Chapter 42 #3
“Not really… They wouldn’t answer my questions over the phone.
They said it was not an emergency per se, but that we needed to sit down together soon and go over the results and discuss what it meant for me going forward.
It may sound silly, but I could tell it was bad.
That I’m broken somehow. They didn’t tell me that all is fine and that I can move on.
They said we need to discuss. Discuss, Mase.
Which means, sit down and talk about it.
Going forward means it’s gonna impact my life and my future.
I’m not overreacting. Something’s going on. ”
“Mel, listen to me, you are not broken. If it were an emergency, they would have insisted on seeing you as soon as possible.”
“I don’t…I don’t know…”
“If it were any other time of the year, I’m sure they would have scheduled a much sooner appointment. Maybe the doctor is going on a trip to Hawaii and doesn’t want to miss it.”
“Maybe. But what if it really is serious and I need care ASAP?”
“If it were super urgent, they wouldn’t care about Christmas or New Year’s Eve or a trip to Hawaii.”
“I’m not sure… The lady’s tone was very formal. Nothing like the way she talked to me when I visited their office.” I grimaced and shook my head, trying to see the situation from his point of view.
“And you really thought that keeping me in the dark—or taking a break, going on a run, or whatever you were trying to do—would fix everything?”
I gave him a one-shoulder shrug.
“Running away is not the solution. It never is. I thought you’d learned your lesson the last time. For the record, pushing me away isn’t either. The more you push, the harder I’ll push back. I know you, and I know your heart. And I also know us, together.”
“I don’t want my stuff to affect you. If we’re meant to be, then whatever this is, it’s gonna impact you too.”
“I get it, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with you. And just to be clear, I don’t. I’d much rather you spill it all out, even the ugly stuff, than keep it inside and panic like you just did. Let’s make something else clear. Remove the if.”
I frowned, not sure what he was referring to.
“It’s not if we’re meant to be, Shepard. We are it. Stop believing the opposite. About that doctor… I’m convinced that if it were really that bad, they would’ve asked to see you right away.”
I weighed his words for a few seconds, that sinking feeling in my stomach refusing to disappear. “You really believe so?”
“Yes. I’m sure of it. You can’t spend your entire winter break freaking out about why they wanna see you or create nasty scenarios in your head.
It will drive you nuts either way. Once, the doctor asked to see my dad in his office.
We cut our vacation short, worried it was serious, only to find out all his test results were fine.
See? Doctors can be weird. Don’t let it get to you.
Not unless you have reasons to worry. And don’t tell me you want us to break up when you feel insecure.
That’s not how this relationship works. We’re in this together, no matter what. So far, we’ve been great at it.”
“I can’t help it. I keep feeling like I’ll ruin your future somehow.
Don’t ask me to explain it. It’s just a hunch.
I don’t actually want to break up with you…
It’s just that sometimes I think it would be easier to let you go…
or keep you at a distance. Like, I’m a risk you shouldn’t have to take.
There’s this voice in my head, nagging at me sometimes. ”
“It’s wrong. I’m telling you. You, Melinda Shepard, are the best part of me. Never believe otherwise. And don’t scare me like that ever again. Tell that voice to shut the fuck up.”
“On that phone call, I really felt like they were hiding important stuff from me. I…I panicked. Just to be clear, I don’t wanna be the one clipping your wings, Mase.
Never. What if something really is wrong with me and you end up putting your own dreams on the back burner because I’m sick?
I’d never forgive myself if I were the reason you had to sacrifice anything. ”
He framed my face with his muscular hands.
“Mel, you only make me stronger. Never weaker. Without you, I wouldn’t even have any wings left.
By the way, you are not sick. If you were, they would have asked to see you ASAP.
Let’s get ready and drive home, okay? I’m sure a change of scenery for a few hours will do us some good.
Seeing your parents will help lift your spirits.
I’m sure they’ve been worried sick about you lately, and they would like to see you after everything that has happened.
And hey, a homemade dinner won’t hurt either.
Craig left earlier, so he should be there too.
My mom has been asking about you more than usual lately. ”
“She has?”
“Yes. Home and family, that’s what we need right now. Nurse Pierce’s orders.”
“Yeah, maybe. You really think there’s nothing to worry about?”
“I’m sure.” He opened his arms, and I leaned into his broad chest, feeling the powerful beat of his heart against my cheek. “And even if there is something—and I’m saying if—no matter what it is, we’ll face it together. You’re stuck with me forever, Shepard.”
“I love you too, Mase.”
“I love you more.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead, and I melted a little more against him. The boy I had resisted for far too long. The one who was mine. Heart, body, and soul.