Chapter 22
“I WANT TO TELL Kat,” I say, watching Vale get dressed, opting for one of my crewnecks instead of the shirt he was wearing before the party yesterday.
It looks good on him, that sweater/running shorts combo.
I like him in my clothes. I like seeing him bring the fabric up to his nose and smile as he smells me on it.
“About us?”
“Yeah. And that they were right about me.”
He picks his head up, mouth a little open like he was halfway to saying something before the words caught on his lips. “What are they right about?”
“They basically asked if I was bi. Or, like, a person who liked guys. Specifically you.”
“What did you tell them?”
“At the time? That I was straight, of course. Way back when I thought I couldn’t get you off my mind because that was just Ally of the Year things. When I’d look at you wearing my jacket during my games and think, ‘I like seeing him wear it for purely straight reasons.’ ”
“Well maybe next time we have some alone time,” Vale starts, walking over to me sitting on my desk chair, straddling me and then sitting on my lap.
His hands clasp at my neck and mine go straight through the legs of his shorts, under his briefs, and to his butt.
“I can wear the jacket for you. And only the jacket.”
“Ya,” I groan, my head falling back to hide how big I’m smiling. “I told you, you’re going to make me act up. My fingers are going to end up back inside you real quick if you don’t stop. Shit, I’ll throw you back on that bed and have my way with you.”
He takes the opportunity to press small kisses to my neck and up across my jawline. “I like having this kind of power,” he whispers into my ear before nibbling on the lobe, getting a nerve between his teeth that must connect to straight to my dick the way I can’t help grind up into him.
“Demonio. You should’ve been wearing the devil costume last night, you know that?”
Vale chuckles and finally relaxes, resting on me. It’s not the most comfortable. This chair that came with the rest of the furniture the complex provides already isn’t the comfiest by any means. But I’d power through an afternoon like this with him.
“So you’re okay if I tell them about us?”
His head perks up and I watch him nod as he tells me, “Of course. Whatever you want. But I also want you to do it for yourself first. I want you to trust them with this piece of you because you want to.”
“I do. I promise,” I say, keeping my eyes on him. “I think— It’ll feel more real having another person know. And I want that. But, also, what if I also wanted to call you my boyfriend?”
Vale’s eyes go wide, his mouth half open, and his hands that had been gently scratching the skin at the back of my neck go still. Shit, did I—
“Really?”
“Should I have not used that word?”
“No,” he says quickly, his mouth going into a smile as he shakes his head. “No. Use that word. But, you’re okay with that?”
“I know that there are going to be times when I can’t call you that.
When I have to pretend that I’m not completely obsessed with you.
But when I can, I want to be all in. If you’re going to let me hold on to your heart, and I’m giving you mine too, I want all of you.
And, when I get the chance, I want to be able to say it out loud, that you’re mine. ”
“On one condition,” Vale tells me. “As long as I can use it too, for you.”
My head slowly gets closer to him, my lips touching his, and I take my time kissing him, feeling his mouth on mine. And when I pull away, barely enough for our lips to not be touching, I tell him, “Say it.”
“My boyfriend,” Vale replies before going for another kiss. And then again, he says it, and his lips press to mine. And again, and again. My boyfriend. My boyfriend. My boyfriend.
“My whole heart,” I say back. “My boyfriend. Remember that. So that even in those times when we’ve got to do the whole five-feet-apart thing and I’m having to live some other fake truth or I’m miles apart from you because of an away game, know that, inside, my heart is yours.
You’ve got me. I don’t want you to ever forget that you’ve got me. ”
“You’ve got me too.”
There’s a peacefulness being at the pitch by myself.
It’s a nice night with a cool breeze, the stars are out, and there’s nothing to do but get to work.
Ball in hands, I take one step, then a second, making sure my weight’s distributed right, drop the ball, and—keeping my leg straight for the drive—my right foot makes contact, sending it soaring up and forward.
I watch as it flies and starts curving down after a short distance, hopefully hitting— “ Yes. ”
“Right on target,” a voice coming from the stands says, nearly making me trip over my feet from startling me. I look over and see Kat hopping down and walking over to me. “Didn’t realize the boys’ team had training today.”
“We don’t,” I tell them as I make my way over to where the ball landed, right next to one of the small orange flags I set up. “Doesn’t mean there’s no training for me today, though.”
