113. Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Sixteen
Z ar
I’m not even gone for three lunars and Anya’s a completely different person. What did you do? It’s not a question so much as an accusation.
This! This is what you did. The seething anger? The constant sniping? The beheadings ? For the first time, I see Rynn’s angry face. He’s so furious I half expect him to close the distance between us and choke me for a change.
Think for a moment, I say, If places were reversed, would you just welcome a deadly parasite into your world with open arms?
When the word parasite is out of my mouth, I realize it was a low blow. I can’t take it back now.
You did welcome me. At least I thought you did. You opened your mouth and accepted me. I was sightless and had no idea you weren’t my acolyte. I do not invade bodies by force. I was dying and a willing host put his mouth to mine to accept my life-form. Blame yourself.
The door to my cabin, well, I guess it’s Anya’s cabin now, has barely closed behind us when I step into Rynn’s space and grab him by the neck again.
Really? he asks . Your mate just gave you marching orders to find a way for us to get along and before we’re three fiertos from her door you’re going to kill me again? Don’t you think there might be a better way?
I need to go to the ludus . I do my best thinking there, I say as I drop my arms to my sides.
I’m hungry, he complains, as if I give a shit what he wants.
I try to turn left toward the ludus. Rynn tries to step right toward the dining room. We’re standing paralyzed in the middle of the hallway. If this were a vid, it would be a comedy. There is nothing funny about this, though. Our constant battling is what Anya didn’t want. I don’t blame her. Who would want any part of our clashes?
Rynn, let me think. Give me a little time. Compromise with me.
I hit him below the belt. He seems like a good male. I know he’ll agree to my request for cooperation.
Very well. It’s as if his will to go to the right fades and I have full control to hurry to the ludus.
Moments later, I’m on my back, my arms quivering as I bench press less weight than I’ve lifted since I was an adolescent.
You didn’t work out at all in the lunars I’ve been gone? I accuse.
I sparred every day. I’m miserable at it, he admits ruefully. There’s a technique I read about. It’s from the outer belt of the Dashon colonies. It’s a series of moves with a sword conducted while meditating. Can we try it? The repetitive lifting of weights is boring me to tears.
You could always leave, I snipe.
Suddenly, for the first time since he reached for me and brought me back to life, I’m alone. It’s silent in my head. For a moment I feel sweet relief as I wonder if my bitter words spurred him to evaporate. Then I realize he’s left the tech hub. He’s gone somewhere inside his mind-labyrinth to lick his wounds.
We talked last night while he helped me take control of my body. I went from being unable to pick up a fork to being able to beat Shadow in our match. During our downtime, he told me about his life. Although I’m his 57 th host, he’s never had to struggle to get along with one before. I guess this is a bitter new reality for him, too.
Rynn! I call to him inside. Come back. Show me this technique.
He appears at my side as if by magic.
I still don’t understand the physics of this mind meld. There are two consciousnesses inside the body. Although the body looks like Zar to everyone on the outside, inside, we each wear the visage we’re comfortable with. I’m still Zar, a Ton’arr male. He’s chosen to look human.
We can teleport from place to place inside, and I assume if I wanted to, I could rearrange things in here. Just to prove my point, I decide to change the color of the upholstery of the chairs in the control area. At the speed of thought, they switch from green to crimson.
It’s an improvement, Rynn says as he eyes my attempt at decorating.
I have to admit, he’s trying. I’ll try, too.
We grab my favorite three-foot gladius from the weapons room, and Rynn shares pictures of the technique.
I’ve never done it, just read about it. I thought it might help us both to think, he explains.
The stances and beginning moves are child’s play, but I don’t belittle him. He wasn’t trained as a gladiator his entire life like I was. This is probably challenging for him. He’s spent millennia in pasty gray bodies with spindly necks and large heads.
By the time we’re on the twelfth battle form, I’m seeing the challenge.
Look in the mirror, Rynn says. See how your left shoulder dips too low to accomplish the proper angle to make the second slash?
I watch, correct my form, perform the move twice more and move on to the next.
These movements are new to my body. I have to concentrate, which I guess is the point. Rynn called this meditative. He watches in the mirror as I perform, gently correcting me and helping me achieve a better form.
By the time we get to the final movement, I’m calmer inside than I’ve felt since he brought me out of the darkness.
I meet my eyes in the mirror. It’s an eerie feeling because I’m not only looking at myself, I’m looking at him. We’re both sharing the body without fighting or argument. No one had to hold the baton in the system we worked out last night. We just worked together for an hoara with no bickering.
