22 The Ocean
Dash/Beau
Dash
The firm had placed Chandler in one of the small condos designed for traveling lawyers who came to Chicago for various reasons. I parked in front of the ground floor unit and noticed the partially open door. That couldn’t be good. I approached the front door then nudged it farther open with my toe.
“Chandler,” I called out, but received no reply. “You here, buddy?”
Again, only silence greeted me. I stepped fully inside, and my eyes widened. What a mess. What had Chandler gone through that led him to live in such filth?
“Chandler, are you here?”
What did it say about me that I’d rather have a vagrant living here than believe Chandler, a guy I’d known forever, had turned out to be such a trashy person — literally? I had to gather my courage and steel my spine to continue inside the house. All the lights were off. I flipped the switch on in the bathroom. It looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in months. The bedroom was in the same condition. All of Chandler’s clothes were gone, empty hangers lining the closet.
The hand I hadn’t used to touch anything, covered my eyes as the sheer magnitude of what Chandler had done settled heavily on my shoulders. Worry fueled my thoughts. Chandler was acting with my father’s blessing, ensuring I lost everything. Why hadn’t I shielded Beau better? I patted my front pockets then the back pockets, searching for my cell phone, only to realize I’d left it in the car. I left the apartment, locking the door behind me. Once I was tucked inside my car, I worked the display screen to call Beau’s number. It rang four times before going to voicemail. Why wasn’t he answering?
“Beau, whatever Chandler did was with malicious intent. I have no idea what caused you to leave, but Chandler’s actions were premeditated. It all came to a head last night. Please call me. I love you. Carter told me you changed your plans to come home on Sunday. We can leave Chicago together. I see what I’ve become, and you deserve better from me. Please call me.”
I pressed the end button and stared through the front windshield, feeling more isolated than ever before. My palms grew sweaty, prompting me to clench my fists. A large part of me wanted to drive to Oklahoma City right then. That same part of me wondered if Beau was feeling as lost as I was right now.
Penny’s name came across my screen before the ring chimed.
“Yeah?” I answered.
“Beau just filled his tank at a gas station in South Oklahoma City.”
“Thanks, Penny. You’ve been great today. I’ll monitor his charges tonight,” I said, not thoroughly convinced I shouldn’t go after him.
“I don’t mind. If I see something first, I’ll call you,” she said.
“You’re going above and beyond your role,” I said truthfully.
“Keep that in mind for my upcoming employee evaluation. Ciao,” she said before the call ended. With a deep breath in, I realized I was going home alone, left to wallow in my own sorrow. That thought frightened me. I was all too aware of how deeply I could sink because of Beau. He had to let me back in. I couldn’t endure a life without him.
After several hours of repeatedly calling Beau’s phone, I finally decided to check with the motel. I should’ve done it from the second I heard about the motel charge. Why hadn’t I? I couldn’t say, but I was still dealing with a mammoth hangover and seriously troubled by Chandler’s actions. Fucking Chandler. Even though I’d sensed my relationship with Beau was diminishing, I’d allowed Chandler to sneak in and hurt Beau again. What an arrogant fool I’d become. A joke of a human being.
I grabbed a bottle of rum from the bar on my way to our chairs that offered the perfect view over Lake Michigan. I took a healthy swig directly from the bottle. This liquor went down much smoother than scotch ever could.
With a sigh, I slumped back into the chair. It was time to digest that my tenure with the firm was coming to an end. Tomorrow, I’d begin cleaning up my cases, preparing for a transition. The few clients that had relied solely on me, a contingency in their contracts that only I handled their accounts, hopefully went with me wherever I landed. Luckily, untangling myself as a junior partner would be infinitely easier than if I’d been made senior partner already. I didn’t yet have an equity position in the firm.
I dialed Beau one last time, desperately hoping he’d answer. If he did, that had to mean he wanted me back. My stomach knotted as the fourth ring started and seemed to drop to my toes when the voicemail answered again. My head swam, and I took another swallow of the rum then dialed the motel.
“Motel 6,” a man whose voice might have seen better days barked.
