Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
Finn
Nobody tells you that even after you come out, there are still closets. They're just bigger, with better lighting and more places to hide.
It’s my day off. Not a fake day off, where you still have to do film or weights or pretend to care about some team-building escape room. An actual, sanctioned, nobody-bothers-you day.
Normally, Coach requires us to come in on Sundays to watch film and do light weights. However, he gave us this Sunday off, and I was more than happy to have the break.
I slept in and lounged around my apartment. I found fresh blueberry muffins my cook had left and made a cup of coffee. By ten, I was still on the couch, wearing sweats and watching old hockey brawls on YouTube.
I had an alert on my Instagram and found a picture of Brody and me from last night.
It was a great photo of me looking over at Brody while he smiled toward the river.
I wanted so badly to hold his hand, but I knew that was crossing a line with him.
And now, seeing the photo of us, I know for sure I made the right choice by not giving in to my desires.
I had sucked his cock, and it had been amazing. Then, I got to spend a nice evening with him, and it made me realize that I wanted a life like that. To have someone to go to dinner with. To talk about your day with. Would Brody ever want that with me?
Just thinking about Brody made me want to talk to him. I grabbed my phone and dialed his number.
When he answered, I smiled.
“Hey,” Brody answered. I turned it to FaceTime so I could see his face. It took him a second to answer. He looked adorable with the morning light streaming in from a window behind him.
“I was thinking about you,” I said, leaning back on my couch.
Brody smiled, and it seemed to light up his whole face. I wished more than anything that he was here with me. I could hold him in my arms and kiss him, and we could relax together as a couple.
“Really?” he asked coyly.
“Yeah. You know, today is our day off. I was wondering if you wanted to come over and watch a movie. We could Netflix and chill,” I suggested with a wink.
Brody’s cheeks turned pink, and I loved how I could make them look that way. Suddenly, I heard a strange sound, and something moved into the camera.
“What is that?” I asked, trying to look to the right on the screen.
Brody laughed as he reached to pick up something. Then, there was this blob in his arms. It looked like a pig.
“This is Winnie,” Brody said.
“Is it a pig?” I asked.
Brody laughed again, holding Winnie up closer to the screen. “No, she’s a pug.”
The dog snorted and stuck its tongue out, licking Brody’s cheek.
“How is it that I’m jealous of a dog?” I asked, chuckling.
Brody’s eyes grew wide. “You are crazy.”
“Crazy about you,” I replied.
“Wow. Did you really use that corny line with me?” Brody asked, laughing so hard that Winnie shook in his arms.
Man, I didn’t realize how lame my pick-up lines were. But I was happy that Brody found humor in it.
“I guess I did. So, will you come over and hang out with me? I really want to see you,” I stated.
Brody put Winnie beside him on his couch. “Yes, I want to come over.”
My heart sang as I realized that Brody agreed to come over to my apartment. I was beyond elated. I quickly texted him my address, and we agreed to see one another in an hour.
***
When I heard the knock, I almost ran to the front door.
I needed to chill out before I scared Brody away. You would think this was my first time hanging out with someone I liked. Maybe it was, since I hadn’t liked anyone the way I liked Brody.
When I opened the door, I felt my dick come to life at the sight of Brody. Standing in the doorway, he looked so relaxed and sexy in a pair of black joggers and a tight-fitting gray t-shirt.
“Come in,” I welcomed him.
Brody stepped into my home, and I liked the sight of him in my personal space.
He glanced around. “Wow, this place is really nice,” he said, admiring everything.
“Yeah, I’m pleased with my decorator.” I had explained that I didn’t want my home to feel too flashy, but warmer and homier.
My apartment was in a warehouse that had been converted into luxury apartments.
I loved the natural light of the large, floor-to-ceiling windows and the industrial look of the exposed brick.
She had selected very warm tones for the furniture and art pieces.
I showed Brody to my living room. “Do you want anything to drink?” I asked.