I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and admit, You’re a good male, Rynn. I’ve killed you nine times and you just return my hate with kindness. I’ll try harder.
I turn my attention inside where our thought-bodies are in the command center. He gives me a level stare and says, “I’m not happy with this situation, but it’s our new reality. We don’t have to love each other, just cooperate. This is going to work. You know why? We both love her .”
Anya
I almost skipped dinner. I don’t want to see Zar-Rynn before they find a way to work together. It’s too hard to be near the body and not want to do dirty, dirty things with it. I’m too smart for that, though. And too strong. I will not let down my guard. I’m going to hold the line.
If I let them keep bickering, we’ll never be happy. One of us will give in first. I swear by all that’s holy it won’t be me.
I understand Zar’s reluctance. I’m getting what I think is going to be twice the love. By Zar’s way of thinking, he’s going to get half. I’d be furious if I were him. To him, it’s a zero-sum game, and he’s going to be the loser. But there are only two choices. We either work this out as three, or we separate completely.
There he is. Of course I notice the moment he crosses the threshold of the dining room. No. Not he. They. There are two of them in that sexy-as-sin body.
Should I go to an empty table so I can be alone with them? No, it’s only been a few hours since I’ve seen them. I’m certain they haven’t quit fighting in such a short amount of time, and I don’t want to reward their bad behavior. I won’t allow us to be alone together.
Instead of going to a private table, I sit with Shadow, Petra, Dr. Drayke, and Nova. The males will be on their best behavior and I won’t have to worry that they’re eviscerating each other inside that gorgeous head.
They sit across from me, say hello to everyone, then tip their head toward me. “Beloved,” is said with affection.
Maybe this can work, and maybe I’ll even be able to tell them apart. This has to be Zar, right?
Dinner is festive. Not just the people at our table, but everyone in the room is ecstatic that Zar is back. No one had the nerve to ask about Rynn. Perhaps they all assume Zar muscled him out. We’ll have to explain the mechanics of their permanent two-fer soon, but not today.
Who knows? People might want to remove Zar from the captaincy. They might fear Rynn’s influence could be dangerous. People can be strange, although I can’t believe the people I’ve bonded with over the past three years would abandon Zar. You never know, though.
I don’t want to worry about that right now. I’d rather soak up the joy of having Zar back.
“A toast!” Shadow says as he stands. He raises a bottle of the finest Sillerian whiskey we keep hidden for only the most special occasions. Today certainly qualifies.
When everyone has a full glass, we all raise them and toast.
“To Zar!” Shadow says with gusto.
I’d thought this could wait a few days, but I need to address it now. If our arrangement is going to work, we must acknowledge Rynn.
Before people can repeat Shadow’s toast, I stand. “To Zar-Rynn!” I amend.
Everyone dutifully repeats my toast, then takes embarrassed sips.
“What’s this?” Shadow hisses.
“We’re all thrilled at Zar’s return. He’s really back, and no one is more delighted than me,” I tell him. “Nothing has changed, though. Rynn’s consciousness can’t be removed or Zar will die. They’re a package deal.”
The joy drains out of Shadow’s face and his brow furrows as his attention turns to Zar-Rynn.
“Tell me she’s wrong, brother.”
“There are two of us in here, brother . If that offends you, if you doubt my loyalty or ability to captain this ship, just ask. I will step down.” My lion-man’s face is as serious as I’ve ever seen it. His slitted eyes are trained on his best friend, challenging him to argue.
Holy shit. I did not expect a pissing contest tonight. I especially did not anticipate the threat coming from Shadow.
Shadow leans so close to Zar-Rynn their noses are inches apart.
“You’re strong, Zar. I’ve spent time with the parasite. He’s weak. Tell me you’ll be in charge from here on out. I trust you.”
Zar-Rynn, instead of withdrawing from Shadow’s angry visage, leans forward. “He and I are a team, Shadow. We’ll make decisions together. I’ve got balls. I’m a strategist, a gladiator. You know my strengths.”
The room is so quiet all I can hear is the hum of the engine. I don’t have to glance around to know every eye is on the power struggle playing out at this table.
“Rynn’s brilliant,” Zar continues, “He’s patient, and no matter the challenge, he lets nothing get between him and his goal. He just keeps pushing forward. We’re a formidable team.”