“I’m looking for Beau Brooks, a guest of yours,” I said, my chin hitting my chest, my fingers crossed.
“He checked out about four hours ago.” The call ended abruptly. So much for customer service. Dammit . My poor choices were glaringly evident, deepening my understanding of why my wonderful mister had walked away. Why had I ever agreed to keep Beau at a distance? Especially when he sat at my office for hours watching me do all the mundane and grunt work tasks a first, and second year attorney was assigned. I loved those memories. Dinner by lamplight in the file room we affectionately referred to as the dungeon.
I wasn’t always the man I became. The idea that I thrived by carrying my father’s attitude toward life made me physically ill. Manipulation wasn’t my way, but I’d done that so many times I’d lost count. Even with Chandler, I’d manipulated that situation to see what he was up to. I didn’t feel bad about that. But Beau? That one I didn’t feel good with at all. I closed my eyes, listening to the silence of the house. Despite what anyone thought, I’d never lost my desire for my husband. Or for the dream that we’d have children someday. I yearned for a handful of little ones to love and explore the beauty of the world with.
Why had I allowed Beau to live such a lonely life? The first time he’d left me, that had been my father’s fault, even though neither of us knew it at the time. This time, it was my father’s destructive DNA manifesting inside me. And I’d let it happen. Beau would be far better off without a Richmond in his life. Unfortunately, I wasn’t the kind of person who’d grant him clemency from his life sentence with me. I didn’t want to give him an opportunity to see if he could be happier without me. I would be the one to make him smile again.
I went to the medicine cabinet in the kitchen. Beau was good about leaving my sleeping pills out for me. I’d taken that simple gesture for granted. I’d taken everything about us for granted, but Beau had sure gotten my attention. Please let him be heading to Dallas. Please. It meant I still had a chance.
Beau
Driving into Dallas along Interstate 35 East felt completely different tonight than any other time before. After getting some sleep, I was in a better position to make decisions on where to go. I just had no idea where I belonged. The last time I’d experienced happiness was in Sea Springs, where my grandparents always made my visits memorable. It was where my mom’s heritage could be found.
If I stayed on the outskirts of town, I could avoid Richmond Resorts and the family land that had been ours for generations. It seemed the direction I was supposed to go or at least the direction the truck was taking me in. I had several hours to go to make it to Sea Springs. Maybe if my grandparents’ land ever became available, I could buy it to keep it in the family. I understood why my mom’s family had cherished that place. The proximity to the ocean nourished my soul.
The reason I’d ignored all the relationship warning signs—right up until Chandler arrived, that is—was to avoid the pain currently ravishing my heart, cutting deeper than any other time in my life. And I didn’t need to allow my thoughts to go willy-nilly right now, I had to drive safely to get there in one piece.
Time was the only remedy to heal life’s traumas. I wasn’t convinced that what Dash and I lost was something I could heal from, but I’d give it a try. Perhaps one day I might find someone who resonated with me. Pain slashed over my heart again at even the suggestion.
I pushed those thoughts aside and turned up the country music station, humming along with the melody. Carter had told me years ago that the mind couldn’t think of two things at once. He wasn’t wrong. I made a conscious effort to think of anything other than Dash. And there he was again.
I fucking hated Chandler.
Dash
Monday
The grit in my eyes, along with the red rims surrounding them, prompted Lon, who planned to be in court today merely as an observer, to decide to argue the case instead of me. I was put out by the call. Despite having sleep deprivation, I was exceptionally skilled at my job. I could win this case with my eyes closed. Which they really wanted to do.
I glanced down at the cell phone that had remained in my grasp without interruption. Beau hadn’t called me back. His debit card was now sending me alerts with every new transaction. He had stopped for gas in Waxahachie, Texas, and then again in Houston. Where was he headed? Surely not to Sea Springs where our world had fallen apart the first time. What were his intentions?
“Dash, you ready?” Lon called from the end of the bench I’d sat in behind him. I looked around, astonished to see a nearly empty courtroom.
“It’s over?” I asked.
