Chapter Three
Words didn’t exist anymore.
My brain forgot how to program my tongue, to sound out words, to form sentences to exchange in human communication. The simplest of things, one I’d been doing since I was two years old—gone. I stared at Leon, shock washing over me like a cold shower. My skin turning cold as my heart rate accelerated.
It couldn’t—
This had to be some sort of sick joke.
Right?
They were just having a bit of fun and pulling my leg. There wasn’t an actual bomb in the car…that I raced in…last night.
Images from last night came rushing back again. My fists tightened on the blanket, almost as if my body was “strapping itself in” for the panic coming around the corner.
“Nikki?”
I don’t know which one called my name.
Hell, I didn’t even know if my eyes were open—or if I was still breathing. I’d been sucked back in time, reliving the crash from the outside, seeing it in a different light. It wasn’t an accident. It was a fucking hit.
To take me out.
“Nikki, look at me,” Dontell ordered. I felt a dip on the other side of the bed, followed by a large, warm hand cupping my cheek. My head was turned, but I couldn’t focus.
“Someone tried to kill me,” I whispered, replaying the memories I could remember from last night over and over. I went further back, to Oasis. When Cain was arguing with me, warning to stay off the streets.
Did he know…?
Why wasn’t he telling me anything? I knew we weren’t anything—at least, not anymore—but I was Oasis! And so was he! We were supposed to be looking out for each other—
That’s what he was trying to do.
I ignored the small voice inside of my head. It belonged to younger, more foolish Nikki. She had so much hope, she could’ve healed the world with it. Instead, she put all that hope into one man.
A fucking street racer who only ever saw her as the stupid girl next door.
“Nikki!”
I blinked, and Dontell’s handsome face came into view. He was holding my head in his hands now, his dark, onyx-colored eyes fierce with worry. “Breathe in,” he ordered.
I sucked in a gulp of air and was about to release it when he clipped, “Hold it for three seconds. One…two…three…release.” As the seconds passed, I felt my body relax slightly.
“We shouldn’t have done that,” Lee muttered from the other side of me.
Dontell ignored his best friend, his eyes remaining connected with mine. His beard was clipped short, his dark skin glowing over the handsome, god-like structure of his face. “You good?”
I swallowed, wanting to wince at the sour taste in my mouth. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I don’t know where that came from.”
His thumbs swept over my cheeks as he gave me a lazy smile. “You’ve never had a panic attack before?”
“Is that what that was?” I breathed as he dropped his hands from me.
“Yeah, Mina has them sometimes,” he explained.
Mina was Leon’s sister. She was in a relationship with Dontell, and they were heal over heels for each other. Dontell was also head over heels for Mina’s daughter, Cleo. They all lived together in Dontell’s house, which was cut out from a magazine and put on the street.
Leon didn’t have a house; he lived in an upscale high rise downtown and owned an entire floor of the parking garage. He took me there to pick out the car that was just blown to pieces by the fucking Russian Mafia.
“So, why exactly did the Russian bad guy blow up your car?” I asked, twisting my neck to look at Leon.
He sighed and stood, putting his hands into his pockets. My eyes followed his upward, remaining on his face. The teardrop tattoo was the only imperfection on his warm brown face, but to me, it wasn’t a bad thing. Leon was one of the nicest men I’d ever met— and trust me, there are some shitty ones—and I never judged him on that piece of ink. I didn’t know the story behind it, and I never wanted to know.
“I’m not telling you anything else,” he said finally.
I sat up. “Lee—”
“Nikki, you just went had a panic attack over the little information that I did give you,” he reminded me, his voice gentle. Then, he shook his head. “I’m not going to be the one responsible for that.”
I nodded, respecting his choice. “But you started with the attack on me,” I stated, throwing my hand out.
He stared down at me, clearly wanting to move on from the subject.
A knock on the door broke our stare down, and one of the nurses came in with my discharge paperwork. After she left, I said, “I want to get out of this bed. I want to shower. I want some of Sullie’s chicken wings, and then…” I trailed off, pausing for affect. The two street racers waited, not looking even the slightest bit amused. “I want Jeremy to tell me everything.”