Did Zar and Shadow cook this up this afternoon? Is it a trick they concocted so I’ll let Zar in my bed, or did the answer to my prayers just unfold right here at the dinner table?
I’d been wondering how I would know when—or if—Zar and Rynn began working together. It’s as if the universe conspired to give me a sign. No, more than a sign. It’s as if the universe gave me a notarized document of authenticity.
It’s like the clash of the titans as my lion-man and his huge, muscular best friend stare at each other, taking each other’s measure.
“You’re certain we can trust the symbiont?” Shadow asks, as if it’s the most important question he’s ever voiced.
“He’s one of us now, Shadow. I already trust him with my life. He saved it.”
One more long moment passes as the two stare each other down, then Shadow nods. “Welcome back, Captain,” Shadow concedes. “What are we to call you?”
“Zar-Rynn.”
Rynn
Maddie, the chef, announces, “Zoey and I baked an Anathen cake—Zar’s fave. I imagine Rynn will like it, too. Everybody help yourselves.”
While the room devolves into a free-for-all of dessert-seeking and gladiatorial boasting, I replay what just happened. Zar didn’t just acknowledge me in front of every friend he has in the galaxy, he praised me.
Since he awakened, he was so full of rage, I’m surprised he had the mental capacity to take a measure of my worth, but he just described me well: smart, patient, and relentless. He’s been watching me more closely than I expected, although it didn’t take a genius to notice I ignored all the times he decapitated me.
I wait toward the back of the throng, watching as Dax and Stryker good-naturedly strong-arm their way to the dessert table.
You stood up for me, I say to Zar. It’s half comment, half question.
I might have judged you too harshly, he says. It will take me longer than a day to not hate you, to forgive you for interloping into my life. But I already admire your intelligence and courage. You could have killed me and you didn’t. That earns you my eternal gratitude. Besides, as you were so quick to point out, we both love her .
Anya
I can’t stay here another minute. Not another second. I’m going to break down in tears and no one would understand. I don’t want anyone to see it.
I hurry to Zar-Rynn, grab their hand, and pull them toward the door. Then I realize it’s Zar’s favorite cake, and goodness knows, he deserves a bit of pleasure after all he’s been through.
“Grab two pieces of cake and let’s go,” I say as I release him.
Within seconds, we’re out the door and hurrying toward our cabin. If he wasn’t carrying a plate loaded with cake, I know I’d be in his arms.
By the time we reach our cabin door, we’re jogging. I slap the doorplate and we both slip into the room the moment it slides open.
“You two did it?” I ask, breathless.
He tosses the cake on top of the dresser and folds me into his arms. This is it, what I’ve hoped and prayed and dreamed of for months. I don’t have the bandwidth to stifle my tears, nor do I want to.
The moment is so deep, so poignant, I just allow relief to flow over me. I’d given up hoping that I’d get my Zar back, yet here he is.
Clutching his shoulders, I tug him closer. He lifts me and snugs me against him, then rocks us back and forth.
“Dear God, Zar. I missed you so, so much.”
I taste my tears on his lips when I finally, finally kiss him. We’re both too consumed with this kiss, with our reunion, to pay attention to my disgusting bodily fluids.
I melt into his embrace, memorizing every beautiful detail of our reconnection. How could I have forgotten how soft his lips are? The quiet clicks our mouths make when his fangs accidentally clash with my teeth? The way my fingers clench into his fur without my bidding, as if it’s the most elemental thing since breathing?
His loincloth-covered cock is at the perfect height to nudge my clit and I allow myself to sink into the erotic quicksand of desire.
I slaked my arousal the other night with Rynn while we had phone sex, but this is different. It’s a tsunami of delight. It’s want and need and hunger that’s been a long time coming.
I lean back to get a good look at him. It’s as if I want even the deepest recesses of my brain to receive the message that Zar has returned. That I’m really in his arms.
Zar
Rynn told me I was gone for almost two lunars . It was so disorienting, so devoid of input, I wasn’t exaggerating when I imagined it had been annums , decades, eons. There were long stretches of time when all I could think of was this—my Anya.
I replayed every moment of our time together. Her fear when we first met, her terror when I almost died, and then the bliss we’ve shared since then. There were hoaras on end where all I could focus on was a picture of her beautiful face.
The best moments, though, were when I replayed our lovemaking. We would turn the lights low in our cabin. There was something about the glow of her skin in the soft lighting that made it even more beautiful.
