Chapter 14 #4
His words were the same ones he had spoken to me the last time we’d had a heartfelt conversation in our high school hallway—the day he told me he loved me for the first time.
My heart pinched in my chest. I needed to be over Mason Pierce—I really did—but when he stood in front of me like that, opening his heart to me, I had a hard time recalling why I had to keep him at arm’s length.
“Get in the car, Shepard.”
“Nah. I can walk.”
“It’s pouring. Don’t be ridiculous. It’s October, not July. At this rate, we’ll both be in bed with pneumonia before the night is over.”
“Says who?”
“Nurse Pierce.” He grinned at me. “Don’t make me scoop you over my shoulder, Shepard. I don’t feel super caveman right now. I’m wet, I want a shower, and the team will be waiting for me.”
“Go. No one is holding you back.”
“Shepard, stop arguing. Get in the stupid car.”
I sighed and decided to stop fighting with him. “All right. Coming.”
Once inside the vehicle, Mason rummaged through a duffel bag he kept behind the passenger seat and presented me with a towel and a clean hoodie. “Here. Dry yourself.”
“You need it as much as I do.”
“I run hot, and you don’t. Take the freaking hoodie, Mel, and wear it.”
I did as he said, not even asking him to turn around as I slipped my fleece and tank top off, dried my sports-bra-clad upper body with the towel as best I could, and pulled his hoodie over my head.
The too-familiar scent of driftwood and pine filled my nostrils and brought me peace.
For a moment, I forgot I hadn’t worn his clothes in almost a year.
Somehow, it felt like we were back to the old versions of ourselves, and the realization made my chest tighten.
My lips tilted up, and I angled my head to look at the scenery through the window, not sure I was ready for Mason to read any more of my thoughts for now. The warmth emanating from him filled the car, and I could barely take a full breath in without feeling lightheaded.
Our earlier conversation haunted my thoughts.
How did I end up spilling all my truths to the one guy I should have held them from?
I couldn’t believe I’d blurted out the fact that Jayden and I never had sex.
It was such a rookie mistake. Mason would forever be aware he had been in my head all this time, influencing my relationship with my boyfriend.
I slouched lower in my seat, overcome by defeat.
“You okay?” Mason asked from beside me.
“Mm-hmm.”
“You don’t sound convincing.”
“I will be. No need to worry about me.”
He stretched his arm in my direction, his hand grazing mine.
My body quivered under the soft touch. “I’m sorry I pushed you to admit things you were not ready to.
I do believe, though, that too many unspoken truths have hung between us over the past year, and it’s about time we clean up the mess and be honest with each other to start fresh. ”
“I’m not sure I could ever live up to the person you expect me to be.”
He laced his fingers through mine. “I would never push you to be someone else, Mel. I’ve always loved you just the way you are. As I once said, I don’t scare easily.”
We exchanged timid smiles.
“What do you want from me now?” I asked after what felt like minutes but was merely seconds.
“Nothing other than your friendship…for now. Until you’re ready for more.”
“What if I’m never ready for more?”
“I’ll never push you.”
I shot him an Are you kidding me? stare.
“Before, it was different. I just wanted you to stop lying about how you felt.”
I blew out a long puff of air. “Whatever.”
“Nah. It will never be whatever between us.”
Mason parked his car, and I realized we were already in front of the dorms, the raindrops creating a melody on the windshield.
I placed my hand on the door handle but didn’t move to get out. “What’s next?”
“Are you and Clarke over for good?”
I glanced away before bringing my gaze back to his. “Yes. We’re done. We’ve been for a few weeks already.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
He watched me with an intensity I’d never seen before. “I’ll wait for the right moment to sweep you off your feet, then.”
I blinked twice. “You can’t say things like that… It-it’s wrong.”
“No. Nothing feels more right than you and me together, Shepard. I’ll wait until you have your guard down, and you won’t have a choice but to admit I was right all along. When you are brave enough to admit it to yourself.”
“Mase, that ego. We’ve talked about how it’s in the way many times before.”
“It’s not my ego talking, Mel. It’s my heart. The one beating inside your chest. It’s just waiting to be unleashed.”
“Mase.”
“Mel.”
We lost ourselves in yet another staring contest.
Without another word, Mason leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, the same way he used to. My entire being vibrated at the contact. “I have to go, but this conversation isn’t over. We are not over. I’ll see you later.”
I nodded and climbed out of the car, scurrying to the front door, doing my best not to get drenched a second time.
With my back pressing against the entryway wall, I caught my breath for what felt like the first time in the last hour, trying to make sense of everything we had shared.
Once the pounding of my heart slowed to a steady thump, I took the steps up to the fourth floor to quiet the voices in my head, not sure how I would ever be able to go to work and focus tonight, knowing that my head was far away in Masonland.