while.”
“Why?” I narrowed my eyes.
“Really? I think you need to check your vision at this point.” He shifted his gaze to Matt who was busy fiddling with his controller sniping the guy on his screen. “Matty? Do you think that Emmie and Evy could be friends?”
Matt frowned without looking up from the TV. “No,” he mumbled.
“See.” Mikey gestured dramatically. “Even good old Matty can see it.”
“See what?” I narrowed my eyes farther. That fucker was getting on my nerves.
He sighed, suddenly switching to a more serious expression. “Emmie, do you see the way she looks at you? Or the way you look at her? That girl fell for you when you had nothing, the look in her eyes is the same one she had when she was sixteen. Evy loves you, man, it’s clear that she never stopped.”
“Mikey, did you forget that she cheated on me? All the shit that she put me through in LA—the parties and drinking. Even then, I didn’t let her go, I fought for her, but she wanted out. Not me.”
He shook his head. “I don’t really believe that she cheated on you.”
I stilled as my pulse thundered. I recalled Mikey telling me that a few times over the years, but I paid no attention to it until now. Something about the way Evy kept repeating it recently and him saying it now made me want me to ask. “Why do you think that?” I steeled out.
He lifted a shoulder while a furrow formed between his brows. “I don’t know, it just felt weird. Like it didn’t add up. One second, she was all over you, and the next, she wasn’t. That girl loved you for years, didn’t dare look at another man, and out of the blue, she had an affair with someone else? How does that make sense? Even in LA when you guys were fighting, E was still clinging on to you and looking at you like you were her universe or something. I mean in the end, even I believed that she might’ve had a thing going on with Will, but it was something that she said before she left that’s been bugging me.”
My thundering pulse skyrocketed. “What did she say?”
His frown deepened as he thought. “I don’t know exactly. But it was something like she loved someone a lot and that she was willing to do anything for them. At first, I thought she was talking about that fucker, but then she asked me to take care of you. That just didn’t make any sense.”
A sharp inhale lodged in my throat as a heavy blanket swept over my pulsing heart. “She told me Cece made her break up with me,” I admitted, my voice a cold whisper.
“What?” Mikey’s eyes widened as he shot upright.
“The fuck?” Even Matt slid off his headphones and controller and focused his attention on me.
“I didn’t believe her at first, but then I saw the look in her eyes and something in me didn’t sit right. I started to wonder if maybe it was true. So I told her I needed time and asked Silas to dig up everything from six years ago. But then I went to her apartment two weeks ago, and to my surprise, guess who I saw? Will. I couldn’t shake the fact that she made a fool out of me for the second time.” Silas was my trusted friend who ran the most elite security company in the country and had connections with people you didn’t want as your enemies.
“Wait. Go back to the part where Cece made E do this. Why?”
I sighed, running a frustrated hand through my hair. “I don’t know the details. She said that Cece was obsessed with me and wouldn’t let us record the album without Evy leaving me.”
“That fucking bitch. I knew something was always wrong with her. She looks at you with possessed eyes, Emmie. I don’t have a single doubt that all of this was because of her. Fuck, I can’t imagine the shit that she put E through.”
Each word out of his mouth instilled in me that I somehow fucked up.
“What did Silas say?” Matt asked, thinking logically as always.
“I don’t know. I asked him to halt after I saw her with Will.”
“You’re a dumb ass fucker, Emmie. It could’ve been a pure coincidence that you saw her with him. I heard he’s engaged and getting married soon.” Mikey rolled his eyes.
“Is it?” I mumbled, nodding. “Fine, I’ll ask Silas to look into it. I just…don’t know... I.. I’m not sure I want to know the truth, you know.” My eyes dragged over the lint spilling off the carpet. “If it’s true, then it was my fault all along, and if it’s not then, I’d be a fool to fall for her lies the second time.”
Mikey slid his arm over my shoulders. “I know, man. But it’s our girl. She literally has no one but us, and she loves fiercely. You’re one lucky fucker that she still loves you. I have no doubt that she’s telling the truth.”
“Yeah, me neither,” Matt added with a grim look on his face. “It’s clear as day that Evy still loves you. And you still love her too.”
“No, I don’t,” I muttered as I blew out a breath. “But what do I do? If it’s all true, then what do I do? The things I said to her, will she ever forgive me?”
A grin twisted up Mikey’s lips. “It’ll be fun to watch you grovel, but it’s Evy. I’m sure she’ll forgive your sorry ass.”
“Did Silas say anything about the other thing we asked for?” Matt asked.
“Yeah,” I huffed out. “Turns out the label is more than a drowning fish in the sea. They have crumbled, barely keeping up, and we’re the only artists keeping them afloat for now. Thank God, we made smart investments and have a big enough name to get out unscathed. Silas tells me the IRS has been working behind the scenes preparing a huge file on them, and it’s only a matter of time before it all comes to light. Cece has been trying hard to procure a merger in Australia but is having no luck so far. So they are as good as dead. We have all the papers ready, our legal will send them out by the end of this month. I hope Katy puts the word out to her sooner. We can’t wait any longer.”
“That’s fucked up. Katy thinks Cece is her fucking best friend or something. Who the fuck cares what that bitch thinks?” Mikey let out an annoyed sigh.
“Cece is…” I stopped; I didn’t know what Cece was to me anymore. Not until I find out the truth. She helped me a lot throughout the years, and I considered her my good friend. I knew she always liked me and even pursued me at times. I relented to a few dates, but I never felt anything. All I thought about was her. For some reason, something in me always made me keep a distance from Cece. I wonder if it was because of Evy.
“Cece is a bitch.” Mikey finished my statement. “So what are you going to do about E?”
“I honestly don’t know. I think it’s best if we stay friends for now until I know what actually happened six years ago.”
