Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
SEVEN
I stare at the event manager office door and shake my head. “I don’t want to go in there,” I beg.
Caleb raises his eyebrows at me. “Did I say you had a choice?”
I swallow hard. “No, but…” I trail off when he gives me a look. “Master,” I try, keeping my voice low, “it’s too much.”
I’m not even lying.
It’s only been two days since Trent stopped me from turning myself into a smear on the ground, and I’m still shaky and tear up at the worst times. I don’t know how I’m going to face Linda without becoming a mess.
I don’t want her to see me like that. Not again.
Caleb takes my hands into his. “Pet. I’m going to be here with you. Linda is not going to do anything bad. You think she’d risk pissing off her boss?”
I squirm, clinging to his hands. “I mean, no. But you won’t be there the next time I go to work, and what if she decides to take it out on me then?” I plead.
“She will not,” Caleb assures me. He lifts my hands up, kisses the knuckles, knocks on the office door .
“Come in!” Linda says.
I cling to Caleb’s hand tighter and dig my feet in, but he ignores all of that as he opens the door and practically drags me inside.
“Good morning, Linda,” Caleb says.
Linda smiles at him. “Morning, Boss.” When she looks at me, her expression falters, but she recovers and smiles gently. “Hi, Seven.”
My heart drops into my stomach. This isn’t going to go well. She’s only doing this because Caleb is right here, and it’s not going to last, and I don’t want a repeat of the last time. “Hi, Linda,” I say, my voice a near-whisper. “I’m… I’m really sorry.”
“I’m the one who should be sorry,” Linda says.
She gets up from her desk, and I scoot back a few steps. I’d be out the door already if Caleb weren’t holding my hand so tightly.
Linda stops moving. “Oh, honey. I’m really, really sorry. Caleb explained—very briefly, he didn’t share anything private—some of your mental health concerns. I shouldn’t have gone off on you like that. Honestly, you were reminding me of my daughter, and I think it was a coincidence of bad circumstances.”
I flinch. If she treats her daughter like that, I really don’t want to have anything to do with her. I look pleadingly up at Caleb, but he doesn’t relent. My shoulders slump, and I look down at the floor. “It’s fine,” I lie. “I understand that you don’t want to have me here and all.”
“That’s not true,” Linda says. “You’ve been a great worker, Seven. The queens love having you, and you don’t complain about doing what a lot of assistants would consider menial tasks . And everybody loves how enthusiastic you are about the shows.” Her smile widens. “Several of the queens were asking when you’d be back, and I know Olive in the sound studio misses having you help out.”
I fidget with my long sleeves, resisting the urge to drag my nails along the skin beneath. “I’m sorry I messed up. It was… It was a bad day.” And it had been. That’s not a lie. The idea of going to work, for Linda of all people, had been so much.
Too much .
“All right.” Caleb cups my face. “Pet, do you want to keep working exactly as before? We can also have you assist one of the other departments. Olive said she’d take you full time, but I know the stage operator said he’d take you on, too.”
Linda nods. “And Georgie in costuming tried to claim you too. Everybody loves having you, Seven.”
It’s a strange, surreal thought.
I’m not used to being wanted, not like this.
“Do they know, too?” I ask Caleb, trying to keep the edge out of my voice. I don’t want to say any of this in front of Linda, but the words come out before I can stop them. “That I’m so messed up?” How many people has he told?
“All they know is that you sometimes get anxiety attacks,” Caleb says. “If you tell them you need a moment, or if you text to say you can’t make it, they’ll understand. All I ask is that you try , all right?”
My mouth feels so dry. I don’t think I can keep working for Linda. Making the choice seems impossible, though. I don’t want to upset her and risk her laying into me again. “Will I still get to see Della and the others?” I ask, barely managing a mumble. “If I go with Georgie?”
“Of course!” Linda says. “You might even see more of them, with how often the queens need their costumes repaired and changed.”
I nod. “Okay.” I glance at Caleb, searching his expression for any indication of what I should do, but he doesn’t give anything away. It seems like such an impossible decision, but I make it anyway. “Georgie, then. If…” I have to swallow around the lump in my throat. “If she really wants me there. I know I’m not the best at sewing and stuff, but I can get better.”
“I’m sure you can manage to hold fabric and clean up as needed,” Linda says. She takes her phone and starts tapping. “I’ll let her know.”