“Water is fine,” he said, his voice shaky.
I grabbed two bottles from the fridge and handed him one. He took it, twisting the cap but not drinking. I waited. The silence was a living thing.
I moved past him and sat down on the tan leather couch. Finally, Brody sat on the edge of my couch, the bottle between his knees. He didn’t look at me.
“You don’t have to be nervous,” I began. “We’ve already hung out in public, and I’ve sucked your dick,” I threw in.
Brody almost choked on his water. “Yes, but each time we are together, the lines blur. We were photographed last time…” he paused.
Brody took a shaky breath. “If the team finds out—about me—I lose everything. They don’t trust a trainer who’s different, even the good guys. I see how they talk about you, Nash, and Leo. I see how fast they can turn.”
He said it fast, as if he didn’t get the words out, they’d choke him. “I like my job. It’s the only thing I’m good at.” He wiped his hands on his pants. “I watch you, out there, and I wish I could be like that. Just not caring.”
I didn’t answer right away. I wanted to give him space, but I also wanted to close it. “I’m not brave,” I said, finally. “I just got tired of pretending. Pretending made it worse.”
Brody stared at the floor. “It’s not the same for you. You get to be a hero. If I mess up, I’m just the gay trainer who got fired.”
I touched his knee, tentative. “I get it. I do.”
He let my hand stay.
I leaned in, placing a soft kiss to his lips. He didn’t resist and gave in to the kiss. The heat surrounding us intensified as my hands went to his hair, and his landed on my neck.
“I just…” he started, then stopped. “I don’t want to lose this.” His voice dropped, barely a whisper. “You. Or the team.”
I nodded. “We’ll be careful. We don’t have to rush anything.”
He finally looked at me, really looked. “You’re a terrible liar.”
I grinned. “I know.”
We sat there, side by side, the space between us shrinking. Brody’s shoulder brushed mine, and it felt like electricity had zapped me.
He leaned his head back against the couch, eyes closed. “Can we just…sit, for a while?”
“Yeah,” I said. “As long as you want.”
He let out a breath. The tension went out of him, all at once.
We didn’t talk after that. I turned on the TV, muted, just to have something moving in the background. We watched a cooking show that neither of us cared about. Brody’s breathing slowed. I felt his hand inch toward mine until our fingers touched, curled together.
After a while, he rested his head on my shoulder. His hair smelled like the cheap drugstore shampoo he always used. I wanted to say something—something that would fix it, or at least make it less scary. But there were no words for that.
We dozed together, drifting in and out of sleep, until the sky outside turned dark as the evening approached.
Brody sat up, blinking at the clock. “I should go. I’ve been here for hours.”
“You don’t have to.”
He shook his head. “I do. I’ve got to feed Winnie, but I want to do this again.”
I walked him to the door, bare feet cold on the tile. I was taking it as a good sign that he wanted to do this again. Whatever this is.
He hesitated at the threshold. “You’ll be at practice?”
“Always am,” I said.
Brody grinned, a real one this time. “Don’t be late.”
At my door, he hesitated. I waited, not wanting to spook him.
He stepped close, face half-shadowed. “Can I see you tomorrow?”
I nodded. “You can see me anytime.”
He smiled, then leaned in and kissed me—quick and clumsy, but real. He tasted like sugar and coffee. I wanted to stay in that moment forever, or at least until the next practice.
He left, and I stood in the doorway, watching him until he stepped into the elevator and the doors closed. The night felt lighter, like maybe, just for today, there was nothing to hide.
I didn’t sleep much, but when I did, it was with the memory of his hand in mine, and the hope that tomorrow would come just as easily.
Moving back to the living room, I fell onto the couch. The couch still smelled like him, like rain and citrus and something sharp and clean.
I didn’t know what would happen next. I didn’t know if it would work, or if we’d burn out and ruin everything.
But I wasn’t tired anymore. And for the first time, I let myself believe it might be worth the risk.