Dontell’s handsome face split into a smile before he barked out a laugh, and Leon narrowed his eyes.
I shrugged. “If I have another panic attack, it’ll be on him and not you,” I offered.
Lee’s jaw jumped twice before he muttered. “For fuck’s sake. Fine.”
“Let’s get you home, Nikki,” Dontell said, still chuckling.
An hour and a half later, I was looking out the window, admiring Sullie’s old building. It was nestled in the heart of Soulard, a suburb of St. Louis, minutes away from downtown, the stadiums. The loft had an amazing view of the Arch, which was another thing I’d come to love since being here. For me, that monument signified a new beginning. It was symbol and testament to how far I’d come. Most nights, when I couldn’t sleep and journaling wasn’t helping, I’d sit at the little breakfast table and stare at the Arch. It gave me a sense of peace I’d never felt before.
Leon slowed his Audi R8, pulling into a parking spot in front of the old bar. Judging from the number of cars in the lot, lunch was booming today. My stomach grumbled.
I was ready for some real food.
“You okay?” Lee asked softly.
I turned away from the window, giving him a smile. “I’m doing better than I should,” I admitted honestly. Since discovering that I’d survived a bomb, I was having trouble wrapping my mind around the reason as to why I survived.
I should’ve died.
I should’ve—
“Is the car in one piece?” I asked, my mind running a thousand miles a minute now.
Lee shook his head, looking to the front door of Sullie’s. “Nah. After the three of us pulled you out, it exploded.”
“Shouldn’t bombs, you know, explode on the first go?” I wondered.
His eyes met mine. “I know what you’re thinking, but you don’t need to analyze something when there’s nothing to go over. It was C-4 purchased off the black market, and the bomb they made probably wasn’t the most advanced. Homemade bombs are tricky and don’t always go as planned,” he explained, his wrist still resting on the top of the steering wheel.
I raised a brow. “You sound like you’re speaking from experience.”
He gave me a look as he deadpanned, “Nikki, I was raised on the fucking streets. I know a lot of shit that other people shouldn’t.”
My stomach growled, the sound echoing through the beautiful vehicle. Lee’s massive chest shook as he silently chuckled, his breath coming out his nose. He shook his head as I winced. “Sorry. I didn’t eat much for breakfast.”
“I noticed that,” he muttered, opening his door. “Stay there. I’ll come around.”
As soon as his door was shut, Dontell pulled up beside us in his Porsche, Mina in the front seat. She was out in a flash, running around the front of the car to get to me. She beat her brother by half a second, yanking the door open. She bent down, poking her head inside the car, and the look on her face triggered tears to form.
“Oh, honey girl,” she murmured, tears in her eyes.
“I’m okay,” I croaking, my throat hurting with each syllable.
“Let’s get you upstairs.”
“What about my chicken wings?” I blurted.
Behind Mina, Leon looked to the sky. “I’m going to need to ask Garner who he uses for a chiropractor,” he grumbled.
I looked at his sister in confusion, and she shook her head. “Agent Garner looks up to Jesus a lot.”
“With his job, I can imagine why,” I muttered, unbuckling and wincing as the pain in my ribs flared.
“Careful, babe,” Mina warned.
“Here, let me carry you,” Leon suggested, directing his sister out of the way gently.
“They gave me crutches,” I said, giving him a look.
“You mean these?” Our heads snapped over to Dontell, who was holding the crutches. “Sorry, you can”t use them until tomorrow.”
“Who said?” I snapped.
“Us,” the three of them snapped back.
Lee bent down. “Put your arms around my neck,” he ordered softly.
“You have to go up the stairs,” I noted, suddenly worried. “I’m no Cleo.”
The man looked me in the eye, his jaw tight again. “Stop being a brat. I already have one to deal with. I don’t need another.”
I smirked. “Is the detective a brat?”
He mumbled something under his breath before he moved, shoving his arms underneath me and pulling me from the car, bridal style. A small yelp left me as I linked my hands around his tattooed neck. Mina had a hand over her mouth, trying to contain her laughter. “Close that for me, sis,” Lee instructed as he passed, turning away from the door to go to the back where the stairs were.
