Chapter 14 #2
I dropped my shoulders. “Stop. I don’t wanna play games with you. Gosh, I’ve forgotten how good you were at this.”
“At what? Getting under your skin? Making you feel things? Having you all worked up?”
I watched him, but said nothing, not sure how to answer that because yes, I had missed all those things.
“See? You can’t deny it. I bet your relationship with Clarke was missing some serious chemistry.”
“Don’t talk about him. He’s not here to defend himself.”
Mason raised his hands in surrender. “Whoa, I haven’t attacked him. Not yet at least. For the record, we can do just fine without him around.”
If my eyes could launch missiles, Mason would be a target now.
“Murdering me with your eyes is so high school, Shepard. Untie your tongue. You’re better at this. I saw you in action at Lola’s.”
“At what?”
“Arguing with people. Bantering with me. Expressing how you feel. Passion. Rousing emotions inside me. Ones I can’t deny and want to bask in…
How did Clarke make you feel? Alive? Like you were flying when you were together?
Like he understood you like no one else ever did? Like he was your endgame?”
I balled my fists at my sides. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Jayden and I… It-it wasn’t like that.”
“Wasn’t like what?”
I stomped my foot on the pavement. Why did I always end up in the hot seat?
How had our roles reversed? I came here for answers, and now I was the one being grilled.
I didn’t feel like explaining Jayden to Mason.
If I did, he would be able to tell our relationship wasn’t meant to last. He would know even if I didn’t admit it out loud.
I should walk away… I really should. But for some reason, I couldn’t leave, and I hated myself for being so weak when it came to Mason Pierce. “Forget it. You won’t understand.”
He folded his arms. “Try me.”
“No.”
“Were you guys fake-dating or something? Is that it? Was he an excuse for you to push me away?”
“Arghhhh. Mase, I would never go to such extremes to stay away from you. I thought you knew me better than that.”
“I thought so too, but I’m not so sure anymore.”
I felt defeated under the intensity of his stare. “I-I think I should go now.”
“No.”
I stared at him. “No?”
“No. We’re not done with this conversation. Why is it that every time we’re having a heart-to-heart, every time we’re talking about us, you run away?”
He was being stupid on purpose. That had to be it.
“Because there is no us.”
“Because you won’t give us a chance. Because you’re scared of being honest with yourself about your feelings.”
“It’s not that… It’s really not. We’re just wasting time right now. I thought I’d made myself clear already.”
He snorted. “I would believe you if you actually looked like you meant it, which hasn’t happened yet.”
“I do mean it.” Why did my reply sound weak even to my own ears? I hated how he was always able to read me. It was annoying as hell.
Mason stepped closer and brushed my hand with his fingertips.
Shivers traveled through the length of my body.
“Then, Mel, tell me why you shiver every time we touch.” He cupped my cheek with a big, muscular hand.
“Or why your bottom lip trembles every time I do this.” He smoothed its length with a thumb, releasing a flock of butterflies deep in my core.
Despite myself, a soft moan escaped my lips, and I pressed my cheek into his palm, my eyelids fluttering shut. Gosh, I really was weak around him.
“Or maybe you can explain this?” He locked his gaze on mine, and I couldn’t think, couldn’t talk, couldn’t do anything as I lost myself in the pools of his eyes, their power over me trumping everything else around me, even the control of my own mind.
After what felt like infinity, I snapped out of it with a shake of my head, taking a step back. “I’m not… It’s not…”
He raised one eyebrow, his gaze not faltering while he studied my face. “Not what?”
I swallowed and remained silent, not sure what to say.
Mason took my hand in his. “Mel, I’ll ask you one question. Why did you and Jayden break up? The truth.”
I jerked away from his touch. “None of your business.”
“Try again. Did he dump you? Did he mistreat you? Did you grow tired of pretending he was the one?”
“Again, none of your business. To be clear, he never mistreated me. He loved me, so… Anyway, I’m here, and he’s far away… The distance didn’t help.”
“Did you love him?”
“He was my boyfriend for eight months. What kind of question is that?”
“His being your boyfriend means nothing, and since when do you answer questions with questions?”
“Why are you asking so many questions, then?”
“Why won’t you answer them, then?”
“Because…”
“Fine. Whatever. Keep lying to yourself. Come find me when you decide to be honest.”
I hesitated a little, but the words spilled out of my mouth before I could lock them in. “Jayden and I…we…we never…it wasn’t like that. I wasn’t… We didn’t….”
“You didn’t what, Mel?”
“Nothing. Forget it. It doesn’t concern you anyway.”