I’d watch as, over and over, she would remove her clothes for me. I’d always been the one to tear them off until one night she ordered me to lie down, then stood at the foot of the bed and performed what she called a striptease. It immediately became one of my favorite things.
I stayed in that formless, sightless, soundless state with only my thoughts for company, no responsibilities to distract me, and grew more in love with Anya than I’d ever been before.
I can’t really blame myself for wanting to kill Rynn. While I’d been isolated, terrified, and holding on to the one good thing in my life—memories of Anya—he’d hijacked my body and moved in on my female. It’s still a bitter pill to swallow.
Pushing those thoughts aside, I refocus on the soft female in my arms. I grip the perfect globes of her ass and grind my cock against her until she moans in pleasure and nips my bottom lip.
She grips my wrists and places my hands on her breasts. My cock punches against my loincloth when I feel the weight of them, the hard buds pressing against my palms. Groaning in sheer pleasure, my fingers unerringly find and grip her nipples, plucking with just the amount of pressure I know will make her squirm in need against me.
Suddenly everything grinds to a halt in my mind. Even if I could force Rynn to the bottom of the treehouse so I could be alone in the command center. Even if I could ensure he couldn’t see or hear or feel what transpired with Anya, I’d know he was there. And so would she.
I brush her lips softly with mine, and allow her to slide down my body, then place my palms on her shoulders to keep her at arm’s length.
“What?” Her eyes take a moment to focus on my face, a confused question on her beautiful features.
I grip her hand and bring her palm to my lips for the softest kiss.
“There are two of us in here, beloved. I can’t tolerate him watching us make love, and I can’t force him to leave. Letting him touch you? Watching him enter you? Watching him receiving or giving pleasure? It will kill me.
“I won’t ask if you’re ready for it, Anya. I’m not.”
She furrows her fingers through my mane, her gaze never leaving mine.
“We’ll get there, Anya. We’ll sort this out. I vow it. We have to, for all our sakes. But not tonight. There might not be a right way to do this, but there are definitely wrong ways. We need to avoid those.”
Right this moment, I love her and hate him in equal measures. If life were fair, I’d be tasting my beloved right now and sheathing myself in her wet channel before I went to sleep.
As the galaxy takes pleasure in proving, over and over, life is not fair.
“You’re right, my mate. I want to rush into this, but we need to do this in a way that can work for the rest of our lives.”
Anya
I hate that he’s right, but he is. Sex is going to be weird. There will be three of us. I can’t even imagine what that will be like, and I have no idea how the two of them are going to “pass the baton” without killing each other in there. It will take time before this has a snowball’s chance in hell of working.
“Zar? Rynn? I understand the need to wait. I don’t want to, but it’s necessary. If we can’t sleep together tonight, though, I’ll go insane. Do you think we can share a bed tonight?”
I’m playing with fire, but there’s no way I can sleep alone in this bed for even one more night. Truth be told, I wouldn’t say no if sexy times started in the middle of the night and we had a “whoops moment,” although I doubt either of them would let that happen.
“I’d like you to sleep with your t-shirt and leggings on,” Zar says as he heads to the closet and grabs a pair of black cargo pants he always despised.
A minute later, we’re in bed. I have to keep reminding myself that things have changed. My body wants to snuggle with my husband and hope something “pops up” as we’ve done almost every night since we won our freedom.
But Rynn’s in there. I can practically feel him peeking out, watching, assessing with that inquisitive mind of his.
“Rynn? Are you okay?”
“I’m good, Anya. Zar stood up for me in front of everyone on the ship. We spent a whole hoara in the ludus working together. We’re making progress. And he’s right. None of us are ready to have sexual relations. I believe you’ll regret it.”
This moment is so sweet, my chest tightens. I’m the lucky one. I have two males who love me.
“I need to know who’s talking, who’s in control of the body, who I’m kissing. Can we develop a signal for that?”
His fingers gently circle my wrist as he says, “This is Rynn. When I’m out, I’ll keep my hand right here.”
“And when I’m out…” Am I mistaken, or is Zar’s voice slightly deeper, raspier? “I’ll keep my tail on your ankle.”
Definitely Zar.
“And you can share the body sometimes?” I ask as I snuggle my back against their front and try not to wiggle my ass against the still-rock-hard cock riding me.
“Yes.”
“Maybe you could do that now, as you hug me to sleep.”
I feel slightly smug as I drift off, congratulating myself on making them share me. Rynn’s palm is gently wrapped around my wrist, as Zar’s tail grips my ankle. I’m going to make this work or die trying.