“Is this why you asked me to come out here? So you had a partner?”
“Nah. But if you’re feeling like jumping in, don’t let me stop you. How long were you standing there all creepy, watching me?”
“Long enough to see that dirty attempt you tried right before this one.” They stand only a few yards from the goalpost, arms crossed, watching me jog back. “Can you do a half-volley dropkick?”
“Of course I can.”
“Show me.” They look at the grass and all the flags I’ve set up, pointing to one about halfway across the pitch. “That one, at your ten o’clock. Send it to him.”
Same set up, step, step, but this time, when I drop the ball, it’s perfectly timed; it hits the ground, bouncing back up, and that’s when my foot meets it, just as it’s getting a little air, sending it lower than the last kick, but plenty farther.
It hits the flag and Kat does one of those really impressed whistles.
“A huevo, Chivo,” they say, coming up to me for a high five. “Sorry I kept you waiting. How long you been out here?”
“About an hour and a half.” After Vale and I finally left my room, we had lunch and hung out, not doing much of anything until one of his cousins texted him, asking if he could clock in at the shop.
I dropped by my parents’ for some dinner and then tried to get through as much homework as I could stand until I was craving the pitch too much to focus.
“Did you have fun last night?” Kat asks, “I didn’t even see you.”
“I—yeah. I had fun.” I walk to the far side of the goalpost, grabbing another ball, tossing it up into the air and watching it spin. “We were there for a couple hours.”
“?Con Vale, verdad? Y’all went together?”
“Yeah.” I squeeze the ball in my palms, staring at it, taking in the grass stains, the shapes sewn together to make it. And when Kat’s hands come out, I toss it to them. I can tell them. I can trust them. “That’s actually why I wanted to meet up with you. We … Vale and I hooked up last night.”
Their mouth goes big, like a whole-ass capital D on its side. “What?!” they yell. “Wait. What? I—Gabi, what—”
“I’m bi, Kat. And I don’t want you to think I was trying to keep something from you when we talked about this—”
“You don’t have to apologize for something like that, Gabo,” they say, their hand coming up to my shoulder. “Don’t. That’s never something you should feel like you have to tell. But I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to say it now.”
“Thanks.”
Their mouth goes from a straight and serious line to a smirk before they’re biting down on their lower lip and that hand on my shoulder gently punches my arm. “And damn , you and Vale, huh? So I called it.”
“Shut up. It all started with you too, you know that? At that point, I didn’t have it figured out, and might’ve just lived so unaware of it.
But ever since that conversation, it’s like all the little, ignorable thoughts I’ve ever had and never been forced to sit with were suddenly loud and obvious.
The more time I spent with Vale, the more I started realizing I like him.
And that maybe some of the things that convinced me I was a really good ally were actually pretty bisexual when I took a closer look at them.
And then, at the ABC party, some dancing led to a kiss and that led to, well, him being my boyfriend. ”
“Boyfriend?”
“I—yeah.” My hands at my waist tighten. I look down at the grass, so it’s not entirely obvious when my mouth goes into a big, toothy smile, and I nod. “Boyfriend.”
“Pos, I’m happy for you, compa. Vale’s a good guy, and you’re a good guy. Pretty hot couple, actually, if I’m—”
“It’s complicated though,” I say, interrupting them.
“You and him are the only people who know. I haven’t come out to anyone else yet.
And just thinking about the whole world knowing—shit, even just the house or the squad— it makes my whole body start panicking, Kat.
Because I’m happy. So fucking happy. And I don’t want anyone to take that away from me.
To take him away from me. They aren’t ready to know. ”
Their smile goes serious, turning into pressed lips. And they let out a sigh as they ask, “So, then what?”
“I keep it as uncomplicated as possible.”
“By letting the game get in the way of your happiness? Letting toxic masculinity and machismo stop you from being who you are? Because you think you wouldn’t be allowed to be on this pitch and love a guy at the same time? There are queer professional athletes, Gabo.”
“Yeah, but name one Mexican gay or bi guy futbolista playing right now,” I say, frustration in my voice. It nearly comes out like a yell. Like a plea. Prove me wrong, please.
Instead, a long few seconds of quiet go by before Kat’s answering, “I can’t. But—”