A laugh broke out of Mikey. “Yeah right, good luck with that.”
EVY
I was back home.
My place looked as good as new. Jay had asked Tyler to set up some fancy lock system on my door. Although I wanted to protest, I didn’t because it made me feel safe. He also had new furniture delivered and wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Just a week in his place and already being back here felt different. But I was excited, the heavy weight of the debt and truth were now far behind me. I’d actually been thinking about getting a writing job even if the pay was low. I’d applied to several small companies for freelance positions. Though I didn’t have much experience or qualifications, I hoped I would land something with my statement of purpose and high school publications.
It took just a day to clean up my apartment and put back all the things tossed around. A quick inventory told me that the only missing items were Grandma’s pearl earrings, my old cell phone, and some cash I kept in my drawer. The cash was just a couple of hundred, and even then, the other missing items made no fucking sense. Why the fuck did T want my grandma’s pearl earrings that probably weren’t worth anything at all?
A loud rumble broke me out of my thoughts, and I stilled, glancing at the clock. It was around eight o’clock. I wonder who it was.
Strawberry pushed past me and was already sniffing the door, barking loudly.
My breathing hitched up my chest as I revealed the person who was on the other side of the door. “Jay,” I mumbled, stunned.
It was his smell that hit me first. Clean wood. Soap. And seawater. I trailed my eyes down his black leather jacket, side-swept long black hair, and blue eyes.
“Jay,” I repeated, wide-eyed. “What are you doing here?”
He shrugged, two paper bags gripped in his long fingers that were decked with stacks of metal rings. “Pad Thai or Kung Pao?”
“Wha..” My lips tugged on their own accord. My mind flashed right back to our silly argument all those years ago. And before I could do anything else, Strawberry swept over to me to greet her new best friend.
“Hey, girl.” He dropped to the floor, immediately giving her all the love. “So.” He looked up at me. “Are you going to let me in?”
I shook out of it. “Ah, yes,” I mumbled. “Come on in.”
I closed the door behind me as he sauntered inside like he owned the place. My apartment was too small for his godly presence.
I swallowed the nervousness down my throat. “What are you doing here?” I couldn’t help but ask again.
He turned his attention from Strawberry to me and rose to stand tall, making the apartment seem even smaller. “Don’t friends bring takeout?”
I didn’t say a thing as I stared at him.
He exhaled loudly. “Let’s not talk about our past, the lies, the deceit, or the pain. Let’s not go through that again. Let’s start fresh. Be friends.”
I raised a brow. “And do you think we could do that?”
He lifted a shoulder. “I don’t see why not.”
“What if the ghosts haunt us again? Is that something we can go through? Something I can go through?” The last question was something I asked myself.
“It won’t, I promise. If it does, we’ll work through it. Being friends is a lot different from being lovers.”
It’s one and the same, Jay, when it comes to us, I contemplated inside my head.
“So what do you say?” he asked.
I didn’t think he was actually serious about us being friends. “But you don’t trust me,” I said simply.
“No, I don’t,” he stated, monotonously.
“And you’re not my favorite person at the moment.”
His eyes darkened. “Friends could build trust and start liking each other.”
“So what? We just forget everything that happened between us like it was nothing?”
“No, we just learn to move past it. Let’s just try being friends.”
I still wasn’t sure about this; I didn’t want to go down that drowning ship again.
“Please,” he added.
Surprise flooded my veins because Jay never said please . I thought about it for a long moment before I sighed internally and couldn’t help but concede. “Fine. No talking about the past, no arguing, no digging up old wounds. A fresh start it is. Let’s be friends.”
And my heart stopped at the smile he gave me. His exquisite lips tugged into a curve, lighting up his entire face. His smile made his eyes glow, and my heart had vertigo.
“Fine, and is that my T-shirt?” He gestured to my attire.
Heat bloomed all over my body when I realized what I was wearing. One of his old T-shirts that I’d stolen from him. “Hmm, not really. It’s just something I found in my closet.”
“Yeah, right.” He grinned; he knew exactly that washed black T-shirt belonged to him.
“I’m assuming that you want Kung Pao.” He cocked a brow while we settled on the couch. Which was a lot better than my last one. I was scared to know how much it cost because every time I sat on it, it felt like I was sinking into a delicate nimbus.
“Yes.” I laughed, trying to push Strawberry away from me. She was sprawled entirely on me. Apparently, she decided that I was her bed these days.
“Come, girl. Don’t bother Mommy.” Jay carried her weight off me and settled her in his lap. Fuck, how were we going to be friends when he said things like that?
“So do you have work tomorrow?” he questioned while we dug into our food. The lines on his face formed shadows from the light flashing from the mindless TV playing in the background.
I focused my eyes on the carton I was holding, trying to spoon some rice under the dim lighting. “Unfortunately, yes,” I mumbled. “But hopefully not for long. I’ve applied for some writing jobs, and now that I’m out of debt, I can do with smaller pay. And it would be something I love to do anyway other than running behind housewives.”
He frowned. “Are they hard to work with?”
“Not as hard as my previous boss.”
His tongue touched his upper lip like he was trying hard not to laugh. “Oh, is it?”
“Yeah.” I shook my head in mock admonishment. “God, he was the worst. He drank only high-grade Swiss water and demanded I make him green smoothies that smelled like grass.”
“How dare he?” He smiled.
“And get this.” I leaned closer, beckoning him. “He won’t even add oil or butter to his eggs.”
He gasped. “Fuck, I can’t believe you’d have to work for that jerk.”
“I know, right.” I exhaled, and a serious second passed between us before we burst out laughing.
I liked this. Were we flirting? Kinda, yes. But did I miss this? Also yes. Could we try to draw the line and be friends? I didn’t know the answer to that.
But I wanted to try.