Chapter 19
BECCA
"You should have thrown his clothes out the window," Grace declared.
I sighed and slowly turned my wine glass in my fingers. "Yeah, I probably should, but I needed to open the door again, to see his face. He might have calmed down in those couple of minutes."
Standing out in a cold corridor in only your boxers should cool anyone down, right? Anyone but Hawk. If anything, he looked more furious. I'd only opened the door a crack and shoved his clothes through.
"I really am sorry,” I'd said again. "I was only—"
"Thinking about your career," he said bluntly. "I get it. Mine is everything to me too, I just didn't step on anyone on the way up."
"I never…" I shook my head. "It's not like that."
Tears prickled at my eyes remembering that conversation. He hadn't said another word and stalked off, leaving me to curse silently at how cute his butt looked in those boxers.
"Even if he did, you don't deserve to be treated like that," Grace said. "It's not like you published an article about his micropenis. He does have one, right?" Like any good best friend, she looked hopeful, sure he wasn't good enough for me in a thousand different ways.
I tried to laugh, but it sounded closer to a sob. "No, he doesn't." I didn't really want to talk about Hawk's body parts. That only got me thinking about him. And about last night. Everything was so perfect. Then I had to go and screw it all up.
"I should have told him before I wrote it," I said. "He could have insisted Ed leave it alone."
"Would Ed listen?" Grace asked.
I put my wine aside and drew my feet up to the couch. I wrapped my arms around my knees.
"I don't know," I said. "I'm not even sure he'll listen when I explain how mad Hawk got.
He's in it for readers, and advertising space.
For every pissed off guy like Hawk, there's two or three more happy to talk.
In fact—" I sucked in a breath. "Ed might prefer it if Hawk stopped giving the magazine exclusives and being approachable.
He could dig up and sling all the dirt he wants if he doesn't have to play nice. "
"Ed is a jerk," Grace declared.
"No argument there," I said. "He's a good editor, but he's stuck in between the past and the need to make money." I understood the last bit. If the National Daily closed, a lot of people would be out of work.
"So you need," Grace leaned forward to pick up my wine and handed it to me, "to have a few drinks and forget all about Conrad Florence."
"Grace, I've been thinking about the man since high school.
I don't think forgetting him is in the cards any time soon, no matter how much I want to.
" Part of me wished I'd never met him, but mostly I just wanted to see him and try to make him understand.
Interviewing him regularly for the National Daily might kill me slowly.
"Then meet someone new and move on," Grace made it sound like the shop ran out of chocolate ice cream, but there was plenty of choc-chip waiting for me. Sure, there were other guys out there, but it wasn't that easy.
My heart hurt. It would need time to heal.
Again.
I took a sip of wine. It tasted sour as it went down.
"Did you really delete the story?" Grace asked.
"Not yet," I admitted. "It's a good story. Maybe I'll change his name, or something."
"Star quarterback for a team here in Lowball Bay?" Grace said. "People might guess."
I sighed. "They totally would." Who was I fooling? Changing the names to protect the innocent wouldn't work in this case.
"I could say he plays hockey for the Sea Dragons," I said weakly. "Or I could just forget about it altogether."
I'd give anything to go back in time twenty-four hours and undo everything. Since I couldn't, I'd have to find a way to move forward. If I could, I'd make it up to Hawk, but I didn't think he'd let me. He made it very clear we were done.
What had Vera said? He's as stubborn as a bag of rocks.
"You could get a kitten," Grace suggested. "They love you no matter what."
I smiled faintly. "I'm not sure I'd be a good match for a kitten."
"You could name them something geeky," Grace said. "Like— What's that guy's name? Loki?"
"Yeah." That would be a cute name for a mischievous kitten, but I wasn't ready to commit to an animal of any kind, human or feline. Besides, no unsuspecting kitten would want to spend the next several Saturday nights watching me eat ice cream and cry.
"I hate seeing you so bummed," Grace said.
I put my hands over my face.
She laughed and pulled them away. "That wasn't what I meant. I meant I'm sad that you're sad."
"I know," I told her. "At least I still have my sense of humour."
"And your dignity," she added.
"A bit of that, yes," I agreed. "Okay, most of it. I didn't sob until after he left."
"Do you think anyone saw him out there in his underpants?" A smile crept onto Grace's face.
"I didn't hear Gladys scream." I hoped to whatever gods might listen that Harvey hadn't stalked us.
I didn't feel like being tabloid fodder of the week.
That would make this whole situation nine thousand and three-quarter times worse than it already was.
Hawk and I would be followed for weeks, our private lives open to scrutiny.
I expected that to happen if we were together, but apart we wouldn't even have each other to console us.