“You sure? I have a feeling it does to some extent.”
“Well, don’t get ahead of yourself because it does not. This conversation is over for real now. I’m leaving.”
“Okay.”
Neither of us moved, still staring at the other, the weight of the thousand confessions we hadn’t shared sitting heavy between us.
Mason broke the awkward silence first. “Want a ride?”
“Nope.”
We stood still, as if daring to move would topple the delicate balance around us.
“Want to tell me something?” Mason asked after a beat.
I shook my head many times, my wet hair sticking to my face. “No.”
He shrugged. “I should go then.”
I nodded. “Yep. Go. Good idea.”
He turned on his heel but made no move to leave. I could see the tension knotting his shoulders even through the soaked red cotton fabric of his hoodie.
A crack in the sidewalk captured my attention. “Jayden and I…he…we never slept together.”
Mason spun around to face me, and my hand flew to my mouth as I wished I could take back the words that had tumbled out without my permission. My mouth really had a mind of its own today.
“Huh, I-I don’t know why I said that.” I cringed mentally. “Forget I said anything.”
Mason erased the distance between us in one stride. “I can’t.”
I glanced down, feeling exposed and stupid for letting him see through my armor, but he lifted my chin up with two fingers, forcing my eyes to meet his.
“You’re telling me you guys dated for this long, and you never had sex?”
I swallowed and tried to regain some of my earlier backbone. “So? Not everyone sleeps around like it’s their full-time job.”
“Sleep around? I thought you guys were in a serious relationship.”
I folded my arms over my chest, doing my best to build a wall between us. “Whether we were…or not… It doesn’t concern you either way.”
“Why didn’t you? Just tell me why.”
“You wanna know why I didn’t have sex with my ex-boyfriend? First, it’s weird to talk about it, and second, I already told you it doesn’t concern you.”
“Why do I feel like it’s a lie? Another lie amongst the ones you’ve been feeding me in the last year.”
“I didn’t lie.”
“Omissions. Let’s call what you kept from me omissions, then. So, I’ll repeat my question. Why do I feel like your nonexistent sex life with Clarke is somehow related to me?”
“Because... God, you’re so presumptuous. We did other things...many things. Again, it shouldn’t matter to you. “
“But why, Mel? Be honest for once.”
Anger churned in my stomach. I tried to keep the admission locked inside but failed. “Fine. Because he wasn’t you. Happy now?”
He blinked as he registered my words. “Happy? Yes. No. That’s not the point. Fuck, it’s a lot to take in, and at the same time, I was hoping you’d say that.” He tugged at his wet brown hair, now molded to his skull, with both hands. “Did you really mean what you just said?”
I averted my eyes, not wanting him to read my silent thoughts. “It doesn’t matter...”
“I think it does. You’ve…you’ve missed me.”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself. It’s not good for your giant ego, Mase. We already ruled that out last year.” I dragged a hand over my face, feeling naked even though I was wearing a fleece. “It changes nothing between us. Can we talk about something else?”
“No. It changes everything because I can’t forget the fact that you thought about me while you were in a relationship with another guy.” A hint of a smile graced his lips.
“I didn’t think of you.”
“You didn’t not think of me either, Shepard. Otherwise...” He breathed out. “For the record, I’ve missed you too.”
“Yeah, right. Who’s feeding the other lies now? I bet I was never on your mind when you were busy fucking half the population of Elk River before moving to the town of Crestwood, Michigan.”
“Wow, that’s your argument? While you were in a committed relationship, I was supposed to be a saint? Isn’t that a bit rich coming from you?”
“It’s not… I’m not…”
“Tell me, Mel. Have you seen me with any other girl since you broke things off with me last January?”
“I didn’t break shit. We were never a couple, to begin with.”
“I think you’re aware you’re lying again. So, tell me. Have you seen me with anyone since we were together before Winter Break almost a year ago?”
“I-I don’t know. I didn’t keep tabs on you while I was dating Jayden. Why would I have cared anyway?”
“Jesus, what happened to the sweet girl I used to know? It’s like you’re made of Kevlar nowadays. Why can’t you just be straightforward with me?”
“Okay, let’s see. So, Mason, tell me. How many girls do you have on call right now?” I was being mean, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to lose face in front of the only boy I had ever loved—or let him crack any more of my shield.
“Girls? With an S? Mel, are you serious right now?”
It was my turn to shrug. “That’s how you rolled back in the day, no?” Why was I acting like a brat? I didn’t like this version of me right now. I didn’t even recognize myself.