“Yeah, and I said your name a few times.” The scowl on his face wasn’t one usually directed at me and his tone had a tinge of anger lacing through it.
“Was the case dismissed?” I asked, standing and working my way out.
“Yes,” Lon said, more irritated than seconds ago, but I didn’t give a shit. He’d be truly pissed once he learned my intentions of leaving the firm. But I wasn’t ready to divulge that information yet. And I’d stopped caring about his feelings a long time ago.
I nodded, glad to see the case ended in our client’s favor. Once we were alone inside the elevator, he locked stares with me.
“Penny shared what occurred. Which one’s bothering you? Beau or Chandler? Fair warning, it better be Chandler. You risked our company by bringing him in. We have no idea what he might have had access to.”
I raised my hand, hoping to stop the reprimand Lon was intent on giving.
“Don’t belittle my intelligence. Everything he was involved in was staged. He left with paper files that held no significance. But I assure you, he’ll face consequences for whatever he did to Beau.” I didn’t look away from his stare as I spoke with sincerity and zero hesitation. Chandler was far from finished with me.
Lon gave an exasperated sigh. “You still don’t get it. Men like us don’t have relationships. We can’t give what a relationship needs in order to thrive. Our love is law.” He waved his arms wide. I imagined he wasn’t referring to the elevator, but rather the courthouse as a whole. “It’s simply the reality, Richmond. Accept it and move on. You’ve made your choice. Honestly, he lasted longer than I expected.”
Whether Lon believed it or not, I did pay attention to him. Though, what I did with his wisdom might be different than he’d intended. “Why longer than you thought?” I asked as the elevator opened on the first floor. Lon nudged me out, and I complied though I’d rather stay on and finish the conversation.
“I don’t know too many people who’d stick once they learned they were too country to take part in firm events,” Lon said, shoving open the outside doors for me. “Especially after they tried so hard to fit.”
Beau had appeared to be relieved that he no longer had to be my plus-one at client dinners. I had taken Beau at his word, but what if that actually hurt or embarrassed him? The concept was too upsetting to consider. I never wanted him to think I was ashamed of him.
“Don’t strain yourself overthinking,” Lon chastised, guiding me toward the outside parking lot. “You could discover what transpired the night he left by accessing the security cams from your building.”
I halted so abruptly it felt as if the soles of my shoes stuck to the pavement. What was happening to my brain? How had it not occurred to me? Even after we’d used the cams in my office to ferret out Chandler’s misdeed, I still hadn’t thought to access our home security data. Instead, I was just continuously dialing his cell that was now permanently turned off.
“Take the next few days off because no one needs to see this.” He waved his finger up and down the length of my body. I followed his gaze, uncertain about what was wrong. He had a point. My dress shirt was nearly fully untucked, and I was wearing mismatched shoes. “Get your head right and come back ready to tackle the world. We need you on your A game.”
My mind resisted his instruction, not due to my dedication to the job, but from the dread of being left alone inside my own head. I feared I wouldn’t survive the company I’d be forced to keep.
“It’s not open for discussion. Let’s make it a solid week. You haven’t taken time off since you started. Take a vacation. Go to one of those all-inclusive resorts or go see family. I won’t allow this to detract from your senior partner vote next month.”
Wow . The vote hadn’t crossed my mind. The pressure of becoming a junior partner had me wringing my hands for months. Now, faced with something as significant as a senior partner—a full equity partner—I didn’t appear to give a single shit.
My answers were taking shape whether I wanted to accept them or not. Beau had yet again clarified my priorities. He was number one on the list—my list, any fucking list. I kept that news to myself and nodded. I’d take the week with the hope of resigning by the time I returned.
“You stopped paying attention again.” Lon shoved me in the direction of my car. “Go home. Keep your phone on for any questions.”
With a glance at said phone, I saw a new notification run across my screen. Without a concrete plan in mind, I decided to pack lightly then head to the Houston airport. Beau had booked a room at an inn located on the far side of Sea Springs. If he wouldn’t talk to me by phone, then he was going to deal with me in person.