"She might have fainted. Did you check?" Grace asked.
I smiled and snorted. Is there a word for doing both at the same time? Maybe smorted. Or sniled.
"I checked the corridor to see if he'd really left," I said. "I saw no sign of her. I'm sure she'll bring it up when she comes by for dinner tonight. Are you still sticking around for that?"
"I wouldn't miss it," Grace said firmly. "You shouldn't be on your own right now. You might do something silly like run off to Vegas and marry an Elvis impersonator."
"Shouldn't that be 'get married by an Elvis impersonator?" I picked my wine back up.
"I said what I said." Grace nodded once. "You're vulnerable. Stranger things have happened."
"Yes, because I'm so impulsive." That was one word not usually associated with me, but I had my moments, like anyone else. "Is he cute?"
"Who?" Grace looked confused.
"The Elvis impersonator," I said. "I mean, a girl has needs."
Grace swatted me on the arm and almost knocked the glass out of my hand. I managed to save it at the last moment, without losing a drop. Oh wait, it was almost empty. When did that happen?
"Nice save. And I don't know, he could be. Maybe we should book a trip to Vegas and find out. He might have a brother."
A trip to Vegas actually sounded like a great idea, but since my last great idea ended so badly, I should probably skip it.
"In the meantime, I need to figure out what I'm going to say to Ed. He's going to be pissed too. He'll probably tell me I should have sent him the article directly and not shown Hawk at all."
Grace winced. "Wild guess here, but I think that might have made Hawk even angrier than hearing it from you."
I grimaced at the idea of him reading the article without knowing it was coming. I would have deserved to have my head torn off—not literally—if I'd gone behind his back like that. Which was exactly why I hadn't. He deserved better than that. Everyone did, celebrity or otherwise.
"He might be a tad furious," I sighed. "I think he'd prefer to have his sex life splashed all over the internet than this."
Grace shook her head. "You're a pair, you two."
I frowned. "How do you mean?"
"You both cling to old hurts," she said. "You clung to what he did in high school, him to his mom's passing." She held up a hand before I could respond. "I'm not saying it's not legit to hold on, but he needs to talk about it, and you…"
"Need to get over it?" I suggested. "Trying to get his attention at that first interview was so stupid. If I'd been professional, none of this would have happened. I might have gotten past the past by now." All my ideas lately seemed to be fumbled catches. Maybe I should stop having them.
"Honestly I feel so silly being angry at him for so long. I should have realised he had stuff going on in his life that made him act that way."
"Firstly," Grace said slowly, "you had teen hormones too.
Secondly, they don't excuse being a jerk.
Neither do adult male hormones. You were doing what you were told.
If you hadn't, things would have been much worse for him.
I mean—" She paused. "This Harvey guy might have made it look like Hawk's mom met with a 'nasty accident'.
" She curled the fingers of one hand into quotes.
"Just a hint would be all it takes to raise eyebrows and start people asking questions. "
That was exactly something Harvey would do. Not enough to be sued, but he'd suggest Hawk and his family kept the matter hidden, which they had. Point a few vague fingers and let the rumour mill do the rest.
"He might still do that," I said.
"At least Hawk will know you have nothing to do with it."
"Which won't matter, because he'll never speak to the National Daily again.
He'll never have to see me, so he can lay all the blame he likes.
" I swallowed a big gulp of wine and mentally cursed Ed.
I had the sinking feeling this could turn ugly, no matter what I did.
All I knew is that I didn't want anything to do with it when it did.
I had to protect myself now, my job, and most of all, my heart.
"What are you going to do?" Grace asked. She gave me that look as if she thought I was up to something.
"I don't know," I said honestly. "This is all such a damn mess. I should have known better than to get involved with someone I had to work with."
Grace fixed me with a stern look. "The heart wants what the heart wants," she said firmly.
"I know it's bad when you're pulling out that old cliche," I said dryly.
She smiled. "Doesn't mean it's not true."
"Doesn't mean it is," I said.
"But it is," she said. "You fell for him, in spite of that bet."
"Yeah." I sighed. "At least it wasn't because of that bet." That would probably make me eligible for the dumbass of the year award. Hell, maybe I already qualified.
Grace laughed. "There are worse reasons for falling in love."
"Name one," I said. I arched an eyebrow at her in challenge.
"To spite an ex," she said. "Because a guy or woman has money. Because he looks like your favourite book boyfriend…"
"I feel seen," I muttered.
"Don't we all?" she said lightly. "Hey, have you read the latest—" She launched into an impromptu review of the latest book by her favourite author, including details of the 'hot smut' as she called it.
I only half-listened, partly to avoid spoilers and partly because I had a lot of thinking to do.