Caleb squeezes my shoulder. “I’ll walk Seven to the costume department. Let me know if you need any other support, Linda. Once this week is over, things should calm down. ”
Linda rolls her eyes. “And then I need to start securing and confirming all the holiday season shows. And I’m still dealing with the same entitled artists. Did I tell you, Chantarella wants an entire mini fridge stocked with fizzy coconut water for her show next month?”
Caleb’s mouth curls in disgust. “Fizzy coconut water? Does anyone even make that?”
“Some European brand does. Chantarella’s vocal cords demand only the best,” Linda says with a strange accent. I don’t recognize it, but Caleb snorts in amusement.
“All right, I won’t ask about the imported coconut soft drinks, then,” Caleb says. He squeezes my hand. “I’ll talk to you later, Linda.”
“Yep. Have fun today, Seven! And I really am sorry about everything,” Linda calls to us as we head out.
I want to say that it’s fine again, but it really isn’t okay, so I don’t. I nod back at her and cling to Caleb. “Can I start tomorrow?” I plead. “I don’t know if I’m ready to start today.”
I’m still so shaky, and I’m all too aware of the scratches up and down my arms. Covered or not, I know they’re there.
Caleb stops us in the middle of the hallway to look at me. “Will it actually be better tomorrow, Seven?”
I hesitate. I want to remind him that I nearly jumped off a balcony two days ago, that I deserve a few days of recovery, but I’m not actually sure it will be better today, tomorrow, or even any day soon. “I don’t know,” I admit, then sigh. “I guess I’ll go.”
Not like he’s really giving me much of a choice. I’d rather go upstairs and be fucked senseless, but I know he’s busy, and I’ve already taken up so much of his time that he’s going to start resenting me soon.
“I’ll pick you up for lunch,” Caleb promises. “I’ll invite Havoc and Vortex too.”
I know he’s trying to give me something to look forward to, but I’m not sure I can deal with everybody’s attention on me like that .
He leads me to the costuming department, where Georgie is working on tailoring a costume for somebody.
“Hey, Seven!” Georgie says with a smile. She’s a middle-aged black woman with short blue hair and bright makeup. She’s wearing a loose t-shirt and cargo shorts that make her figure androgynous. “Thanks for picking me! I’m sure the others will all be jealous.”
I blush. I wish I thought she meant it. I want to believe she does, and it’s a strange sensation.
I want to feel wanted.
I know that Caleb, Vortex, and Havoc do, but it’s different. They’re getting sex out of me. Someone like Georgie doesn’t have much reason to lie, though, because she won’t care about that.
“Thanks for having me,” I manage to get out, running a hand awkwardly through my long hair. I’d taken care with it, trying to look presentable for the conversation with Linda, and I’m sure I wrecked it. “I’ll work hard. I promise.”
“I know you will! Just tell me when you need a breather. I totally get you.” Georgie points to the back corner of the room, where a small screen creates a separate seating area. “You can always take a break there.”
“Can you pay attention and stop poking me with the pins?” the woman being fitted for the costume says. “I’d like to get through this with minimal blood loss.”
Georgie laughs. “Careful, or I’ll poke you even harder.” Then her attention goes to Caleb. “Hi, Boss. I’ll take good care of Seven.”
Caleb nods. “Thanks. But don’t go too easy on him. He still needs to get his work done.” He kisses my forehead. “I’m going back to the office now. Text me if you need anything.”
Fear threatens to overwhelm me at the idea of him leaving me here, and I want to beg him to let me go back to the room.
Or to the blackjack tables .
I know he won’t, though. If I can’t work, he’ll assume I need to be trapped upstairs with Nacho and Miss K.
“Okay,” I croak .
He squeezes my hand one last time, then I’m left alone with Georgie and a woman I don’t recognize.
I turn to face her, trying not to let the blind panic show on my expression. I’m acting like such a child.
“Okay, since I now have a second set of hands…” Georgie waves me over. “Hold this in place while I find more pins.”
The woman groans. “You sadist. You really do want to poke me with needles.”
I force a smile and go to her, holding the fabric in place.
The two of them chat while I stand there, obeying Georgie’s orders. My mind wanders to the casino floor, where I could chat with Nat or Madeline while trying my luck, but I force myself to focus before I’m the one being jabbed with pins.
It isn’t as bad as being in Linda’s presence, but it’s still not comfortable, and I’d rather be anywhere but here.
Well.
Almost anywhere.
The thought makes me shiver, and I force myself to focus on the work.
I’ll stay here as long as I have to, then I can escape to the tables.
Maybe then my day will finally get better.