“Will do!” she called to his back. I looked over his shoulder and she winked at me. “I’ll get your wings, Nikki!”
Man, I loved that woman. She and I were going to be great friends. I could feel it.
I looked back to Leon, studying his profile as he walked a steady pace with me in his arms. He wasn’t even breaking a sweat. Surprisingly, this position didn’t hurt.
“I didn’t mean to be a brat,” I said after a moment. “I’m not used to this—people taking care of me.”
He looked at me for a second and then back ahead of him. “I wasn’t either,” he said, shocking me.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“When I first came to St. Louis, I was lost. Mina and I had gone through our shit, and I had no one,” he began. “Then, one night, I came here to Sullie’s. Jer happened to be behind the bar that night, and we started shooting shit back and forth. When the subject of racing came up, it seemed like fate. The rest was history.”
“You found your home here,” I whispered, filling in the blanks.
As he rounded the corner, he looked at me, stopping in his tracks. “Yeah, Nikki, I found my home here,” he whispered back.
A single tear slipped out of the corner of my eye as I smiled at him. The next words were supposed to say inside my head, but my lips put them out into the world. “I’m hoping I can do the same.”
“Well, home is where family is,” he said, looking away as he made his way to the stairs. “You have family here, and we’re going to take care of you,” he promised.
With that, he carried me up the stairs into the loft, where Dontell was waiting. He already made a place for me to lay on the couch, positioning it in front of the TV on the brick wall. Leon kicked the door shut.
“You want to shower first?” he guessed.
“Please,” I said softly, damn near ready to beg.
“Thank fuck for that. You look like shit,” Dontell teased, giving me a wink.
I flipped him off.
“I’ll take you into your room and go get the shower on. Mina should be back up to help you undress,” Leon told me, keeping his voice soft as he carried me past the kitchen, down a short, narrow hall, past the amazing bathroom, and into the bedroom I’ve called mine for the last few months.
In the middle of the room was a queen-sized bed with fresh white sheets, cream pillows, and a sage green comforter. Sullie picked it up from the store when he’d heard I’d be staying here. He did that for every guest. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one from the group to stay here. Dean, the ex-baseball player and his wife, Gwen, stayed here years ago.
Sullie told men they rekindled the love they’d lost up here, told me there was some sort of magic here.
I felt it.
The second I stepped in here on the rainy night, walking in on the most interesting group of people I’d ever seen, I sensed the magic, though, I didn’t know anything about the Bratva or the Mafia then. I thought I was just brought here to St. Louis to race and be apart of Oasis, but after the last few days, I knew there was more to it.
And after my shower and chicken wings, I’d be getting all the answers I needed.
“You good if I set you down in this chair?” Lee asked, ticking his head towards the big arm chair by the window. Every night, I’d been curling up there and journaling for an hour or so.
“Yeah, I don’t want to get the bed dirty.”
As carefully as he could, Leon carried me to the chair and gently set me down, careful to avoid my ribs. He squatted down in front of me, pulling the hospital sock off my left foot before he lifted my right leg, his eyes examining the wrap on my ankle. “We can leave this for now. We’ll replace it later.”
With that, he left me alone, telling me Mina would be in and warning me not to undress by myself. He closed the door, and a second later, I heard a football game on in the living room. I looked over to the small nightstand, eying the top drawer. My hand itched to hold a pen and brain dump everything that had happened. I needed to get it out or else these thoughts would leave me foggy.
I hated being foggy.
Leaning over, I tried stretching my arm out to reach, but a sharp pain stopped me about halfway. “Ahh,” I hissed, slowly leaning back up straight as the pain pulsed in my side. At a snail’s pace, I lifted my shirt up slightly, moving my bra—with boob—to the side. I sucked in a breath at the bruises scattered all over my skin. “Fuck,” I whispered in disbelief. “I really shouldn’t be here, but I’m grateful.”
“What the fuck are you doing?” a deep voice barked.
