Chapter 17 Neil #4
Her coconut scent was all around me; the delicate taste of her mingled with my own, which I knew to be mostly smoke, anger, and possessiveness.
We became an unstoppable whirlwind of passion.
She clutched my shoulders, trying to stop the assault of passion, and I knew she needed to catch her breath, but I didn’t care.
I had a greater purpose; I was sending a clear message to anyone watching us at that moment.
I’d always been better with actions than with words.
A profoundly feminine moan from her throat got me even harder.
My heartbeat was pounding in my ears, my body pumping desire out through every vein.
I groped one of her breasts roughly, pulling a gasp from her.
Then, I shot a sideways glance at Kyle, who was standing there motionless, just watching us.
Shocked and impotent.
I grinned into Selene’s mouth like a son of a bitch.
There was no need to hit him; he knew his place now. And, more importantly, he knew mine.
I groaned with arousal, and he flinched away, embarrassed.
Pride crowed in my chest, and I finally pulled back from Babygirl, licking my lips with a masculine self-satisfaction that the asshole couldn’t fail to see.
“You’re going home with me now. We tried this night out with friends shit, and it didn’t work,” I ordered her in a tone that brooked no argument.
Selene was panting, and her cheeks were flushed.
She looked a little out of it, not quite processing what had just happened.
“And I’m going to fuck you however I want,” I added menacingly.
But, instead of being cowed, Selene grinned wickedly at me like I’d just whispered some sweet nothing to her.
I grabbed her by the hand like she’d tried to do to me an hour earlier and dragged her toward the exit, stopping only to let Logan know that we were leaving.
As soon as we got outside, Selene clutched me, and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders to let her know that I would now accept—that I now needed—her closeness.
“You’re such a prick. You were staring at her like you wanted to do her right there on the dance floor. Megan is hot and…” she began, sounding rather unlike herself. Usually my fairy wasn’t so explicit.
“She is, but that doesn’t mean I’m interested,” I argued, exasperated. Somehow, she and Logan appeared to have reached consensus on that stupid fucking subject.
“You can’t understand. After everything I’ve been through for us, I am so afraid of losing you,” she raised her voice, dodging my arm.
I stopped in front of the car and turned to look at her.
Selene was on the edge of tears. My heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vise at the knowledge that she would inevitably lose me, even if she wasn’t emotionally ready to know that yet.
Would she ever be?
I was used to suffering; I would be able to get over our separation, but I wasn’t sure that she could. I was afraid of causing her pain, but it was too late to pull back now.
We were both too invested.
“Babygirl…” I moved closer and cupped her face in my hand, forcing her to look at me.
She lifted her lashes slowly, and for the first time, I felt like I could see myself in the depths of her eyes, the same way I could in the eyes of my siblings.
“If the day ever comes that you lose me, it won’t be because of Megan… ” I admitted.
“Then because of who?” she said in a tragic whisper. I hoped she wasn’t going to start crying because every tear she shed seemed to take a piece of me with it.
Me…because of me, was what I should have said.
Instead…
“You’re such a mess. A mistake. A giant disaster,” I told her shortly.
And you are also the best thing that ever happened to me.
If I could, I would ask you to stay with me forever.
To never leave.
I’d walk you home and make sure your bed stays warm through all these cold winter nights.
I would try my hardest to make love to you, just the way you want, and then we’d fall asleep together.
I’d like you to lie on top of me because I’d want you close by. No—I’d want you on me all the time.
I would still have nightmares, and maybe I’d have those forever, but when I woke up from them and opened my eyes, I would know that my real life was better than any dream I could have. And the nightmares wouldn’t hurt so much.
We’d have breakfast together, and I’d get Miss Anna to make you a cherry pie because I know you love it.
Then I’d steal a kiss from you, all sweet.
Actually, no.
That I would do with my usual presumption because I’ve discovered that your kisses fill me up. I can’t say with what, but they do fill me…
But all of that is beyond my abilities.
And I’m sorry if I can’t make it into your light.
I’m sorry that I can’t stop listening to the other part of me, the part you think is twisted and wrong.
I’m sorry that I keep obeying my pride, my thoughts, and my…fears.
But I can’t get to you.
It hurts too much.
I caressed her soft cheeks.
“Excuse me, you are the dictionary definition of a human disaster. You do realize that, right?” she answered irritably.
Ah…the girl was truly adorable. How was I ever going to let her go?
“Why don’t you go fly into someone else’s heart, Tinkerbell?” I asked her wryly, breathing in her feminine scent. She frowned thoughtfully for a few moments. My hands wouldn’t move from her face; hers moved down to claw at my hips.
“Because yours is the only one I’ve ever wanted to land on,” she confessed, her eyes brimming with hope and feelings unvoiced.
“You’re going to meet your Peter Pan, and he’ll accept you just as you are.
You won’t need to change because you’re already perfect.
Dorky and occasionally childish, sometimes awkward or shy.
Smart but naive. You should stand out proudly from the crowd and never think of your kindness as a flaw.
Keep dreaming and try to love those who are capable of giving that love back to you, of giving you everything you deserve.
Because God knows you’ve suffered enough, and between the two of us, I’m the one always causing problems. Smile again and enjoy life the way you did before you met me because, as far as I can tell, I’ve taken everything from you, including that smile.
You’ll move on from this with your head held high, knowing that you’ve dealt with worse before.
Whatever happens between us, you’ll overcome it.
I know you will. Never feel bad about yourself just because a dumbass like me gives up on you.
Know that I’ll have my reasons for doing it, and also know that…
wherever you go, you’ll always keep a part of me with you. ”
“Why are you telling me all this?” A single tear rolled down her cheek, and I immediately caught it with my thumb as I continued to stare at her.
“Because life’s nothing but a con. It tricked me already, and I don’t want it to trick you too.”
Selene had power over me.
Her eyes scrambled my brains. Her smile drove me wild. She had captured my soul, and now she was in the driver’s seat.
But none of that changed who I was.
I couldn’t return her fantasy of love. I couldn’t condemn her to a life with me. A life with a crazy person who belonged with the other crazies.
I wasn’t sure exactly what I felt for her, but I knew for absolute certain that her happiness mattered more than mine. So, I would let her go.
Even if the voices inside me spoke of nothing but her…