I jumped, more pain shooting through me as I dropped my shirt. My head snapped up to the door where Cain stood—fuming.
He’d changed clothes from this morning, now in dark gray sweatpants, cuffed at the ankle. He wore white Air Ones to match his loose, white t-shirt. He looked so…crisp and clean, nothing compared to the man I’d seen earlier this morning. His pale blonde hair was wet, the wave taking shape as a chuck hung over his forehead, and his eyes—
I swallowed.
They were filled with an even deeper rage than last night.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, trying not to gape at him.
He stepped inside and shut the door behind him, fury burning in his ice blue eyes. “Had to do a favor for Jeremy this morning,” he snapped.
“Okay,” I said, not knowing what else he wanted me to say. Why was he so angry? Did Lee and Dontell tell him I was staying? I wanted to have that conversation with him myself.
We needed to find a way—
“Went back to the hospital to get you,” he growled, taking another step, cutting off my thoughts. The power he carried, the hatred he carried…for me, seemed to manifest itself into a shadow that loomed over both of us, tainting my pretty room. “When I got there, you were gone,” he bit out.
“I just—”
He was on me then, his hands on either side of the chair, his pale, muscular, tattooed arms caging me in as he bent low, getting an inch away from my face. “I was the one who pulled you out of the burning car last night, Nik.”
My heart jolted at his old abbreviation and I silently prayed to the heavens above he’d forgotten the other name he used to call me. If he used it now, with so much hatred in his eyes, I didn’t know if I would survive it.
I’d rather be back in the exploding car.
“Cain,” I said, my voice unsteady. “Please step back.”
“I pulled you from the fire. I should’ve been the one to take you home,” he continued, ignoring me.
I opened my mouth but closed it quickly because once again, I had no words. The bruises on my soul ached as I took in his harsh, startling beauty. He’d always stood out in a crowd like a beacon. So many times in the past, before it all went up in flames, he’d been that for me. He’d been my beacon, my light in the dark. We stared at each other, years of lost history between us, nothing but wounds and pain. That stupid voice inside my head was loud and clear.
You didn’t give him the chance to—
Nope.
Nope.
Shut up, stupid girl.
“Cain,” I whispered slowly. A muscle in his cheek twitched at the sound of his name. I couldn’t focus on that right now. I pushed on, still whispering. “I just wanted to come home. I wanted to shower. I wanted to be here.”
The words settled somewhere inside him. His eyes softened and the shadow began to drift away slowly. We needed to learn to be civil with each other. I should be mad at him for wanting me gone, and I wanted to be. However, seeing him now, I though…I thought he only wanted me gone so he would have zero chance of ever repeating last night again.
Maybe somewhere deep down in that cold heart of his, he actually cared.
“I hate hospitals,” I added, hoping that would melt some of his anger.
His eyes were hooded as they scanned my face, lingering on my temple. “I know you do,” he said after a moment, his voice thick. The sound sent a shiver down my spine.
“Nikki?” a female voice said on the other side of the door after a quiet knock. “Mina is still waiting on your food downstairs, but I can help you undress if you want.”
Amara.
Cain’s eyes flashed before he took a step back. He ran a hand through his hair as he went to the door, pulling it open. The detective’s hazel eyes widened at the sight of him. “Hello, Cain.”
He didn’t give her a reaction. “Amara.”
She looked over to me. “Do you want me to…?” She trailed off, looking at Cain again, her silent suggestion louder than tornado sirens in the spring.
“Please,” I said, louder than intended. “I would love your help.”
I looked at Cain. “Thanks for checking on me.”
That he had a reaction to. He seemed taken aback for a moment at my gratitude, but he blinked the shock away swiftly. He said nothing as he left the room walking down the hall into the kitchen. I heard Leon’s voice, but I couldn’t make out the words, followed by Cain’s, and then Dontell’s.
Amara blew out a breath and came into the room, closing the door softly behind her. She was dressed in her usual, tan trousers, a baby pink blouse, and tan overcoat. “You doing okay?” she asked as she took off her coat.
She folded it over her arm and set it on the end of my bed as I answered, “No.”